JUNE 2008- tantrums, shrieking and lashings of Gin (and that's just the mums!)

[pureeandpearls]

Thread number 123 or something like that

oh sponge poor you... I can see how with best intention that can happen.. at least alex was ok and assume that you're ok now.

sybil hope j feels better soon...

sybil, sorry to hear about J

and thank you for your sympathies, yes we're both fine

it was one of those moments where all sorts of horrible things flash through your mind - I was thinking he would be horribly scalded and scarred and it would be all my fault and I would have to explain to dh

thankfully I take milk in my tea!

Oh Sponge, glad A is OK. My aunty knocked very hot coffee over my nephew when he was a baby and he was badly scarred down his nether regions! He was fine though apart from that. They are very resilient, thankfully.

Thanks Sybil, that's what I try to explain to DH, that me working full-time and trying to look after the house and four kids too just would make life not worth living (for him)! I am not one to martyr myself doing everything and being superwoman. His mum was like that (still is) and it is just not me. That is why he thinks it is easily done, cos his mum did it, but teaching was a lot different in those days - she did finish work at 3.30 and always dropped them off and picked them up from school. And they were brought up on Findus Crispy pancakes .

I would be interested in doing secondary maths, cos I know that is an area where they are short of teachers. I would be a TA first just to have a look at schools and see if I think I could hack it! I think I could but being a TA will give me a little look. You can earn as much in a day on supply as a TA would earn in almost a week (not quite but not far off). I know the PGCE is tough and that is what has put me off in the past (can't think when I am going to find the time to do it) but a teacher friend I was talking to on Saturday night has put it back in my mind, she seemed to think being a TA would be a bit daft when I could be a proper teacher. And she said you can do the PGCE over 3 years so that is more appealing (you don't get paid for it that way but I think it would be more viable for me). When my kids were older I could then work full-time - I have to say the pension is very appealing! I can see what you mean about supply not being very fulfilling but it's all a balancing act isn't it. It would pay a few bills in the short-term!

Oi, Neenz, don't knock Findus crispy pancakes - they're bloody lush!

Secondary supply teaching is probably a bit different cos you don't build up the same relationship with your kids anyway.

You do realise you have to be clinically insane to want to teach teenagers though don't you?!

Thanks for your thoughts on the job situation. I would be q happy to get redundancy TBH , but I can't see it happening, so I will probably resign once the year is up ( still getting my car allowance, so no point in resigning yet). The office is just too far away, and it is such a political organisation to work. Even if I went back PT I think I would be quite miserable and that would have a knock on effect at home. I am struggling with finally accepting that I won't be earning my own money though. Why am I not happy to be a kept woman?

Poppy, glad your work visit was good and that Edie is happy. I went to Cambridge too.

Sponge - ouch with the spilt tea. That sort of thing freaks me out too. We have had a couple of near misses here. My friend who had a baby a few weeks ago had to take the baby to A&E last week because she dropped him. She put him on the footstool of her nursing chair and somehow he rolled off! He is fine though.

Yeah I think clinically insane just about sums it up .

Ali, I just look at DH's salary as my salary too. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't be able to do his job so well (I make a cracking ham sandwich for his lunch ) and he certainly wouldn't be able to have such a happy home/family life. I also am very good with money so I 'make' loads of money each month via savvy spending. We are a team (I just get the best end of the deal )

lol at your love of Findus Crispy Pancakes sponge!

Evening!
Had a fun day here with my new chimney pot being put up! All very exciting. How life has changed... The other major excitement is that the Nest Egg travel cot came this morning! Yay! It's brilliant, and at half price it's even better! Also very excited about the prospect of sheep porn photos from Five. Sponge glad everything is ok with Alex and tea - that's my big worry, because I like tea and Iestyn grabs...
Ali I think you're right, I was overreacting to my FIL. But accepting advice from a Tab... and you're not the only one on here! Luckily I'll be in the Oxford boat waving at you (and Poppy and UDC) as I'm rowed away by those lovely strong boys.

I'm going to bed now - dead tired after Iestyn's 6.15 start. My sister came round to help with bath and bedtime (not because I'm tired, I hasten to add - I'm not that tired! - but because I'm all alone) and who turned up mid-week but my parents! They gave up on their holiday because it was too cold and their heater in their caravan was broken!

Other woes - my tooth is aching and root canal has been mentioned. Has anyone had it? Will I die? And also a wasp (I hope not a bee) has got into my lamp and is dying slowly so I'll leave him to it.

Iestyn's being all gorgeous, and I was just looking at photos of him at a week old. So weird, he's not him somehow, just a wrinkly little old man! And boy, was he SMALL!! There are bigger dolls out there! (Still the case - his teddy is still bigger than him and he hates it, possibly for that reason.)

Sorry that was a bit me me me but that wasp (or maybe a bluebottle) is still buzzing but beginning to smell so I really have to go.

lol Essie, never had root canal or a wasp in a lamp, but photos of the DTs when they were first born are VERY weird! Especially E, she was like a little plucked (emaciated) chicken!

Essie I had root canal treatment when DD1 was about 5 months old. I had it done as an emergency as I was in agony (literally the worst pain I have ever experienced) and found that first stage of the treatment very unpleasant. The second stage, a while later, was much more bearable, probably because I wasn't in pain going into it. I recommend having something meditative to think about to keep you calm when it's all going on. I said a rosary .

Neenz you sound like such a good wife - the sort DH and I both wish I was. DH doesn't want me to go back to work as it would make it much more difficult for him to do his job. But we would both like it very much if I did my "job" a bit better. If you have any Good with Money suggestions I'll happily listen to them

I think the redundancy / ML thing is that to be safe they have to have made pretty much everyone else in your position redundant first, to prove it wasn't 'just' because you were on ML - sadly these days that is all too possible .....

Saw counsellor yesterday, a very can-do sort of a person. She seemed to think I might be depressed, and wants me to see the GP to get checked over, as well as seeing her again soon. Tbh it was just nice to have someone in RL show some concern, rather than just assuming I will cope! Which isn't really like me as I normally much prefer people to assume I will cope. And I do feel pretty spacey. Dp much better though finally so maybe I will get a little looking after.

I am seriously impressed by those of you who would rather stay home - hardest job in the world I think! Not the being with the kids bit but all the other stuff ... I feel swamped and out of control as soon as I step in the door, work is my little oasis of sanity, full of stuff I can do rather than stuff that's just impossible (tidying up, cleaning, getting dinner ready), and I always feel judged and found wanting on this stuff. Would it be easier if I stocked up on Findus Crispy Pancakes?

and sponge you poor thing. When my son was a few months old and on my knee he pulled on a whole cafetiere full of scalding black coffee, it missed him went all over the sofa. I have never been so glad to have a sofa covered in coffee in all my life, it still makes my blood run cold thinking about it. It was the first time he had reached and grabbed something so I had a false sense of security. It is so easy for these things to happen and so scary when it does!! Glad you're both OK.

sponge it happens to all of us - glad A wasn't hurt! Look at it as an excellent lesson because it would have happened eventually and you got your warning without any harm!

sybil hope J is better today.

Ali my DH and I have decided that I'm going back for six months and we'll re-evaluate after then. What about setting a timescale like that? We picked six months because we'll hopefully have more of an idea of his job security by then (although we can't pay the mortgage with my job so it's a bit irrelevant anyways - if DH lost his job I'd have to scramble and try to get something better paid).

neenz give your DH time, mine would have been horrified by the idea of being the sole age earner but as time goes on and he sees how much there is to do at home, he's more and more keen. The fact that he comes home to a nice dinner is helping too. He's been so supportive of me dropping to part time. If your DH has to do two nights a week of dinner and bed he might have a greater appreciation for how much work you do during the day. Just because you love it doesn't mean it's not work and it can be hard to balance will a full-time job.

neenz maths is a good choice - my mum's a math teacher and she says that it's much easier than english or any of those subjects in that there's not the subjective aspect. Fractions are fractions!

Ali posted before I saw your next post. I hate the blow to my self-esteem about earning no money too.

systems with everything you've been through I'd be amazed if you were feeling okay! Hope the counsellor helps.

I agree with you about feeling good at work compared with home, I'm so good at my job compared to being a mother, but for me it was the moment at 5:00 when I stepped back into the house with DS1 after a long day of work and had a million things to do while feeding him etc. That sense of panic really upset me. It's why I'm only going back 5 mornings a week, so I can have calmer evenings. (I'm not very good at evenings, I do far better before 3 in the afternoon).

rolf I'm not a good wife either - I'm trying but man it's hard! I'm fine with money because I'm a Canadian tight-fisted descendent of Northern Irish Protestants (seriously - canadians are wayyy tighter with their cash than even aberdonians!) but I just wasn't brought up envisioning I'd do the homemaker thing.

thanks abdn, must admit I feel a bit wet, everything I have 'been through' is so normal - non-sleeping baby, ordinary illnesses - people are coping with so much worse it seems pathetic not to be able to handle this better!

systems but you've been through it all at once it seems! And normal can be more than enough on it's own.

With you Systems and abdn on the home-making thing. But, systems, maybe your standards are too high? With homemaking, I mean; maybe you're used to being in control at work, but that doesn't transfer to home? (Look at me all psychologist ) But it's not pathetic, and isn't it a matter of how you see things? I've coped with big stress in extreme situations, and managed well; but I wouldn't say I coped at all when Iestyn was newborn. And I really beat myself up about it, but now I step outside of my life and look at a woman who is managing alone with a 9 month old who doesn't sleep all the time, has a full-time job, works in the evenings, does an OU course...not so wet after all! You're managing 2 children, a job, ?parents not around, no cleaner, husband (and they make a mess, right? Or is it just mine? But seriously, I'm not having to do the 'wife' thing much and you are all the time and it's just one more thing!)... So quite impressive?

My problem is I don't care. I like a clean house but will only do the bare minimum. Food does not interest me, and I hate cooking.
Admittedly I'm quite lazy and not at all 'natural' (possibly should have been born a man because my feminism extends to anger and also envy of men like my FIL who gets to sit around doing anything he likes and food arrives on the table, cleaning is done, and he doesn't lift a finger - I want that but because I'm a woman...)
And I also hated life with a newborn. Because part of me, when I looked at those newborn baby photos, thought 'wow', and another part thought 'God how awful he did nothing and was like a parasite'.

Rolf thanks - I'm quite worried. It's a bit of a silly story: had a small filling just before getting married (!) which went wrong and gave me pain for 3 weeks (covered the wedding and the honeymoon!). After 3-4 dentist visits it settled, but has never been normal. Then my dentist retired, and the new one (Vanessa!) expressed concern about this dodgy filling and said the minute it started to bother me I was to get back and have it re-done or it would be root canal. I have a dentist phobia... Anyhow, it's started bothering me, not severe pain but a bit of an ache from time to time, but no sensitivity to hot and cold (is that good? Bad?) but I can't see any dentists here because there are none and it's an exclusive vanity service for the very rich only so I need to get to London, but also need to be sedated and have a carer, so I can't see her until a week on Weds when Tim is off. Anybody fancy having a go at dental diagnosis? Does it sound like root canal or replacing a filling?

But rosary...that would stress me out more as a non-conformist! Joking aside, I'm TOTALLY impressed by your faith, though.

systems its not pathetic at all to feel like that re baby - I know edie is very good but I am wiped out every time we have a bad night/day and knowing I'm a wuss doesnt make me feel any less bad. I'm glad counsellor helped - have you been to your GP before and discussed depression or did she just suggest counsellor?.. I know what you mean re staying at home - I take my hat off to neenz but I'm useless round the house , I can cook but make a load of mess and although i love edie to bits I am not sure I am the best at being motivated if I were to stay home with her to keep her stimulated. Somehow work seems a bit easier to cope with. AH know exactly what you mean re not growing up to be sahm as just wasnt something that I ever thought possible or that women did (have been constantly challenged on this by my therapist but when somthing is so hardwired in its hard to undo it if all you've ever seen is working mothers). that is by no means a criticism of anyone sahm -just that I think a lot of how I feel is informed by personal experience (my mother was actually quite embittered re those that go to stay home but this is a whole other story)...

essie they were mongs in that boat..we had the bloke with the best beard but glad you've got some family support -tooth ache is the pits..

SA not pathetic at all. You're extremely sensible to be seeking help.

Essie I did have standard pain relief as well . The rosary was just to keep me calm. My root canal started off as a tiny filling that after about 15 years needed replacing. a few days after being replaced it got horribly painful, was removed and got more painful still. So don't know if your situation is anything like mine - sorry for my poor online dentistry skills .

Aberdeen lol. But my DH is Scottish/Canadian and is hopeless . I used to be very organised but no longer owing to a combination of children/DH being self-employed/DH being Very Unco-operative/me being a lazy cow looking for excuses...

Sponge glad Alex is ok. Poor you. I slammed DS1's hand in a door and still shudder to think of it.

Deb hope the viewng goes well

Poppy I went to a girls' school where they were very keen on encouraging the girls to have marvellous careers. I saw my old headmistress a few weeks ago at a funeral, and I hid from her rather than have to admit that I'm a SAHM. When I struggle with being at home I find myself thinking "you can't do THIS?"

Rolf did we go to the same school ? Its made me quite determined to ensure edie has choices about what she does (their push that EVERYONE had to go into further educations always bothered me as remember what a hard time a very bright and driven mate got for choosing to go onto a managerial scheme at a supermarket).

and lol at the online dentistry comment..

feel a bit - reported a particularly vicious post on another thread (re nannies) and now the cow poster in question is blaming the OP. should I confess ?

It always amazes me when people refer to being a sahm as less important or difficult than work. I worked in the city and commuted and god knows it was a piece of piss compared to the hours and stress I have now! J (who is still not feeling well but thanks for asking!) has never slept more than 4 hours in a row and has never woken for less than 3 feed in 7 hours. Last night it was 5 feeds, the night before 6 as he is poorly and not eating. Added to that I have two others to feed/dress/supervise homework/prepare sports kits/take to extracurricular activites etc etc. Tomorrow I have a normal school day then need to get ds1 to Beavers, dd to rainbows, J to grandparents to babysit, back to Beavers to see a badge presentation, up to the school to do parents evening for both older kids, pick up all from gparents and then bed routine etc. All in 2 hours. I feel exhausted just thinking about it!

I am a crap housewife though and do the minimum at home. I clean on sundays and the rest of the week is surface grime only!

sybil - sorry for not asking. How is Jamie?

Blimey Sybil - that's hard work. I'm like Essie - I don't give a fart about home stuff and have a mountain of washing that I only ever get half done (which means no-one ever wears dark clothing cos that's on the bottom half!!) I'm glad to be back at work because I found being a SAHM the most difficult thing in the world. Again with Essie I loathed life with a newborn (Essie and I did have private conversations about us being bad people for thinking that way!) It's much easier now the babies are older and more interactive but nuff respect to SAHM mummies!! What's wrong with Jamie - I must have missed that bit...

Sponge I nearly killed Luke on Saturday at Puree's house when I tripped over her baby gate. I was more shockled than Luke and had to sit down to compose myself!

Luke slept through last night again. Hurrah!

Very impressed with talking babies. Luke can't say anything other than Da and Ga.

Where are these sheep pictures then Five?

Deb we also have a viewing tonight - we had one last night too. No-one wants to buy our flat because of the building site. It's going to be a lovely development but people don't want to buy somehwere without seeing it finished in case it restricts the view and I don't blame them. We are really fed up though as our flat has been on the market for a year and a half! Plus we've reduced it 150k. Good luck love!

They are coming, have sick child and accounts and just going to walk the dog so will do pictures when I get back.