Fab Feb 2009: attack of the zombie mums

[dinkystinky]

So here we all are, complete with babies and gro-bags under our eyes

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

Hope you have all been utterly spoilt this morning & for the rest of the Day.
DP looked after Poppy all night so I managed to get some sleep, and this morning I spent 2 hours in the gym & then for a nice swim & steam room. Feel soooo much better as ive been full of cold all week.
Poppy/DP got me some lovely flowers & a card & some choccies ( not great for he diet )

Ive just read the last page of posts, so sorry for lack of personals...

LMN Thats how Poppy was with her sickness, she was being sick either straight after her feed or anything up to 2 hours later, we took her to the doctors & turns out she has reflux, the have given us Gaviscon, which has stopped the sickness, apart from the odd dribble.

Right got to get ready for lunch at the inlaws - Oh the fun of it! Its nice living closer to family, but now we live so close there is NO getting away from them! AHHHHH!!!!

Happy Mother's Day everyone!!

Both DC's appear to be asleep so I have some meeeee time! DH gone for a bike ride, and I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. Sod the laundry and pile of paperwork....

Sorry to hear about all the reflux suffering. I had this with DD and it really got me down - the constant clothes changing and curdled milk smell. Sam seems to be keeping most of his milk down apart from the usual possetting so fingers crossed.

Typical, can hear DD coughing now so my break may be short lived....

LMN - your night sounds a carbon copy of mine . I'm starting to feel really down from lack of sleep. I have "dodgy" eyes that get affected by tiredness and one of them goes all cross eyed so I am very conscious about that at the moment.

Does anyone else have a LO that sleeps most of the day. i.e. I think Sam has an average of about 4 hours of being awake. He's 4 weeks today and during the day is awake for about 2 hours in the morning then sleeps the rest of the day until the evening when we see his eyes for another 2 hours. Other than that he just wakes for food then drifts off again. Of course he doesn't do this at night and takes ages to settle!!! Is it still too early to influance him? I've tried everything to keep him awake more during the day - am convince he will sleep better.

Sorry for lack of personal comments - I have now read pages of the thread but just remember everything . I blame the sleep deprivation.

Have a lovely day and enjoy the sunshine while it lasts - it's all turning bad tomorrow apparantly....

catstar i don't think there's much to be done to keep a baby awake I'm afraid, we've tried it here with both of them and nothing will stop a baby sleeping IME. There have been times when Luke has been asleep and ds1 will go and hit him in the middle of his face and he doesn't even flinch, let alone wake up!

having terrible mother's day.....DS awake from 530pm yesterday til 3am this morning......

Was fed and changed regularly during that time, but did not sleep......

We can't find a reason for it, but two nights in a row of that andwant to cry just thinking bout what tonight might be like.

Hello all - after 48 hours in bed, being tended to by DH and DS1 (who is being a delight this weekend) and having DS2 brought to me for feeds and cuddles, I'm feeling semihuman again (at least enough to MN and stand/sit upright without being dizzy - listed in order of priority of course). Am planning on spending most of tomorrow in bed with Danny and fingers crossed will kick the worst of these lurgies into touch before the nice weather disappears. My lovely boys got me breakfast in bed and a post partum massage to enjoy which also brightened my day. Hope you have all had lovely Mothers days today.

Beantin - sorry you have had 2 bad nights in a row - hope tonight will be better as a mothers day present to you. Have you started a bedtime routine (may help calm your little one) - soothing bath or story or massage, change, feed in dim room etc.? If not it may help wind him down so he will calm down. Something I was meaning to say earlier on in the thread for first timers is try not to do nappy changes in the night unless you absolutely have to (.i.e. can smell big poo/the nappy has leaked) - just slap on a nice thick layer of the barrier cream of your choice when you do their last presleep nappy change (will also help the bub sleep for longer as they wont feel any wetness against their skin). It definitely helped DS1 sleep for longer stretches and is what we're doing with Danny too.

Catstar - not too much you can do to wake up a sleepy baby sadly. I generally try to follow a feed during the day with an activity (change and then play time) and watch for sleep signs then pop Danny down - but sometimes not even a change or just popping him down on a surface for a few minutes will wake him, so I just give in! I'm generally trying to make sure he's awake for at least an hour and a half before his bedtime as he seems to settle better if he hasnt had a sleep too close to then and will sleep a 4 hour stretch before waking for a feed. Perhaps you could start by trying to make sure his afternoon wake time is nearer his bedtime hour?

Pempe - sorry to hear you have mastitis - I echo all of Pink's advice. The combing in the bath really is a miracle cure! I hope it passes soon and your day has improved on your horrid evening yesterday.

marker---more lurgy in the chikked household. DS is proper poorly again.

happy mothers day all of you !
dinky glad you're back in the land of the living now. Sounds like you dealt with it in the best way (although also sounds like you had no choice being as poorly as you were).
Pempe hope you get some relief from the good advice from the others here...
Beantin - sorry you've had a bad night-don't have any advice really but hope that things are better tonight.
Catstar - DD was really really sleepy too and not very much woke her...She's 8 weeks this week and I've found that she's only just waking up. I have found that stripping her down and leaving her on a warm towel on the changing mat will wake her just before changing her nappy or a quick dunk in some warm water once nappy is off wakes her and then she's all sort of serene and calm clearly loves to be naked ! We went through a phase of her being quite wakeful at night and very very sleepy during the day so I tried to find some way of getting her awake even just for 10 mins or so !...It's very very hard particularly as I don't remember DS being this sleepy. I also try to make sure that she's been awake before she's about to go down for the first stretch of sleep of the evening as she seems to go down better that way.

I got some lovely flowers for Mothers Day and a nursery made card from DS. We spent the day with my mum and dad at my brothers house in London so DS spent the day with his 3 boy cousins causing chaos and making lots of noise. DD will have to get used to it as she gets older !....All quiet in the herb house tonight but I am knackered...DD went to 4.15am this morning but I was feeling really coldy so didn't sleep that well to reap the benefits....also my period has started today so am feeling a bit drained.

Right, off to find chocolate

Beantin So sorry you're having such a rough time. It really does get easier, honestly and that's what I am telling myself now too.
I don't know if this will help you, but I found acceptance to be the key to survival with ds1 plus a bit of expect the worst but hope for the best. Once I got into the frame of mind that my baby was going to cry all the time, it made it easier to deal with, I stopped expecting to have a midday nap, I stopped expecting to get any sleep at night, I stopped expecting to be able to eat anything at all and so on, so when I did get the chance to sleep/eat/have a bath was a bonus iyswim.
Believe me, there will be a day on the not so distant future where you feel incredibly proud of getting through this. I felt a strange power, if I could do this, I could do anything, and just to get really cheesy, whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger, soooo true!

We've had a horrible day today. I hate dp's job. I hate it that he gets home at 8am and has to be in bed all day and I hate it that neither of us can get enough rest time to be abke to deal with these 2 properly.
From 7am, they have both been either groaning, screaming or crying until 7pm.
I'm starting to think that maybe ds1 has realised that Luke gots picked up when he is crying/unhappy so maybe he thinks if he does it he will get undivided attention??
I am concerned about Luke. I know we will have bad days and all the rest, but I do think something isn't right. There are a few things that have been present from birth, but managable which I think are getting worse by the day. He squirms around alot and really looks and acts like he is in pain, he often goes really red in the face and looks like he is straining and pushing, so think maybe he should be pooing more often and has a little blockage? To be honest, he is showing all the symptoms ds1 had for reflux, he just isn't being sick and doesn't smell of acid but he is finding it difficult to feed, he chokes and gags even when not feeding. I did mention that to the mw when we were still in hospital and she looked at me like I was mad and asked me what I tjought my baby was chocking on and I said nothing because there's nothing in his moth and she said 'right then' looked at me like I'd grown a new head infront of her and walked off.
Been talking to someone on FB whilst I've been typing this, so not sure if it makes any sense but I'm hitting the post button anyway

Luke feeds every 4 hours and takes between 3 and 5 oz's so there's actually no major probs ther but I think he would take more if he didn't get this sudden rush of pain. He groans like he is in pain too, it is high pitched and sounds a bit like 'hhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' and turns into groan at the end.

SMS - sorry you've had a really tough day. Have you arranged your 6 to 8 week check? Could you talk to the GP(assuming you get one of the good ones) about your concerns re Luke's digestive system and his flat head? It may be that they can recommend something or reassure you if it is all normal. I've been taking Danny to the cranial osteopath to help with his wind - it seems to help him (he's even bringing up wind himself sometimes now adays mid-feed which is brilliant). I know that cranial osteopaths can be quite expensive but there is the Osteopathic Centre for Children in London (based in Farringdon - think there is an offshoot in Battersea too) which is a charity so you go and get treatment and just pay what you can afford (which can be anything from nothing to whatever you want to pay). There is generally a 3 week waiting list for appointments but they are very good, so if the GP cant put your mind to rest about Luke, maybe this may be worth thinking about. And remember, you're at the 6 week mark - the place you were telling us you found hardest with DS1 too - it will get better! And as for DS1 acting like baby - yes, he will do it but will get over it (DS1 went through that phase too - asking to be burped like Danny, pretending to cry, etc.). I know you're making sure you have quality time with DS1 when Luke is asleep - keep it up and this phase will pass....

Herbgarden - sounds like you had a nice day and DD gave you a mini lie in! Sorry to hear you have a cold, and a period to boot (what a mother's day present) - hope you recover soon.

SMS - cross posts: that sounds like a wind type pain cry (Danny used to - and sometimes - does cries like that mid-feed and it is always wind related)

Thanx dinky, so glad you're back. I did start off thinking it was wind, but now am not so sure.....
I know h=this will all get easier, just hard when you think/know the baby is in pain and ther's not much you can do. Will def talk to dp about cranial though.

Dp pissed me off earlier, he was in bed and could hear me telling ds1 off, so what does he do? Gets up and gives him a fucking cake!

Hi - just a quick hello and Happy Mothers Day.

Things not great at the moment, think it may be PND - feel very emotional and overwhelmed and just don't think I can cope. I'm totally reliant on my mum and sister atm. Also, told John I want a trial seperation. In my lucid moments I know it's down to hormones etc., and that I shouldn't make any major decisions but there are also some long term issues that we've never dealt with.

On the plus side, M has decided she'd like to sleep a lot a night (probably so tired from crying all day!) and has gone from 8 till 3.30 ish two nights, and then 9 till 5.30(!) last night. She is on her tummy, as otherwise she sleeps for two minutes max due to wind, so although I sleep for a long time, it's not heavy sleep, which I think I need.

Fingers crossed we all come out the other side (BTW, I now get what you guys were talking about with the 6 week thing!).

Hope you're all well.

SMS sorry to hear you're still concerned about Luke. think Dink is right & a trip to GPs might be in order (though of course they might not be much help...)Tarran is also v. windy but it is starting to get better. I'd try the cranial thing though. worked well for DS1.

MrsY even if you don't have pnd your life has been hugely shaken up in the past couple of months and you are going through a period of readjustment. I don't know what your unresolved issues are but it's always sounded like you & DH are pretty strong so hoping you come through this. When I had DS1 I was disappointed that DH didn't do more to help and was frustrated that his life didn't appear to have been totally baby hijackked like mine had. I don't know if that has any bearing on how you're feeling?

morning all,

SMS, hugs to you as you are clearly having a bad time of it all. Agree with Dinky and THOM that you should go and see your GP/HV about your concerns and make sure they listen to you. Hopefully its just tiredness that is making you think things are bad and that everything will improve soon.

MrsY, sounds like PND sweetie. HUGE hugs to you. I love my DH so much but a few times the last couple of weeks I've been realy ratty with him and thought about leaving and returning to the real world (UK) I've realised that its PND or at least the start of it and thankfully we've managed to talk about it a bit. Of course he doesn't really understand as he is a man but at least talking has helped.

I remember you had worries a few months ago about John's work and him trying to get you to return to work yourself soon after M was born. This will of course cause added stress but I hope you can work through it. Communication is the key.
In the 12 years I've spent as a family lawyer dealing mainly with divorce, I've noticed that one of the main reasons for separation/divorce is that one or both parties withdraws and they stop communicating. Try and get a babysitter for M and you and John go out for a meal/drink so you can talk with no distractions. xxx

Morning evrryone, hope you all enjoyed Mothers Day yesterday

Catstar Just read your post about your eyes...I have the same problem. I have a lazy eye, that should have been 'fixed' when I was younger with a patch, but I was such a little maddam I would never wear it.
My eye is fine now, apart from when im really tired, I can feel it going a bit funny. So sleep deprivation does not help! I too am very self conscious of it

Mrsy I really dont have any words of wisdom like the other ladies, as this is all new to me too, but just wanted to pass on a huge virtual hug & hope you and John can work through this together xx

mrsy please tell me your secret in getting M to sleep for such a long stretch? Brandy? Whisky??
poppy has no routine whatsoever & does what ever tickles her fancy!!

MrsY Sorry you're having a tough time, hopefully it is the 6 week thing you're going through, but if it's more than that, it's good that you have your eyes open to what it could be and can talk about it. Last time, I think I may have had PND but lived in denial, I could find logical reasons, or what I thought were logical reasons, for my actions etc, I never once admitted to myself that maybe I had a touch of PND.
Me and Ashley also went through a really rough time relationship wise and I used to yell at him all the time, it was awful. Ds1 was really bad a settling to sleep so I'd be spending hours rocking him and dp would come up and say "Do you want me to take over?" and I'd yell really loudly "I don't want nothing from you so just fuck off!" and "I don't need you, there isn't anything I get from you that I coldn't get elsewhere" my problem was I was so lonely and was feeling so down and crap, my baby cried all the time so I felt that I must e a relly crap mum and we were only a few months in and I'd be doing everything, every bottle, every nappy change, every bath, every bedtime, it was just non-stop and dp would sometimes say do you want me to do blah blah, and it wuld be that I didn't want him to do anything for me, I wanted him to want to do it iyswim. These next few months are the hardest and will be the toughest thing you ever do, but if you and John get through it together, you'll know you can conquer the world together. I know I've said that before but IMO it's soo true, I know now that there is nothing that will break me and Ashley up, although he is rubbish at support especially the emotional kind, but I think we've just accepted that I will lean on my dad for emotional support and I will come on here to talk/discuss/seek advice and it works.
I think at the moment it is quite important to remember why you married John and why you decided to start a family together and just find 10minutes a day to have a hug, you don't need to talk, just hug. We do it all the time, he'll fuck me right off and I won't talk to him for days but I'll give him a little hug at some point through the day, he knows that that doesn't mean I'm ok with whatever annoyed me but he knows I still love him and to hang on in there.
HTH - chin up girl

Look at me, after that mammoth message to MrsY, I forgot to write anything about myself.
Glad you all agree with me about taking Luke to the docs, dp says he's fine, which he probably is, but I would just like to go and talk to the doc about his thrashing, his discomfort, his bowel movements and the chocking and gagging, just to put my mind at rest that it isn't anything major. It's the straining that worries me because he goes really red and looks so uncomfortable, ds1 has also leant on him a couple of times and I wonder could he have damaged/bruised anything?

SMS - a colleague of DH's (who has had 3 kids) said that by the time baby no 3 comes along, you realise that babies are practically indestructible... so am sure Luke is fine despite DS1 having squished him a few times. But speaking to your GP should definitively give you some comfort/relief on the points you're worried about.

MrsY - you and John have been trhough an unbelievably traumatic and difficult time, with a really dificult and worrying pregnancy, a really traumatic delivery and recovery for all of you, and now a pretty unsettled little lady - add to that money worries with the current economic climate and the spats that all new parents have when they first become parents (sleep deprivation, hormones all over the place, finding out you have different expectations of parenthood etc.) and its no wonder you're feeling a little blue. You and John sound really solid when you're not going through all this so you will get through it. DH and I are generally very solid, and get on really well as we're on the same wavelength on so many things, but after DS1's traumatic birth we hit a really rocky patch for a couple of months (wasnt helped by DH's dad dying when DS1 was 2 months old and DH ending up being worried about his mum too etc.) and kept questioning if we should be together - the only thing that got us through was talking through our concerns (turned out each of us felt unappreciated for doing what we did and like the other wasnt supporting them) and working out what we needed from each other and what we needed to do together to get through it, so MoS's advice really was spot on for us and I hope it is for you too. This time round, after DS2, we've only had a couple of arguments (mostly when he's a drunken idiot or we're just not listening to each other about something) and it is so much easier. Just take each day one at a time - dial your expectations of what you will achieve right down (so if you achieve anything its a big plus) - if M is crying, get outside and get some fresh air (somehow a baby crying outside in the park isnt as bad as a baby crying at home) - and keep talking and you'll be fine hon. Sending you big hugs and some virtual caramel shortcake...

Hiya, sorry have not read in detail over the weekend. Big hugs to all those having difficulties and thanks for sympathy. Am bit wrapped up in our own probs right not, but hopefully will get thru soon.

Been trying bedtime routine, but unfortunately he doesn't seem interested. We tried introducing bathtime before bed, but just seemed to upset him so much. Last night was not too bad - was only awake between 530pm and 930pm and then he fed at midnight and slept til 630 - so fairly normal.

We have a second cranial osteo appt on Wednesday this week, so wish us luck.

DH has promised that I get to have an honourary mother's day in a few weeks time (in-laws here this weekend).

dinky you are right, ds1 hasn't cracked Luke's ribs or anything sinister like that, I'm being a paranoid new mummy!
Made a doc appointment for wednesday and although I'll prob be laughed out of surgery, at least I'll know if it does turn out to be something, that I did all I could iyswim.
There is nothing major wrong, but maybe doc can just put my mind at rest over those few hings, I suppose it comes down to if there is even the littlest voice telling you something isn't right, you should listen

Not that I hear voices or anything. Honest

Oh MrsY.....I feel for you. I remember the feeling so well after having DD.....I don't think anyone can prepare you for the emotions you go through in these first few weeks after becoming a mum....it is a completely life-changing experience.....and it seems that our DHs just turn over, go back to sleep and go to work as normal the next day. I so nearly screamed that at DH at 1am this morning....alright for some, at least you get to ignore the noise knowing someone else will deal with it.....and get out of the house for the day, do normal non-children things, not covered in baby sick, or with hair that you haven't got round to washing etc.

It will get better and you need to talk....also see your GP/HV if you think you have PND.....when is your 6 week check.

If you need anything....even just a coffee or a bit of retail therapy in MacArthur Glen.....just shout

Has anyone else put LO in their own rooms yet.....I am so sick of listening to snoring, farting and grunting (often in stereo from DH as well as DS), that DS went into his cot last night (I do have a monitor on).....and it was great. Am I a horrible mum? Was still up and down a lot, but my bedroom so so quiet. I think DD went into the nursery at about 7 weeks as well...obviously my limit

Beantin midnight til 6:30am? Normal? That's f*ing fantastic!!!!!!!
Ds1 hated baths when he was a baby, but I hated doing them too, didnot like holding a wet, slippery baby in water, he got better once I started to relax a bit, but if your ds doesn't enjoy baths, there's no reason for him to have them everyday at this stage. On the nights where I don't bath Luke, he has a top and tail wash in the bedroom.