Fab Feb 2009: attack of the zombie mums

[dinkystinky]

So here we all are, complete with babies and gro-bags under our eyes

((((Dinky)))) so sorry to hear about your aunt.. and your poor cousin, and now he is the main carer for his Dad... do you live nearby, can he get any additional support from family members?...hugs to you ...

mrsy i had sitches first time round it is was bumpy down below for a while.. i didnt really notice when the stitches disolved either.. but get a check if you are worried or if anything feels at all untoward..

Dinky - So sorry about your aunt. Thinking of all your family...

nkewto - I will if I can get a friggin' doctor's appointment! Been trying for nearly two weeks to get a repeat prescription for my BP medicine (nothing important or anything ).

I must admit, after carrying him for 9 mths, a sling doesn't appeal too much.

Had a terrible night with him.....he didn't sleep much sunday night, or yesterday in the daytime and now last night he had about 4 hrs sleep in total. Not sure how he's coping, cos we're not!!

He's also had several poos since Sat afternoon, after a couple of weeks of going every couple of days.....anyone else had this? How often is 'normal'?

MrsY My doc's like that. I'll call on a monday and the jumped up cow bag on the desk will say "I've nothing for this week" wtf? I thought if you requested an appointment you had to be seen within 48 hours?
Beantin I know exactly how you feel. Ds1 never ever slept, it was a complete nightmare, and it wasn't just that he was always awake, he was always screaming. It definitely affected the bonding, I didn't truely feel the love until he was about 5 months old. I know it is so difficult but it does get a hell of a lot easier, it really does. When I think back to the early months with ds1, it makes me laugh now at how awful it was! My advice to you, is do whatever works. I've said on here that I don't hold baby when he's asleep or drifting because with ds1 I spent hours sitting holding him while he slept. Sometimes all day, but that's when he slept and I'd rather I was completely shattered with a nearly happy baby than completely shattered with a miserable baby iyswim. So although IMO/E it's not ideal, if he will only sleep when held, just do it, just for now and then once he feels abit more secure you can work to get him back down, but for your own sanity do anything, have him in bed with you, hold him, put him in a sling (I know I don't like them), go for walks, go for a drive, just whatever works, but by the time he's 3 months and is more able to respond to routines etc thn you can work on getting him to settle off of you but maybe with you stroking him or something.

Wanted to ask. I'm trying to feed Luke to a routine of every 4 hours, so through the day, if he is asleep, I wake him. Reason is because I want him to go to bed at 6:30/7pm and I need him to get up and feed at 7am. Dp has just told me he doesn't want me to feed to routine but do it on demand because he thinks I'm teaching Luke to never go more than 4 hours between feeds and that he won't ever sleep longer than 4 hours. Now I can see the logic in that statement, but with routine I know what and when you know? He fed at 7pm last night, I went to bed about half 9, Luke woke me at 11:30 and then slept until 5:30am. Which means I now haven't been able to get him up and feed at 7 which has messed up my morning routine.
I don't really know what to do for the best. I ask my friends and they all say "do whatever you're comfortable with" which is crap advice because if I knew what I was comfortable with, I wouldn't be asking
Although I know what I want to do but if you ladies wouldn't mind, I would appreciate your input as to what you think routine/demand.
TIA

Mrsy you are right about doctors, it is mad that always want 2 weeks notice ! Emergency appts are a nightmare because you have to hang around the surgery for ages..another try is NHS Direct... but really not as good!

Very bad about your BP medicine, that is just insane..

how is everyone ? The sun seems to still be about so.. another trip to the park today I think, as DS is loving the swings at the moment ..

PT hope things are getting better today

Dinky .. thinking of you, hope you are bearing up...

SMS - I wake to feed during the day and feed on demand at night. It's working quite well for us at the moment. If you need him in a routine 24h then do that. Obviously it's easy for us as we don't have an older child to work with as well. Is it absolutly vital he is up and feeding at 7? Or can you do without that for a few weeks until he does maybe 12/1 am and then 7 am?

PT - How are things looking now?

Morning all

Dinky I'm sorry to hear about your sad news. Re your DS's eatng, DS1 was also apalling (and I did alot of shouting...) but is finally (generally) much better. I think I've said it before but have you read my Child Won't Eat? It really helped me get some perspective on the problem and totally made me relax. As you can't make a child eat I figure the best thing is to try & change the way you perceive the problem.

SMS I'm in awe of your routine attempts. Tarran can go anything from 4 hours to 15 mins between feeds and every day is different! DS1 never got into a routine with feeds so I'm just going with te flow. Can't believe until I had DS1 was super-organised and my life ran like clockwork. Feel like I've had apersonality transplant!

mrsY can you not just put in a request for a repeat prescription without seeing your doc? The more I hear about other peole's surgeries the more I realsie how lucky were are with ours. The receptionists are super-helpful. When I had thrush the other day they got the Doc to issue prescriptions for me an Tarran without seeing us, which was realy helpful.

What a lovely day it is today. Off to a friend's house to play this morning then if Mr T sleeps I may do some digging on the allotment while DS1 is at nursery this afternoon.

Morning

PT {{{{hugs}}}} to you x

SMS - sounds like you need to read Gina . She would say to wake at 7am and give a few oz to get him back to time.

I too try to keep to 11,3 and 7....but easier said than done. 2, 6 and 10 is fine for me too and we are slowly falling into that naturally. I've just put his bottles up to 6oz and he is taking it all - but still rarely goes longer than 4 hours - day or night.

Fever seems to have gone but he is covered head to foot in a viral rash....want to take him into work tomorrow but he isn't very pretty atm

sms - i've been trying reg feeding in day and on demand in night......with varying results tho

Morning

Dinky- sorry to hear about your aunt.

DS fell asleep at 7pm last night, I went to bed and left him with DH. He woke at 11.30pm for a feed (was starving, gulped it down, nearly took my nipple off) and then I put him in his cot where he stayed until 4.15am he came in with us, had another feed and we got up at 6am.

I feel like a new woman.

What's going on then? I haven't changed anything...

Oh and Happy St Patrick's Day (I'm not actually envious, he's just green)

I'm making stew and soda farls for DD tonight.

Are you ok PT? Been thinking about you...

Thanks all for your kind messages re my aunt. Nkweto - they're based in coventry so not particularly close to any family but they do have good family friends who are all looking after them, so I feel a little less worried for my cousin today (though in the long term I know he'll needs lots of support to continue being given).

Pink - hope things are better in your house today. Happy St Patrick's day.

Markstretch - glad you had a good night (clearly your turn for one! ) Amazing the difference it makes isnt it. I've said it before, but pleeeeeeeeeeeeease can I come live with you; you always cook such yummy sounding food.

THOM - DS1's building is very similar to your DS1's build and he's equally energetic; its good to hear your DS1 turned a corner with his eating and the book helped you. Thanks for recommending the book - I will order it today! He only had 3 spoons of his breakfast today but I'm rising above it all today (the sunshine is helping improve my mood ).

LMN - oh no, cant believe your little man is still suffering. Hope the viral rash isnt causing him too much grief - I know it was driving DH crazy when he had a viral rash.

SMS - I'm not routine led at all (Danny's days vary from day to day - the only thing that is consistent is wakefulness in late afternoon/early evening and cluster feeding) but definitely think that it sounds like you need a routine to save your sanity with 2 children with such close ages to look after. I agree with LMN - use the Gina approach and offer him a little bit of milk at 7am to see if he'll take it and it will tide him over to the next feed. Curiously I wasnt routine led with DS1 either (apart from at bedtime having a set routine in the run down period to bed) but found he put himself in a routine by 3 months with his feeds and naps, so it will happen.

Beantin - are you formula feeding or breastfeeding? If you're breastfeeding, you may find that a 3 or 4 hour routine doesnt work brilliantly with your little one (as sometimes they'll feed for 5 minutes if just thirsty, other times have a mammoth feed and then have a milk drunk sleep) - if it isnt working, I'd recommend that you dont fight it, just go with the flow as they will eventually settle down into a routine.

Hello everybody. Not having a great day last night was our worst so far, Harry's struggling so much to breathe, he woke every one and a half hours gasping and crying. And then once he was awake, the only thing that calmed him down was feeding. Believe me, I tried other things first but no luck. So today I took him back to the paediatricians, she was very abrupt and scornful, said there was nothing wrong and I should just keep using the saline nose wash. I know I'm probably being an over-worrying new mummy, but I left her office in tears (partly from sleep-deprivation?). She also told me I was feeding him too much, I should be strictly limiting it to every 3 hours at the least. Easier said than done with the world's hungriest baby. AND he shouldn't be sleeping during the day, apparently.

Also got the results of his latest blood and urine tests - he's hugely anaemic and needs iron supplements. And he has two microbial infections.

I know these are all minor problems in the grand scheme of things, but he's so miserable, so tired from not sleeping a lot, and I just feel like a terrible mother. My fault for forgetting to take my iron supplements every day, or not using the nose wash every 2 hours?

So the result - tired tearful baby, tired tearful mum.

PT I hope things are looking a bit better for you today.
Dinky - my sympathies for your aunt.

Pempe, have you tried steaming up the bathroom for him? I have a humidifier and find it works wonders when the LOs are bunged up.

swampster He came in the bathroom with us for our showers last night, and we'll keep trying that. I've also been told to hang wet towels on the radiators at night to keep the air moist. According to our friend, who's an ear nose & throat doctor, the town we live in has a problem with its atmosphere and most residents suffer from problems between Jan and March....weird.

I must start posting more often rather than making mega posts I can?t believe I?m awake at this stupid time (I?ve been writing this post for three hours!)! I burnt the pads on my thumb and index finger yesterday and couldn?t pick Fifi up or do anything to do with feeding properly. TBD said he?d feed her through the night for me. This was my night:

1am I?m still downstairs and he comes down to ask me if I?m going to feed her, I remind him he?s supposed to be doing it so he gets the bottle and goes back up. I went up about the same time. He passed her to me because she?d finished the bit in the bottle and he needed to refill it and he tries to get me to feed her again, I said to carry on with what he was doing and I undressed her. She?s got pooh on her vest so he gives the bottle to me to feed her while he gets a nappy.

Some stupid am. She wakes up crying and he wakes me up to ask if I?m going to feed her. I told him no so he finished off the carton then left me with her to feed (as she?s still not settled) and wind her.

So what should have been a relaxing night kept me awake more than if I?d fed her myself and left me exhausted!

I was supposed to be meeting Chairmum today but I can?t face walking on the crutches with my fingers so sore

It?s great to hear so many of you are getting smiles, it makes me laugh each time she gives me a big smile, she was smiling at Tink yesterday and laughing at her

KT, it?s probably too late but don?t worry about the saying, eat to your appetite, if you?re hungry eat but don?t worry if you?re not hungry.

SMS fortunately you lay down enough supplies in pregnancy to cope with not having time to eat with a newborn. Have you tried a sling or just a carrier? I?m not a fan of carriers; they?re terrible on the back. WRT to feeding, if allowed to they will quickly find their own routine, usually after they pass 6 weeks you start to notice the difference.

Beantin it depends on your parenting style. I don?t leave Fifi crying, it?s not uncommon for her to sleep on me or inside my clothes. Try to wait till they have no control of their arms (pick one up and let it drop) before putting them down and it?s less likely to disturb them. Remember too that babies have short sleep cycles. If you do more of a GF/ routine based parenting style then there are different ways to deal with it. Obviously he will learn to settle himself, most babies start going longer without the need to be held or fed as they pass six weeks. WRT slings, my back is quite bad and I often use a wrap sling so I can carry Fifi around, Tink was never out of hers, outside she was in it until she was 2. The wrap spreads the weight so baby disappears and holds your back together.

Dinky sorry to hear about your aunt

sms... i know i'm bfing and you're ff but tbh i'm not keen on routines for such little babies in general... they don't need an exact amount of food in every single 24 hour period, some days they eat far more than others due to growth so i'm skeptical about how healthy a routine for feeding is nutritionally(sp?) as if they're going through a growth spurt they'll need far more, and if you wake to feed a baby who's not hungry he'll probably take it even though he didn't want it and therefore end up feeding more than he needed too which can't be good for their metabolism either.

i also think your dp has a fair point, if you always wake him after 4 hours a few months down the line your going to be going through hell trying to get him to sleep for longer at night.

beantin, dinky has a good point about routines and bf-ing, they're really not compatible. bm is far more digestable than formula and therefore although a baby might be happy for 3/4 hours with a belly full of formula they won't last as long before getting hungry with a belly full of bm.

aaron can feed every 20 mins or not for 4/5 hours and i let him tell me when he's hungry. the screaming i'd have to listen to if i tried to stretch him between feeds would drive us all insane! take last week at toddler group for example, he woke, i fed him, he unlatched and was happy and 15 mins later started grizzling for food again, i tried to stretch it out a bit as i didn't want to spend all of toddler group cluster feeding but after 10/15 gave in and fed him, he fed for 10 mins and was happy and content being passed around the room for the rest of toddler group.... so clearly he was hungry even though he'd only fed a few minutes before and GF can go shove her routines up her arse if she thinks otherwise

am ok-ish.... actually i'm probably not but not in the humour for too much self evaluation, just trying to distract myself constantly. my threads i'm on hasn't been so full in months.

Hhmmm...some good thoughts here. Why is there so much contradictory advice out there? Like SMS I like to have structure in my day and would like to make sure he sleeps/feeds in teh daytime rather than at night. On the whole atm I am feeding him on demand but did wake him yesterday to feed so would sleep later. He didn't sleep later though.....

Only 2 weeks to go before we reach the 6 weeks, so fingers crossed!

Which, brings me to the doctors - they have made me an 8 week check up cos apparently not poss to do one at 6 weeks......what's up with that????

Have dug out the babybjorn that a friend gave me so may try it to pop to the post office which is across the road so pushchair seems an effort. Someone told me how bad babybjorns are for babies.....but am sure is okay for short time.

The reason that there is so much contradictory advice is that during the Victorian times we started to trust science over nature. Things got better but then post war women were working and childcare changed again. If we trusted nature and our instincts (which we don't have anymore) then we'd probably not be discussing it because we'd know what to do.

In some cultures the women don't do anything for six weeks and the female relatives look after her so she can just concentrate of the baby. Because they recognise that the first six weeks all Mum will do is feed the baby.

The thing with BM is that it is digested as it comes in, which is why they pooh as they feed. They have to take more than they're using before they come off. Putting a BF baby on a routine means they are going with no food in their belly. When they're older they'll be able to take more than they use and faster.

The Baby Bjorn is a carrier, not a sling so it does put more pressure on your backs and little boys are taking their weight between their legs (ask your husband that's a bad thing [evil] I like to see a man wince at a thought). Short times are OK but you won't be ab;e to do it for long periods it will wear you out quickly.

Pempe, your paediatrician's advice just doesn't make sense to me, even the strictest routine advocates don't recommend that a 6 week old (or even older babies) doesn't sleep during the day. Because my priority is maintaining breastfeeding this time round, I'm going with the flow, and bf on demand day and night.

SMS, if your priority is the 7 am feed perhaps it's worth sticking with waking up for 3 am, especially if it makes a difference to the sleep you get afterwards. Saying that, I didn't do it in your way with my ds1 so my advice is probably of limited use. But I don't believe you can teach such a young baby to never go more than 4 hours between feeds - even routinised babies change their patterns quite regularly.

Pempe, I missed your post earlier. Your doctor is talking complete nonesense! Have you tried using a little EBM as a nose wash?

Tinker - i think you're right there. Plus, things have changed so much over the years as things are discovered that it depends on what you look at. I promised myself last week that I'd stop reading any books and not worry about timings. Seems to have worked on me being calmer, but still having moments - like early hours of this morning - that I have no idea what DS is after when he's screaming. Trying to keep calm though and tune into instincts and think is making me feel better.....

Sleep would help though

He's fallen asleep so still haven't tried BB carrier. Friend said that pressure on baby is main trouble, but can't fit pushchair in post office and will need hands free to post and pay, so will try it, if can entice him into it. Friend has an Ergo sling, which she rates highly so will maybe borrow for a bit and see.

hmm, Danny appears to have inherited my i can snore in any position extremely loudly gene - thereis currently a bundle of snores in the sling (oddly enough he just grunts when i put him in the baby bjorn and he sleeps). People are going to hear us come for miles

dinky, aaron only snores and grunts in the sling.... freaks people out in queues as i have a premaxx bag sling and people don't really realise there's a baby in there and wonder why i'm making such odd noises at them

am potty training ds1 [mad fool emoticon] not too stressful so far as unlike dd he doesn't seem to need to pee every 20 mins (that was great fun when PTing her ) so far today we've had one pee on the toilet and 2 in his pants... could be worse i suppose!

having a spring cleaning day again as the weather was so lovely i could boot dc's outside, open all the doors and windows and mop all the floors. also finally put up my clothes line and have a lovely string of tiny baby clothes hung out on it

aaron seems to love being plonked outside in the sunshine, i'm even sadder now that i decided against picking up a pram as it would be lovely for him on days like this, although he was happy out there in his bouncer and dozed off watching me hang washing and slept for ages so i guess i don't exactly need one, would have been nice though

first time in all our time living here that i've been able to mop the floors with dp at home without him bitching and moaning about not being sable to go make a cuppa while they're wet he's doing what he always does and trying to chat normally as if nothings happened