Fab Feb 2009: attack of the zombie mums

[dinkystinky]

So here we all are, complete with babies and gro-bags under our eyes

I've had half a pack of boubons, 2 packets of crisps (quavers), 3 glasses of Pepsi and just having a cheese sandwich now before we go out.
Lovely day so gonna walk into town, see how far ds1 can get befor he gets tired, not far hopefully!!

yup, he likes the 'wind cycle'. Just got myself a salad sorted as i went up there, he calmed down, heavy eyes, etc. Seemed fine, now is howling again.....

Dinky So sorry about your aunt. Hope you and the rest of the family are coping with it as well as you all possibly can.
Re shouting at ds for his eating issues, I wouldn't worry about it too much, he'll forget all about it by tonight if he hasn't already. i don't think it does them any harm to hear a raised and angry voice every now and again, they have to learn about different emotions somehow, as long as it's not all the time, which it isn't, it's fine.
PT Glad you got a good night's sleep. That's men all over though isn't it? Too little, too late. Is it a definite split for you then? I'm so sorry, but sure you're doing what's best for everyone and that's all you can do, no point in pretending everything's ok if it's not. Take care. x
beantin It's not easy is it, hen you know your baby needs a nap (if you think lo does, then I'm sure you're right) but they can't settle. At this early stage, I think ours are the same age?) I don't leave baby to cry unless I'm in the middle of something (washing up, sorting ds1 out, on the toilet etc). If I'm available, then he gets seen to asap, but from my experience with ds1, I do not hold and cuddle the new one to sleep, I put him down when he looks like he's drifting off and he normally settles fine on his own, if he has trouble I'll sit on the floor and keep one hand on him while I softly talk/sing to him (while ds1 is smashing around, so not sure if he can hear me!)
I didn't do any kind of leaving to cry (unless I was busy) with ds1 until he was nearly 5 months and that was only because I was going insane!
If you are trying to get baby to sleep or you think baby should be asleep, I wouldn't keep picking him up and putting him down, but that's just me. Goodluck

I've been going out for the past half an hour.....maybe we should actually go now!

Can you sit with him for a while, he might drift off fine if he can see your face for a while?

yeah, he drifts off just fine having a cuddle....then i put him down and he's immediately awake and within a few mins, gets upset he's been left. Unfortunately, the need to pee, eat, etc. means I can't hold him for every nap every day. Find it hard to leave him to cry, but guess he'll not learn to settle self otherwise. Usually he only has 6 mins of cry in him.....bothers me if lasts longer.

He's coming up to a month old.

dinky, so sorry about your aunt, sending hugs to you. Ref shouting at DS1, we've all been there. I felt bad yesterday as I really shouted at DD and smacked her bottom as she was really naughty but like SMS said, they've probably forgotten about it already.

Beantin sounds very familiar, that is just what H is like at the moment. He has to be held all the time and hates being put down even if asleep and just wakes up again.

Is it just boys needing a cuddle?
Would happily hold him all day, but it's not v realistic. If only I'd managed to brush my hair, etc. so far this morning the would've taken him for a walk

Hi all again....

Am now on lunch but have opted for healthier chicken salad sandwich from leftovers and fruit/yog....I only had the crisps because Walkers are doing some competition at the mo to find new flavours and they had some Fish and Chip ones in the supermarket...so (as I have a bit of a weakness for crisps) - I bought them and thought I'd have one but finished the lot. They were revoltingly nice.

Dinky sorry to hear about your Aunt and also about the eating issues. At the end of the day I suspect you know that DS1 will turn out fine (even the fussiest toddlers seem to put on weight and grow up to be fine old adults) but it doesn't won't stop you stressing about it whatever your sensible head tells you. Hopefully DS2 won't cause you the same woes. They certainly know which buttons to push don't they.

PT for you.

I did the late night feed last night and stretched it out over an hour and put her down at 11.15pm and she woke at 3.30am which is the latest she's ever gone to and 6.45am. DS on the other hand apparently woke at 5.10am and DH eventually got him at 6.30am. They're all off at nursery/work today so I'm sitting in the garden with laptop and have located the hammock (it was dismantled in the move) - DD in bed so I'm about to plop myself in it in the sun and try and read some of my book altho' knowing my luck the little pickle will decide to wake up just as I've got myself comfortable.

I am LOVING this weather !!

DS has been a little sod all weekend. DH asked whether I think his behaviour has got worse. It is to a degree but he's a livewire with the attention span of a gnat (don't a lot of 2.8 year olds?) and DH ends up entertaining him a lot of the weekend and then they end up winding each other up...I personally think DS has coped pretty well with the arrival of DD and he's not at all nasty to DD on the contrary he's very sweet with her and most of the time tries to "comfort" her if she cries [very sweet emoticon] - he can just be very stroppy with me and DH. I know, it's a phase and it WILL pass !

Do you have a sling Beantin? If so, chuck him in it and voila, hands free to brush hair (eating bit more tricky - muslin as a bib for you covering little man's head a good idea!)...

Beantin DD has been a bit like this on and off the last few days and I've ended up holding her most of the time. I tend to find on days when she is less "windy" she's better. Today for eg after her mid morning milk, she was awful and kept whingeing so I put her in the sling and got on with jobs. Then I gave her some gripe water, she did the most almighty poo and it seemed to shift whatever was a problem. She then just had this angelic look on her face and drifted off to sleep....

I do think that when they are this little, they can get tired quicker than you think. PT your Aaron sounds amazing being content at being awake 4/5 hours - I know with my 2, DS was just like DD - give them an hour and a quarter to an hour and a half and they start going ballistic. I used to leave DS too long before putting him down and he was hard to settle. With DD I put her down the first sign of fussing and she's been so much easier to settle. She always cries a bit - sometimes no more than a few seconds, sometimes up to 5 mins but I know now that she will go - some people feel very uncomfortable leaving a baby to cry at all but you'll know what you feel comfortable with and you'll also start to realise what they want. If DD is mewing a bit like a kitten on and off, she'll go. If she starts squawking and it escalates quickly, she's probably windy and I tend to find if I pick her up, she burps/chunders and then will go down again. Why don't you try putting him down earlier than the 2 hours and see what happens? Also, do you swaddle him? I've found with both my 2, the swaddles have been a great help. DD will fight it but then calms quickly with it. Some babies on this thread have hated the swaddle so it might not be a success for you.

Have you also tried a dummy? I also did this with DS. He wouldn't settle for naps so I used to put him in his lie flat buggy somewhere near with dummy in mouth so I could pop it back in and eventually he'd go off but at least I could get on with jobs without having to hold him all the time.

There is also the sling option. DD will always snooze in the sling...they love it.

It will get easier once he gets a bit more aware. DS definitely turned a corner around 3/4 months. I had a bad week the other week but feel like I'm coming out of the tunnel with DD who is 8 weeks this week....

Sorry , I do go on, but just trying to see if any of these things might help you.

(I never shut up in RL either - have you guessed?!)

Thanks guys. My aunt had been ill for a while (lots of old age related illnesses) but still a surprise she died so suddenly - she was in hospital but even the doctors werent expecting her to pass away. I really feel for my cousin - he is in his late 30s but lives with his parents at home (was married briefly but got divorced) so he can look after his parents as his dad has incipient alzheimers. He was really close to his mum. I really wish his marriage had worked out so he could have someone to turn to (was an arranged one with a girl from india who just couldnt deal with the culture clash when she moved over here and he couldnt move over there due to work and having to look after his parents) - I really dont know how he's going to cope And as for DS1's eating issues, they're nothing new (have had the same issues for nearly 2 years now!) - fingers crossed he'll grow out of them at some stage (he actually got a lot better with eating before DS2 came along - I think he's regressing now abit)...

Herb - a hammock in the sun... sounds idyllic Hope DD lets you enjoy it...

Am taking Danny in to work to see my old secretary etc but got an email today from a colleague in another department to say she'd been made redundant Not really too sure I want to go in to work now as thought the redundancies had stopped for a little bit...

no sling, no.......think back would suffer if keep carrying him around. Has only slept an hour since 7am. Since was awake a lot in the night, does he not know I need a nap too??

herbgarden - yes he does seem to be v upset for a day or two until a poo comes along - unfortunately i was hoping on that this morning when he had a dirty nappy, but he doesn't seem to want to settle still. Hope he sleeps soon as he looks so worn out. Last week I gave in and he slept contentedly on my chest for an hour and a half......not sure is a good habit to get him into though as don't want him sleeping on me all night.

dinky, missed that about your aunt.... so sorry

i wouldn't worry about shouting at ds... some of the best meals dd's had were because i lost the plot and screamed at her

beantin, have you tried having him in a bouncer near you while you get stuff done instead of in his cot? he might be happier just being able to see you and know you're close. needing a quiet room to sleep is a myth... all mine seem to sleep better with ww3 going on around them. aaron wakes up if it's too quiet if you're dead set on him self settling there are easier ways to go about it, like sms suggested, sit next to the bouncer with your hand on him and help him to fall asleep if he's having trouble. or walk him around in the pram for 10 mins and park him up and he'll probably sleep for ages

i think self settling ability has alot to do with personality though, dd never could until over a year old but both my boys tend to just sleep wherever, whenever. if they're tired they fall asleep, not much you can do to stop them tbh! (unfortunately aaron seems to have a freakish ability to be awake for hours on end which would be great except his cold means he can't stand lying in his bouncer so i have to hold him upright constantly!)

Thanks Pinktulips. I know from previous threads that your DD is a fussy eater like my DS, so good to hear from someone who has been there Funnily enough, DS1 has been much better with his food so far today too....

Hmm, Beantin - may be worth investing in a sling (as long as you've got them on right, they're fine for your back - maybe one of the sling gurus on here could advise on best ones for people worried about their backs) if your baby isnt a self settler. My baby bjorn saved my sanity with DS1 in the early days - this time round have invested in a close sling too incase Danny is a cant-put-me-down-baby....

Sometimes Beantin you just have to surrender. If he slept then great - he might wake in a better mood. Tomorrow is another day. We used to do alsorts with DS to get him off - sleep on us, buggy, Dummy,bouncy chair blah blah but by a few months, he'd nap at home or out, go down to bed in the evening on his own and sleep really well. Even if issues arise later, you can deal with them (if you want to).

I concur on the slingy thing (it thats what we got)Had a rummage around this morning for a tomy pouch type thing that we'd had with DD that I'd never used (DH used it all the time to cover his largish belly!)
Thought it might solve my pram/buggy issues - have big Graco pram (single) with full sun shade, a pink single buggy with small sunshade (which DD loves obviously as its pink) and a twin buggy with tiny shades which are not really up for the heat of the day. Problem is, if I put DS in proper pram, I then have problems with DD who either decides she doesn't want to walk or runs off!
Anyway, tried out slingy thingy and she went in pink buggy and it worked quite well and little man slept for hours!yay

yep... i love my sling so much i haven't actually put aaron in the buggy yet! tis great if he's being clingy in the house too, you can't do everything easily but you can get alot more done than with a baby in your arms.

btw beantin, obvious question but have you checked his nappy again? about the only thing that can keep the ds's awake is a pooey nappy but i have a remarkable habit of forgetting to check and wondering 'i wonder why he's so cranky?' for ages before it occurs to me it could be poo i dunno how i can forget constantly, i mean there's a fairly limited number of things that you need to check when a baby cries!

It's Monday - which means Mumsnet drop in for me and Albert! I am hopelessly flaky and just don't seem to have the time to even switch the computer on at the moment, please forgive my infrequent contributions.

left boob STILL sore so off to breastfeeding clinic tomorrow to find out what on earth I'm doing wrong. it hurts so much when Al latches on - but then is reasonably OK after a minute or so. Albert was weighed last Tuesday - he was 11 pounds exactly so plenty of weight gain. Honestly - he is so big no one believes he's only four and a bit weeks old. he feeds eveery two hours (or less) STILL - so I'm just holding out for that 6 week mark in the hope things will settle down.

See you next week!

Hi guys.....thanks for all your messages. Was planning to put him in pushchair in the garden - so could rock it up and down but he fell asleep in basket whilst was sorting pram into garden. Woke up 20 mins later.....had a cuddle for ten, then in pushchair for 10, then cuddle for ten, now in pushchair in hallway as north facing garden has lost sun for the day. Now have no idea when he last fed as brain too knackered and the day is a blur......

I do check nappy often PinkTulips as he gets v cranky before a poo comes. It rarely seems to be the problem though and often makes him super upset to change him as doesn't like it at all.

Pluto - what other symptoms do you have? Thought was terrible mother for doing BF wrong then discovered had nipple thrush - in weird world of motherhood was delighted that was all was. Easily cleared up with canesten - if you get the chance to put some on between feeds (have just realised have not managed that today as not known what he's up to at any one time!). Have to put cream on for a fortnight to ensure no coming back. Look at this page I didn't need to treat DS as mentioned here, but found useful to clarify symptoms after conversation with doctor and before conversation with pharmacist. Just a thought anyway....

Don't flame me please, but I just wanted to say to beantin I don't really like slings and carriers. I bought a mothercare carrier to use with ds1 but never did because he was just too heavy, I now find I have to strap Luke in and 'wear' him around the flat, somedays a lot, some days not so much, it is handy because I can get on without feeling too guilty about the lack of attention he's getting.

Speaking of naps, do you all put the babies to bed for naps through the day? I just kind of put Luke down in the bouncy chair after a feed and sometimes a cuddle and he either sleeps or just sits there looking around. When he wakes up, unless he's hungry, he's quite happy, sometimes I don't even notice that he's awake and wonder how long he's been sitting there just staring at the wall , if he woke up in a room all on his own and didn't cry to let me know, I'd feel awful at the thought of him being wide awake and all alone, although I do like the idea of him being 'away' for naps so me and ds1 can have proper time alone iykwim.

aaron sleeps in his bouncer during the day too sms.... he often only cat naps during the day so the running up and down to get him would drive me mad... plus i have 3 cats and 2 preschoolers wandering around so i find i'm more relaxed if he's within eyeshot of me and i know no-one is poking at him.

tbh i hardly remember he's there when he sleeps in the bouncer so me and the other 2 still get quality time... tbh even if he's asleep in my arms the other 2 aren't bothered and still snuggle up to me and demand i read to them/play with them/watch them do daft things so i don't feel it makes much differance.

Dinky, sorry about your aunt.

Beantin, Conor is a bit clingy but I've found something else which seems to work better than putting him in his basket this week (he'll be 6 weeks old tonight). I put him on the play gym for a bit twice earlier today - first time he went to sleep, second time he started to bat around the dangly bits and seemed to be more content for a while than usual when I put him down. No sign of a real routine yet.

SMS/MOS 'fraid Dinky had it right! She fed at eight and we slept from 11 until she grizzled at 2:30 and we fed her because I was worried she'd be hungry (even though she wasn't crying), then went back down at 3:45 and slept till about 7!

Ladies with stiches - I was advised to have a feel down below to make sure everything was okay, and it all feels 'bumpy'. Does that mean the stiches haven't come away? - I never saw many fell out - or is it normal? I've never had stiches. I think I'm going to ask John to have a look down below.

Well, she's having a good grizzle now, so will rescue John!

MrsY I've had stitches both times, quite a few actually! The first time, there was lots of swelling and it was a bit bumpy in places, I couldn't look myself because all the mirrors in my ouse were too big and I couldn't get my legs wide enough (sorry tmi) so I was just feeling with my hands (way-hay), this time no swelling at all and the whole site felt (to the touch) alot better from day one. I don't think you'd see any of the stitches come away because they're disolvable ones (aren't they?) I should imagine the bumps are where your skin has been re-joined iyswim.

I wanted to ask something, but now I'm here I can't remember what it was