June 2008: Nine months in, nine months out

[Essie3]

Here's to the next nine months!

well I was going to start it something abotu"wtf are you asking advice for you , you sanctimonious know it all milking cow" - woudl that do it?

Hi all, just a quickie!
V. lucky with schools here - or not, I suppose, as there's no choice whatsoever. But primary school in the village is great. Private isn't an option for us because Iestyn will need Welsh medium education. (And also because I'm a raging socialist, and also because we don't have the money which is possibly why I'm a raging socialist! ) No faith schools here either.
Atheists - wouldn't worry, you might be ok in this life... (I hope you all know I'm just mucking around!)

Sponge totally agree with your decision, and also Five (and your) rationalization. I had a m/c and hadn't told anyone I was pg, and so it was a big shock for everyone. Mum was dead upset, and work were horrified because I suddenly had a good chunk of time off sick with no warning at an inconvenient time (they were w***s anyway - what, should I have told them I'd given it a go without contraception?!). With Iestyn, I was so sick from a week before missed period that I couldn't really hide it. And as I kept being sick there was a good chance the pg was a strong 'un!
A friend of mine also told friends and family that she was trying for a baby, because she felt she needed the support more than if she'd just fallen pg straight away - the tests, the not being able to plan any foreign (work) trips until she was sure etc etc. (In the end she's pg now, IVF, due April!)

This life is the only one I've got though Essie!

I went to a private school which is why I'm a raging socialist!

Btw, at your work - must have been a pretty 'inconvenient time' to have a m/c as well .

And I did just cry a little about Ivo Cameron.

Sponge you were mentioned this morning! I was at my bf group, with The Amazing Sharon Breward who is considering setting up for a tiny cost services as a lactation consultant as there is a need in parts of n. Wales (the NHS isn't covering) and she asked whether we knew or had experience of people who might be after that kind of thing, or who would need it. I mentioned how upset you were about not managing to bf Alex. Sharon asked if you were hoping to have any more children, and I said 'yes, I think she might consider it at some point in the future' () and Sharon said 'get her here when she does, we'll get her bfing'. So come and have a baby in n. Wales! But the main point - and this is for anyone who tried and didn't manage to bf - Sharon said it is never, ever the mother's fault; it is always bad healthcare and lack of advice and support. And she believes everyone who hasn't managed to bf should be at health workers not and feel 'failures'. She firmly believes that being sad all by yourself doesn't help, but being annoyed at the service and complaints get things changed.

Oh, yeah, work - they were awful. It was exam time and I was an examiner. Obviously I could have timed my m/c better. Or considered them first and reached for a condom? (Actually, thinking about my previous head of dept would be the best contraception EVER!!!)

Thank you, Essie - I'll see what I can do!

The bf clinic woman told me that her hospital had let me down and she was very sorry. I will be speaking to people this time round well in advance and also hope to speak to the head of maternity about it. I just never had the energy after A was born and just wanted to put it all behind me. Really hope it's different next time

I had my first m/c three weeks before SATs and I was a Y6 teacher. I took 3 weeks off work and was told by my head that I was "not thinking about my colleagues or children". I was devastated .

Just found Alex on the floor of the dining room sucking his bib - may be time for lunch!

ali - great news about the sleep.

Hope those with feisty toddlers have a good day! I've been to the park with my girls so they are nice and tired.

The schools thing is a difficult one. It seems a shame to blight this lovely baby phase with worries about what seems like years away, but on the other hand it's something that it's very easy to get very very uptight about (I speak from experience) so nice to get sorted out.

Such sad news about David Cameron's son.

essie your b/f lady sounds lovely -the trouble is/was that as spongesays its getting the help at the right time at a point where you very rarely have the energy to fight your corner/keep it going (ok I may be being a wimp but you'd be a stronger person than me to persist on bf exclusively. when your baby wasnt feeding after 3/4 days). She does make good point about being angry with the help (or lack of) - I'm very cynical re the mentions of nct/lll or counsellors given my experience ( no actual people at end of phone when I called nct/lll... and 5 days to get a call back from hospital counsellor...).

The thing is I'm scarred by the experience (plus subsequent issue with the lump) - It would take a lot of convincing that it would be differnet next time (esp when if I'm lucky enough to contend with it I may be in teh brady bunch position of deb/rolf/sa)

Had our first nasty moment of something not being babyproofed. P reaching through the bars of the playpen and tugging on the cord of a large ceramic lamp. Arghh. The lamp is now unplugged and I am considering where to put it as all our sockets tend to be taken up with J's hifi gadgetery.

I wish we had a BF group here like you Essie. There is a drop in clinic at the hospital once a week for an hour, but that is it. I never went because my crises never seemed to happen on a Wednesday morning!

Poppy, how is the breadmaker? My Mum is a big fan of hers...which she keeps in her house in France. I have never been able to get her to see the irony of making bread in France but hey ho.

at least he was licking his bib - edie obsessed with licking the floor/her highchair table (or blowing raspberries on it)..its very odd

poppy, I agree, I genuinely thought A would die if I did not give him a bottle immediately . I was producing literally drops of milk at that point so ff was our only option. I then started expressing but it was a slippery slope . . .

Ali, do you not have an LLL round your way? I thought they were quite well spread? Maybe you could set on up?!

Lol at your mum making bread in France - talk about taking coals to Newcastle!

Hmm, licking the floor sounds lovely!!

the breadmaker sitting downstairs waiting to be played with used when cleaner finished -and I agree re irony.. I love sending dh to bakers so I can get a lie in get fresh bread in the morning...

ali that is a bit scary - I'ev got baby jail here and moved the coffee table. and bought some corner guards etc but not actually put them up - mind you we're only rolling so figure I've got a little more time

Well, it's no consolation, Sponge, but Sharon would not have let you do that. She came to see me when I was in hospital with Iestyn when he was a week old and being sick all the time. I was told there that it might be 'easier for everyone' if I gave him a bottle and ff him. (Easier for medicating a problem which wasn't there.) And you all know about my milk supply... Sharon arrived and gave them a right bollocking.
The group is lovely, Ali! But today Sharon was saying that the main problem is that she doesn't get to see the women who have major problems and are really struggling. Because all of us at the group - it's largely a social thing really - are actually bfing and getting on with it ok. Mind you, she does fix tongue ties and the like.
Poppy I do think though that you're a special case, and you did bf, despite everything. Did LLL tell you to put a hot flannel on your blocked duct? I think that's the standard info...clearly not applicable in your case.

Must do work now. (Sponge btw at the total morons at your place of work. Men, I assume?)

But Essie, there was a problem - Alex had lost 13% of his birth weight and was severely dehydrated. No wet nappies, cracked lips, lethargic, sleeping all the time. He had now fed at all from me. How long could he have carried on like that? I was dishcarged far too quickly from hospital that was the problem .

And yes, my head was a man. The same one who said to me while I was in Cornwall with my parents after my dad had a near-fatal heart attack which necessitated a midnight drive for me and dh not knowing whether he was going to make it, "when are you coming home, or are you having a holiday now?"

Sorry, that came across as a bit aggressive - wasn't meant to be . Just meant there was a medical problem with him which needed addressing immediately.

what a lovely dept you worked in sponge

your experience with alex was fairly typical - in fairness to my lovely midwife (who did help me as much as she could - turned up at 9pm on saturday we came home and stayed two hours) - she said stories like yours with alex were all too common which was why her ideal was to get there earily to help bf but if things weren't going well ff was ok in interim as too many babies end up ill ( I think there was an article which said something like this but got jumped on as being anti bf on the bf thread -I didnt see any point talkign about it given the likely slating I'd get).

no it didn't - was completely fair point and one my mw make (and to be fair to her i think 30 plus years doing the job make her a bit more of an expert than most).

You're right poppy, there was a thread about this on the in the news forum and the responses from some were utterly ridiculous. It is a very real problem and terrifying for a new mum.

news story

MN thread

Sorry just a quick one. My HV is being investigated for breach of confidentiality.

Good God, not her dealings with you, I hope, Five? Sponge did I get confused there? When I said there wasn't a problem I meant with Iestyn: they suggested in hospital I FF Iestyn, mainly because they wanted to give Iestyn medicine, and he wasn't sick anyway. I don't think I was clear at all there, sorry! In fact it was all a bit garbled.
Did anyone ever tell you why Alex wasn't feeding at all? Just wondering really. But maybe you've just put a lid on it and don't want to discuss it - which is fair enough!
Sharon - I know I'm singing her praises but she is brilliant - wouldn't be against FF if there was a problem, but she would try to get the baby back on the breast. Last group the lady with twins was there and said that although she's bfing them she gives them formula in the afternoon. Sharon said 'good that gives you a break'. No need to supplement even with twins, but Sharon does feel that she works with the mothers mainly not the babies.
I'm only musing on all this because I'm becoming an accredited bf support person here in n. Wales. Courtesy of Sharon!