November 08 - Say it LOUD.......We're shades of GINGER and PROUD :0)

[LackaDAISYcal]

This do??????

hello all,

Just to say, Wee T is not definitely has a touch of the reds in there - she isn't a full on proper irn bru ginger, but she could be strawberry blonde. Its difficult to tell just yet as what hair she has is only bout an eighth of an inch long . I think ginger hair, and especially with those beautiful porcelein complexions, are lovely.

Hope you are all doing OK and glad you had a good bluewater meetup.

I really really REALLY have to go and do a bit of tidying before DH gets on. I know I shouldn't feel guilty for not managing hosuework, but I do. Thinking of getting a cleaner and it makes me .

Just one question to as your LOs are mostly a week or more ahead of mine - is it normal for poo to continue to be very runny at 10/11 weeks? It has the old mustard seed contents but she seems to void in massive whooshes with loads of liquid which not infrequently scooshes right out the sides (memorably right onto MILs lap on Saturday!)

hey guys. Thanks for all your lovely text messages . They really cheered me up. Home for now, but will be back in a few weeks to have gallbladder removed. The problem this weekend was a stone blocking the bile duct (took three days to pass...ouch) and causing me all the pain. There is still a bit of inflammation and discomfort, but I feel human again. My eyes were yellow last night and my wee was the colour of tizer...nice. Ultrasound today confirmed many more stones just waiting to try and make their escape. Blardy hell though; it fucking hurts!

But, I have a great weight loss programme...the gippy gallbladder starvation diet; I lost half a stone this weekend and I'm on an ultra low fat diet until the op. No fat, no gluten, no caffeine; my life is just so rock'n'roll!

Off to catch up

HI all

love to Daisy hope you are improving.x

V.busy here, havng lots of fun!

Dozy re the AK thing. DH and I are most firmly in charge in our house! Unconditional parenting is not permissive/letting the kids get away with things, that's not what it's about at all.
In fact at it's core it's about achieving good social skills, and cooperation.

Anyway, I think it would take too long to explain the ins and outs of it.
I also find the "How to Talk" books very useful and I just thought some other people might do too.

DS got a Glowing report from school last week, so we must be doing something right!

LB I hope you can find your way through this- it sounds like a lot of soul-searching is required.x

I know you are all right and he isn't as bad as he sounds. I need to do myself some serious thinking over the next few weeks and I promise I will stop banging on about it for a while

Welcome back daisy hope you feel better soon.

Londonboots got your request - I must say I was very confused how you managed! lol will link Monkey to you too

x-posts

You poor love, daisy. Take care.

Welcome back Daisy X

Take it easy, hope you have lots of help there with the little ones and DH taking good care of you. X

To chuck in my tuppenceworth; I can see the benefits of unconditional parenting. We tried rewards with DS and they worked, until he had the reward and then his eye was on the next prize and the one he had just got was instantly forgotten [hmm, so I can see the merit of encouragin them doing something for doing it well's sake and that's all. We try not to use bribery here very much any more, although it can work well just not as a cosh to get DS1 to behave. I might have a wee read of some of the AK stuff.

The How to talk books are great as well.

LB, I don't know what to suggest about your moral dilemma, but from what I've read on here I can see two different sides to your ex.....he has been a serial monogamist because he has been hankering after his soulmate (you) all this time and none of his exes quite add up to all that you are, or he has been a serial monogamist because that's the way he is and you'll end up as just another ex? Is it the thrill of the fact that he hasn't had you and you are forbidden fruit that his making him want you now? That probably wasn't much help, but like everyone here, I don't want to see you make a mistake, whatever you decide. Big Hugs. Your hair looks fab by the way. I am making an appointment for Saturday. I definately need cheering up.

Daisy glad to see you back and sorry for you if its any help a friend also had this op a few years ago she lost shi*e loads before and after and looks great now !! ( and she eats normally). Hoep the rest of the blighters stay put until you have had the op !

Daisy welcome back - we did miss you! My eyes are watering just thinking about what you have been through - was the pain worse than childbirth??

Well after last night's fun with DS1, things just got even better tonight For the first time in his life, DS1 decided to do a huge poo in the bath fgs! I had just got Sam out (thankfully) and was sat on the bathroom floor dressing him when DS1 suddenly said 'mummy what's that?' in quite an alarmed voice - I had a look and there were at least 5 bits of poo floating in the bath with some more coming out of his bottom - delightful!! As he isn't potty trained poor lad didn't have a clue and in his desperation to escape the floaters, he ended up falling over in the bath - it was quite funny but I was trying not to laugh. Of course DH is away this week and missing all the 'fun'

But he has gone to bed with only a minor protest tonight so last night must have worked!!

Hi all, been lurking for a few days without the time to post anything/comment on anything. Still not much time as it's half term, and am sooo tired.
Sometimes I get really stressed feeling myself pulled in so many directions. Obviously a lot of my time is taken up with M, and although DS1 and 2 have been FANTASTIC about M's arrival, so accepting and loving, I feel really bad at not spending as much time with them. They haven't commented, I just know that I don't do as much with them. And then when I do sit down to play a game or something with them when M is asleep, in the back of my mind I'm thinking " ooh, I could be starting on dinner, hoovering or whatever". My house is a mess and I have to confess I'm one of those people who get really stressed when the house is not just untidy, but unclean. I don't think any of the family including DH are feeling stressed, just me. I know this phase with M needing constant something doing to him will pass, but I wish there were more hours in the day for the others!!

Daisy welcome back, hope you're not too stressed about things, I hope you manage to take it easy
LB just wanting to echo others thoughts really. Just think really hard and long before you make any decision. It is such a life changing decision not just for you.

ladybuzz - I AGREE COMPLETELY WITH OBS AND MY DH SAYS THE SAME AS OBS DH "its bollocks". You are defending the guy as an outsider to his numerous relationships but I seriously think if you were in a relationship with him things would soon change. I truely hope that if you chose the friend that you were the 1 in a million where it works out. But one thing is certain THIS IS NOT FAIR ON YOUR DH. Whether you want to be with this other person or not, after honestly considering all the advice that has been given (especially from obs), it seems you DONT want to be with your DH. I hope whatever decision you make you are happy.

daisy - glad you are home and hope things sorted soon.
ruth - YOU THERE?

welcome back lacks. we missed you. sounds horrid. tizer wee. yuck. but i do love tizer, haven't had it for years though!

i love the how to talk book. is there more than one? it makes so much sense. is it unconditional parenting? maybe it was just that AK article but it did come across as a wee bit 'if you don't do it my way your kids won't be able to think for themselves'. i still think it's impossible not to convey your pleasure when they behave be that with a reward, verbal praise or just body language and tone of voice. i liked your eg. minxy, made it clearer and was helpful (like the 'how to talk' book, the examples are so useful)...but still, didn't your tone of voice convey the fact you were so pleased he put the shoes on? Isn't that a reward/ praise just not so tangible as a sweetie! (and better for your teeth ).

maybe i will learn more about this as time goes on. ds1 seems to be happy still to get his sweetie for weeing on the potty.

LB. FYI i am reading a marriage book! we sure need it too. anyway, only read 2 chapters but is making a lot of sense. it talks about the difference between falling in love and love. apparently the 'in love' feeling doesn't tend to last more than 2 years (once it is reciprocated). also said that 40% of first marriages end in divorce (this is US stats), 60% of second marriages and 75% of third marriages. thought that was an interesting stat, so it's not like people tend to get any wiser. what did your dad say about the whole thing? since he knows both the men and you very well...

Fudge I know exactly what you mean. DS says 'come and play trains with me mummmy' and I can hear a voice in my head saying..the hoovering needs doing.. I still haven't doen the online shop etc.

Feeding and nappy changing feels like a constant treadmill at times. But as you say, it's not a long phase, and we shouldn't wish it away.

Merry, I've got "How to Talk so Kids Will Learn" and "Siblings Without Rivalry". The authors have written a few other books as well.

Those marriage stats are pretty scary.

lol hana at using "How to talk" on colleagues

Glad to see you back daisy
lovely pics from the christening buzz , just wish you could be as happy as you look in the pics

cricri have sent you a FB message with the latest kidney news!!

hi to everyone

merry hello

Yes, I was very happy for him that he managed to put his shoes on- but he doesn't need to seek my approval by doing it- do you see what I'm getting at?

TBH the main thing I was happy with was that he was getting ready to go out after only being asked once.

It takes away the emotional fear of failure, so you can concentrate on solving problems.

I don't think it makes you less motivated to achieve things.

BTW, his motivation for putting shoes on at all is that he needs to put shoes on otherwise his feet will get wet/cold etc.- he can put on his wellies or his boots. So there's a reason there and an option- but either way we are going out when I say, and he knows he needs to put something on his feet or he'll go barefoot (and yes, I have called his bluff on the odd occaision). If he has a good try but needs help, he will get it.

Morning.
After what seemed like 3 hours of ironing, and believe me, it wasn't far off that, the house is also clean. Why ?
Becasue ds1 has a friend coming round for the day. Do you really think that a 5 yr old 'playdate' is going to notice the cleanliness of my house ? Why am I so bothered - nikenpoopy.
My sil is bringing a highchair for M tomorrow. So he too will be able to sit at the dining room table. I think he will like it.
Glad Daisy is home.
Glad Vbab agrees with me, and her dh agrees with my dh.
I am still looking at Buzz's dh and trying to see the Buzz Lightyear resemblance - ha ha.

LOL at Obs looking for the Buzz lightyear resemblence - apparently its the shape of his head????
He has strange mates, one gets called Tashy - he has no tash and never has had

Hope DS's friend appreciates your efforts!

Am reading with interest the unconditional parenting discussions, think I may look into this one further.DS1 loves a bribe treat but he too forgets very qickly once it has gone!

Interseting and a little scary stats Merry, I'm going to talk to my dad again on Sunday but so far he thinks I am mad and will never meet anyone as good as DH - I think i'm starting to see a pattern emerging here

Daisy hope you are feeling a little better today.

ceebee lol at DS1 in the bath- poor thing!

Hi to everyone else

Morning all,

Just bookmarking and then off to catch up - for some reason I have not been able to get to the puter all week. Not DH, just busybusybusy without seeming to have achieved anything

See you in a bit!

oh yes lacks, i remember seeing the 'sibling rivalry' in their list at the front of the book, and thinking i must buy it when i have another kid and have since forgotten all about it. i gave my how to talk so kids will listen book to my friend, so don't have it anymore. will have to buy both i think. but maybe should finish the marriage book first! . LOL hana at using on colleagues, i bet it works though!

i am always buying books and not reading them. LB the book i am reading is called 'the 5 love languages'. it basically says people speak different love languages, ie. what makes you feel loved is probably different from what makes your spouse feel loved. so you may think, "hey, i hoovered the house, and cooked him a nice meal and he didn't appreciate it." (this is called 'acts of service') but maybe what would make him feel loved is just for you to say, "you're such a great dad." (words of affirmation).

There is a kids version of this too, which is great, helps you figure out your kids love language and speak it to them. so important i think. my mum is very loving in her own way, but very different from me so i don't think i ever felt very loved. as i have grown up i have learned to see that she does really love me, but as a kid i just wanted her to emotionally engage with me, and when she didn't, i felt unloved.

ooops, crying baby...gotta go...

Blimey - didn't I miss a lot!

LBuzz, oh, big hugs and what a hard choice you have to make. I'm glad J's christening went well and the photos are gorgeous. Great-niece? I'm impressed! You look great on them too, no sign of the strain you were under. Re Tashy, maybe he is Natasha on Fridays?

I have to agree with others that the Other Man doesn't seem reliable - what's the guarantee that he would stick around? Is there a chance that the excitement and romance would crumble under a pile of nappies, washing up and contact visits? Also, you would be taking on his extended family as well as him joining yours - would you be ready for that? Sorry to nag, esp after not being here for the last few days, but I am worried for you. I have all my fingers and toes crossed.

Daisy, OW! You poor thing. No comfort at all that at least you know what it is when it's something as nasty as that. I hope you feel better really, really soon and that DH is looking after you.

Pinxy, the AK thing sounds really useful, but we tend towards the praise thing - I like the example about getting shoes on, though. DH has been telling Fin what a Good Boy he is for ages - it sounds like we've got a dog sometimes. It was v funny in the early weeks when Finbo would do a projectile poo across the room while having his nappy changed and all you could hear
was baby wailing and DH going "Good boy, Fin, good boy. That was a really big poo, wasn't it? Look how far you managed to get it! Good boy". I think DH was v underpraised.

On the subject of poo, lol at Ceebee's DS1. He must have been horrified, poor thing, as these objects just kept on mysteriously appearing. Poor love.

Gtg, realised am still in pjs and Fin is still napping. Oops.

Afternoon all - Am really enjoying the chat about different parenting techniques, but surely we all unconditionally love our children?

I don't think I am that clear on what conditional loving is - do you mean "Put your shoes on, as it will make mummy really happy". Ie making the child feel they have to please you? If so, I don't think i know anyone like that. I just hope I do as good a job with my brood as my parents did with us. They are my role models and I realise how lucky we were growing up with them. My dad in particular as he had a crap childhood and I think made him all the more determined to be outstanding as he knew what it was like to not feel loved.

I haven't read any parenting books apart from GF and the "what to expect" series. Mostly, I just wing it, basing my parenting techniques on what my parents did with a good dose of common sense. Pinky I wasn't implying in any way shape or form that you or your DH are not in charge in your household (far from it!) but that I feel that a large proportion of society has broken down due to parents not setting boundaries/rules/guidelines.

How do you feel about traditional schooling where sticker charts/rewards are common place?? I am not a fan of that I have to say as I much prefer my DC;s to do something for themselves rather than to please a teacher but what is the alternative to that? My DS is very competitive and really hates it when so and so has more smileys on his sticker chart. he then behaves (IMO) for the wrong reason (ie to get a sticker). Hence I don't do stickers at home but they do get pocket money on a saturday if they make their beds and generally behave. They get 3 warnings a week. If they use them up (bad manners, bad behaviour etc) then they know they won't get pocket money. I feel it encourages them to be good but also validate that by asking them how they feel etc etc or empathising if they are mean to someone etc

lacks are you feeling better? Sounds like the best diet ever, at least it has it's upside eh! whispers.....

ladybuzz how are you doing? I can't stop thinking about you either, and hope that whatever you decide to do makes you happy. I have to be honest here, I left my last boyfriend for DH, we were engaged and he was a very very good man, but I just knew that DH and I were destined. As I have said, it hasn't been easy, and we have had to work very hard to get to this happy place, but I just know that we are together for the right reasons. You must follow your heart with a good dose of your head as well. Perhaps, you and DH should have some couple councilling (sp)? If it wasn't for the other man, how would you feel about your DH??

we are having a super halfterm, lots of activites in the morning and then chilling from 1-3ish while Tiger sleeps, am going to take them to the flicks this afternoon although DS1 wants to go swimmning at the club. Also need haircuts and new school shoes so hopefully can fit it all in!!!

Hope everyone else is well and wenjoying half term!

DM x