The one where they put their best feet forward

[Soph73]

There you go Ellie

Scorpio- so sorry to hear it. I can't even think of any worlds of comfort, but at least the physical side is getting better.

Sal - I do suspect the guilt and doubt continues for a while. It's probably partly to do with working and having a baby - I always feel as if I'm failing at everything - I don't work as well as I used to, and I'm crap at being a mum too. But - for me anyway - the key seems to be just to ignore those voices and remember that you are doing the best you can for you and your baby, and that's all you can do. No one else would do it any better. I do think it gets easier too - after 1 year, some of the chronic fatigue passes, LO can do more and - well, last time anyway - I just felt I was coping much better. It's another of those milestones, and we are nearly there.

words - not worlds

Hello - yes! They came and took away the car and left a little pile of cash - woohoo!
It's very good timing, we have a boiler that needs some work and also a friend's wedding the weekend after this, so will come in very handy.
Sal, for the self-esteem thing, maybe you need to have re-think about what sort of standards you're setting yourself? Where is your image of how you "should be" as a mother, worker, working mother coming from? Are you measuring yourself against some non-existent/imaginary/media portrayal of the perfect working mother who swoops in from a high-powered job looking immaculate and smiling to self at memory of high-fives and congratulations from awed colleagues, picks up delightful child who gurgles happily, drinks a bottle of milk and sighs contentedly before falling silently into a deep sleep in pristine beige nursery. I do this sort of thing ALL THE TIME, in my mind all the other mummies I know live in pristine houses, get home from work on time to have meaningful time with their babies, cook fabulous meals, don't have to scrabble around in the mornings for something to wear etc. When I'm being reasonable I can accept that this is very likely not true, but it doesn't stop me from being miserable when I can't achieve it myself. Did I tell you my counsellor wrote to me when I was discharged saying "LadyBee has reached an understanding that she has a tendency towards perfectionism, and that this is not helpful in her role as a mother". Actually I don't think I'm a perfectist at all, but I do accept that I set very very high standards for myself both at work and at home, and if I used to be able to achieve some of them once, now I have to pick and choose and accept that 'good enough' is good enough the rest of the time.
Disclaimer: If anyone ever comes to my house, you will realise that my good enough is only slightly higher than 'call in the exterminators'.

Scorpio, I think "Even Mary Poppins was a mean old cow sometimes" needs to go for Quote of the Week.

VS, I got too scared to post on your naipolish thread , it seemed like some of them had pulled out the folding chairs and thermos and were waiting for their next victim. Still, I would hope if I were in your shoes that I'd be able to help DS with some comebacks. I think I'd want him to feel able to continue to wear what he wants, but also feel able to "fight back" (I don't mean physically) against teasing, so that he doesn't feel bad about being laughed at.
Don't we feel bad a being laughed at only if we can't turn it around or fight back or feel sorry for the person teasing? Am just thinking that if he could somehow say something that shows he's not bothered (bovvered), he might not feel so bad. They are little shits.

Am being very long here...will shutup now.

Sadly I think there is a place for answering back: I did it today in Ikea and felt proud of myself (incident like this: ds3 often walks swinging side to side but stable. Older bloke pushing a wheelchair assumes incorrectly that ds3 is ging to fallover in front of him and swerves, then calls me a cow; I say sorry he'sautistic; chap then calls me a fucking bitch.... so I yellstuff you and walk off). If you just accept allcomers it really does your self esteem no good and OK I am sure I am unreasonable some of the time but no way allof it!.I also try and do a rule that for every person I 'take on' I feed some kindness to another; e-mailng the boss of someone who has been nice to me or the boys, giving a few pence to someone short in Tesco, something like that. I don't think it's a bad rule to go by.

Sal- don't be fooled into thinking if you give up work the guilt will vanish! It just changes: am I putting too much onto DH; am I letting the boys down in my example to them; am I letting myself down in being happy to be limited; should I have done X or Y,more of this less of that..... it's bloody impossible! The way I see it once the finances are balanced you should do what works best for your family; the rest is irrelevant.

Scorpio- hugs. Give yourslef time sweetie,grieving take a long time and you mustn't expect it to just stop yet.

Exactly, I always feel worse when someone makes me feel shit if I don't say anything, than if I do. And I am really really bad at confrontational situations.

Peachy - people can be right shits, why on earth would he call you a cow & fucking bitch just because he had to swerve?! bloody hell. grrrrrr.

Think you are very brave (no, not for coping with DSs, for going to IKEA ..do you have Ikea Rules?)

Ikea Rules?????????

I love Ikea, there's one less than 10 min drive from my house, and sometimes we go just for the free coffee before it opens properly! Think it also helps with not buying piles of stuff that we don't need, because I know it's not far to pop back soon.

Yippee for Ikea - we've just had one open near us (but it's soo busy that I'm not going to think about going there with LO for a few weeks, til it's all calmed down a bit ).
Ellie & Soph - hope your LO's are feeling a bit better. L wouldn't drink, or eat, anything other than small bottles of milk. I think she had sore throat with it all, and tended to sleep quite a bit (regularly on me). She seems like such a different child now from just a week ago.
Must just air my views about a mother at nursery today. She walked through the gates into nursery with 2 DC and didn't shut the gate behind her. Now maybe you think I'm a bit silly, but I was stunned that anyone could do this when the sign clearly says to use ALL 3 latches! I'm just glad that she's the first ignorant mother I've come across there - I mean, how would she like it if her child was running about in the playground and someone left the gate open, allowing her child to run onto the road!!! Then after dropping off her older child off, she decided to 'inspect' the baby section, and when I said hello, she said 'oh, I'm just checking it out, my LO is still far too young to come here (bearing in mind her LO was older than mine!). What a !!!

errr...yes. Ikea Rules. Has saved our relationship many a time, we walk smugly past a couple arguing over whether they really need another bath mat and three cushion covers.

Rule 1. Each person may put whatever they want in the trolley.
Rule 2. Each person has three 'vetoes', and can take out something the other person has put in without needing to justify why they don't want it.
Rule 3. Each person has one 'wildcard', if your item is vetoed and you desperately want it, you can play your wildcard and the item stays BUT, you must pay for that item yourself in a separate transaction.

So far, we've never reached more than 1 veto each and no one's 'wildcarded', but knowing it's a possibility makes everyone feel happier.

Sorry, who called Peachy names?
Let me at him!!!!!
Peachy is my hero!

Peachy, what an idiot (not you of course, the man!)!!! Good thing you said something.

VS, not sure if you're around, but if so, how did today go at school? Was thinking of your ds all day.

Peachy, it's strangely reassuring that the guilt will stay whatever happens - makes me feel a little less guilty. I feel guilty for not hating the fact that I'm back to work (see, I'm doing it again - really I meant to say I feel guilty for liking being back at work most of the time, even though I miss Roelof of course).

Ladybee, wish I could have spoken to your counselor, as I'm exactly the same (something you would NOT think if you saw our place )! I know I have to accept I'm not able to do everything perfectly, but still hate every moment of it. At work I had to finish 12 days of (even normally very busy) work in 5 days. I got most of it done, but not everything. Even my boss said it was great. Yet I felt like a complete failure - I didn't finish it. Yes, most, but still not finished. I wish I could smack myself against the head. I have to change this about myself or I'm not going to be a nice person to be around.

Bumpkin, I'd have been really, really annoyed too. This isn't just inconsiderate, it's potentially very dangerous to the kids. Can't believe some people.

Oh yes, and Scorpio, your pink hairclips made me chuckle. I can just imagine little mr scorpio and mr vs running around, flashy blue nails and sparkly hair clips at the ready to scare off the bullies. Have to laugh at kids (yours, not the badly behaved, what to me sounds spoiled, nasty ones).

Weeeellll, Ikea. I have a love/hate relationship. Really I hate it, yet find myself drawn to it all the time. And I really can't help myself, always buys some or other pointless thingie. Talking of, I want to get around there sometime (told you so ) to buy some of that oil cloth for R to "paint" on.

My pre-rant of the moment: Mil coming over on Tuesday. Can't remember if I actually said in the end, but we fell out a bit when she was here last. Mainly because she insisted we cancel our nursery place, promised to look after him for 2/3 months, yet said it's too hard and left after about a week!!! I had to go and beg the nursery for the place back. She also went on about how I don't care for R if I work (technically I don't really have to, but it obviously makes our life a whole lot easier if I do). She said stuff like "you don't have a proper job,you're just a temp anyway" (I do contracts - a year at a time!!!) My all time favourite was when she insisted she was going to take R with her to SA as he'll be better off there, and I lost it and basically said over my dead body will someone take my child away from her. I suspect I couldn't bother to try and smile anymore...

Hey ho. Thought I'd warn you all in advance in case I moan a little next week!

Ooh, sorry for that really long one... I don't deal well with only talking to you guys once a day!

Just uploaded pics on flickr - R had his first double choc-chip cookie yesterday!!! He played with the bus tin, we forgot it had cookies in... When it went a little too quiet, we found him - eating the cookie, covered in choc, looking very pleased with himself! here are pics showing our shame.

Sal, honest to God that is not shame! That is being a perfect parenting!

Why on earth shoulddn't he ahve a choccy chipcookie Sal? LOL

Your MILsounds a nightmare, i wouldn't have had her in to stay-localB&B from now on.

I am an Ikea virgin.

Mimi had chocolat cookie the other day as i was eating the lot some and she wanted one. she loved it, lol

And this is why I love you all

Scorpio - what, you've never been to Ikea? As in never ever? I don't think I know anyone (well, until now that is) that haven't gone... Might still hate it, but if you're ever close to one, you have to pop in. It's one of these things you just have to do in life Then buy a tin (it's blue and round) of their "Anna" cookies. It's pretty, dainty and tastes nice, and it's cheap! I also always end up buying a lot of vanilla candles as it's cheap and I end up always having candles burning while I have a bath. (This is obv not Ikea's main stuff, but my favourites.)

I must live about 300 miles from one, really. Hardly worth it i think!

Great to have you around again btw. Didn't want to bug you, but missed you.

Feel abit like a fish out of water here again.

VS just so you'reaware there'ssomeone posting as alexanderpandasmum- confused me immensely!

Where are everyone? All loved up?

Talk to me.

Helloooooo.

Anybody???

Funniest thing I've ever seen happened today - for some reason R thought my dh throwing his arms in the air was hilarious. So it developed into some kind of game, dh lifting up his arms, later did an almost chicken-song impression. R laughed so much he literally fell over (was sitting). I helped him up, laughed, so he saw it was ok, then started laughing hysterically again. It was so funny - continued forever! I'm checking his room for banned substances...

we get into cycles of that too...it cracks me up to imagine someone walking past the window and seeing me and DP flinging our hands in the air 'hoorrraaayyyyy', then hearing DS giggle helplessly that he can make his parents make fools of themselves.

Loved up...hmmm...DP made me a wonderful icecream sundae with little lips sweeties on it (kisses ...aww)..we don't really do valentines so I think that was a nice touch.

Can anyone help me with breastfeeding pain here?

How romantic of your dp, Ladybee! I don't do the whole commercial flowers/meal thing (but mainly as I get annoyed at the stashed up flowers dying one day later and rubbish, rushed service over v'day), but love little things like this, makes it fun and very thoughtful.