Oct 2007: This little piggie ate lots of Christmas turkey.... all by themselves!

[alicet]

Thought this was appropriate given latest discussion and thought I would start a new thread before this expires!!!!

Hi all

Alice -you poor thing. I think your job is amazing and wonderful but it must be heartbreaking when things don't go to plan You did everything you could it's just such a shame something unexpected happened. I know I moan about Ollie's situation but I really do think you lovely Drs are marvelous and I am very grateful that you sepnt all those hours ( and hours and hours...) studying to to do the job you do. I think we expect so much from modern medicine (I know I do 'Ollie's not well, please make him better!!!) and the Drs who deliver it.

J20 - A difficult decision about nurseries...we have the same here as they aren't that good so I drive a stupid journey to take Henry back to where we used to live.
Dh is undertsnading but when petrol was expensive it really added to the cost.

Crochet - Glad M's on the mend xxxx

Inzi - am hoping your Grandad's a little better?

Dal - at the bank I thought they weren't allowed to do that anymore or is it a voluntry code that they can opt out of?? Money saving expert.com is a good site and I think there is seomthing about bank charges, excess bank charges and claiming them back on it. Have a look....

Floria - so at your friend, am thinking of you at this time xxxx

Steka - great news on the jobs!!! I would have a chat with dh and get his honest opinon as to what he thinks and would he would like you to do. The tell him the same. If he is worried about work and supporting you both then I think you do need to take the full time job but maybe under the 'I'll give it a go till the summer hoildays and see how it goes agreement. If it's awful and you don't like working full time then you can say to dh that you have tried and maybe work may have picked up for him by then. It's so tough though and I totally undertsnad you not wanting to go back to full time work but I think if it's a permenant contract (is it?) then that would be better than the temporary job under this climate. Sorry this sounds so direct I really don't mean it like that xxxxx

Ollie slept till 7am and was only woken by his R2-D2 alarm clock (we are all generally woken byt eh R2-D2 alarm clock that was bought for Oliver by his Godfather/uncle who has NO CHILDREN!!) He seems full of energy so that's fantastic. DH has taken him to the gym for a fottball session whilct dh swims/spas so I get some time with the wandering Henry.

I amy attack the house (it's a bomsite) but then hey, realstically I know I won't!!!

love to all
xxxx

I have namechanged as I logged on once at my dads and I think he may be able to access what I write and I don;t need him knowing this...

I opened facebook today and got this message;

'Dear abitshocked

You are my only form of contact regarding ?.This is a long shot but nevertheless i have to try! Anyway are you ?'s sister?. If so i would like to talk to you about our daughter E who is nearly 5years old now. If you are interested in getting to know us, please reply.

Thanks

Denise'

I have no idea who she is but my brother has been an alley cat in the past and we always joked that he had lots of children everywhere.

I sent back

'That's a bit of a shock to open on a Saturday morning!

I've not heard of you before... (not trying to be funny but as I said it is a bit if a shock)

Which ? are you referring too as there as 2 on facebook?'

My brother is married with 2 children but he's been with his wife for 4 years so this time frame does fit.

What would you do??

Well DH has done a uturn and says not to apply for the full time job after all. I am a bit worried he will use it against me in the future. I think having this lump in my breast made me think just how short life is and what my priorities are. For me it is is really important to be at home with DS. I didn't have children so someone else could raise them and I am not personally comfortable putting him in child care full time. The full time job would make me deeply unhappy as well as very stressed. Of course I might not even get it so I could be worrying about nothing. Application isn't due in for a couple of weeks so I have a bit more time to think.

Abitshocked - I don't blame you for that name! I really don't know what I would do. What you did I guess - try to get some more info.

Or maybe I am a totally selfish cow. Ugh - I hate this. Dh was pleased to hear about the temp work - at least I definitly have that - well once they sort out crb etc. I feel like I can't win whatever I do!

Glad to hear that Ollie has more energy today! I have loads to get done in the house too - I always do it seems!

Hi stefka - don't think you're being selfish at all! Just think maybe this is a means to an end in that when things pick up for dh you go back to part time or not working.

Oh good god my house is a mess!

Stefka hope you got some sleep last night. And good news that your dh is understanding where you are coming from. And I don't think he could use it against you - if he does remind him that he said he didn't want you to take it!

abitshocked omg I would have been shocked too! Hope you get to the bottom of it and keep us posted...

Floria hope you managed to have more sleep too. Adam did this with his teeth - he got 4 front ones then the upper left molar! He seemed to be teething but I couldn't see any - never thought to look at the back and when I saw it it explained a lot!!! Thinking of you and your friend at this tough time too....

Muppet I need to do some cleaning too but I am not in the right frame of mind today either. I think dh and I will do a big blitz tomorrow when the boys sleep = we need to get it back ship shape for viewings and it is a complete shit hole at the mo!!!

Thanks for all of your lovely supportive messages about work. Still keep thinking of it but I know it will get easier with time. And although some owuld say that this is the nature of my work - that things like this happen from time to time - I think if it didn't upset me I shouldn't be doing my job as you need a large amount of compassion and empathy to do it well. doesn't make it easier though...

We have had a lovely am - gone out to a centre for childrens books - its fab - 7 floors of different activities and always almost empty! The boys love it and they can run wild while dh and I chill a little which is always a bonus too! And its not outside which is bloody baltic! Anyway hope the rest of you are having good days and I'll catch you later xxx

Alice -sorry about the lady from work, how horrible for you, of course you know you did everything right, also, little consolation, i know, but should it ever happen to anyone else, you are more likely to pick up on it aren't you?

The fun area sounds fantastic! 7 floors, wow, wish i could go!

abitshocked-wow! how do you feel if it does turn out to be your brothers child? Personally i would want to get to know the child and my dcs to, but i suppose it depends on your db, how do you think he'll react?

stefka-don't be silly, whats selfish about wanting to stay with lo? Its time you can never get back, and if you are doing something that you don't really want to it will make you unhappy and in turn make dh and Dareh unhappy.

Muppet-glad Ollie has more energy today, seriously, bet your house isn't as bad as mine!

FT-grrr about bloody teething, I'll be so glad when all Shannons have come through, at the grand total of 3 at the moment

It's me with the shocking news. She's got back to me and apparently my brother knows about this daughter and they both have DNA proof. She knew lots of deatils you can't know from facebook -he lived with my other brother, the road they lived on and have mentioned my brothers wife and son. Also she knows one of my brothers very good friends.

Very very confused. She says she doesn't want money, isn't tryig to cause trouble but her daughter is now asking questions such as 'who is my dadday?' and she doesn't knoww aht to say. She says she'd like her daughter to meet her blood relatives...

Dh says leave well alone, that my brother can be volatile and that I will have to choose between my brother and neice.

hmmm Muppet-I wonder if this will be me in a few years with Shannon (unlikely as i don't ever want anything to do with the sperm donor or his family, but its not about me is it) so may be a little biased. Tbh if she hasn't contacted you until now, then its unlikely its about money, if your brother hasn't bothered then i have to say it is his loss, why should the little girl miss out on knowing her cousins because(as far as i can tell)effectively her biological father didn't want any contact? and also, why should you and your 2 boys miss out on knowing her....?

Can you speak to db about it without him getting defensive or kicking off? Is she coming accross as being an OK kind of woman? Have you seen a pic of the little girl? If not, aren't you too nosy to not!!?

I think its quite exciting actually

Hi Thanks for the support about my friend...she is still with us but the family have been told not to leave her (but they said that at 1pm yesterday

abitshocked; I would be too!!! I hope it is the other ???? that is the one she is after...(it would certainly keep life more simple)...hope you sort things out.

Stefka;glad dh has uturned about the full time job ...I see no harm in doing the interview, you dont have to accept the job if you get it.

I had to post today just to tell you; Alex has just had his first drama king style tantrum !! I wouldnt let him have my glass and he looked around, found himself a toy free area of carpet and threw himself dramatically to the floor screaming!!!! I couldn't have done better myself ( and I had years of training!!!) I think my laughter ruined the effect for him and he gave me dirty look before giggling himself ... good grief but this child is only 15 months old! what sort of a life is he going to lead me?

Oh FT-I knew i'd missed something, i'm so crap. So sorry about your friend I hope for a miracle for her and her family.

I actually lol at Alex doing that, Shannon does it quite a lot but doesn't bother looking for an empty space so quite often she bangs her head on a wall/door/toy when she does it, so actually ends up crying in pain rather than temper.

xposted again
muppet; If I were in your shoes I think a word with my brother would be my first port of call...find out why he doesnt want contact with his daughter (he might feel differently now he is an experienced father) and if he would object to you having contact.I hope it all works out ok. What a bombshell!!!

Just spoken to my brother and it turns out the ladt came to him 7 months after she had had the little girl. My SIL knows everything (she talked to me also) THANK GOD!!!! They went through solicitors and tried to settle amintenance £600 per month (I don't know if that's reasonable?) but she said she wanted more. She cut visits and would make arrangeents but not stick to them. (She sounds very much like my mother to be honest) My sil says when they come back to england if she contacts them demanding money my brother and sil will go for full custody as my Sil said 'I would rather have her out of the picture as much as possible as she drinks and is unstable'

Goodness me what a day it's been!

Floria so so sorry to hear about your friend. That must be so sad and difficult to deal with. I hope you are taking good care of yourself as you deal with it.

LOL @ tantrum stories. Dareh has had grumps but no major hissy fits as yet. I am sure they will come though.

muppet what a day indeed! Families eh. I wouldn't have known what to do in that situation. Sounds like you have better info on it now so it will be easier to handle.

J20 thank you so much for saying this - whats selfish about wanting to stay with lo? Its time you can never get back, and if you are doing something that you don't really want to it will make you unhappy and in turn make dh and Dareh unhappy.

I have been feeling rubbish all day today for not wanting to go for that job and that made me feel a lot better. Floria you are right - I might still go for it. I think I will call to see if they would consider job share.

Muppet - Anya's definitely right-handed - she always passes things to her right if you give them to her left iyswim. pmsl at Ollie's 'I'm not arguing - I'm telling you I think you're wrong'. It's a shame you didn't get any help from the doctor - don't know what to suggest except that you know Ollie better than anyone and I think you should follow your instincts. About your shocking news, bombshell indeed - at least you're not being put in a difficult position.

Inzi - big hugs to you hun. Hope your grandad is ok. And here's hoping Jane settles down soon ("just a phase!")

Alice - well done to Adam for walking. Love the image of him walking with Sam. Sorry about your patient - must be tough when that happens even if there's nothing you could have done.

(Just reading the consensus that all second babies seem to be more wilful. God help me then in the unlikely event that I have another....)

Dal - watched the first episode of Paul McKenna - thought oooh that's quite easy, but haven't actually started doing it yet . V+ box refused to record the last 3 episodes - maybe trying to tell me something - so will have to remember to watch them on catch-up tv. How did things go with your parents? About the bank charges - there's some really good advice here - may help (have just seen Stefka recommended too!)

Stefka - great news that some jobs are coming your way at last. Difficult about the full time one though - I can understand your reluctance - I certainly couldn't work fulltime and be away from Anya so much. Glad dh is pleased about the temp job.

Crochet - glad that rash has been diagnosed and is sorted.

FT - so sorry about your friend. Hugs to you and her family. Wow at Alex's tantrum - must have been funny.

Anya is getting more teeth - she has 2 molars through now plus 4 front teeth all on the top. Still only 2 front teeth on the bottom. She's a bit restless with it at night but not too bad at all - think we are getting away lightly .

Have tried to have a day not doing much except catching up with a few jobs (& mn posts!) ready for dh to go into hospital tomorrow (hopefully). Parents on standby for lots of babysitting!

Anya gave me kisses yesterday for the first time. Usually if I ask for a kiss she ignores me but last night at bedtime she kept launching her face at mine with her mouth open - very funny but very sweet.

Muppet; thank heavens you bro and sil have the situation in hand...makes it easier for you to know how you want to respond.£600 sounds a lot to me ...my sil gets just about that from her ex-h for 2 children!

oooh Dh just arriving home from his birthday pressie 4x4 driving experience ...must go...

WWAJC-fingers crossed for DHs op!

muppet-wow! I bet its a shock, can't believe you never knew, what a nightmare, guess she's in a different country, no idea about maintenance either, i don't get any from dd1s dad(long story, but basically i had to sign a waiver saying it would be too dangerous to myself and dd1 to follow up a maintenance request from him with proof) CSA have the details for Shannons SD but not heard anything since they rung to get them over year ago. What you going to do then? Ignore her?

Stefka-a job share would be ideal! glad i made you feel a bit better, i always worry i'm rubbish at being helpful or supportive on here, well, anytime really!

Looks like i'm staying in on my own with Shannon tonight, had a strained convo with Rich today but told him i don't want to see him until he has finished his last uni assignment as i'm sick of his motherpeople implying that me and the girls are the reason for him being late getting them in, as he used to be ahead of his work apparantly.

Muppet-just realised my post may have come accross as a bit judgemental, didn't mean it to honestly!!! I meant have you decided what you are going to do about the lady, as in have conversations with her on FB or tell her you don't want to get involved?

Hi J20 don't wprry I've had the same thoughts today too! She's actually in this country it's him who's in another. I feel I want to support my brother as he's my first priority and to have contact would mean choosing between them and I'm not prepared to do that. I think she's sent the same message to my dad so that should be interesting...

Muppet-i think its because i know Shannons SD lied about me to everyone over Shannon, probably ranging from i was lying about being pg, to her not being his..etc It makes me so mad when the pathetic creatures get away with it-obv this is not the case with your db, i wonder what your Dad is going to say!

Shannn has been extra cute today, she was playing with the rubbish bag in dd1s room do i told her it was 'dirty' then she started playing with mucky socks, so i told her they where'dirty' as well, next thing i know, she's brought me the rubbish bag, saying 'dirty, dirty' and she'd put all the mucking washing in it! Think i need to find a different word for different things! Then i taught her to put the washing in the basket, which she then put in the washer, closed the drawer after i had put the wash powder in, and pressed the button to turn it on, start em early i say!

hope everyone's having a nice day so far {and i hope DH is up now Stefka, lazy sod!}

J2O - wow at Shannon doing the washing for you (more or less!) Can't get Anya to be that helpful, although she does wipe down surfaces very well. She's obsessed with giving me things at the moment - toys, bits of food - and she's finally learnt to turn her push-along-trolly round corners (hurray!)

Well we are sitting here waiting for the hospital to ring. DH was supposed to go in for 2pm but the ward are still trying to sort beds out (humph emoticon) so we are poised at the end of a phone. DH is resigned to not going in again today - v frustrating as it's not just dh that has to rearrange plans, it's me and my parents too. Grrr.

Well done Anya for learning to steer! Even i can't do that, i'm always going into things! Grrrr, hope they manage to sort him one soon, so you can get it over and done with.

Ugh DH has been a total idiot today.

That is so cute about Shannon! Dareh just likes to pull things out of the washing machine mainly. He does sometimes take a cloth and pretend to clean with it though which is sweet.

He's not well today (and last night) - just got him to take a sleep thankfully.

What a carry on with the hospital. That must be so stressful for you both. I hope it gets sorted soon.

PROUD MUMMY ALERT!!!!!!!

My neighbour just dropped a letter through the door, DS1 is having a short story published!!!!!!!! This is the second time, 2 years ago he had a poem published..

I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!1

Wow!!! That is really something! He must have a real skill - what a great thing to achieve. I would be bursting with pride if that was my DS!