May 07: The one where SOH gets her tweed clothes and LG&T doesn't get any...

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have got DS' bug have been vomming and pooing for hours, I never get tummy bugs I have the constitution of an ox so am feeling rather woo is me.

PJ how was last night?

MrsJB did you flounce I thought RL had stolen you for a while. Lovely to have you back.

TMAM nice to see you too. Oh and secret santa wise I think last year I bought for mum2G.

SKY really gald oyu have dot somewhere with DD am sure once they come out her health will be a million times better.

I went to NCT refresher last night and the lovely teacher organised for a reflexologist to come and give us all a bit of toe squeeze. It was very interesting. I was telling her how I had had it done in Singapore when DP was workign out there and how painful it was she asked where it had hurt the most when I explained she asked had I been pregnant and I said yes but only just and she was telling me how dangerous it is to touch certain parts of the foot while in early pregnancy, as it can induce labour. Just shows what a determined chap A is that he went through all that and all the boozing etc I did in those first few wks. Makes me realise why he is quite so independent and determined now.

LG&T tis very true about the sleep thing with PJ. Wish I was a bit closer to give you hand in those situations sometimes I dont think its deliberate but DP/H's jsut dont see things like we do.

This is how it went:

She had her bath and a lovely play, and then had her bottle in my room, but I didn't switch the TV on or anything, just lay there shushing her while she drank it. I then took her to her cot and she started screaming. So after half an hour (I did keep checking on her), I let her have the rest of her bottle in our bedroom, and then took her back to her cot, where she went to sleep at 8.10pm. Time taken: 1.5 hours

She woke up at half ten, and got in our bed with us quite happily, then woke up at 12.15am and started her usual 'pointing at the door' routine. We listened to her scream and tried to calm her down, all the while gently telling her that she wasn't going downstairs, and that it was bedtime. We ended up putting her back in her cot after about half an hour. Every time I went in, she just screamed louder, so I was leaving her for five minute intervals, and then going in. After about an hour, M decided to 'man up', and went in to her. He told her to stop crying, and said that if she stopped crying, she could come and get in with mummy and go to sleep. She said she would, but then started again, so he took her back to her cot, then had the same conversation again. She then came back in and went to sleep at 1.35am. Time taken: 1 hour

She then had to be woken up by me at 7am.

I know it's not a huge victory, but for me, I wanted to break the habit of coming downstairs in the middle of the night, so I had that in mind as my goal. Which we managed to achieve. (I also managed to upset my mum as I text her at 1.15am and she is now not speaking to me, understandably. Think I just wanted some reassurance!)

So now I feel confident that tonight although we may have the same thing, I know that we can be strong and NOT come downstairs. Once that is cracked, it's on to staying in her cot all night.

I think I am suffering from a lack of confidence, probably due to the fact that I have let my mum be so involved, and asked such a lot of her in terms of support. I feel I need to justify myself to everyone, rather than doing what I feel is best for us all. My mum thinks she is helping, and god knows I've asked for it, but she says things like, 'I feel like I've got two children (i.e. me and L)'. Well no, you haven't, she's actually my daughter, and I would do well to remember that.

Sometimes I think because I am an only child, I feel a bit like I am bringing up L on behalf of the entire family, as everyone has such a vested interest, she's like the family celebrity! So maybe it's also time for me to man up. Take responsibility and do things MY WAY. And accept the fact that I am learning, and will make mistakes, but that there is no performance appraisal at the end of it!

Well done PJ, remember to stick with what you want L to do and carry on also remember it might not fix itself straight away you may well need to do this for a few weeks. But a few weeks of disturbed sleep and continued putting her back will in the long run make for much better sleep for you all.

Secret Santa last year? I bought for Mrs JB and SOH bought for me.

Thanks Jam - sorry you're feeling like poo.

Pink I am so proud. You achieved something huge last night, the realisation that you are able to do your parenting yourself, without the need for mum and you worked out your single goal for the night and stuck to it. Good job! Believe you me, we all make mistakes all the time, there is no room for perfect parenting, imagine how dull life would be if we were perfect smug mothers, what would we do with our time?

It's brilliant that dh contributed as well, L may respond better to his harsh-ish words in the middle of the night knowing he won't be such a push over as mama..

Are you feeling strong enough to continue on tonight? You can text me anytime after 3am for moral support

Jam, so sorry to hear you are feeling yucky Make sure you are getting enough fluids on board

Frankly LG&T it's a wonder you and dh don't have more rows. Imo you have the patience of saint. He is normally pretty hands on isn't he? He does do a nice casserole though doesn't he? I am coming up to that evil evil time again. Poor dh, thank goodness he is away all weekend, otherwise we may have ended up divorced by the end of it. Good luck with the midwife.

MrsJB, such a short flounce really

I need more secret santa participants otherwise it'll be dull dull dull. I shall add you in LG&T as I have your address. SOH can I add you in too???

Thanks TMAM - I am definitely going to continue tonight. No more Mr. Tumble. L definitely responded to M's tone of voice, I think she could tense that I might waiver, so was crying more for me.

I have just got an email from my mum, who is basically saying that she feels it is unfair that she has done so much, and M needs to start pulling his weight. She said she couldn't get back to sleep, and that it was ridiculous that she was expected to come round every night because M is always late home. I have mixed feelings about it, I know she is right, and maybe we have been too demanding of her, especially as she has L two days a week. However, M has a very responsible job, and works over an hour away, so it's impossible for him to get home at 5.30pm like my dad does! But, I see that this isn't my mum's problem. So I'll just have to do it myself! That's not me being arsy, btw, just accepting of the situation!

you really have a wonderful mother. It must be difficult for her to see you and M going through tough times, but it sounds like she is taking a step back and realises now that she also needs to set you free to enable you two to do things in your own way and find your solutions together, without her help.

Pink, hope you continue to build on last night. What jumped out at me was that your dh actually got out of bed and tried to help.

I agree with you TMAM. I think it's a break that we all need to make.

Elkie - it took an hour, but yes, he did man up in the end!

PJ although you may feel your mum is being harsh it is prob the right step. You are a very competent mother and you can do it yourself with or without M.

I know I can! It's just taken me 18 months to realise it!

Better 18 months than 5 years!

It's strangely empowering! Until L is sick in the middle of the night and I ring her hysterically begging for her to come round, that is...

Maybe we should move...

...back to Africa, then you will really be on your own apart from having a Margaret and an Elizabeth that is.

Yes move next door to me

Well done you, i am so pleased for you. M must feel great too knowing that he helped and it worked! Praise him like you would a 3 year old who manages a wee on the potty for the first time Sometimes it does need one parent to be the harsh talker. We take it in turns in this house depending on how crabby i am

Email your mum back or phone her later and say thank you. Thank you for all she has done and explain that you have realised that you can do this and she has put you in the right direction. Say i will not be calling you for help with A after work and i am ready to tackle this alone. She will be pleased that you are 'manning up' and that you have said thanks for all her help.

If you need to cry in the night or be reassured ask M. He is clearly up for it. I could weep with happiness for you.

I could just weep today though. You are right TMAM it is amazing we don't argue more, mostly it is fine. He si one of those people that needs constant reassurance and i am one of the crappest people at giving it. I think ww both know that though and just muddle on One day the children will be gone and we will sit in France drinking wine with some chooks around us stress free. We both live for that...

On the weeping issue i have no idea what is going on. It could be that i have seen the midwife and she has listed the potential risks of a home birth being a Grand Multip that i am and having had a section\third degree tear\shoulder dystocia etc... that she said there may not be a midwife to come out to me. That i need an emergency stand by if i do need to go in or that she will have to talk to the Supervisor of Midwives about me (red listed)

It could be that although the girl is head down she is curently measuring 36 weeks at 32....

Who knows

Ta for adding me to the list btw, i had SkyTV last year.

Oh and Pink i texted SOH but no response, have also FB her but nothing Hope she is just not online and that J has the phone.

Here is my dilemma from yesterday, opinions needed please.

Dd is confident and very assured, sometimes too much. She leads and others follow. On a Tuesday after school, she has swim squad training at school. It's not a three line whip but they are encouraged to train for the team. She hates it and asked me if she had to do it and I said I didn't think so but do it today and we can find out. So her friend's mum (and ds2's teacher) rings me in a fury and says that dd and her dd are sitting at the side of the pool 'playing truant', so I should come. I get there and vow to remain calm (difficult for me to do it has to be said) Dd claims she has a tummy ache (quite possibly true) and that she didn't ask her friend to sit out the swimming with her. Dd's friend told her mum that dd told her she would be sick if she swam because they had both been eating fruit salad. So now I feel bad because dd has mislead this other little girl who likes swimming and now the mummy will be even less pleased to let her come and play. She also has a ds in my ds2's class and my ds adores him. The mother thinks my ds makes her ds act all silly in that boy kind of way when they are together. Personally it wouldn't bother me two hoots if it were the opposite way around but my dc seem to be too much sometimes for her But they all love playing together... So should I stick with trying to make playdates or cut my losses and find them some other friends?

Good grief TMAM i am not sure i could be bothered with the faff tbh. Does she look snooty and cross when they children play? Not great for the children really if they go on a playdate there and the mother is all stroppy with them.

Phase out gently and find a new friend it just becomes unbearable otherwise is think. What a bugger.

I did what you suggested LG&T, and this is my mum's response:

Oh Jen you are making me cry now! Of course I don?t mind coming round whilst you have a shower! You know I would do anything for you, I would give my life for you or Lexie in a heartbeat!!! I just want you and Mark to pull together in the same way that dad and I did. Mark is a lovely person and you are a lovely little family and I want you to stand united against the world!!!

TMAM - agree with LG&T, phase it out, you will find new friends in a second.

excellent response then.Now this is a new chapter in your life and hers. You can both move on guilt free

Love a happy ending.

Me too. I actually feel quite empowered!

Raaaah!

OOh I feel minging got massive braxton hick's now aswell does anyone fancy coming round to look after the terrible twosome.

A has jsut thrown an almighty strop and I ended up getting into his bed with him to calm him down before he he fell asleep. See PJ I am from the mean mummy brigade and even I do things for a quiet life, occasionally.

TMAM stupid woman phase her out cant be doing with people like that.

LG&T I was measuring 37wks at my 32 wk check all normal now.

PJ bless your mum she is just trying to do her best as are you think you have all got your roles mixed up a little and hopefully now you can move onwards and upwards.

Off to bed for me now hoping for a restorative sleep.