June 07...........the one where they discover they have a mind of their own; and aren't afraid to use it

[LackaDAISYcal]

oops last thread got to big!

Daisy - I guess if the teacher is aware of the incident then the head is too. I would definitely report that sort of thing to my senior management. I did once have a child in my class (P1 so he wasn't yet 5) who exposed himself in class & would look at other boys in the toilet, try to touch them etc. It was quite clearly more than innocent childish curiousity. All I think you can do is reiterate to DS that he is in charge of his 'bits' & he must tell the teacher immediately if this boy tries to get him to do anything he doesn't want.

We've done that tallulah....after a fashion.

He still isn't really talking about it, more a case "you know that thing that happened in school that I'm not talking about", bless him.

He is getting to choose what we do tomorrow so looks like we are going fishing

Oh Daisy, that is . I don't know how to handle it, and I'm trying to think what I would do. What do you think the Head would do? This other boy has learned this behavior, so I think the school has a duty to the boy to look into it as they did with the first boy last year. The other boy is behaving inappropriately and is leading the behaviour so I think you could tell all concerned (the teacher and the Head) that they are not to be in the same reading groups, on the same worktable, sit together on the carpet etc. At least you can limit contact this way.

You don't seem to be angry with DS, which is good. Perhaps just reinforce that its not appropriate, and no one touches their 'bits'. Our saying here is "You can touch your own, but you don't touch anyone elses and they don't touch yours".

{{{{hugs for you Daisy}}}}} wish I could make a more useful suggestion.

We used to do the kidscape prog in schools here when I just started teaching. There was a great song to teach them. Went - my body's nobody's body but mine, you run your own body let me run mine. Or something. It seemed to get the message home that no one had the right to touch them in any way that they didn't like. I thought it was empowering, don't know why we don't use it anymore.

thanks for all the lovely words. We will mull it over this weekend and see where we go from here. DH was going to try and have a word with teacher on Monday, and tell her what DS said about the boy kicking open the toilet cubicle doors. I suppose the good thing is that it's another boy doing this from learnt behaviour, and nothing more sinister . I do feel for the other boy though; his behaviour is out of control a lot of the time and you can understand why really,and at the end of the day it isn;t really his fault. I hope the school are dealing with it though, for the boy's sake.

lol foxy...I tell him that I can't stop him from putting his hands down his own trousers; but I don't want to see it while we are eating our tea in front of the telly!

daisy . I so don't know what to say but I feel what you're going through (incident aside, although DS1 has/had a younger friend who I had concerns about - he is 8/9? and once got his bits out to play with in the street outside their house when we were walking home from school together. His DM was shocked at the time, but I was talking to her the other day and she thinks it's hilarious that her DS has a crush on a (male) teacher and talks about imagining him in lycra speedos, this was l pening while DS1 was getting bullied for being "gay",so my concerns were real rather than just prejudice iyswim). I get the impression from what you've said that DS knows what's right and wrong and is uncomfortable about it. I have to say despite my reservations about DS1s CAHMS referral and the associated stigma, just 4 hours of talking drivel to someone outside the family seemed to do him a world of good. I think if his teacher was concerned about your DS you would have been with the Head, I'm sure she will keep a close eye on the situation with the other child too. FB me any time. I SO know the feeling of wanting to take them away and wrap them in cotton wool. forever. no-one ever tells you it'll be this hard. I could cry when I think of DS1 coming home yesterday and telling me he liked school. For the first time ever. Even PE.

Sorry for that rambling

Hi everyone.

evn sorrier for badly spelled rambling that made no sense because of my fecking wireless keyboard. I think "happening" was the word it had trouble with. I think what I really meant was so long as you're there for him he'll cope ok. Is he close to his GPs? If DS1 wouldn't talk to us he would always talk to Granny, but that is my DM, maybe more difficult with DHs? (It would be here)

do not ever feel bad about blazing your guns in school for your DS (sorry Tbelle, no offence meant to teachers in general, just a couple of the ones DS1 had) ALso, don't go in to a meeting with the teacher in the last couple of weeks before you have Virgil. Send DH on his own. I spent half an hour in floods of tears while DH tried to sort out whatever it was

Evening all

Sorry I'm not around much, I've been working FT this week so not much time, but DH and I are currently not speaking so perfect opportunity really.

Sorry, have lurked a bit but mostly skimmed.

Daisy, fuck, I can't tell if this is a really big deal or not something to worry aout. But I think the most important thing either way is how DS feels about it, which appears to be pretty shit. Kids obviously do experiment and don't have the same boundaries we do, but if you DS is being coerced into this behaviour that's not right. No advice though except to say what norty said, try and start a thread on it.

Holly, what a shitter about you test. I took 4 tests and am now a very good driver and have never looked back. It's just very stressful taking the test, and it hangs around your next doesn't it?

Foxy, just want to say again that I am here if you need to talk about anything. You are so lovely and pretty hot IMO, you deserve the best.

Hi everyone else, hope you are all ok. Norty, T, daisy how are those little beans doing?

Things here are, well, as good as can be expected. DH is job searching. Ironically he left his job because he they wanted him to work FT and he didn't want to, so now I am working FT . Anyway, we are mid argument because he owes a certain amount of money from pre our relationship and he won't tell me how much. It's not as bad as it sounds. He hasn't spent on credit cards for years, we both put ourselves through uni, he never spends any money on himself, it all pay off his cards, but I just want to know so I have some sense of where we stand. He says that it's his debt, fair enough but looks like I am going to be paying the bills for the forseeable so I want to know. Well, I say paying the bills, I've spent this evening redoing our budget and I actually don't earn enough money to pay our bills, that's before we even worry about our credit cards. You know, it's not like we have ever been frivolous, we got married, that cost us about 4k incl honeymoon, yes we have 2 cars, one is my very first car and the other given to us. And we have a wii, which I bought using all my saved up birthday, christmas and bonus money. We haven't been about for years, don't go out don't go to the gym, are living on mince and pasta at the moment. What the fuck else can we do except sell all our possessions.

DD's christmas presents this year is going to be a buggy given to us by my SIL and a tape player and some tapes (which she will love to be fair) that I am buying from someone at work for £5. That's it. No-one is getting anything else, least of all me and DH.

This just fucking sucks and I have been at work all week and missed my baby. I just want to cry, I really do. Fucking TossCunts at DH's old job, it's all their fucking fault, this is our fucking lives they have fucked with, and it is fucking nothing to them. I don't care about any money we might get, I just want them screwed in court. Wankers! Sorry, I'm sorry, I don't want to bring you all down and everyone else has got shit going on. I just need to keep it together for DH, he feels bad enough already, and I am trying to stop whinging baout it in RL as they are all going to get sick of me. So it's all on you guys

thanks Ria . I did think of how you must've been feeling with all that was going on with DS1 last year and only now have an inkling of what it must've been like.

Fantastic news that he is enjoying school though

Daisy - Maybe DS will open up a bit more when you are out fishing. I think you need to know why he follwed this boy's lead when he was uncomfortable doing so i.e. does he like this boy & want to be friends so went along with it or is he scared of him/ being bullied by him & didn't know how to say no.

Bless DS1 Ria. You must be a very proud Mummy

Daisy, DS2 would gladly have his knob out the whole time. He is a Baby of Nature, for sure.

That's great about your DS liking his new school Ria

Good news Ria.

Bumper - don't know what to say to make you feel better. It just sucks.

bumper

have some {{{{hugs}}}}} and virtual chocolate and alcohol. It is such a shitty time of year for this to happen, but remember that DD will get presents from family and is young enough not to know what it's all about or feel deprived. I know that doesn't make you feel any better about things though, but there will be other, much easier Christmasses in the future for you as a family; I'm sure of that

I hope that doesn't sound patronising.

bumper.Again, I know where you're coming from here - FB me anytime. I can't offer any advice at all, sorry. Make the most of the time you have with DD when you're not at work. It is so unfair the way employers screw honest workers. It is good if DH can take them to court. Surely there is no way they could have treated him this way if he'd been a woman? How is his finding work going? Can he go to CAB for advice on what he owes? If he has been up-to-date with it until now they may be reasonable until he gets working again? (Occasionally I have issues like that with DH and it's not easy to deal with when they won't say, and then I end up in a spiral of irrational accusations etc)

good point tallulah, he often chats away about school when they are out. He is adamant he has said all he will on the subject though, so we won't push it.

Bumper,

you have every right to be REALLY FUCKING ANGRY

so you off-load here whenever you need.

It is shite. You work all week, miss your baby, and have to pay all the bills, which you still can't pay, despite working all bloody week.

Have you checked your benefit entitlements and make sure you are claiming everything you possibly can?

Let me know if you need anything - and I mean it, Lady.

I felt the way you feel about xmas with baggins birthday. We did DS1s second xmas purely from table top sales at toddler groups and charitys shope. He hasn't had as many presents since (and most of the stuff is still going strong). As daisy said DD will still get gifts from other people, and she won't really understand.
You sound to be coping well considering, you are taking all the steps you can to get through it (and not just crawling under the table and hoping it will go away as I would). We are always here for you, to listen or whatever. Hang in there. (and if you aren't giving your DH continuous grief about it you're doing better than me)

(also hope that wasn't patronising)

agree with foxy...make sure you are getitng all the tax credits you are entitled to and that DH is getting jobseekers allowance.

entitledto.co.uk

I love you guys, I really do, thanks.

The Christmas things is just me being self pitying, I know DD won't really care, anything I was going to buy was going to be second hand anyway as I know she won't care. In fact I was dead excited when I saw someone at work was selling a fisher price tape player, that was exactly what I was looking for, she will love it - gadgets, she is her father's daughter!

Anyway, DH has signed on but has to wait for an appointment with the job centre. Not sure what he will get in benefits as he left his job, but they may take the circumstances into account. I very much doubt our tax credits will change. Next month is bonus month at work fortunately (they give us an extra 1k [pro rata for me] to make up for the fact that they don't pay us as much as we could make in the private sector), that means for that month at least I can cover the bills, but hopefully DH will be in a job by then. He is looking, he has an interview on Thursday. It's just so stressful, I feel like this weight is pressing down on me. Poor DH feels so awful, guilty, let down, demoralised . The court process may take months. It's just the not knowing what's going to happen. The one good thing is that my work have been brilliant, and that even in a recession, I have complete job security. More than some people can say.

Sorry, I've done my moan now. How the hell are you all? I miss you guys. FT working sucks!

It's lucky you have a nice workplace bumper. There is nothing so demoralising as the job- finding process when you haven't got one (and some of the JC staff are "that phrase you so politely use from time to time"[wink) DH actually had a phonecall tonight from someone he's applied to to say that they aren't ignoring his call and they will be in touch on MOnday - that's the nicest thing that's happened for a while here.Good luck to him if I forget.

OMG - Al Murray has a tan - he reminds me more of FIL than ever

Bumper, that is just crap, don't know what to say other than echo everyone else about your entitlments.
Hope they are screwed in court, do you have any dates? I gues it will be a long process.

surely he can get something at least temporary over the festive period bumper? I noticed that lots of places are advertising for christmas staff at the minute. And these things can often lead onto other things.

check the benefits situation; you might be pleasantly surprised.

Arse about his debt that he won't divulge though. remind him that as you are married and you are officially next of kin, it will fall to you to repay it should anything happen to him anyway ; so he better cough up about it so you can get it sorted.

Baggins is in his own room with DS2 tonight

No dates or anything, DH is still putting the wheels in motion with the help of the union.

Ria, DH said that going to the JC was the most demoralising experience. Full of a bunch of blokes being mad to call up for jobs just so they could get their JSA. And when he went to the post office today (which happens to now be in the offending store ) it was giro day and full of blokes in the queue, swearing at each other. That is so not my DH , nor your Ria. Though they do need a nag every now and again