Oct 2007; This little piggie had loads of roast beef and ^This^ little piggie would have none of it!

[Dalrymps]

Psst over here!

I seem to have missed something - what is the ten word thing?

Just to clarify I don't actually have an interview yet. I hope to hear this week if I have made it to that stage. I think they were doing the short list today so should get a letter in a day or so. Will keep you posted!

Just had an awful chat with a close friend of mine. One of her friends went into labour last week, got to hospital to find there was no heart beat for the baby. She gave birth to a still born baby boys as he had the cord round his neck apparently each contraction squeezed it tighter. He was perfectly healthy in every way......

How on earth do you cope after that?

We are so lucky to have our babies although I do recognise that some of us have had loses. How can my friend help? If at all? She took round food on Sat (Seth was born on the friday morning) and her friend said that was a great help.

Stefka -the ten thing is something I asked you ladies to do. I am learning about identity at the mo and I was asked -Who am I? and had to think of 10 words to describe myself. I also needed to ask friends who know me but I thought it would be fun to ask you ladies who 'know' me but could very well walk past me in the street!!! (If that makes any sense at all ) When you take away expression, tone of voice and looks are you, in essence, the same person? I thought I'd included you but I think I must have missed you off -I'm still not good with technology Try it with you dh's/p's as it was an eye opener for us.

OMG muppet that is truely awful. Just doesn't bear thinking about.

I thin kyour friend is doing all she can. To provide practical help like food, taking out older dc if they have them, cleaning etc etc. And just letting them know that she is there for them if they want to talk / get angry / break down. So many people walk away in this situation because they are scared of making the situation worse and don't know what to say. My attitude is that you really can't make anything that terrible worse can you? They may not want to talk and they may want to be alone but texts / emails / phone messages etc to let them know she is thinking of them and is there when they need it will be much appreciated I am sure.

Of course Inzi or Floria will probably be better able to advise - I am just going on professional experience of what patients (and also friends) in tragic situations have told me.

Oh muppet I am so sorry about your friend. That is just awful, awful news. I think all you can do is be there for her. I can't imagine what she is going through right now. Just awful.

That is truly awful news muppet

I can only echo what has already been said. My mum had a full term stillborn boy before she had me, I can't imagine how bereft you would feel

I idin't get anything about the 10 word thing either, just in case you think I'm ignoring it

Inzi I am so sorry that you have suffered loss too. I can only imagine that it is something you never ever get over.

When I hear about the terrible things that people have had to deal with I feel ashamed of myself for not appreciating all that I have and for worrying about silly things.

Glad that knee feels a bit better!

Hi all

Thanks for your thoughts for my friends friend. I'll pass them on as she wants to help but doesn't know how to a desperately doesn't want to say or do the wrong thing. I totally agree with you Alice that she can't make them feel any worse than they already do as loosing your child is the worst thing I'm sure that can happen to anybody.

xxx

Inzi - Glad you;re feeling upbeat where are you going on your holiday? (I'm sure you've said I've just forgotten)

Alice - I live in a new box and hanker back to the falling down old things we used to live in!!! New builds are all new and clean but they do 'settle' after a couple of years which is when large cracks appear, gaps in skirting boards and things have a tendency to break when you're just out of your 2 year guarantee! Also I would treat a new house as you would any other, don't be bowled over by the new kitchen and new bathroom, you may not like it and will be ripping it out as soon as you get the keys...(we did the kitchen as it was really impractical) But on the good said the community is new so people are more likely to want to get to know their neighbours. We have lots of get togethers throughout the year and I've made some really good life long friends from living here.
Check out the size of the gardens too as they do tend to be much smaller with new builds (in our experience but areas do differ)

LLL - I am rubbish with technology!

I did my second installment of studying outside the house in the evebning last night! It's a closely organised thing but Henry goes to bed at 6pm Danii the lovely babysitter comes round at half 6. I go up to the gym (the adult area no less ) to study for 3 hrs. Chris comes home at 7.15 ish changes and then goes out for his session with Darren and he gets back at 8.30 when Danii goes home. Ollie loves Danii, I get to study, Chris still gets his PT session, jobs a gooden' -Perfect!

Love to all

xxx

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will be back later to chat xxxxxxxxx

Muppet; beyond words at your friends loss.I agree with Inzi about the numb stage where food is a good idea because shopping/cooking is the last thing on your mind (and shops are full of pg women and babies to twist the knife again) in my case knowing someone grieved with me would have been nice (dh hadn't got "on board" with the wanting to be a parent thing and admitted to a degree of relief when it was no longer imminent and my mother told me to be more pregmatic about these things) but, yes, being there for her, never expecting her to "get over it" (you don't, you just learn to live with the loss) once the numb stage is over is one positive thing to do. Remembering the little one, not trying to forget she ever existed just because she never breathed is important...dates will always be significant, it would be nice if someone else remembered them too. Mumsnets' "Eris's thread for bereaved Mummies" has moved on now but the original thread had some poems that really helped me. I found having a proper memorial service helped and since then I have heard that putting either a toy, a flower, a poem or a letter, a picture or a keepsake in the coffin helps lay to rest the dreams of the future that ends with a los life, something I wish I had done. Encourage her to write down how she feels even if she burns the pages later. And, though it is probably unnecessary, watch her...if she looks like she is sinking she is probably further under than you think and needs medical/ medicinal help...only the thought that I owed my Dh an explaination stopped me acting on the impulse to drive my car off a high level bridge shortly after losing Robyn...and if I had given in to that impulse, if I hadnt taken the help offered I wouldn't be planning my sons first birthday party now. Deepest, deepest sympathy to your friend.

Floria - I hope you don't mind but I copied your post and sent it to my friend. I think the idea of putting something in the coffin is a very lovely idea, something from 'mummy and daddy' so to speak. She said they are keeping very much to themselves at the moment, the curtains are drawn and she said they looked exhausted. She siad when she left that E said they were expecting the funeral director.....something this time last week they had never even contemplated. E was still pregnant this time last week
We are so, so lucky to have our little ones.

Speaking of which My little one rolled over and back and even got his knees up under his tummy!! I'm not holding out for crawling before his 1st birthday but I think he's finally getting the will to move.

tles- yeah! Looking forward to hearing from you xx

We are really so lucky.

Floria I am so sorry for your loss too. So disgusted at the comments you got from people who should have been supporting you 100%!

Muppet, copy whatever you like, anything to help. Well done H for starting to move

Stefka, when you are as raw as I was at that time the tiniest bit of a conversation that rankles, even if the rest of it was perfectly supportive, is the bit that sticks in your mind....losing Robyn brought dh into line with me on the parenting front so he was a more willing partner on the ttc front with Alex,(up until then he felt that my need for a child was greater than his lack of desire for one) he was just being honest at the time..it was just too honest for me just then..and Mum was trying to make me be happy with things as they were by dissuading me from trying and hurting so much yet again, now Alex is here he is the sun, moon and stars to her.

Now excuse me but I need a little rant...my mil is normally lovely but she has just been on the phone and....I told her last Saturday that on Alex's birthday on Friday I would be having a little party for the babies in his classes from 12-2, that I would be teaching from 3-5.30 (because Dh, her son, doesnt believe in taking birthdays off) and that family could come from 6pm, I would lay a buffet on for them and they could have a couple of hours with him before he went to bed...so she has just phoned to say that the nephews finish school at 3.30 and have beavers/cubs at 6.30 so she'll be bringing them down after school ..and just when is Alex supposed to have a nap? and just what am I supposed to do with my pupils? So I'm now daugher-in-law non grata because I said they could come at 5.30, no earlier...for expletives sake...we are leaving for a wedding in Scotland (Fife) at the crack of dawn on Saturday and left to Dh we would be going on Friday (the generous happy couple are paying for meals and rooms both Fri and Sat!)without giving the grandparents any chance of seeing Alex on his birthday! It is only me that said,no, we must stay home Friday for their sake....ggrrrrrr! Rant over....and breathe....

Hey Floria you are coming my way! Your Mil really doesn't seem to know much about babies does she.

Floria - for you at your MIL!! My MIL really wanted to take over Ollie's 1st birthday -due you think this could be the case with your MIL?
My friend emailed me today saying thank you for your words of advice about her friend. She said she's texted but heard nothing but she'll keep trying. As they are the preachers of their church and very popular/well known in the town I think they'll be bombarded with people phoning and ringing ect so I can totally understand they want to shut themselves away for a while.

love to all
I am off to make a car out of a cardboard box for Ollie
xxx

Ooh Stefka...I'd really love to see you in rl and I've been trying to think of a way to meet up, but our schedule is really tight, we are only just going to get to the church in time for a rehearsal (I'm singing for them) and of course the rest of the day is theirs and I have promised to meet my cousins and the newest member of the family (12 week old Alexander II)for lunch on Sunday in Glasgow (whatever happened to restful weekends?)so sadly, even if we are coming really close (Burntisland?)and you were free I don't think it would work this time ....perhaps another day...

Ah there was me hoping to get a singing lesson! I know how those weekends go - it's like that whenever I go home. I never manage to fit everyone in!

Evening all... DRUM ROLL..

Ben did 4 steps between DH and myself this evening, then he got all excited because we were clapping and cheering and he kept doing it for ages between us with a big grin on his face

On the downside, I think Sam might be feeling a bit neglected atm, he was stood at the kitchen sink tonight playing in the water and he weed himself in his brand new pyjamas. He has not wet himself since potty training 10 months ago He has been wanting lots and lots of cuddles lately too, which would be nice if he would keep still when you try to give him one hence more often than not we are telling him to get off as he drapes himself all over us whenever we sit down and I hate to say it but it is a bit annoying Methinks we need to give him some more attention, although I don't feel like I am neglecting him in any way but there must be something wrong for him to wet himself?

Muppet;I hope my words are of some help. As to mil...well...she's not the overbearing type, so not really trying to take over (thank heavens)she's just flakey and thoughtless at times and fixated with trying to get all her 3 grandsons together despite the fact that until just a few weeks ago the 4 yr old younger of the other two (who she can see no wrong in)utterly hated Alex with a passion, for usurping his position as the baby of the family and couldnt be trusted within 5 ft of Alex...she is still upset that I wouldnt let her have the two of them together on her own...I do feel a bit guilty that I denied her the "proud grandmother at the school gates collecting eldest grandchild with his younger brother in one hand and new born cousin in the pram" moment, but that would have required her having them in the back seat while she drove and who knows how many eyes/limbs Alex would have lost....she's well meaning but impractical and really wound me up yesterday

LLL; well done Ben!...awwww poor Sam, but water does sort of do that to boys doesnt it? It does sound like he is feeling a bit nose out of joint-ish with the over enthusiastic draping himself..perhaps an over enthusiastic cuddle back or frequent asking for cuddles from him could be a cure?

I have been showering him with cuddles and kisses today, we'll see how it goes

grrr lost you again, i must make more time for all you lovely ladies!

well done Ben and Jane for walking!!!
LLL maybe it was a one off with Sam, he could have been holding it in for too long, how about trying to keep grabbing him for a cuddle, you know how they get annoyed in the end maybe he'll calm down a bit then with the draping.

we've had a rough few weeks, teethnig, Shannon had a sore throat, dd1 was ill and i had bloody agonising toothache again, so was a seriously short fuse. seems to be getting better now though! oh, and we had the consultation about Shannons hips, and they're fine.

will try and read all the posts so i know whats going on...although i really need to mop the floor...will maybe try and get on later then!
love to all x

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX!

Wow, the first of our babies is one - how did that happen?

Mine - what a shock Eren's fall must have been. Glad that she's ok.

Inzi - shocked at the ambulance not coming, that's awful. OMG at Jane and Bah Bah Black Sheep - she is a genius!

Not had time to read other posts - hello to everybody

x

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX