Evening everyone
Need an early night before our trip tomorrow, but a converstion with SIL has just made me soooooo with MIL that I need to vent!
I'll start at the beginning.
The week of my grandad's funeral there was no room at my parent's house for me and G. They only have one spare room and my little bro had come home from Oz for 2 weeks.
ILs live 10 miles away in a huge detached house with 2 spare rooms and a sofabed in their music room. DH, G and I were due to stay there the night before the funeral (Monday) as they were minding G the next day. SIL, her dh and Eva were arriving on Wednesday and staying until the following Wednesday.
DH suggested I spend days with my parents,but stayed over with his folks as they have loads of room. He asked his mum if it would be ok and she ummed and aahed and basically said she thought spending so much time around George would be difficult for his sister, because she is still so stressed about Eva's health problems and her developmental delay.
I went up like a rocket when he told me this and said that he needed to ask his mum if his sister had said she had a problem or whether it was all in MILs head. I would never confront SIL if she had said something but it would be good to know to avoid future problems/awkwardness. We both suspected it was an invention of his mum's imagination as we spent a perfectly nice not very awkward at all week with them all in France in June. In fact the only people who had a problem were ILs who told George on the ferry that "because Eva is with us this week. sometimes we will have to ignore you" Mercifully at 14 months George was still too young to understand the utter crassness of this statement. When dh asked his mum she admitted his sis had not said a word about George making her feel uncomfotable.
So back to the funeral week dh spoke to MIL again and this time she said she wasn't keen because the babies would wake each other up during the night "like in France" They did not wake each other up in France I didn't sleep for a week because I bf a hot teething toddler all night every night so that he wouldn't disturb anyone! I then spoke to her explaining the lack of room at my parents, the fact that my dad was being a prize-winning pig and that I didn't plan to be around in daytimes much. Her answer "You can stay the night of the funeral aswell so that you don't have to rush back and we can put George to bed for you" (dh had to head back to Manchester after the service and reception). No mention at all about the rest of the week. So that is what we did stayed Monday and Tuesday and I made my bro sleep on the sofa at mam's for the rest of the week.
Bank holiday weekend (same week), we spent Sunday and Monday at the ILs, On Sunday some rellies from Switzerland, dh's grandad, SIL and Eva were there too for lunch. On BHM we went to a farm with SIL and Eva and had a lovely day. We talked about the progress Eva is making briefly and had a lovely day. At this point I should say that dh speaks regularly to his parents and sister, but because of his medical phobia tends not to probe too deep. I have had many long conversations with MIL about Eva and her problems, how SIL is coping etc.
Dh had a quick chat with his sister tonight and in the course of the conversation she said " You do know that Eva has cerebral palsy?" When DH said no she said she thought it odd he hedn't mentioned it in the couple of weeks since they found out and especially at the weekend. I am at ILs and baffled at their attitude. They struggle dto talk warmly about Eva for weeks after she was born. Now they are lovely with her but seem to struggle with the idea that she will have special needs. They adore George and rave on and on about how clever and strong he is, how well he picks things up and how dextrous he is. But surely rather than excluding him from spending time with his whole family they could just calm down on the praise a bit in front of SIL. I feel that if they insist on keeping us apart in future it will ultimately be their loss and them that will be missing out on seeing their grandchildren together. G and E are lovely together, she smile and squeals and giggles at him amd he kisses her and brings her toys.
Anyway rant over. It helps that I didn't say any of this (well not much of it) to Dh.
Will be back on when we get back from Switzerland at the weekend.