April 2008 - the one where Scorpio and Millie show us all the 'through the night' trick

[Scampmum]

Sorry if someone else has already started one - couldn't find it!

Much better night last night, maybe due to gripe water?

How late do you all stay up? I can't keep my eyes open past 10pm at the moment.

Didn't have to ignore DD2 last night as she went from 8 till 6.30.

Hurray for denny's DD! I knew I was right to be cautious about mine, she obviously slept too much yesterday and was somewhat wakeful last night. Not too hairy though and no crying.

I AM CROSS

Just warning you to prepare for a rant if you want to skip the next bit, fine.

Bear in mind I do ALL the night feeds and basically everything for Molly. Before he was poorly DP used to do the night feeds on sat to give me a break. (Though he used to moan lots and bang around and wake me up, but that's another story). This morning, after a difficult night, I am awoken by him bringing her to bed for a cuddle. Fine. But then I (who am half asleep and knackered) say, she needs a nappy change and a feed. The change needs to be done first or she pukes up if do it with a full tummy.

He ignores me. It's like I haven't spoken.

I say, I think she needs a nappy change Rob.

Again, nowt. So i get up and change her nappy, which is full of poo. Lovely.

He says, 'I'll go and get her bottle' - which is good. Comes back and says 'Shall I make a cup of tea for us' I say oh right I thought you were going to feed her, and he says he can if I make tea, but in that special way which makes it clear that he doesn't want to.

So I do the feed. I ask him about on sat nights when he is back fighting fit if he could do bedtime routine as part of the deal of night feeds. He makes a fuss and basically refuses. And then he says 'You are a bit resentful cos you don't think I pull my weight with the baby do you?' And i say, very mildly (head was going 'DAMN F'ING RIGHT I'M RESENTFUL YOU LAZY ARSE')'Well I think you could do a bit more' And explain that do not expect him to do much as my time off work is to do the baby stuff, but that he it seems to be that I am now doing EVERYTHING, which isn't really fair.

Que him not saying anything for next 2 hours in a special 'I'm fine I'm just being quiet' way and me ending up apologising for upsetting him.

So I got baby back off to sleep and have buggered off downstairs to MN. Hope she wakes up and poos all over him.

Sorry for it being so long. Needed to rant.

Oh and thanks VS, that means a lot. I am very angry about what happened, feel that something that should have been very precious was taken away from me IYSWIM? Have not decided what to do. I have told the health visitor about my feelings but I think I would like to give some feedback to the service to perhaps help them improve the advice and support they give women. Not sure how best to do this but I will think on.

Oh I have just read Evenstar's thread so sad I feel bad about moaning am going to go and give my slightly useless but very lovable DP a big hug

ellie you fought to BF, why on earth should you feel guilty? Was your hospital a baby fiendly accredited one do you know? If so there are some fairly big axes you can wield. Do remember that if you have another child there's no reason you cannot BF. Bas is my first exclusively BF baby, it gradually got longer with each one, Harold was 16 months mixed feeds, Stirling 4 months and Samuel a few weeks.

Dh just bought tickets for the Glastonbury Extravaganza- yay! more practical than a festival with bas I think. Apparenlty its The Feeling (DH loves them) and Kate nash (oh dear- not my cup of tea LOL)- last time we went it was Van Morrison. The kids will love it too.

Off to the roman day today. We live in avillage with an amphitheatre (dont wel all LOL?) and they hosta Roman Wekend every year, with gladiator fights and a kids legion etc. have to make picnic in a mo.

Maybe you could get something about pulling his weight written into your wedding vows next month...?

Doesn't sound as though you had anything to apologise for. And I do think you need to sort this between you sooner rather than later, as otherwise it's not going to get any better (e.g. even when you go back to work you'll still be doing everything).

Ellie- please don't apologise next time. I read somewhere that what happens in a the first 10 weeks of parenthood sets the tone for the rest of it, once you're back (if?) at work you will need him to pull his weight. He'sa cting like a poilt child and you wuldn't let a spoilt child get away with it/

its the opposite here- as bas will not take a bottle of any kind, DH is feeling rather left out, he said of we had been planning on another he'd have wanted me to FF (wouldnt have happened LOL). bas won't settle with anyone bar me, DH lucky to get 2 minutes a day tbh of cuddles.

Denny, that's brilliant!
We put Ben down in his basket downstairs with us at 8:30 and he slept beautifully..so now I know he can do it, just have to get him feeling a bit better about being by himself. I wonder if he likes the noise if he rouses for that sleep. He's perfectly happy in a quiet-ish dark-ish room for his daytime naps.
I like the idea of sitting there with a book though, it sounds lovely Ellie I really miss reading and that might be the perfect slot to get back into it. It's one sleep association I wouldn't mind him forming
Ellie I hope you didn't go to bed feeling miserable about the BFing after your last post. Do you think you would try restarting? I expect it could be a bit of an emotional can-of-worms if it didn't work out, but if you felt you could cope with that possibility I'd go for it, just imagine if you were successful - it would be so amazing!
We had a lovely day yesterday. Attended a baby CPR course organised by one of my antenatal group, which was a bit traumatic having to imagine the situations and practice the responses on little baby dolls the exact shape & size of our real babies. And then on to a garden bar in a pub - 8 babies, buggies and all. It was good fun, if a bit chaotic.

Ellie don't appoligise for ranting thats what were here for surely. Now I'm not going to make any excuses for your DP but some men just don't do babies well, if he can't/won't help with Molly at the moment he should be doing other things to help out - cook dinner/hoover/clean bathroom etc. My DH is fine with kids once they are mobile but really dosen't do much at the baby stage (he will obviously talk to her etc and bath her when she's plonked in his bath) but he does cook a mean dinner so if he's in he had to cook. Oh and just to re-iterate what the others have said you def don't need to feel guilty about breast feeding, u had crap support at a time when u most needed it.

Peachy enjoy your Roman day, very educational, and yeah to DH for getting the tickets to the extravaganza. Can I come live in your house you always seem to have lots of stuff planned.

Ladybee, glad Ben settling a bit more in his moses basket.

Sal, ignore my ramblings, I had a few drinks and just reading it back realised it doesn't make much sense!!

Basically, yes, it is better for R to have a breastfeed instead of formula if you can do it.

Good morning everyone.

VS, thanks very much! Sorry to be using you as my "on-call-advisor" every time I need some help, it's just that I know you know what you're talking about!

DH & inlaws went out early this morning in search of a car boot sale (DH's favourite thing in the world - I will have to kill him if he brings back loads of rubbish, as we can hardly move as it is at the moment!) I suspect he was a Womble in a previous life, lol.

Ellie, fingers crossed that the required poo explosion happened over DH - hehehe, sometimes it's just something "small" needed to make them realise exactly how much you cope with! ;-)

UPDATE: "D"H just came back with a half-a-metre remote control Dalek. I give up!

Sal. Now surely a remote control Dalek is just the thing your house was lacking.

Oddly, we are currently watching the Dr Who episode recorded on V+

sal we had one of them, don't wory- they break really quickly LOL

That's a relief! Ever since we found out we're having a boy DH has of course used it as an excuse to buy everything he really wanted!!! Because of course a three-month-old needs a Star Wars some-or-other bomber, Daleks etc etc etc!

Hey all, thanks for nice messages re ranting and bf

Got my own back, left him with the little one for ages upstairs and he had no choice but to do things. Later we had A Chat where he apologised for (his words) 'being a grumpy bastard' - to which I didn't say Oh no you weren't but said, that's OK but I would still like you to do more. And he said he's still feeling quite wobbly about the heart attack thing and that he was a bit down about it all and we agreed he would talk to me when this happen and not go off in a queeny strop.

Oh my goodness he's hanging out the washing. Unasked!

Cor.

How was the roman day peachy? We nearly went to a 'Family Day' concert but realised it consisted of some pan pipes and an Elvis tribute and the tickets were £10 a pop. So we went for a walk and an ice cream instead.

Sal two can play at that game - why not buy your lad a new handbag you can tell your DH you want to introduce both gendered stuff and then you can have it.

'pan pipes and an Elvis tribute '- class!
doubly flad we're not far from glasto now LOL

roman day was good, violent ass ever (I look away during the re-enactments) but the boys and dh like it. I suspect my boys attend the only uk school where they cant use the field because its a roman barracks and overlooks the excavated part lol.

Sounds great. We have a fair few German bunkers but nowt Roman, don't think we were important enough back then!

He still didn't do anything this evening 'cept sit on his bum and watch tv and I Had Enough and went upstairs with Mol in a Big Strop myself and he came in and I cried lots because I was tired and I had to do everything with Mol cos he has no patience with her and doesn't enjoy doing Molly stuff. Which I said I didn't mind but I objected to doing all the chores too. And now he feels very guilty and is being all sweet and I came down after settling her and he has watered the plants and made a cuppa. I hate arguing but sometimes is best to get it all out I think. I am a bit grumpy though I think.

Is anyone else having trouble losing weight? I am still 2 stone heavier than I was pre-pg and although I am eating very healthily it ain't shifting. I am trying to walk lots but I guess is just not enough exercise. Think I may need to go to the gym. Damn.

Ah, Ellie, now that handbag plan... that sounds just perfect!!! Not because I want to of course, but because I care.

Ladybee, we just finished watching the Dr Who recording as well, and I've now kind of calmed down. But I really wish he would sometimes consider the complete lack of space before he brings stuff back...

Peachy and Ellie, sounds like you had fun days out(phew, close cut with Elvis there, Ellie!) We didn't really do much - as you now know from my whining, I skipped out on the rubbish collecting car boot sale and had a lie-in with Roelof. It was really nice and they're just sooooo beautiful, aren't they?!

I haven't lost any weight either I think (well, except for the actual baby of course!), but suspect that might just be because I've been devouring boxes of chocolates... at a time. I'm going to try out one of those Pushy Mothers classes Peachy linked to on Wednesday. I guess you could do all these things on your own, but I need a bit of "guilt" pressure as I'm too lazy on my own.

OH.
Fuck.
I can't do this.
I'm too old.
I'm falling apart.
I drank way too much yesterday.

hi VS - I had a day like that last Sunday where I decided I was too tired and couldnt do it any more. Without added complications of hangover and more than one child! Hope you ok. Hair of the dog?

There is a bottle of whisky in the cupboard.
I am so tempted to down a few shots and fuck off back to bed.
But I have to be A Responsible Adult

That's how I felt yesterday, VS. I decided it was worth it though!

We had a good weekend, and I am chirpier now. Didn't get the time on my own, but we had friends here and that was lovely. DH took dd1 sailing, (while I did Sainsburys, recycling, washing etc - annoying and tedious but at least I Achieved Stuff.)

DD1 a bit poorly today, so I will have to miss my only baby group of the week.

Well done for achieving sagitta, is always nice feeling.

I am still in my nightie feeling bit like you I think VS. Up half the night with DD who kept spiting her dummy out then crying and being overtired. Wanted to chuck her out the window by the end. Then DP talked about how he 'needed more rest' Grrrr. Light the blue touch paper.....

We are OK now but I can't be bothered to do anything much today. Am going to get dressed I think. And maybe have a cup of tea. Then the world will be brighter. Hugs to you VS, will all be OK lady x

VS be a responsible adult who makes the sensible decision to only do the minimum you can get away with today..have bacon roll and spend as much time as possible with trashy mag on the sofa.

God it's good to know you guys are out there having exactly the same probs! We had a lovely weekend and I was feeling much better, but 'D' H threw his toys out of the pram last night and was being really ridiculous. I can't shake the feeling sometimes that we only get on well when I'm in a fit state to give him everything he wants (free pass to barbecue till 1 on Sat, lie-in till 10 on Sun). He did washing (not sorting of it, though, that huge mountain was left for me) and some cooking (every pan in house, washing up left for me, naturally) but did bgger off to the shops yesterday immediately after his lie-in without saying goodbye or taking DD1 which we had agreed he would do! Honestly, his selective hearing is worse than DD1's. He did apologise this morning for being a c** last night so it's all blown over but I slept even worse than I could have done given feeds at 10.30, 2.45, 5.20 and 7.30 (and barely any settling between 2.45 and 5.20) because I was so wound up about him saying e.g. 'I thought you had caught up on sleep, wasn't that what the maternity nurse was for?'. Er, yes, because five less broken nights (ONE of which was 8 hours which is, by the way, what he got last night and then claimed he felt 'too tired to go to work') instantly cancels out two months of f-ck all .

Ladybee - I know what you mean, I just finished book I started in Jan!! Don't have the concentration whilst pregnant. Am trying to be 'back into reading' now, can manage while bf (only with my silly cushion, though), can you?

Sagitta - glad all is better. Those 'achieving' days are great when they happen (once a month or so for me ).

We are thinking of going to Bestival if we can get tickets, just the two of us.

I had a hangover on Sat - forgot how grim they are but it was also strangely satisfying.

DD2 has done the sudden speedup of feeding - she only ever has one boob now and gets really cross if I try and give her more when she's finished! Because DH has not done the night feed for a couple of nights and my boobs are so full, I am getting ridiculous stores of milk in the freezer - 54oz I think! Time to plan some nights out.

Ellie - my weight coming off really slowly but has accelerated. Realised wasn't drinking enough water and that may have helped. Now make sure I drink a pint every morning before my coffee and that seems to set me up for drinking more throughout the day. Also helps my mood as I am very visibly more grumpy when dehydrated.