OK, some practical suggestions for Pink.
How about something like the "No Cry Sleep Solution"? I've seen a book called that. I think it's something that will take quite a few weeks to achieve, but committing a few weeks to "no cry" sleep training could really help here. If DH would agree to the cost, there are baby sleep counsellors. Marslady knows someone and I'm pretty sure you can get advice on the phone. The Baby Moon Sleep Counselling. TBH, I can't see it being prohibitively expensive.
It's not "your fault" about her not sleeping. You've never been a parent before, and even if you had, this baby might be different to your others. Along the lines of what SOH said in her earlier post, it is actually difficult for men to understand what goes on in a woman's head in these situations. It's a generalisation, but men can be brutal with our emotions sometimes as well and not in touch with their own, so what they say can be really damaging to us, without them even realising they've been hurtful or cruel.
Your attitude to money may never change, but his won't either. You BOTH need to compromise here, but he needs to understand that by you suggesting you have an allowance is a really big deal for you. If he's that bothered about what you spend on groceries, how about he does the shopping online at Asda or Tesco once a week or fortnight? If you have a freezer, he can fill it with all the cheap bread he likes!
DH is careful with money and I am not. Since I don't work now, it's a given that I will not take the piss on the joint account or his credit card buying stuff for myself. I don't have to ask if I can buy things, but I wouldn't go shopping in Karen Millen like I used to, without "mentioning" it to him to give him a chance to say, "Actually, we're a bit tight this month." (Though he can be lovely and say, "Go for it, you deserve a treat." Likewise, I wouldn't go off buying unnecessary incidentals for the house this month, having just forked out the best part of two grand getting the cars repaired. It's taken us four years to get to here though!
When we were working, we found what worked best was as follows.
Both salaries paid directly into joint account.
Each remove a set amount (by standing order) from joint account to personal account for incidentals. We worked out this based on things like what DH was likely to spend on going out and what I liked to spend on clothes each month, credit card repayments, what we each donated to charities and so on. It wasn't an equal amount, as it happened, but it didn't need to be. It was "enough".
ALL household expenditure came out of joint account. Mortgage, bills, children's clothes and other costs, groceries, petrol, car maintenance and so on. This expenditure was on the joint debit cards always, so that it was transparent.
I wouldn't (and still don't) agree to any extraordinary payments or costs without checking with DH first. Like I wouldn't just get the car fixed without discussing with DH what it was going to cost. I wouldn't buy a new buggy for A without mentioning it to him, although he just assumes that I won't go mad buying clothes she doesn't need.
Anyway, what I'm getting at is that we've found a way to deal with the fact that when I say "how much can we afford to spend on redecorating?" he will always say "NOTHING! We are up to our ears in debt, we don't need to redecorate!" And I now know that if I have already worked out that the paint will cost x and that I've seen things in IKEA for x, that he will then calm down and realise I'm not talking about spunking a grand on random stuff, I'm talking about spending £200 doing up his daughter's room. He used to dread me traipsing in with armfuls of bags from Oasis and then when he realised that me shopping on a monthly basis for clothes in Oasis was probably equal to him shopping twice a year in Selfridges. I do have a bad attitude to money and had a lot of debt I could never afford to pay back when I met him, but he had a REALLY bad attitude TO my attitude. It's taken a long time, but I've been very careful to discuss things with him and not try to hide my spending and he's relenting. He also realised that it's a lot easier for me to deal with money, now that I actually have some. "Attitude to money" is sort of pie in the sky when you live on about £80 a week... I find it really irritating not being able to just spend when it feels like we're quite wealthy (in comparison to how I used to live I mean), but the bottom line is that he's the one with the best interests of the family on his mind - not what he's just seen in Glamour Magazine.
By the way - I have learned to accept, that I will ALWAYS be mortified when DH wants to do things like take home unfinished bottles of wine from a restaurant and will think in my head, "Tight git, how MORTIFYING!" and DH will always think that I am stupid to be embarrassed about not wanting to waste half a bottle of expensive wine. However, I bite my tongue these days and don't roll my eyes and he saves my blushes and doesn't bother doing it much any more unless he's really pushed the boat out on the wine and we don't have time to finish it. It works out in the end.
Sorry about this post being so rambling!