May 2007 babies. Shoes needed? Surely not...

[largeginandtonic]

Here we go ladies.

Come on Jam, don't leave us this way!

Orgasm day, ORGASM day, flippin eck i had better feel better by then.

SOH any more names for me then? Quite like the ones so far.

My little ball of rage (Jonah) is currently raging on the couch, i have no idea why. Friday blues? Honestly for such a (normally) quite reserved kid he really does go bonkers sometimes

Hugo has escaped, i am not even looking for him. I promised sweets when we get Phin from netball club so i know he will come home

JAM?!!!!

right God he will kill me if he has a look at mumsnet today, babes if you read this sorry they made me.

I woke up one night thinking there was an earthquake, only to find DP and his hand doing some ahem extra curricular activity. Shocked and horrified that my DP would do this I asked him WTF are you doing no response. It was at this moment I realised he was asleep!!

He then started muttering about shredders and shredding paper while wanking tickling his manhood with such ferocity I thought there was going to be one of those porn movie style comings, obviously not that I have seen any porn just what I have read about on mumsnet. . He carried on honestly I thought his willie was gong to fall off then suddenly shouted SHREDDER and turned over and started snooring again.

All I can assume is we dont use enough stationary in our sex life!

ROFL

Oh Jam's DP, if you read this, that's the best laugh I've had in years. He must have been sore in the morning.

apparantly he remembered none of this in the morning.

PMSL, ROFL, and trying to figure out how a shredder plays into it.

Oh....my...god...cant breathe....gasp...so... funny...

May have just wet my pants

Oh yes MrJam i know exactly what i am saying to you when we meet. I am bringing a shredder as a present sod the bottle of wine

guffaws..

I will never look at a shredder in the same way again.

Yes, laugh away but Jam I think you should be a little bit more sensitive. Clearly Mr Jam is repressing deep needs that he hasn't felt able to share with you. I'm sure on one level that he doesn't remember the dream but probe a little deeper, let him know that his desires are normal and perhaps this can be a mutually fulfilling fantasy. You don't have to go straight in with a shredder. Perhaps a stapler and a hole punch first. Show willing, accept his fantasies. It's your duty as MrsJam.

Not sure I can suggest more baby names on the same post as paper clip porn.

Send Jonah up here. I do so love him.

Remember the 'shark porn' in friends Jam??? See how far Monica was willing to go, it's your duty

He has calmed down now, does make me laugh. Oh no hang on the rage is buliding. His zip wont do it

SOH I now regularly dress up in a WHSMITH uniform.

Jam maybe you should go on a hot date to your nearest office supply store.

MrLG&T I am guessing using reverse psychology wants you to run him down, mock him and once you've broken his spirit, spit a cursory 'Man up' at him and stalk off in your stilettos (they all want bloody stilettos).

I'd be struggling not to laugh at Jonah's sweetness. He's so earnest and disappointed in his own hands sometimes. He's a tortured soul I think.

Do you have a namebadge on your tabard Jam? Is it MrsWhiplash? Do you talk about 'heavily leaded and firm pencils'?

Oh God it's pirate porn all over again.

Alright everyone, i'm off to work. Now I expect some decent conduct while I'm gone.

SOH you sound like Russell Brand.

NOw I wasnt here for the pirate porn episode, can someone please tell me all about it.

Does anyone do ANY work on a Friday? Honestly...

Sorry about the cat MrsJB. How is H

Still guffawing at JAM's story.

I was very pleased with my purchase of one of these today. (Vaguely justified that a single will be useful to have around when taking just one child out, suitable from birth etc... It's a Which? Best Buy... ) The shop didn't have the sun/ rain cover accessory pack in so I said I'd order it online. What they didn't sodding tell me is that they won't be in stock for 5 weeks. 5 WEEKS. Argh. I would have bought the chocolate colour one I was dithering over instead, if I'd known. Of course I used it walking out of the shop so can't change my mind. Buggery. A will just have to wear a sunhat/ raincoat. Poor deprived child.

Zapp going on ebay as soon as the insurance company replace the bag and car seat adaptors. A hates it and of course can't sleep in it. Was very useful when she was still in the Maxi Cosi Cabrio car seat though. I'm turning into one of those women aren't I? The ones with all the buggies? Morto.

I'm 33 weeks on Sunday btw. Or as I put to DH, "That will be 4 weeks until the baby can officially be born at home". Trying to light a fire under his ass about all the stuff we need to get done. I mean, ok, the baby doesn't actually care if all the junk goes up to the loft before he's born, but I care.

Were you talking about signing the other day SOH? A's is really coming on. She can sign for milk, food, more a nap; sign "mammy" and she's just learned "please". I also love that she's learned how to nod and shake her head for yes and no, because now we don't have so much pointing and screeching. I can ask what's wrong or what she wants and if it's not one of the above, I can say, "Would you like a drink/ bikki/ rice cake/ ?" and she nods or shakes head accordingly. Makes life SO much easier and she is far less frustrated. I'm glad all the classes didn't turn out just to be another excuse to meet mums and eat cake (though we did that too.)

Ooh, and she knows what a poo is. I'm quite encouraged by this. We can ask, "Have you done a poo?" and she'll nod if she has. I'm hoping this could mean early potty training!

I bought some "mini" nappies today. Awwh. Very cute. There'll be a little bum (and a little willy ) to put in them soon.

Pink,I will send you some KK at the end of the month.Have resolved to only go to KK once a month and its on the last day of every one..I was in danger of beginning to look like a sodding KK otherwise..so let me have your address before then and ye shall receive

Cam you will do no such thing!A present is a present lady.

Thankyou for M's birthday wishes!

Well M had a lovely party.We had 15 two year olds plus some older and younger ones.Thank God it didnt rain for long as it was chaos when it did briefly and we were stuck indoors!Its sithing it down now so we were very lucky..I am covered in smeary chocolate hand prints however..not quite the effortlessly glamorous super mum look I was going for

I always get very emotional at my lo's birthdays so I had a little cry during the candle blowing out/singing..I cant believe 'baby Mae' as she is known around here is not really a baby any more (and I want another)
Or was it that the cake was from Tesco in the end..(which was fine but not what I wanted, ruddy DH )Still no one cared but me im sure..

Off to polish off the sandwiches and cake now

PMSL at Jam..I will never go to a Staples office superstore again without a smile

LMAO at you lot today..... I always miss it! [not fair]

TYG, 33 weeks OMG, how fast!!! Not for you I'm sure but I can't believe where those weeks have gone. H is fine now thank you, kids bounce back fast do they not?

Happy Birthday Mae, hope you have all had a lovely day.

Lg&t, sorry I missed you earlier.

Anyone watching Big Brother? [I'm a sado emotion]