December 2007: It's all worth it for the smiles.

[claraquitetirednow]

I've never started a new thread before - has this worked?

Louise - you have described exactly how I am feeling. My HV suggested I may want to see my GP if I feel totally unable to cope, but she doesn't think I have PND - she does think I need extra support, as I do feel very isolated as none of my friends and family live locally. She's on holiday next week, but she arrange or someone to come up and see me next week.

BT, at one point I thought I had PND but now I just think it's being really tired and being isolated as well. Please keep talking on here how you are feeling as hopefully we can all be of support to each other too.

Those whose babies sleep through the night, are your little ones getting up for the day at 7am? DS is having a feed around 7am then going back til about 9am and I'm wondering if I need to get him up for the day at 7am to help to encourage him to sleep longer during the night?

Had my 6wk post natal check yesterday which was very quick and pretty crap - everything was "make an appointment to see the GP" then she weighed me and said it was standard at 6wk to weigh and I was glad in a way to know for sure how much I weigh but also rather to have to face it!!

Does anyone have plans for Sunday? I hope everyone has a lovely day

Wow to all of you wanting more DCs already! Mind you, when DS2 was this age I also knew I wanted more! No such feelings this time, I have done my bit for the human population! I do love this 'baby' stage and will miss it as DD grows up but have no desire for more actual children IYSWIM? 3 is enough, they take up all my time!

Well it sounds as though DD is fairly normal on the poo front then! Macdoodle, DD also has disasterous leaks, one was dripping right down her leg and out the bottom of her dungarees! Thankfully I got her off of the (cream) sofa in time and it was just me that got covered! Furry, I can imagine the explosion after 3 days, DD is bad enough when she has held it all day! Suey, poor Millie, must be so hard for a baby to be uncomfortable as they don't understand do they? Is she okay and regular again now?

Insy, for your friend, so sorry. We always expect that these things happen to someone else so it is a shock when it is someone you know, especially as he was doing something as simple as going to work .

Buzzy, thank goodness your initial fears are unfounded! Would definitely have a word with the teachers about that little boy though, he sounds as though he needs some help and your DD is probably not the only child he is scaring. I was bullied at school and when you get threatened by other children it can be very scary as you fully believe they will carry out their threats (however unlikely/far fetched they are). Hope your DD is okay.

Lousie, welcome back! I think here is the perfect place to unload so please don't apologise for it!

Loucee they weighed me at my 6 week check too! Probably the only thing they did really check though!

Wise words Dundee, motherhood is great but it is not wrong to want more, it is natural. You are still a person after all and having a baby does not automatically turn you from being a high flyer into an earth mother so no-one should beat themselves up about it. All of you with PND or borderline, so glad you have the strength to talk about it with professionals before it becomes too bad. Please don't dismiss your feelings, they are important.

DD slept all night last night for only about the third time ever and DS only woke twice!! A good night for me (although nothing compared to some of you ) and I felt great this morning although it sadly went a bit downhill! Ds wouldn't be put down long enough for me to get anything done and I was getting really frustrated having to listen to him scream while I showered/got dd up etc. Then dd started playing up too and I'm ashamed to admit I had to punch the sofa cushion a few times to get it all out. DD then copied me which made me realise just how ridiculous the whole thing was but it was kind of scary how I just needed to hit something-I'm not normally an aggressive person.

Must be all that sleep they aren't used to having

Actually I think poor ds is a bit under the weather. He was sick again today and hasn't pooed since Wednesday (was going every feed until this week and on mon and tue three times then just once on wed)but has been doing REALLY smelly farts. He seems a bit uncomfortable with it now. Could be after effects of his jabs?

Loucee ds normally feeds around 6.30/7am then goes back to sleep for a bit too. I'm not complaining cos thats usually when I have a chance to shower get dd up etc. DD was the same until she was 9 or 10 months but when I had the luxury of just one child I used to stay in bed as well and not shower until she went down for her next nap-no chance now!

Bouncing Turtle - I think the isolation is a problem for me too. I don't know many people with babies that live locally. I'm trying to go to mother and babies groups but I'm quite shy so find it a bit of an ordeal!

Loucee - my dd sleeps through the night - last night it was 9 pm til 6 am. I fed her and she went back to sleep from around 8 am til 1030am. She often does this and as you said claireybee, it's good because I can get a shower and get dressed while she is asleep.

HELLO everyone! I can't believe I've been without internet for over a week! The blardy mac book took a turn for the worse and is now in apple hospital (at great expense no doubt). I'm absolutely gutted cos the first pics of ds in hospital are on there and yep you guessed it I haven't backed up iphoto since about Aug last yr, I don't know if they can be retrived yet. So learn from my mistake ladies and MAKE A HARD COPY of your precious newborn's first ever pics NOW!!!

Phew, apart from that trauma (and massive thanks to mil for loan of another macbook for now) Everything's going good and i definitely feel like we've turned a corner with ds now he's 10 weeks, much more entertainable/entertaining and he will be put down in his bouncy chair and swing for a wee while now (ie 15 mins)

Its nice catching up on all your news and welcome back to louise76 and furryfox

Am at those babies sleeping through but at least we've got our eves back and get to watch some crap telly in peace with a glass of wine before retiring..

I'm going to carry on catching up with your msgs now...bye for now Phew its nice to be back

Feeling very very guilty and awful, DD1 wouldn't go down for her mid afternoon nap today and DD2 was crying at the top of her voice. Felt so under pressure that I shouted at DD1 which made her cry. Feeling like the world worst mother for losing cool... - not like me at all. Kept kissing DD1 while she sleeps as I feel so bad..

Dundee - agree with your last point completely - well said.

On a more positive note I am having more good days than bad ones and will go to my GP next week for my monthly evaluation so hoping I can cut down on the AD.

Oh, gas bill came through today - £300 for the last quarter as we have kept the heating on all the time since DD2 was born.

Feeling very very guilty and awful, DD1 wouldn't go down for her mid afternoon nap today and DD2 was crying at the top of her voice. Felt so under pressure that I shouted at DD1 which made her cry. Feeling like the world worst mother for losing cool... - not like me at all. Kept kissing DD1 while she sleeps as I feel so bad..

Dundee - agree with your last point completely - well said.

On a more positive note I am having more good days than bad ones and will go to my GP next week for my monthly evaluation so hoping I can cut down on the AD.

Oh, gas bill came through today - £300 for the last quarter as we have kept the heating on all the time since DD2 was born.

Amani - DO NOT FEEL GUILTY AND AWFUL. Children are very resilient and your DD1 will not hold it against you for more than a few minutes I've had odd moments exactly like that (think I even posted last week saying the same) - and find myself shouting at my DD1 (and DH - but that's usual!!) - how old is your DD1 - our little nutter is 3 in May and I just find I expect too much of her and forget she is still only little too. You asked yesterday about my AD's - I was on Citalopram - 20mg a day - and didn't really feel any withdrawal symptoms at all. I remember in the March I was cutting back to 10mg and had a few weeks when everything seemed to be getting on top of me again (one week we were on holiday skiing at the time so I should really have been very chilled) - so I just went back to 20 for another month or two and then came off over the space of a few weeks and no problems - To me that shows if you are ready to come off them there are no horrid side effects but if not the right time you may feel some. Let me know how you get on - and happy thoughts

Skiddadle and Suey - ended up seeing the doctor yesterday who was great and actually said, in contrast to what you keep reading - that a week without a poo in NOT normal for a BF baby and said he was happy to call up to the hospital and for us to go up there just to be reassured etc. This was after my HV had said to try diluted apple juice and wait until Monday (at which point I had said No, I wasn't waiting another 4 days just because it was over the weekend etc). Up at the hospital they again said it wasn't normal and we were right to come up (made me feel less of a neurotic mother at least) - and one small suppository later and a good amount of poo and happy little bug again They have said if she goes 2 or 3 days again soon without a poo we're to go to the docs and they can prescribe a very mild laxative to get her going again - so watch this space - no poo today though On a good note, she slept like an angel last night from 7pm, feed at 11pm then all through to 7am!! happy days - although DD1 woke up shouting she needed a poo at 6am which sort of spoilt it! Can't really complain though as she's getting there with being dry at night so just got to grin and bear it really - not built up the courage yet to take her night-time nappy off yet though

Suey - forgot to ask - how long did it take Millie to get back to normal - should I expect Freya to be ok tomorrow?

Armani - £300 doesn't sound too terrible for me! and I have shouted at dd1 more than I should . - it espeically happens when I am tired and cross. Thyink she is becoming more resislent to me getting cross with her which makes me even because it means I am getting cross with her too often!

WE have some friends coming to stay in 2 weeks time and I have just ordered my weekly shop (to get a good delivery time) and was at the added cost!!! Must eat less the week after.

I keep thinking I will sturuggle to spend £75 and I never do.

Don't worry Amani I have done plenty of shouting at DD1 - always feel terrible after and creep into her room to watch her sleeping

Loucee ? DD wakes about 7.30am, usually when DH gets up, I feed her and put her back in her moses basket so I can get showered and dressed. Most of the time when I get out of the shower she?s back to sleep so I can get breakfast and the house straight so I?m ready for her when she wakes again about 9am.
I?m thinking about starting to bring her bedtime forward 30mins a week to see if she?ll continue through the night.
I miss being pregnant, love having my baby now of course and was wishing for her all the way through pregnancy, I miss her being inside? not all the awful side effects though.
I?ve noticed the comments about childcare when you guys return to work, has anyone decided not to return to work? I?m really hoping not to, but will cross that bridge in a few months time. My friends are shocked, I?ve never been a SAHM type and always done really well at work, but I?ve loved pottering about and not answering to anyone but myself, no office politics. Ok so money isn?t abundant in the Ambi household anymore but I?m now happy to manage without. Hmmm, sounds like I?ve already decided doesn?t it?
Louise, I don?t have any mummy friends either and I?m trying to go the Mum & babies groups too. I guess one of the downsides of having male BF?s for me now, esp since one is gay and disinterested in babies.
Must go for last feed and put her to bed so I can have a lovely glass of vino.

loucee - Bea sleeps about 11-12 hours most nights which means if I put her down between 7pm and 8pm she's up at 7am. Last night was 8.30pm to 8am.

Whatever time she wakes up she normally wants to nap again within an hour and in fact quite often catnaps all morning. Her afternoons are more alert and often has a wide awake slightly grumpy period from about 4pm onwards. It doesn't seem to make much diff how much she naps in the morning. I'd make the most of it if I was you!

Thanks for your messages about DD's classmate. Her teacher wasn't there on Friday and I didn't think it was appropriate to talk to the reliever but will definitely go in and find someone to talk to on Monday. Luckily my DD is a pretty independent soul who will find ways to avoid this little boy but other wee kiddies may not be so resourceful and as you have all said NO kids deserve to feel scared at school.

Oh and who was it asking about questions for prospective nannies?
One thing that seems to be really important from all the people I know who have nannies is how much energy they have - i.e. whether they are active people. You want someone who's willing to get out of the house with a buggy for a walk every day and not flop in front of the TV when baby's asleep! It's also nice if your house is clean and tidy when you get home - not baskets of washing sitting around waiting to be folded etc.
Other than that I think the main thing is to be comfortable that either they will take direction from you (younger nannies may be more "pliable" in this respect) or you both have similar views on looking after babies - e.g. if routine is important to you.

I have had a live-in student nanny for 5 weeks now and she helps out 3 days per week. She's a school leaver and this is her first job so I have to cut her some slack (the deal is that I pay her college fees, and provide free board - she attends nanny college classes 1 day per week - and in return get 30 hours of her time).

The good thing tho is that there is a "handbook" provided by the college which sets out some quite strong groundrules - e.g. no TV during the day, weekly meetings, daily diary must be filled out, no smoking in the house, no phone calls while on duty etc etc.

HTH!

baby asleep, glass of vino in hand. If only I wasn't too tired to enjoy the peace. Wishing you all a fab weekend.

Ambi know the feeling, I find a few sips and I'm ready for bed! (for sleeping I might add!)

{waves to Lizzer} welcome back. It seemed longer than a week you were away! Glad to see you back.

Amani yeah I've been shouting at DD too much as well. Like you guys I have to keep reminding myself that she is still a baby herself and try and explain things in terms she will understand but sometimes it is just such hard going with a newborn and toddler!

When are babies no longer classed as newborns?

Suey how did it go with the nanny? My friend has recently hired a nanny but she poached her from her daughter's nursery, I didn't realise but apparently that's how a lot of people hire them.

Cazzy I get carried away with my online shop, I seem to search for ingredients to things that I don't actually need but have seen in a recipe I would like to make (but never do!)

Beanster that surprises me that the Drs were concerned about your DD not pooing, on so many occasions at BF meetings I have heard time and time again that breastmilk has the potential to be fully absorbed by a baby and therefore produce no waste at all.

Ambi I am unsure whether I'll return to work or not, after DD I just knew I couldn't return full time so I went back 3 days a wk after 13 months off, this time round I would ideally like 2 days a wk but still unsure, think I'll wait til a lot nearer the time to decide (but I'll definitely take a year off again).

Thanks for everyone commenting on their babies sleeping, think I'll see how he sleeps over the next few weeks

Amani don't feel bad for shouting at dd1-she won't hold it against you (and at least you didn't resort to punching the sofa a la clairey ). Like you I felt awful afterwards as was so out of character.

Ambi I won't be returning to work just yet, although for me it's slightly different as I haven't worked since returning to the uk when pregnant with dd. We manage ok, although don't really have spare cash and can only rent. Tax credits really help-we buy all our groceries and pay council tax and a couple of other things out of them, as well as paying into the CTF each month for both DD and DS. TBH I don't really find I spend money day to day anymore-just £5 per week on various toddler groups and bread and milk here and there. When I was working I used to spend money all the time and have nothing to show for it!

any one's baby holding things yet? evie has started to just about move her arm in direction of a toy - not sure if this is accidental or on purpose.

she has bad cradle cap which is great...i love picking it as i bf her (terrible mother).

lol cazzy - I love picking at my babies too - both have snotty noses atm so it's great

clairey and amani - neither of you should feel bad about shouting/punching the sofa. We are human and parenting a toddler and a baby is really really hard. I always find it a bit freaky when people say they never saw their parents argue or cry or shout - we all feel emotions and act on them and I don;t think it is healthy to hide that from your children. It is a bit scary when it overcomes you though isn't it?

amani, louise, loucee and bouncing - I think you are all so brave coming on here and telling us about your (possible) PND. Bouncing I think a lot of us have fleeting thoughts about hurting our babies but no-one usually dares to say it - did anyone listen to woman's hour last week (Radio4) about the ambivalence of motherhood? it was full of examples of mothers and fathers who hated as well as loved being a parent. The most common phrase was - you just can't imagine how hard it is until you are a parent - and we're all at the hardest stage so no wonder it gets on top of us sometimes

beanster - I'm really surprised at what your GP and hospital said about pooing as well. I'm sure that Milo is fine although he only poos every few days. Anyway glad your DD is feeling fine

loucee - sleeping routine (now this should make you feel better - no 12 hour stretches in the skid household!): DS can go down any time between 8pm and 11pm. Sometimes he goes down without a peep and sometimes he won;t settle at all and he just comes into bed with us. He usually wakes at about 3am for a feed and then goes through till 7 (when I usually get up with him if DD is awake by then). Other nights he will wake at 2 and then about 6 and then sleep till about 8. basically no routine and completely unpredictable!! But the funny thing is I don't care at all - I honestly don't mind the night feeds as he only feeds for about 15 mins and is straight back down. And if he is my last baby then i want to enjoy him while he is still tiny... oh no gone all broody again

I am at work would you believe - have been here since 10am (now nearly 3pm) and my boobs are ready to explode!! think I'd better head home. It is soooo nice though to have a few hours to myself and to start thinking about my PhD again. If I'm honest all the baby and toddler groups are beginning to wear me down a bit as I feel I just have the same conversations at every one. maybe I am overdoing it a bit (we go to 5 a week)...

anyway happy weekend and happy mothers day for tomorrow

Clairy - can't beleive you mamage only £5 for toddler groups...baby massage alone is more than that...I reackon I spent nearly£40 a week on actviites for the dds.

Skiddadle and Loucee - I think I was always under the BF is perfect so don't worry if they don't poo impression. I think the Docs were just concerned that 7 days isn't normal and even with BF there should be something every so often. They also said that it often is a symptom of something else - a virus for example - so you should raise it with your HV or Doc. Problem we have here is that other than the poo Thursday night in hospital, there's been nothing since. Although she seems ok and is feeding fine (well as far as you can tell when BFing - I've never been able to tell if my boobs are empty) if no poo by Monday we're to see the doc again.

She's been very good today too - awake and chilling for almost all of the afternoon which is strange but were were out with DD1 at the park and then at the Rugby Club and I think she was just aware of different surroundings and wanted to see. Hopefully it'll mean she has a fab night and sleeps through - how annoying this morning that it was DD1 who woke up at 6am first and then as soon as Freya heard her big sisters quiet (!!) voice, she woke up too. I wonder how long it'll take to get them synchronized??

Hope we all have a fab Mothers Day tomorrow and for those of you who will be first timers it's fab to realise you really are a Mum and you now get cards and hugs

I got nothing... but to be honest I didn't want anything.
I'll wait until ds is old enough to bring me some piece of crap beautifully made artwork from Nursery, which I shall treasure forever .
I'm just an unsentimental old cow
Happy Mother's Day!

happy mums day everyone

everything ok here, missing ds1 as he at his dads till afternoon.

now on day 5 no poo here.... hoping he doesnt explode whilst we are visitng grandparents

lots of stinky farts tho lol

Mothers Day in NZ not til mid May!! Just rang my bro and SIL in London completely by chance and he was cooking her French toast in bed with their two boy, how sweet.
DD1 brought me cereal in bed once when I was PG and had a cold, I was very touched - although glad I hadn't seen her climbing the stairs with a very full bowl