The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #3

[Angelmiracle]

Thread 3 mamas

Random question here but how is everyone's hunger?
Usually after my tea time meal I can go bed fine but I have been getting so hungry and having to get snacks or go downstairs and make something to eat because I have felt so hungry ... think rose is eating all my calories from feeding in the night haha .

Hope I don't put a load of weight on

@Sheeni my DP is convinced the dada means he is saying daddy...even though he also says gaga , la la etc. I wonder when they do start to mean something.

@WhatALearningCurve hahaha the exorcist! That made me chuckle!! I'd say mince would be a good one to add to meals, like a spag bol type thing? Not too big chunks wise?

@Brobot I wouldnt worry honestly, some babies skip crawling altogether and go straight to walking. They all do everything at different times and it will just be that your LO has a different priority right now. I read on the wonder weeks thing that they have the ability to do certain things following a leap but choose to focus on the things that are important to them. So some focus on the motor skills while some focus on the more language or other bits. My LO has always been a nosey little thing and so made his mission to move probably at the expense of other things.

@Cardboard33 yeh when I saw his head this morning properly he was at the very top of the snuzpod and although he can put his arms by his head he probably cant put them outwards. Hoping the heating will be fixed tomorrow but I am ordering a travel cot to be delivered Thursday so will use that if not. Haha I did laugh at your LO flapping his arms and legs. George does that too, face down, arms and legs flailing and whinging!

@Wineandchoccy is your LO teething too? Seems like a few have started waking up lots due to this.

@Jenlou1992 ha I'm like that with the hunger lots and dont have breastfeeding as an excuse haha!

@ melissa112 no sign of teeth yet but she is very dribbly fingers crossed tonight is better but to be honest it can’t be any worse

@ Jenlou1992 yes I’m starving I have started taking a snack to bed to have in the middle of the night

@Brobot I wouldn't worry about the movement. He'll get there. My LO is 6.5 months and still can't sit unsupported. And he doesn't seem to be interested in sitting either, so I haven't got a clue when he'll get there, but I know he'll have to eventually. I was hoping his interest in food might get him to sit a bit better as he's got some nice long stretches in the highchair (he's just intent on moving anywhere else), but he's pretty happy to just munch on stuff whilst slumping to one side. Hm, there goes my plan.

Just wondering if anyone's experienced anything similar and has any advice. George was brilliant at going to bed at night. We'd wait until he was sleepy, give him a bottle in his cot at about 7.30 and he'd go to sleep within 10 minutes. We went away for the week and his routine was completely destroyed. We got home and he developed a cold and started cutting teeth. For about 4 days now he's refused to fall asleep in his cot and screams the house down. We've let him sleep on us and then put him in his cot and that seems to work okay. However, if he wakes up, he screams and screams. He's ended up in bed with us tonight.
I'm not sure if it's because we've broken his routine or it's his cold or his teeth!
I'm researching sleep training but he screams and cries proper full on tears then gets himself into a coughing fit. I just feel awful leaving him to do that. Wonderweeks is saying that he's at the developmental stage of realising that I can get up and leave him which really hurts my heart.
How can I be stricter with him and reset the boundaries/routine without him having a full on distressed meltdown and me feeling like the worlds worst mother?!

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever hi I haven't got any solid advice as my LO isn't the best sleeper but I always put her down about 7.30pm and there has been some occasions where she's been awake for hours or not settled ..especially when she had a cold . I just give her all the comfort and she went straight back to sleeping at 7.30 once she was feeling better .

I would just give it time. He probably needs extra comfort at the moment going through teething and learning new skills. Just bare with his maybe and if after a couple of weeks he is still the same then maybe look at something else.

Its so hard once we have them in a routine and then it changes.

@Jenlou1992 I've been taking bananas to bed since the first trimester of pregnancy. I didn't really have any other "symptoms" other than being really really hungry and I'm still like it now. I've always had a high metabolism (I eat little and often) and don't really put on weight but this is on another level. This is also why I'm reluctant to deny my baby food between 8pm and morning as it's not like I can go that long without food so I don't see why I should expect it from him. Regarding food, just be sensible - this is why I chose banana as I can eat them really fast, one handed, they keep me full(ish) and they're healthy. I then need to eat breakfast (porridge or similar) by 7.30/8 and then I used to have a second breakfast when I got to work, then elevenses and then lunch. Hehe.

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever We've had/got similar. All I can suggest is that my reading says stick as close as you can to the routine, so like, bringing them into bed with you one night is ok but if you do it every day for two weeks then that creates a new habit.. which def seems true with mine. Do you have a rocking chair or something you can put him in? Ours hates lying down sometimes (either when he needs a poo or his teeth) but will "happily" sleep in his chair for an hour or two before screaming again, then we feed him and put him back in the cot for another stint. The pushchair might also work if he sleeps in that? I read that lying on their back makes their teeth really hurt so they prefer upright positions. We've also considered getting the travel cot up in our room so that he can sense that we are still there with him when he wakes up, although haven't tried that one yet. And if he sounds like he's in real pain (rather than just missing us) then we've given baby neurofen or Calpol during the night too.

Has any one started to get their little ones to drink out of cups? If so.......how?!

@Wineandchoccy hope youve had better sleep since Tuesday!

@WhatALearningCurve we aren't using a proper open cup yet. We have a tommee tippee free flow and I just gave it to him when we started weaning. Very messy at first while he figured out what to do and the first few days I'd hold it for him but now he has got the hang of it so little mess. We have been using proper cups when out and about but I still hold them for him despite him being desperate to do it himself. He does take sips though. I think in the next few weeks we will introduce a doidy, cant remember if that's the name, basically an open cup but with handles and maybe only put a small amount of water in?

@cardboard33 think I will have to do the same . Got a chocolate chip brioche and a banana in case I want to snack haha .

Rose has not been settling past few nights . Taking 2-3 hours to get her to sleep at night . Not sure if it's because she's been back in my room and is distracted with me . So I have just put her down in her cot which was easier than I expected. Not looking forward to the get ups now she's back in her room but I'm sure I'll look back in a year and it will just be a distant memory haha

Hope everyone is well .

@Jenlou1992 has Rose been settling any easier the past few nights?

We've finally put LO in his own room overnight last night.. he woke at 5am. I popped his dummy in and he settled but I could see on the monitor that he had rolled onto his side and was trying to sleep in that position. I waited til he fell asleep and went in and put him back on his back. Is that what you ladies would do or leave him? I've always followed the advice to put him on his back but.how.can I stop him falling asleep in that position?

Another question. So his room cools down a lot overnight. When I put him to bed the room was 17.8 deg so I put him in a sleepsuit and 2.5 tog as per.the advice on the grobag website for between 16 and 18. However it's now gone up to 18.2 and apparently 18-20 should be long sleeved vest and 2.5 tog. The room doesn't seem to be getting cooler yet as we have the tumble dryer on and DP is.cooking. would you wake him up to change him into.a vest or leave him unless it gets warmer? I'm worried about SIDS still and him overheating. I'm so paranoid about the temperature. Spent an hour at midnight last night watching it to make sure it dropped which it did eventually.

Argh!

@melissa112 obviously I'm not sure if what I do is the right thing but my little one sleeps on his side and I leave him to it. He moves a lot in his sleep so eventually he ends up either front or back. He's also in a 2.5 and a baby grow but without a vest.

Little one is at his dads tonight. Had a mixed week, has some really bad nights, I think he's teething, but he's been an absolute dream in the day. It's been a running joke that he looks like his dad but has my personality, he's quite happy playing on his own and doesn't usually like a lot of attention, but this week he's been looking for me and screaming with delight when I pick him up and stuff. It's been very heart warming.

Me and his dad got into a huge row last weekend in front of him which I'm so unhappy about, we could quite easily be civil and happy with each other but his dad just refuses to take any blame for us splitting up. Any time he brings it up he starts playing the blame game but can't seem to understand that a) he never brought any issues up when we were together and b) any issues he had with me clearly weren't enough to end our relationship but my issues with him were enough to end it.

I am a planner by nature and he really isn't, so brought up Christmas with him today because I need to know what's happening. Little man is the 9th grandkid on my side and we all spend Christmas at my mums, there's 20 of us as a minimum every year (I have a lot of siblings who are pretty much all married), my ex has one sister who alternates Christmas with her husbands family. They have 3 kids and this year is their year with my ex's mum but they don't go round till later in the day. I feel like it makes sense for Sonny to have Christmas Day morning with my family and then afternoon with my exes family, but I think he'll make it a competition and not actually look at it logically.

To be fair, that's our biggest issue - he thinks I'm cold because I just deal with the situation in front of me, I don't see the worth in getting emotional when it doesn't fix anything. He on the other hand loves to show he's the most hurt because he's the most visibly upset.

argh sorry for the ranting - just trying hard not to rise to him anymore so all my venting has to come out somewhere so I don't erupt at him!

@WhatALearningCurve thanks got the reply. I've had the window open and let the temp drop back down. Do you have a thermometer or just go by feel? What's the temp in Sonnys room? I get really worked up over it being too warm or too cold for what I've dressed him in when I'm asleep and cant see the temp.

That sounds frustrating with your ex. Try not to worry about the argument with LO there. He'll not remember it at all. Your xmas plan seems like a sensible one, did he agree to it after your discussion? How are you getting on with Sonny being overnight with your ex's? And rant away! It's good to get these things out rather than store them away so they build up and theres always someone around here for a chat x

@melissa112 we've got a Gro-egg so I go off that but the baby monitor shows the temp as well. It's currently 18.1. I just go off the fact that I wouldn't be happy sleeping in what's essentially a leotard in this weather ha.

It's difficult him being at his dads but I use the time each week to either clean the house or go out and see friends so I'm getting something productive out of it. By the time I was sat on the sofa watching tv it was 7pm so Sonny would be in bed anyway.

I didn't actually tell him the plan yet. I just said he needed to start thinking about it so we can discuss it. I'm just wanting to see if he's able to think of a plan really because I've never known him so it before. Like he currently has no car. So I'll be doing all the ferrying around - I'm not sure he'll take that into account and stuff but I'm curious

@WhatALearningCurve haha leotard! We find it hard to.keep the temperature constant. His room is so small that it heats up quickly but also cools down a lot overnight. Night two in his own room and he did well.

Yeh that's a great way to look at the time apart. Keeping yourself busy sounds good. Hopefully your ex will see the logic in your xmas plan even if he doesnt come up with that himself!

@melissa112 My LO is in vest and sleepsuit, in a 2.5 tog. Temperature 18-20.5. When I check his neck/back when I feed him overnight, it's nice and cool. Also, he's a tummy sleeper and there's no point in turning him around, as he travels all over the cot during the night. Once they can turn from tummy to back, you can leave them in whatever position.

@Sheeni thats good to know. I'm starting to feel much better about both the temperature and the rolling! I guess you cant spend the whole night checking them so you just have to leave them in the positon they find comfy. He can roll both ways so hopefully would sort himself out if he needed to. It feels weird not having him in with us now. We're away in Cornwall the week after this so he will be back in with us in the travel cot. Its not far off the floor and we cant put him down without him being asleep first so lowering him into that without waking him will be interesting!

@melissa112 sorry replying to a message from days ago but yes we are doing a combo of solids and mush. Had quite a bit of success with my own home blitzed veg pasta sauce, and also the Ella's Kitchen 7m+ pouches which are a lifesaver occasionally. He is a carb monster - loves breadsticks, rice cakes, naan, bread crusts. Some success with salad sticks too - he likes cucumber. I do despair a bit at the lack of loving home cooked food he is getting - with DS1 I used to bake him his own special low-salt 50/50 bread, believe it or not! But I also figure it's not worth going to a load of effort while he is still eating so little.

So with the sitting up, first he rolls on to his front, then pushes up to hands and knees, then kind of slides one leg underneath himself and pushes up with his hands until he is sitting. He has done it a couple more times now but still hasn't quite twigged what he's doing - I don't think he's intending to sit up when he starts off!

Yes J's bottom two teeth are through and I can see an upper one on its way. It definitely impacts on sleep. Have you been to the GP for yourself yet? Remember to take time to look after you xx

@WhatALearningCurve I'm vegetarian and I rely on the Ella's pouches for getting a bit of meat into his food tastes. My husband eats meat prob once a week, so he can give him a bit once he's less gaggy on solids.

@Brobot don't worry, these babies do things in their own time! With my first he was walking at 9 months but didn't start saying words for bloody ages. My NCT friend had a little girl who started talking ridiculously early - I think she had 50 words before 12 months - but bum shuffled everywhere well beyond a year. Now both children are obviously talking and running around and you can't tell when they started! It's all good.

@Jenlou1992 the breastfeeding hunger is insane. I've been permanently hungry since falling pregnant with J till just after I stopped breastfeeding him. I suddenly noticed that I could get up in the morning without being desperate to eat something right away! Definitely breastfeeding related, so eat healthily when you are hungry and you can't go far wrong.

@melissa112 I think when the temperature difference is so slight you don't need to worry. I have been putting DS in a vest, sleepsuit, 2.5tog bag with a light blanket over the top. Our room is 16 degrees at night. I figure I'm bloody freezing even under a massive duvet. He has slept better since I added the light blanket - I think he was waking up could before. I totally understand your worry but it's not like you're putting him in all that and your room is 19.8 degrees - it's only just over 18, and as you say it's dropping overnight. I personally would stick to the sleepsuit. And J now rolls to his front to sleep half the time. I worried about it at first but now I just leave him be!

@WhatALearningCurve sorry to hear your troubles. If it makes you feel any better I think most babies with parents still together see them arguing too - it's a tough time in a relationship.
[Edited by MNHQ: identifying info]

@whatalearningcurve I'm trying not to worry about arguing in front of little one. We don't argue often, but it definitely happened a few times already.
We're definitely struggling a bit. Both of us have significantly shorter fuses than we used to have. We used to be really cuddly and sweet to each other and these days I have to remind my husband to try and be kind to me (and same goes the other way). I honestly can't believe how much it affected our relationship and I hope it will survive. It's hard work!!

@BadBadBeans ah that's amazing that he can sit up like that, strong little boy!! Ha I'm just imagining his confused reaction when he realises hes managed to sit himself up!

Sounds like weaning is going ok. I get the guilt too about the home cooking.. I try and do as much as poss but in reality he has mostly 'snacky' type things rather than proper meals. So I'll bung a cod fillet in the oven and chop up a tomato and cucumber, or breadsticks with hummous (which he hated) with some fruit. He's definitely swallowing some going by his nappies but until he starts eating more I'm trying to be kind to myself and not put too much pressure to do 3 perfectly balanced cooked meals. He has 2 'meals' currently and I'll introduce a third when he starts to get more down him. He still has 8oz bottles 5 times a day so he's not going he without.

I havent been to the GP yet. I know I really must as it did get even worse over the weekend where I was having quite low thoughts about how I dont want to live like this. It has literally taken over my life to the point I try and not even go to the toilet much to avoid getting stuck washing my hands. I know that's TMI but I'm really struggling. I think I'm just worried that the GP or whoever will think I'm being a bad mum and take George away...

Thanks for the advice on the room temp too. We've been keeping him in the sleepsuit and grobag. His room is between 16 and 17 and feels so cold when I've been settling him in the middle of the night. Our room is freezing too and I'm under a 10 tog duvet huddling up to DP for warmth like a penguin haha. No idea how they are warm enough in just 2.5!

He's got a cold now, first one hes had and I'm not sure what to do or even if theres anything I can do for a cold?

Regarding arguing/struggling I must admit we have been the same. I really wasn't prepared for that and there have been a few moments where I've wondered if we can carry on like this but it seems to be settling finally. Just bickering and snapping over nothing, both of us, which we didn't do before. Same as @Sheeni, we have to remind each other to be kind and give each other the benefit of the doubt when something might be taken the wrong way. Hoping it'll pass soon.

Sorry I've lost track of this post yet again!

I'm just hoping you all don't mind me coming here to vent.
I'm really struggling at the moment. I love my lb more than anything and I wouldn't change him for the world. I'm just starting to feel a bit burnt out. I literally don't get a minute to myself and it's starting to take its toll. I feel like I'm trying to juggle so many aspects of my life and they're all suffering. The house is a shit hole. George whinges constantly. I'm behind on my work. My husband is always grumbling. And I can't pee in peace without LO literally screaming that I've left him.
I thought it would get easier as he got older but it's getting more and more difficult.
I starting working from home doing my accounts back in July. Its never been something my husband has supported but we need the money. I'm supposed to be doing it when he gets home from work but he grumbles that I have to leave George with him whilst I do it. He says I chose the time when he's most unsettled and it's not fair. But the truth is, he's always unsettled unless you're giving him 100% of your attention. Yesterday I needed to hang the washing on the line. It took me about 5 minutes. You could hear George screaming in the garden. (He was safe in his jumperoo) All the time I'm thinking how the neighbours must be thinking I'm a terrible mother. I go back inside and his face is covered in tears and he's coughing because he's been screaming. I felt awful. It's exhausting. Whenever I need an hour to myself I ask my husband to watch him whilst I go in the bath. I can still hear him crying and my husband ends up shouting up the stairs to hurry up.
He came home from work yesterday and made some sarcastic comment about what I'd cooked for dinner and that was it, I'd had enough and snapped at him. He said "what's wrong with you?! If I'm the only person you speak to all day, you think you'd be nicer! No wonder George is grumpy if this is what you're like". It cut like a knife. I'm tired of feeling like I'm trying to keep everyone happy and maintained at the sacrifice of myself but it being absolutely utterly futile.

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever I might not be the best person to respond to your post as my tolerance for dads thinking they have a genetic right to act differently to mums is currently at zero but your husband sounds like a dick (sorry).

The nice way to answer is probably that he struggles with him being so unsettled and it makes him feel like he's a bad dad so he wants you back involved ASAP because you know what you're doing.

But - bullshit (sorry again). You know what you're doing because you have to, you don't get the luxury of palming him back to someone when he gets fussy. Dads don't get to just swan in when the child is 4 and mobile, toilet trained, verbal and more emotionally stable. Or when it involves standing outside on cold winter mornings watching sports they'd happily spend 90% or their time watching anyway.

If looking after a baby is so easy that you can have time to clean the house and make his tea and be pleasant about it - why isn't he jumping at the chance to take over when he gets in from his "oh so stressful" day at work?

In terms of actual practical help - I'm not sure how you best work, but I have a very logical brain and I love lists and instructions. For example - cleaning the house, I always feel like I have to do the whole thing in one go or it's a pointless exercise, but I've been following 'The Organised Mum Method' (I really dislike the name ha) and she basically splits tasks between days, and it should all take you no longer than 45 mins. Because someone is telling me "it's Monday so it's just the living room", I can follow those instructions without having guilt for the rest of the house. The idea is because you're doing the same tasks in each room each week, eventually it becomes quicker to do e.g first time you do it it might take a while because you may not always clean the skirting boards, because you're then doing them every week, they become much easier to clean.

In terms of baby - if he needs 100% or your attention - give him it (obviously not at the detriment of your mental health or anything. If your husband has issue with that then ask him what he thinks the solution is.

And for you - If I were you I'd buy some noise cancelling headphones - put them on when you're in the bath and set a timer so you get a full hour. Again - if your husband struggles to have the baby for an hour - ask him to imagine doing it the other 23 hours of the day and now does he see why you need an hour to yourself?

Also - a further point that I read once and really stuck with me.

When dads take over, or at least do their share whether it be with the baby or around the house - they are not "helping mums out".

They are literally parenting and being a partner. You're not "helping" them by doing it all in the first place, you're doing it because it needs to be done. That's how they should think too