The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #3

[Angelmiracle]

Thread 3 mamas

@Brobot your little one is only just a march baby then! I did consider taking the whole year, but we didn't have time to save enough before we started trying (bit of a whirlwind with buying house and getting married and then broodiness taking over). They actually messed up my July pay and there were a few anxious days of borrowing from our only savings because we hadn't budgeted for me going down to just smp! It got sorted though. As much as we don't have the best maternity situation in the world we are far from being the worst - imagine going back only 6 weeks post partum! 🤯 Taking the full year will be so lovely for you though - you'll be around for so many firsts! Worth a few dinners of beans on toast.

I'm very lucky in that Kara took a bottle very early on (I had trouble getting breastfeeding started due to delayed milk) so my husband and I take turns with nights. I still wake up but he actually gets her settled on his nights - my nights he sleeps through 🙄. She gets up twice most nights, sometimes 3 times and still sleeps in a snuzzpod with the side down. She will be moving to her own room eventually, but a) it's not ready yet and b) we sleep downstairs and her room is upstairs (dormer bungalow) and I don't fancy doing the stairs multiple times a night yet!

@queenofpi welcome!! Mine was also born around the same time as yours although he was almost a month early, so I was pregnant being one of the last in the thread and then graduated to one of the oldest. We are also still breast feeding although I need to wean him off me and onto bottles by Christmas, but fortunately he will drink anything from anyone in any form (bottle of breast) and has done since he was a few weeks old. We also sleep on a different floor to our baby (it's a 3 story house) and the night feeds aren't that bad... I figure once you're up it doesn't really matter where you go! Your baby must be quite short if she's still in the snuz pod? Mine is long but thin so was getting too tall to comfortably sleep in it by 5 months but we lasted until 5.5 before turfing him out. Sorry to hear your maternity pay was messed up, not exactly what you want even if they do sort it out eventually!

@jenlou1992 how are you and Rose doing? You're amazing doing it all pretty much single handedly and I hope you are getting the recognition from your partner for raising his daughter so well.

@sheeni damn colds!! They always cause sleeping trouble... Just when you were going so well too! Mine also has a cold, it came on really quickly this time and within a few hours this morning he went from being ok to looking like death. Keep going though and read your positive posts back when it gets tough as there will be times when you think you're going backwards even though you're not. How's his head/back situation now? Did they decide on a diagnosis?

@badbadbeans sofa snuggle time sounds like a good plan!! I may need to plan similar with my baby further down the line. I suppose at least you know you're doing this for a positive reason even if there are hard periods. That's what I'm focusing on as tbh the last thing I want to do every day is an hour commute into central London for all of ten mins, but I'm holding out for the long game. This is potentially an odd question but do you talk about your kids when you're at hospital? I don't really want to unless I'm directly asked, and I also haven't told anyone his name or showed a photo (not that I have here either) as then it sounds more personal if they refer to him using it rather than just say "your baby" ... I just want to be in and out rather than bringing all of my life into the hospital... Or am I just odd thinking that? I think my pragmatism took a turn for the worst when I got the diagnosis at the age of 26 as it meant we had to think practically about stuff a lot of people in their mid 20s just ignore, even though they probs shouldn't given anyone can die at any time ... This is all getting a tad morbid now though given I assume we are both planning on being here for a while... We'd better be given our costs to the tax payer!!! [Grin]

Also, sorry for the essay of posts here but I'm on a train and usually lose them...

Question for the people who are breastfeeding still, or who would be but have had to stop for health reasons... Are most of your mum friends still doing it or have most stopped now?

The reason I ask is because the vast vast majority of my mum friends and people we see at classes are exclusively breast feeding to the extent that if I get out a bottle of expressed milk I feel like I'm being judged for it. However I also realise that we live in an affluent area of London with lots of support for breastfeeding which means people continue for longer because it's very accepted (I think) so just wondering what its like elsewhere?

Disclosure: I fully expected to formula feed from birth as we weren't sure how long we'd be able to do it for so it's a joke that we are still doing it 7 months on. My baby has had a bottle of formula a day from 2 weeks to ensure he likes it, so I'm really not one of those "breast is best" people and really hate them as best is completely dependent on situation... Just interested!

@Cardboard33 no I'm quite the opposite. I have had many women have babies around the same time as me and they ALL went straight to bottle and didn't breastfeed for longer than a day or two. So I actually feel like I freak people out (purely because we often laugh about my mum's friend who breastfed her daughter until she was 5 and a half! She herself agrees she went too long 😂. Note: I have nothing against people who bf for a long time but I personally would feel weird). I'm in the minority so I tend to think ppl look at me funny when I say he's still bf lol which they probably don't, but I get a bit paranoid lol

@cardboard33 We're still sticking to the plan. Last night he was great, tonight or took him forever to fall asleep. So it's still a bit hit and miss. But so, so much better than it used to be.
As for the breastfeeding, I have some bf mum friends and some that are on bottles already, some due to convenience, some due to issues with milk supply or breastfeeding being painful. I don't feel any judgment, but honestly maybe I just don't notice, because in my mind both approaches are OK and none of anyone's business and I just act like everyone thinks the same.

@cardboard33 also just remembered that in the MN group for my eldest, a statistic was released saying that something like 0.5% of children in the UK received any breastfeeding after 12 months. We thought that was interesting as loads of us were still breastfeeding after 12 months - I would say at least 50% of quite a large group of diverse ages and backgrounds. We wondered if we were more likely to feed past 12 months because we had the support from each other, and also of course because by being in the MN group then by default we were also the kind of people who were open to seeking peer support in the first place. All very interesting!

@Sheeni I didn't think I got any judgement for breastfeeding but my friends and family have told me that they have noticed people looking at me askance when I have fed in public! I am obviously just oblivious!

@Brobot sorry you're feeling that you should have everything worked out. Im on child no.2 and all I can say is that you get into a routine quicker because you have no other choice. Baby gets dragged along on the school run or whatever because it has to get done. The Mums you see looking calm or well put together may only have minimal make up on and half a can of dry shampoo for example and maybe that 2 mins in the shop is the first bit of quiet they've had that day. Don't read too much into it, just like social media, things aren't always as put together as they seem.

@Sheeni I'm glad the sleep consultant is paying off!

@BadBadBeans yep, Missy wants to stand as much as possible too. My eldest was the same - he could hold his own weight on his feet at 4 months (just a hand on his back was enough support) but didn't roll over until 8 months, walked at 12 months and didn't crawl until after he could walk.

@Queenofpi welcome! I hope you're doing ok with being back in work? I go back tomorrow. Not looking forward to it in many ways but also sort of looking forward to it as well. @cardboard33 I'm hoping to carry on breastfeeding mornings, evenings and weekends but formula feeding in the day as I can't be bothered with expressing in work this time around. I share an office now so it's not as convenient. I've got a real mix of situations, several stopped early on as they had trouble feeding or baby wasn't gaining and a couple who breastfed into toddlerhood. No judgment experienced but most people in my area are pretty open minded (on the surface at least lol).

@cardboard33 it's a bit of a mix with my mum friends but I do have a couple of people (who formula fed) telling me that I can stop breastfeeding now, I've done enough. I had to make it very clear to them that i like doing it and consider it worth the faff of expressing at work - for now anyway! I then have an acquaintance still breastfeeding her 3 years old, both ends of the spectrum!

@BadBadBeans I tend to notice smiles rather than strange glances when I feed in public, but maybe I too am blissfully unaware!

Good luck for your first day back tomorrow @hidcat, I hope it goes well.

@cardboard33 she isn't very long (very chunky though!) so still just about fits. I don't think she will for much longer though, so it's good to hear you say that stairs don't make too much difference for night feeds.

Kara also has a cold - it must be the week for March babies to turn into snot machines!

@Cardboard33 @Queenofpi my doctor told me when I was at an appointment 5 months after the birth to stop bf! I was a bit shocked. He said that all the benefits they get from it are in the first 2 months lol. 🤔🤔 Ummm don't think so lol. I'm hoping that it was more a case of him suggesting it to take pressure off myself because I was being diagnosed with pnd so in that regard I can understand him suggesting it but otherwise not so much.

I had a health visitor appointment today and I think I cried 4 times in total. I've been feeling incredibly low the past few days. I think when I feel like this I find everything impossible to deal with and have even less energy so elliot having his first tooth come through was bad timing in terms of my mood dip. It doesn't help that he has been a NIGHTMARE these past few days. Literally nothing I do makes him happy. He moans, groans, cries, screams all day long. But I know the poor wee eejit is just in pain and growing teeth through tiny little gums must hurt like hell. It just presents as a bad tempered little b***d 🤣🤣🤣.

The health visitor was telling me that I should have Elliot on a proper solids routine hangs head in shame. I'm very loosey goosey when it comes to the solids. I try him with certain things here and there and the only thing I give every day is porridge before bed to fill his tummy. Oopsie, bad mummy. I also NEED to get this child into his cot before I lose my marbles.

Everyone has such different experiences of feeding, it's really interesting! I'm from the north originally and definitely felt people looking at me oddly when I fed him in public so I don't now, and at the time he was only 2-3 months old. Whereas here I think a lot of mums put so much pressure on themselves to breast feed even if it's really difficult, so @brobot I think/hope your doctor was probably saying it in terms of your pnd rather than anything malicious. I hope. Tbh the only reason we are still doing it is because I've had no problems at all and I'm lazy. I feel really bad saying that though as I know there's some people who would love to bf but can't and then here am I sat here still feeding my baby when this was never really the plan.

Also, @brobot I'm no expert but that chat from the HV sounds bull as I thought solid food was complementary to milk until they were around one?

Ooh that posted too soon.

Was going to say that we are def not on any routine when it comes to solids and our baby's are basically the same age. Some days he will eat and some days his mouth is firmly shut still and we don't want to force feed him! We've got a mix of purees and finger food on the go which sometimes he will have and sometimes he just plays with... And I'm happy with that atm, and is also the advice we were given at a weaning talk I went to by our HV team. Did they say why it was so important for it to be a routine? And what do they mean by routine, exactly?

@badbadbeans if you plan on being buried then you could have quite a good tag line from your headstone about your boobs being lopped off. Maybe I could coin something similar for my brain. #endofmorbidchat I think with my baby it's just I want to be in and out so I can spend the least possible time there... Although going in everyday atm and there's only so much civilities you can have with strangers who are akin to colleagues atm before you have to give a little. I'm def outting myself here but one of my NCT group has done exactly what you've described and will have two under 11 months...!!!!

@sheeni glad you're sticking to the plan... I hope the long game pays off!! (Although realistically it must do as it's not like there are many adults who can only sleep attached to their mum..!)

Hope your first day back at work was good @hidcat

(Again sorry for multiple posts, I'm on trains so want to get them posted before I lose signal)

Does anyone else find their kid won't eat it the foods in bowl? If I squeeze the pouch directly onto the spoon he'll eat loads - but out the bowl he's having none of it!

@cardboard33 hi thank you ! We are ok. I have been putting her in her cot at night for a few hours but then bring her back to my room in her crib when I go bed as I wasn't ready to get up and out of bed every hour to feed/settle her . Although tonight I am going to keep her in the cot and just see how she goes . I will have to just get up but my partner is back tomorrow so if I'm tired at least I have some help

In terms of feeding I have been trying rose with lots of different foods but no meat or fish yet . She isn't keen on finger foods as much as the blended stuff . So it's a texture thing . Hopefully as she gets used to feeding she will enjoy it more .

She became constipated and it was so awful for her. Got some lactulose for her only gave her it once and she passed a bit more so hopefully her tummy will get used to the solids soon .

Still waking every 1-2 hours in the night. Not sure if she is genuinely hungry as she never used to do this . Just don't want to be nasty in trying to stretch the feeds out incase she is hungry . How i will ever know I don't know ?

Don't know if anyone else has experienced this ...it may sound a bit weird. When I put rose to bed I have always gone to bed with her so I've never been away from her practically since birth . So weekends when my partner is back and I take rose for bath and bedtime routine at 7 I have been staying upstairs and my partner has been downstairs. He keeps telling me to go down stairs when rose is asleep but I feel so emotional about not being next to her at night. It's strange . I hate the thought of her waking up and me not being by her side as it is what she is always been used to. Which is why this week I have put her in her cot at around 8pm and come down stairs until I've actually been ready to go sleep but I just hate it . I want to be close to her. But this is my time now and I should just enjoy it right ? Sorry if this makes no sense .

Last weekend I had plans to go out and cancelled them. Rose turned 6 months and I just still don't feel I'm ready to leave her

I won't be like this forever and she won't be this little forever and January I go back to work and have no choice but to leave her which I am not thrilled about . Anyone who has already gone back to work how was it ? I feel so sad about it . Truth is rose will probably not even miss me haha a

Hope everyone is okay.

Attatched a screen shot of a typical night for me . Where I say I give boob she isn't necessarily taking a feed . Anyone else's night look similar ?

@Jenlou1992 I went back to work this week. Urgh. Not gonna lie, it was really tough leaving Freddie but ok once I was there. They’ve been pretty helpful re. expressing at work, they fitted a lock to the staff room and printed me a ‘privacy needed’ sign to go on the door.
My nights have been like yours this week but that’s probably because he’s trying to fit 24 hours worth of boob into the 15 I’m now available to him on work days. Still not keen on bottles/cups/anything that’s not a breast.
We’re lucky in that he’ll be with either my hubby or grandparents when I’m at work, I’d definitely find it harder if he wasn’t with family.

Hey everyone, I've had a good first week back in. Melissa settles brilliantly into nursery and work is good. I've really missed her and I'm exhausted as I basically am on the go from 6am - 8pm with only a half hour lunch break but I'm adjusting. She's having formula during the day and breastfeeding evenings and weekends but seems to have one decent bottle during the day and that's it. She seems to be fine on it and they've been offering other milk feeds but she's not taken them. Food wise she'll pretty much shove anything into her mouth. She tried chocolate today - I have her a tiny slither if my Wispa and as soon as she had she reached over, grabbed the whole Wispa and shoved it in her mouth! I may have to eat chocolate only at nap time from now on 😂.

@Jenlou1992 we had similar but managed to break the cycle with a dummy. She now feeds at 10.30pm and then when she gets up about 6am. When she wakes between I just rub her back give her a dummy or a cuddle as needed.

With food I give her solids if she's awake at mealtimes or if I'm snacking. She prefers mashed type textures but gives finger foods a good go. She loves yoghurt and of course now chocolate 🍫

@HidCat @Footymum81 I'm glad your first weeks have been good. I also have a locked office for expressing in but its still really off-putting to hear the kids outside in the corridor. Also, my supply has dropped massively in the past fortnight, we're now up to about 1/3 formula. I knew it was likely to happen but I really do want to string out the breastfeeding for as long as I can. After a night when Kara wouldn't settle after just boob, I gave up and alternate boob and bottle when it's my turn for nights - I'm just not producing enough anymore 😔
@Jenlou1992 that does sound like a lot of get-ups. Apart from the recent milk drought, Kara usually wakes up for milk at about 2,4 and 6,but generally sleeps from 7.30/8 through to 2am. She has milk every time she wakes, either a boobfull or 6/7oz of formula.
I finally found some food Kara likes - baby rice pudding! I've been trying to follow the hv advice - start with veg so they don't refuse to eat things that aren't sweet, only introduce one taste at a time - but gave this a go as she eats practically nothing, and she loved it, hoovered up half a pot. All these theories that we try and follow... 😂 Maybe I should try her on a wispa too!

Well folks. I've had the worst depression/anxiety dip since the birth. I feel like hell. I have to force myself to eat. Also Elliot has sprouted 2 teeth in a just a couple of days and 2 more are on the verge. It has been so difficult. I was making good progress getting him used to the dummy and not needing boob to sleep and suddenly he's waking constantly through the night so I've had to curb the cot attempts until it calms down. He was 7 months on the 2nd. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, if this is my period coming back I'll at least know the cause but I can't go through this every month. Still no sign of it though but it would make sense to be coming back around now since he's been having a bit of formula and solids so less boob. I wish this would pass. My mood is so black and I have no energy to even get dressed. I know I have pnd but for it to hit me so hard physically is awful.

@Brobot oh hun it sounds unbelievably hard for you. I've not experienced depression myself but my Mum is bipolar so I've seen how it can affect her physically. I hope you can push through the fog or that it's hormones sending you out of whack. Do you have a mental health care person you can call? Don't suffer in silence.

We have an interesting issue - Melissa refused her bottle on Friday (first time she's flat out refused all day) so went between 7.30am and 5.30pm without milk. I thought it was probably due to teething and having a cold but as she's breastfeeding fine and still eating food haven't worried. Well today she's still refusing but she hasn't had a proper poop in a week so I figured she's backed up. Been giving her fruit pots, OJ and anything I can that would help but noticed tonight she's actually holding it in. Will have to take her to docs if she doesn't go soon she's so uncomfortable. I've tried tummy massage and legs etc but does anyone have any advice for helping her relax her bum?

@Brobot Sorry you're having such a rough time. Hope you will feel better soon. Definitely talk to someone about how you feel and get some help.

@Hidcat I don't know if it works for older babies, but I was told to put some Vaseline on a cotton bud and stick it gently up the baby's bum when my LO was smaller. You can give it a go. Didn't work for us, but my LO's issue seems to be slow digestion, not holding it in, so it might work for you.

Sorry to hear you are struggling @ Brobot I hope things get easier soon. Have you seen anybody GP/health visitor?

@ HidCat poor Melissa it’s horrible seeing them uncomfortable does she seem any more comfier in the bath? Dd seems to have a poo after her bath like the water has relaxed her