November 2014 - The one where they outrun us!

[MrsAukerman]

New thread ladies.

Good stuff Anna, he's flying it I'm sure, he sounds great.

Yeah 18 month regression...I apologise for lowering the tone! Since we did our magic sleep lady work with dd2, we had been able to put her in her cot awake, say goodnight to all her teddies and then close the door, sometimes with her waving us off...just astounding stuff given how bad a sleeper she was. But for the last few nights bedtime has been a bit ropey. She goes down fine but seconds later is screaming her head off as if in mortal peril, so we have to keep going in. When she wakes at night it's the same business. Sometimes we give her 3oz milk and sometimes we don't. It used to work fast but doesn't seem to as much anymore so haven't done it in a few nights. Tonight she's been restless on the monitor already so probably should go to bed now to cram in as much sleep as poss. Never mind, it's still not as bad as it used to be.

Glad you got some grown up socialising done lady! Sounds fun.

Hope everybody is having a nice bank holiday!
We have been away for a weekend, DH had booked a nice hotel in an old abbey. I think from now on we will be double checking if the room has an extra large bed because a regular double bed doesn't cater if DD decides she isn't going to sleep in travel cot. Poor DH ended sleeping on the floor two nights. And last night the fire alarm went off waking everybody up, then just as DD had fell asleep alarm went off again. Fortunately, she was so tired that it didn't take long for her to drift off again.

Apart from that, it was a very much needed break from everything. I actually have managed to disconnect and not to think about work. It has been manic last few weeks and not getting better any time soon.

DD seems to be getting scared of things. Been couple of weeks her being scared to go to bath and thins weekend there have been few situations she would cramp in us being scared. In one shop they had mounted on the wall old-school plastic clocks with cows, dogs, horses etc jumping out instead of the cookooo. She was soo scared!

Schools... There are several primary schools in the town, all rated as good, the last year they all were oversubscribed. We have been looking into it, but in our county they don't accept applications for earlier than year advance. There is one nursery here rated as outstanding by Ofsted and I know people who subscribed their child with them as soon as they had 12 week scan out of the way. Needless to say DD isn't attending said nursery... Thankfully we liked other one rated as good, so there was no heartache about no free spaces.

Strawberry glad you had a good weekend away despite dh having to embrace the floor.

I am braving travelling to London zoo on sat with ds1 on the train can't fave taking ds2 n pushchair and all that entails and ds1 will benefit from a day out just me n him although he wants ds2 to come as well.

How lovely that he wants DS2 to come though eastmids!

strawberry sounds like you needed to get off the work treadmill for a bit, glad you managed it (and glad you got the bed not the floor)

Anna I second that he sounds just like the rest of them, plenty going on in that wee brain! Just content enough not to need to chat about it.

We've gone a bit backwards with words I think. She steadfastly refuses to say 'yes' now, even to tempting questions like 'do you want some blueberries?' 'do you want your ipad?' she just says no. We have to guess from her tone and face if she actually means yes. I have no idea why. Then tonight she started saying mummy (which she NEVER does, only if I instruct 'say mummy' will she say it) but she was looking at DP so I think she thinks he is both mummy and daddy. I'm just the person who provided milk for 15 months/gets up with her in the night/makes all her meals etc etc... sulks

Maybe I deserve it, i actually forgot to pick her up tonight. I drove straight past the childminders and twigged as I pulled into our street and thought 'oooh I can't wait to get in and give DD a cuddle' that I needed to drive back a mile to collect her... another nomination for parent of the year award right there.

So whats the phrase? "Speak of the devil and he shall appear"??

I think he's hit it. Last night he was awake from 1am to 4am. No reason, just awake.

I am hanging.

And I have a training course today, fucking hell. Poor DH isnt much better, he's praying for an easy day with him.

I better do some Googling and see how long this beast may last!

DD turning 17 months today and I am already scared of that sleep regression even though she hasnt slept through not a single night.
ladydolly you have done what I have been imagining doing so many times - get off the train and instead of going to pick DD up going home. :)

The thing is, it's one of my greatest fears, I read this terrible story about a woman in the US who forgot to drop her daughter off on the way to work, the baby fell asleep and died due to the heat in the car later in the day. It's stayed with me for years so I'm always thinking about if I have DD in the car or not so it's shaken me a bit even though she was totally safe.

anna If it's any consolation DD only went for 2 sleepless nights and then started sleeping through. Maybe he's just mentally digesting his new skills?

Oh lady, we all have brain farts. If I could ever get away from ds I'm sure I'd be leaving him all over the place.

Really noticed this last leap. Terrible sleeping patterns. He seems to be through it though, and nicely settled in his floor bed. He's started saying 'down' and 'no' and sings a little song that goes 'ou we ou we ou we ou', no idea what that means. He's also loving my singing to him too. Probably the only person in the world that can listen to me sing, bless him!

Have the feeling ds is going to get a bit picked on as he gets bigger. There have been quite a few instances recently where he's been pushed over/ rugby tackled or had toys taken from him. He just looks bemused and a bit sad by the whole thing. Plus, he's dinky (still in a lot of 9-12m clothes). I find it really awkward when the mums try to make the little ones apologise, especially when ds has already moved on and forgotten about it. This social etiquette stuff is hard! Maybe he needs nursery soon so he can learn to stand up for himself....

We have a definite pattern now of 1 wake up and if I'm in duty I go in the single bed with him and if it's DH's night he settles him back to sleep in the cot but then DH gets in the bed in DS's room so he can shush him if he stirs again. DH yesterday volunteered to do nights all week and try to settle him in the cot then come to bed in our room in an attempt to wean him off his middle of the night parent comfort time. Fingers crossed everyone please!

Well it sounds like a good plan to try it, at any rate. We have to keep trying!

Fairly ok night here considering. He woke up once at 4am and sat up in bed. But we kept watching the monitor and after 5 mins he lay back down again.

Then he stood up happy as a claim at 6 am. We groaned and decided to just try at least to resettle him. Duvet, dummy etc and to my shock he not only let me leave the room but stayed in bed until 7am! He wasn't asleep either, he was just staring up at the ceiling thinking Deep Toddler Thoughts.

That was very mature of him!

So we're a bit tired but nothing like the night before.

posmork we have him booked in nursery at the beginning of July. Mainly cos of the new baby (Sept) but tbh nowadays I am starting to think it'd be great for him socially. He's big so other kids don't tend to bother him but that also means he's had very few social things to figure out. He's utterly oblivious to what other kids actually do!

I joked to DH that he was on night duty til DS sleeps through.
He only went and bloody slept through!

MrsA can I post DD to your DH for a sleep through session?

Yes, he wouldn't mind. He's ever so good!

It seems like those bad nights were a fluke as he's slept through the last two nights. Thank god!

I have to tell you of a rather disgusting development though. Our garden is apparently full of snails. Well I was totally unaware of this until the last couple of days. If there is a snail in the vicinity DS will find it.

And not realising it's not just a funny squishy stone, will.......stick his thumb in it and squish squish squish!

I yank them away as soon as I realise but sometimes it's too late!

DH says "Well, slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails...." but I feel ILL!!

Wise friends... Should I be grumpy about this?

DH took today to himself to go out. Was out from 9.00 and isn't home yet (expecting him in about an hour). Next week, he has to go abroad for work from early Monday to early Thursday. He was out a couple of times last week with work. He has said he will take ds out tomorrow, from lunchtime, to give me a break.

I feel a bit grumpy about this for a few reasons; 1) he's out so much that I feel a bit like a single parent 2) when he is home he doesn't help with housework (he hasn't cleaned or put a wash on since we moved house in November, though does do little bits like load the dishwasher and iron his work trousers). He does tell me he appreciates what I do, but he's also quite messy and I don't think he'd really care if I didn't clean. 3) he doesn't plan family trips out or look into the future much, unless trip is around hobby. But he does plan trips and gigs for us as dates, or things he can do himself.

I totally get that he works full time, is out of the house from 7-6.30 everyday, and is paying all the bills etc. He is great with ds, happy to muck in with nappy changes, meal times (though he doesn't cook), bath and bed, and will be up during the night with ds if need be. They love each other very much. However I take the lead in organising ds, and subsequently dh, for all days out, routine, future decisions and plans (like weaning, toilet training etc). Dh will listen, take on board what I tell him, and will enact it, but all responsibility for deciding how we do something is mine. I don't mind, most of the time. I'm organised, like being a mum and take interest in child development etc.

I just feel a bit alone with it all, I suppose, and a bit lost because I don't take days off to myself. I honestly don't know what I'd do with them! Tomorrow,when he's out all I can see are the piles of laundry and nappies that need washing!

Dh does ask me if it's OK for him to do stuff, but I sort of feel like I have to say yes, or else I come off really selfish and irrational. Ds behaves well, so I don't need him here to help, a lot of the things he does are work obligations, and he works so hard he deserves to have time to rest and enjoy himself at the weekends. I feel like I'm drifting away from him a bit really...

Maybe just some flowers and a massage would be nice! But do any of you guys feel like this too? And what should I do to sort it?

You go out.

Every weekend.

After my bereavements last year I had counselling. And it ranged over far more than grief, we talked about parenthood etc also as I was feeling like I was on a treadmill and had no time to grieve because I was constantly with the baby. Whereas DH, good though he is, would go to the gym a couple of times a week. He would just say "Oh I'm going to go to the gym early, is that ok?" And what kind of monster would say no??

So the counsellor asked what would happen if I wanted to go somewhere. And I said it'd be fine but I had nowhere to go so what was the point? And she nicely pointed out that that was bullshit (maybe didnt use that word, lol), and that I could go for a coffee and read a book.

So I went home and announced that I needed more me time and that from now on, once a week, I was going to go into Costa and order an overpriced coffee and read a book. And I still do that to this day. It helps me enormously and has made me realise that if you dont ask for anything? You dont get anything.

its a start, anyway?

What annarose said.

Sometimes I start to question everything and get that 'treadmill' feeling and realise I haven't made time for myself (Cheesy I know but best way to explain it). DP takes DD out every weekend and I have to make myself doing something other than the laundry. My allotment is my happy place and if not then a good swimming session. Keeps me sane.

But DP would never offer any time off. I have to ask. The same way he would ask. The difference is that he does ask.

Have you told him you'd appreciate a thank you now and again? Otherwise it really won't occur to him, especially if he's not done it before.

Do you do stuff together as well? fun stuff I mean.

Had a perfect parenting moment earlier, not where I was doing some perfect parenting, still a long way off that ;) But just a delicious time with DD. I took her to the allotment with me for a couple of hours late this afternoon. We watered the veg, she spent a lot of time sat on my lap while I pulled up the weeds. Then we walked home hand in hand, covered in mud, munching on melon, in the sunshine. It was just too perfect. Of course we got home she had a least 3 bathtime tantrums and didn't go to sleep until 8.30 but for those few minutes walking home, perfect.

We're going to the seaside tomorrow, she wasn't a massive fan of sand last year so wish us luck! Hope everyone is enjoying a sunny weekend.

Well went to London zoo yesterday just took ds1 was lovely day other than getting back into Camden town tube is nightmare massive q we did sneak round it (had a set train to get home) n had to walk down that horrible spiral staircase I had ds1 on one hand and my niece who is 5 but has special needs on other hand as my sister had to carry the special needs buggy down well people were barging down stairs so I waited for a gap n let kids hold on to either rail n I stood in middle and held their hand yep we had a massive q behind us but we got safely to bottom.

We had lovely day though was v hot and was me my mum, sister, my ds and my sisters 4 children.

She finally took a couple of wobbly steps by herself yesterday!! She was walking with a baby walker and, when she stopped and stood holding on to something else, DH moved the walker just out of arms' reach. Usually she would just crawl over to it but not this time. We will have to do intensive practice today, because she has broken her baby shoes for babies who can't walk, the biggest size they come in is 12-18months, and, if she can walk, I can get her some proper shoes tomorrow rather than buying some just-as-expensive pre-walker shoes that she will only need for a tiny amount of time.

to those of you who are fed up of CBeebies, DD1 has declared herself too old for CBeebies now she is 5. Now we have to watch CBBC instead. It's not an improvement. I miss CBeebies!

DD2 has started 'singing' Happy Birthday! She babbles to the tune anyway. I don't know where she learnt that, presumably they don't sing it everyday at nursery, and we don't sing it at home. Even on DD1's birthday a couple of weeks ago we only sang it once or twice, and there are songs they probably do do everyday at nursery that she doesn't appear to know.

Nights 1&2 he slept through. Nights 3,4&5 not slept through. Poor DH. At least DH and I are getting to actually share a bed and hopefully soon DS will realise it's OK to sleep all night in his cot with no one else in the room.

porsmork we have all the DD and home related stuff pretty much 50/50 and we spend weekends all three of us. But there are small things like preparing for travel that it's assumed I have to pack DD's stuff along with mine, which, I think comes still from mat leave times. Have to admit that during mat leave DH often offered to look after DD for me to go to massage or whatever I wanted. Also he often looks after DD during weekend while I do some weekend cooking&baking or gardening. While it's for the benefit of everybody, they are things I really enjoy doing, could say they are my hobbies. I think it starts with mat leave, when women stay at home and take on most of the load of childcare, that they are considered main carers even when they return back to work full time.
By the way, do you get downtime during the week? While you are not in official employment, all you do for your family is "work" from what you also need time off.

The other day I picked up DD from nursery and saw the other girl in the room with nail polish on her toe nails. I was so impressed! I cannot cut DD's nails without DH distracting her. I think we both would be covered in the polish.

Really strawberry nail polish on a toddler - not seen that before so unnecessary.

eastmids I wouldnt personālu have DD's nails painted, but knowing how much pain in the neck is cutting her nails, I was left

Jealous that your dd holds your hand walking lady. Dd2 is a total bolter, the second we're in a public place she just wants to get down and run as fast as she can while shouting gleefully

She's slept through the last 2 nights, hallelujah, but there were loads of shit nights before that. Fingers crossed she has a good run of it for a while now. We still have to stay in the room with her til she falls asleep now but I don't mind so long as she sleeps!

posmarck you definitely have to do the overpriced coffee and book thing. Make a conscious decision to step away from the housework. Making things more equal takes a lot of work and sometimes it's tempting to think 'what's the point I'll just do it myself' but DONT! It drove me cracked when dh used to say before going out for the day/weekend 'well I'm ready, just waiting on you' when I'd be packing all the baby stuff. One day I said 'no you're not, your child's stuff is not ready and that is your problem too'. Message has now been mostly recieved. He is pretty great now but only because he has had to learn. When you start taking back your own share of free time, posmarck, my guess is your dh will flounder and sweat a bit at first and complain that something isn't there or wasn't ready (dinner, nappy stuff etc). It'll be tempting to apologise or explain but don't- it'll be him just venting because it'll be hitting him how much work all of this is.

Sorry for the essay, it's a subject I feel strongly about! I also recommend giving each other one lie in each at the weekend. We do this and it works well.

That's why it was a perfect parenting moment halfstar - because it NEVER happens normally! :)

Although went to the coast yesterday and it was great, DD was not a fan of the sand so very easy to keep her in one place. She spent most of the time laying on my back while I lay on my front. Apparently she looked like a baby marmoset monkey. Was a lovely day though, picnic, paddling, proper british summer. EXHAUSTED now though.