August 2015 - Jaffa cake wars and many Mugabe greetings to you!

[mzzzf]

New thread ladies - praying for a decent sleep tonight!!

Wow this is a thread of seriously cute babies. Nice work ladies . I am currently tethered to the breast pump. Effing hate it, but it's the price to pay for a couple of hours "off" duty. Still, gives me time to read up on the thread and eat chocolate buttons.

Hope you are okay Effin. There are few things worse than a baby crying for no reason that you can fathom. Makes you feel really powerless. However, I second Fatty, no harm ever came of popping them in their cot and heading to another room for a few minutes. It's a strategy that has saved my sanity on more than one occasion!

Frolic how did Daddy bottle time go for you? We did the same this evening, I abandoned DH with both girls and a bottle of ebm. He looked slightly shell shocked when I came back but he's just out of practice.

Clstow we lived in London when we had DD1 and had the same experience trying to get her into a good nursery. We went with a childminder in the end and it was the best decision we could have made. She had an amazing time and was so well looked after. All the best luck finding someone for your DS.

Joskar absolutely agree with you that it's easier second time around. I was a neurotic mess with DD1, convinced I was going to break her somehow. This time around I know I didn't break her, which gives me the confidence to trust my instincts with DD2, if that makes sense in a sleep deprived addled sort of way!?

nolonger My hospital are really pro VBAC so if anything it was the other way round, the argument came down to how medicalised the delivery would be, an elcs was never even discussed. I realise I was pretty lucky in that respect though as I have friends elsewhere in the country who have had quite different experiences.

Thanks everyone for the warm welcomes. It's nice to finally get involved. I was going to join the antenatal thread but had a shitty pregnancy so never really felt confident to do so. It's lovely to be here now.

Mugabe and good night all, see you at 1:30am

I tried to start expressing again last night to build up a supply as dd is going to have sleepover at nanny's house on Saturday but it seemed I didn't pick a great time to express as I only got 60mls. I'm wide awake in agony with my tooth again and dd is fast asleep so maybe I should try and express a bit more again. I bet I'd have a lot more now. I'm sick of toothache now. Had it a week. I'm the severity comes and goes but it's always there. Started antibiotics yesterday so I really hope they do something because otherwise I don't know what else they do to fix toothache. It's getting me down now though especially as I would be asleep right now if it wasn't for it hurting.

I hope all your lovely babies are behaving and sleeping well (doubtful but u never know heehee)

Frolic glad u enjoyed some time apart and that it went well so u can make your hairdressers appointment. It really makes it easier to go to places of u can do that even though ts hard to leave them.

"Only" 60mls?! I still haven't managed to get that much in one go! I've been trying pumping one breast while feeding on the other - I don't seem to let down at all if I just pump, but that may be because I only get a chance at times when baby has already completely drained my boobs!

Please someone explain the 'poo in s fresh nappy syndrome'. Is it like the joy digs get from pooing on s freshly cut lawn?! DD had a uber dirty napoy, so changed her after milk, finished milk, burped. Settling to sleep and grrrrruuuunnnntt - boom! Another present for me!!

Been up for 1.5hrs now trying to get dad back to sleep. I'm on the verge of giving up and going downstairs to start the day instead when ironically she'll prob fall straight asleep.

Also think I'm having some kind of ptsd. Sat here crying over period pains and remembering how horrible her birth was... I can only just admit to that now 10 weeks on song is probably the reason I've not 100% bonded with her. God that sounds awful and it's hard to explain and I've only told one person this is how I feel in RL. I love her and want to care for her but still don't feel like a mother Ridiculous eh?!

mzzf someone described it to me as the 90 second nappy. It's happened to me a few times - I wondered if he had such a full nappy, he was holding it in for when there was more space ...

Oh mzzzf, sending you a massive 5am-er hug! It's so so tough, you are doing such a brilliant job. Sometimes I wonder what the feck I'm doing, I think everyone has this. In regards to the birth it took me a long time to realise what had gone on, and mine was nice and simple in comparison to yours, I didn't cry for a long time after having her and this last week in particular has been so emotional. My mum kindly pointed out I probably have PMT, or as I said a non-period period as this would usually be when I'm due on. Although I wanted to smack her, actually made quite a lot of sense with the amount I was crying and the uncontrollable rage too. I hope little one manages to go back to sleep and you can too, this is no time to start the day cheeky monkey x

Mzzf- I was exactly the same with dd1. I didn't have a "rush" of love. Horrible birth experience plus all the feeding trauma following a very difficult pregnancy. I felt like a shite mammy and that I'd failed her. Even although I loved her I felt quite separate. You know what though? It came. The bond came. Around four/five months or so I started feeling a bit more confident and relax. As she started being more interesting (smiling, giggling, moving etc) it all felt more like we were a team instead of a lonely, weeping caregiver and an inexplicably squalling bundle of stress. She's two now and she's my lovely girl. 100% bonded. If it's any comfort dd2 has been completely different. Easier pregnancy, easy birth, much easier baby. Cut yourself some slack. You've been through a lot. It's not ridiculous to feel conflicted and emotional. On top of which you've moved away and everything is new and different. I think you're a hero. You keep on keeping on and it will come. You and your beautiful girl will sort it out between you. Get out and about everyday no matter the weather, take deep lungfulls of air, speak and smile everyday. We're here if you need us. Take care.

mzzf
You have bee through so many changes in recent weeks. A birth (let alone a difficult one) and a move are two of the most stressful things that happen in life. It really is no wander you are feeling off kilter.
Bonding comes at different times for different people. I was worried about this am before having ds and spent a bit of time researching. The 'Rush' of love comes at different times for many, many people. I felt detached from the whole experience for a good few weeks, despite it all bring pretty straight forward.
Talking about your feelings - on here and in real life, will really help you process them. what you are feeling is perfectly normal and understandable. Please don't feel you have to bottle things up - that won't help you.
Be kind to yourself.

As for the pooing in fresh nappy - I think that has to remain one of life's big mysteries

I hope everyone has had some sleep. Mugabe!

mzzf massive hugs and to you. I didn't feel that rush of love straight away either, but I feel it now. It's sort of snuck up on me, most of the time I don't notice it, but then he'll be crying because he woke up frightened and I'll pick him up and feel his whole little body relax and the sobs still themselves and BOOM. hits me like a truck. I pure tear right up.

When I've told people about my traumatic labour(1), a lot of other mums have suggested I go into the hospital for one of those meetings with the team where they sit down with you and talk about what happened and why. Apparently it's really helped them get past the trauma. Might be worth looking into if you feel like the trauma is still affecting you?

(1)53 fucking hours back to back with him trying to come chin first while I was vomiting and shivering uncontrollably due to an infection of the amniotic fluid followed by a cat 1 emergency section when his heart rate plummeted, during which the epidural partially failed, and 3 days in hospital on IV antibiotics plus an allergic reaction to an adhesive that made my whole back and arse peel like a burn.

MzzzF, the whole having a baby thing is such an emotional upheaval, no matter how prepared you think you are its just such a shock in so many ways. I can only echo what the others have said about talking about how you feel and getting some fresh air everyday. From your posts on here it sounds like you are doing a great job and mini-M is loving having you as a mum. Take lots of care.

also for Lily, i don't have dogs but as always I'm in awe of anyone who manages to have a newborn and get anything else done whatsoever. Dog walker to give you a break sounds like a great idea.

Tooth ache is horrible Dozy - some say worse than labour, so poor you, hope you managed to get some sleep. Mornings are supposed to be much better than night for expressing, so 60ml doesn't sound bad to me. I'm getting the pump out today as well as I'm leaving DS with DP and going for dinner with some friends later.

DS got up for his second night feed at 6 and is still up. Not sure whether to bother trying to get anymore sleep or if I should just put the kettle on now... I think it's definitely a chocolate for breakfast kind of day.

Gotta be quick as school run beckons but wanted to respond to mzzzf ASAP.

Do not add worry about what you 'should' be feeling to your load, everyone copes with being a Mum differently but I don't believe anyone doesn't find some aspect of it intolerable hard at times. IMO bonding is another aspect of the fertility journey that we just don't talk about enough (add it to infertility, abortion, miscarriage, labour, the difficulties of breastfeeding etc etc). It's as if, as women, we are just supposed to tough everything out behind closed doors, which is bullshit.

You are exceptionally brave to voice your feelings. Keep talking, it really helps. And as others have said, the connection does come, it'll sneak up on you when you least expect it. I couldn't connect with being pregnant at all this time as I was convinced throughout that we were going to lose her, it's scary not feeling like everyone expects you too, big hugs to you.

Frolic, mzzf and clstow thanks for understanding where I'm coming from! The dog walker is a good idea but to be honest I wouldn't be able to find that money at the moment! We are throwing everything we've got spare at our credit card in a bid to have it paid off before I go back to work as I'll be part time. Hopefully it will get easier in time! Just had a massive cuddle with one of them whilst DS is sleeping and made be tear up because he was so calm and gentle letting me hug him like a human, feel so guilty!

Mzzf big hugs for you! Doesn't sound ridiculous at all! As someone else mentioned you moved at the same time as having her so your life has changed on every level- I did the same and have had some weird longing feelings for my old life. Doesn't mean I don't want DS and that I don't love him to pieces it's just such a big change is hard to process! I even sometimes have wanted to be back in our old house which is ridiculous because it was old and damp and cold and we are now in a lovely shiny new build but it often doesn't feel like 'home' yet!

I've started the day at 0545 today as I couldn't be bothered to wash my hair last night and it was vile! So I showered at stupid O clock whilst DH fed DS- I couldn't risk leaving it till DH was at work as if DS has a repeat of yesterday I wouldn't get it done and we have baby massage and my dad coming to stay later so I couldn't look like a tramp any longer! In complete Sod's law style DS is still asleep having dropped back off in his cosy when I brought him downstairs! Ah well I've sterilised all his bottles, emptied dishwasher, done a load of washing and had breakfast at least so that's all done for the day! Going to curl up on the couch next to him now and try my luck for a nap- what's the betting he's awake in the next 5 minutes!

Mugabe have a nice day everyone!

Deffo a chocolate for breakfast kinda day!

A www you're all so lovely, big slushie snogs all round. I don't think a birth debrief would help as o totally understand why what happened. Really I don't think I was ready to get pregnant but had the fear of 'you're over 30' put into me. I've always wanted a family, please don't get me wrong. I just didn't think I'd feel so detached which is nuts as she's a cool little lady. Hopefully it'll come in time xxx

Mugabe all round

Right enough of all these emotional crap - we're not bloody American!!

Btw I totes forgot how awful periods are! However, milkybar buttons and double choc digestives have helped!!

Hello. Son 2 was born on the 19 August (8 weeks yesterday). Son 1 is 5 and in Year 1 at school. I have Been finding things tough, have been diagnosed with PND (mainly anxiety), seeing a perinatal psychiatric nurse and am on medication.

I haven't read the whole thread sorry but mzzzf - it took me a while to feel proper love for my eldest. I always say that I fell in love with him for who he is rather than it being instinctive. I think it will be the same for my youngest and right now that feels hard (I feel like I don't 'know' him at all - he's an enigma) but I have to trust that it will come in time like if did with my eldest.

Sending love and smiles to mzzzf' lily and cor and anyone else having a tough time of it - things do get better - I know that probably doesn't really help and sometimes it takes a while but thinking of you all

Welcome cor - congratulations on your new baby and sorry you haven't been well - good you are getting the help you need and know from experience things will improve.

Love all the super cute baby pics - fanby Molly's hair is fab - my eldest DD had hair like that as a baby and now has masses of curls.

Was cuddled in bed with DD when other DCs woke us up at 6am!! - it's my birthday and they get more excited than me - birthday cake for breakfast - have had to light the candles and sing Happy Birthday many times as toddler loves to blow them out . After much hinting DH bought me a NutriBullet. However I also got a giant slab of Galaxy so will eat that first before I start on my juicing diet

Ah mzzzf lots of love to you. This whole crazy journey that is motherhood is so hard. And nowhere near as picture perfect as it's made out to be. I do sometimes find myself looking at DS and feeling like we have a stranger living in our home with us and even worse a stranger who has spoilt our nice carefree life. I think there are so many more feelings around early parenthood and only the good ones are discussed.

Also think birth truma is just brushed away on the grounds that 'but you got your baby so you can't complain' (actually said to me when mentioned to Dr birth had been horrible) However we do need to get over it emotionally as well as physically.

Just a thought but what I do sometimes if things feel a bit too much is read through the thread from the beginning. Makes me realise how far we have all come. I had completely forgotten that for the first few weeks we couldn't get aidan to go to bed before 3am. So now when am stressing about it being 11pm (or 1am like last bloody night) I can remind myself what an improvement this is. And how well we are both doing. As is everyone else.

As for the pooing on a clean nappy oh my god it is annoying. Babies give no thought to landfill sites.

Oh and while we are sharing dog pics here is my mum and dads very lovely but totally spoilt dog

Oh and happy bday love!!!

Welcome cor blimey!

Thanks love and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope your little 'un behaves for you as a present!

Just been to baby massage DS loved it today and only whinged a tiny bit but stopped with me pulling silly faces so we did the whole class without needing to stop for cuddles etc! Probably because he had a big sleep before we went- as I said Sod's law he slept until I woke him at 0920 so I could get him ready to go! These babies! There's really no predicting them! He's asleep again now but it's only been 20 minutes so far so we'll see how it goes but still a huge improvement on yesterday!

Not had a poo here (DS not me!) for 2 days which isn't like him, was dreading he'd do it at baby massage when I did his tummy but he didn't- smelly trumps but no poo! So now I'm betting it will be when friends drop in this afty! Looking forward to seeing them- family friends, you know the kind where all the kids grow up together as the parents are friends. Well their daughter had her DD about 3 weeks after me and she lives in London but is up staying worth her parents for the week so is dropping by to introduce the babies! Should be cute! Although my money is Defo on DS either pooing and stinking he just out or sleeping the entire time! My dad is also on his way down from Scotland to stay the night- shid have been arriving pretty much now but he is running behind as per usual!! So busy busy day here!

Kbro- I get the whole 'stranger' thing- not really anymore but at first I felt like I was just babysitting DS and was waiting for the knock on the door for someone to come and take him away! Took me a while to adjust and feel like he was ours and was here for the long run!

Happy birthday love!!! Hope the choc has been smashed

Kbro - the stranger analogy really resonates! I know it doesn't happen straight away for everyone just thought I'd feel it by now, especially since we're coming up to 3 months but thanks for being honest Joskar that it took 4/5mths for you. You'll all know when it does happen as I'll be on here ASAP!!

My normally good daytime napper (albeit on me) has now decided daytime sleeping is for wimps and will push on through despite rubbing her eyes like a lion and yawning there's no tomorrow. Sleep goddamit!!! Oh that reminds me of Samuel L Jackson's "go the fuck to sleep" YouTube it if you've not seen it!

love HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
mzzzf you are fab, as you said, you do love her. It's just a big upheaval becoming a mum, especially for the first time.
siani for you too, that sounds horrendous. You are amazing!
kbro cute doggy
cor welcome. I also suffered PND with DD (my 2nd) she's now 22 months and we have a much better relationship. (I must admit I still feel guilty about it though) she's not been bothered by it at all though. She's happy and stroppy and funny and adorable. And currently sat in her pram with her gruffalo wellies on telling me to "come on mummmyyyy! Go bye, get choc choc"

I'm freezing. I'm sat wrapped up in my dressing gown with a throw over me too. Brrr.

Hi everyone :) Can I join the flurry of new members?

Well jab day is a bit of a minefield isn't it? She's fine one second and inconsolable the the next (yes just like any other day)! Certainly kept me on my toes today. DH did take the day off though and I feel so bad for doing it but I did put some earplugs in and go for a nap for a couple of hours, had to make the most of it! In hindsight should have probably gone for longer as I have an inkling we're in for a sleepless night - thought calpol was supposed to knock them out?!

Happy birthday Loveandsmiles!!! Hope you've had a glorious day and been spoilt rotten!! Enjoy the nutribullet concoctions!

Kbro - your parents dog is beautiful!!

Welcome to the newbies!!

xx