April 2015 thread 2 - ruling our lives and stealing our sleep, our babies are growing up already!

[PenguinPoser]

New thread for those of us left here

I need a little vent I may have to come of fb again Dp isn't happy with me posting I'm ill.
I'm beginning to really see he doesn't care, he says he does if I ask but his actions don't match up.
I asked him if he could stay and not go away as I really don't feel safe as in I feel I'm going to collapse everytime I move but he doesn't care, work is more important even though he wouldn't have been going if we had moved house last week.
I'm feeling so down and I'll I really just wish someone would help, I have the out of hours soon to double check it is my tonsils I'm 99 percent sure it is I really hope there's something that can be done I can't handle being like this alone with 2 children.

Glad you're seeing the ooh dr, if it's tonsillitis, antibiotics should make you feel better pretty quickly. I can how work is important if he's the only breadwinner but anyone should be sympathetic of his need to be at home if his oh isn't capable of caring for the children. Sorry you're feeling so ill

I went I cried the whole way and the whole time I was there, it is tonsillitis got antibiotics and a throat spray.

Dp would still be paid, it's really getting to me that he makes theses plans without telling me and I'm not allowed to say anything back to him, I'm lying in bed feeling dizzy dreading tomorrow I have no idea how I will cope I've never felt this bad with either, the Dr told me to rest it made me cry more he's going to put a note on the thing the GP says about my mood as I couldn't keep it together at all, I feel quiet embarrassed about it.

You shouldn't feel embarrassed perhaps it will help when you go next week.

Don't be embarrassed monkeybabies. Doctors are well used to people being upset. I think in terms of your DP as you're realising yourself actions speak louder than words. Caring means showing you care, just saying it means very little by itself. I think it's unreasonable that he can up and leave you for non essential reasons at the moment. I also think it's unreasonable to cut you off from a support network (FB) just because he doesn't like it. He doesn't get to decide who you talk to!
What's happening with your house move?
Cinnamon I admire your running and half marathon training. Why was your DH grumpy? i enjoyed the remembrance parade on tv.

Oops posted to soon...
I liked the remembrance service and wreath laying too.
We have been shopping and family visiting today and now I'm exhausted!
Hope everyone has peaceful nights.

He was grumpy apparently because I asked him to feed the boys while I was out and he wanted to just sit around . He generally accepts I go to parkrun on a Saturday but likes us to lounge around in bed for a bit on a Sunday. I told him when I entered that I'd need to train weekends and he was happy for me to enter but he's conveniently forgotten that! I went earlier than last week because we had our photo shoot though!

He left at midnight, I'm struggling to sleep I'm still in pain but not as much as yesterday but my ear is really sore now which is bothering me.
Still no word on the house move I might phone the council today to see what they say if I can right now all I want to do is sleep.

Cinnamon so sorry he was grumpy, how did the rest of your day go.

Penguin I hope you've had a easy night to rest.

Didn't answer your question about the fb part, he thinks I'm posting to much bad things so then people think he's not very nice, It's all to do with the post that I wrote and showed him he's not happy with the replies that it got and wants me to stop writing as he says I'm now believing he's not nice he thinks it's everyone's fault, I don't know we got in a huge argument as I wrote I was unwell as he had his boss/mate on the phone checking he was still going and I'm selfish to have wrote it as my step mum wished me well when she is going threw what she is i actually think he has a point with that one to tonsillitis doesn't compare at all to what she's going threw.

Sorry that was a bit longer I am trying to shorten what I write.

I got him their I cried in the toilets and told them I was ill the wind hurt my throat I'm sure they think I'm crazy or stupid either or they looked at me funny, I took his buggy he can walk it but it's windy I was to scared I case he let go and something happened.
I don't know how I will get him home I'm crying on the couch at nothing I don't even get why theirs no reason for me crying anymore it just happens.
I want this to stop I just want 1 day that I don't cry and I don't dread doing a normal thing like getting dressed, going for a bath eating I just feel really stupid for not being able to do them then guilty I haven't I can't win and it's all my fault I hate my mind.

It's really not your fault at all, you should feel proud that feeling as ill as you do you got him to nursery safely and you're back home. You know you can do it because you just have so this afternoon will be fine. Try to rest while he's there and keep drinking to help your throat, being well hydrated will help with the dizziness too. Please don't feel stupid, I totally understand not wanting to cry and worry but it's not stupid at all to feel like that. I hope with the ooh dr's comments they will listen more carefully to you at your next appointment. Get well x

I made it but I'm never leaving the house again, I didn't feel safe and now I don't at home there's people going around with knifes selling them on my street.
I phoned the council they can't guarantee a date but they think In the next few days.
Ds's home teacher is out this afternoon at 2 for an hour with him I don't want anyone here but can't cancel again I know I'm going to cry in front of her then she will tell the nursery and they put everything on record there and it never gets taking off.
I want to take the kids to bed where it's safe and warm I feel really cold.

Even if you cry and it goes on some sort of record why does it matter monkeybabies? The only thing that could happen would be extra support for you if they realise you are struggling which would be a good thing. You've done so well getting ds to nursery and back. Take one thing at a time.

It gets to me them all knowing as they have my eupd in ds's educational record now I feel like it looks bad although they will probably attribute his asd to me being like that I do.
I just want to be in bed again I feel ill and really sad I'm getting frustrated with myself as I just want to fell and do normal things.

My old cpn 3 years ago was really good she was monitoring my mood and always checked up if I had a bad visit she would phone in between leaving and the next one to see if she needed to come back earlier.

She really listened and I could tell she did as she remembered little insignificant things rather than just ticking boxes which I have felt a lot of the time but I don't blame any professionals it's the system there's no funding so I can't blame anyone person how are they meant to help everyone they can't and I know it's people like me that don't get help as we are seen as attention seeking no good people who can't be helped (sorry if I offend anyone I don't mean everyone it's how I feel about it).
I think if all you do is listen and do what you can there's nothing else you can do.
I know my own GP doesn't know what to do that's why he sent the referral for a psychiatrist to see me and they wouldn't so I can't blame him and now the cpn has written me off I personally feel I'm wasting there time as no one can help me I just need to wait what ever this is out I just don't know how to anymore.

Wrong thread ignore the last post.

How is everyone?

Ds3 was awake 9.30-11.15 last night and a lot of it was crying inconsolably much happier today!

Cinnamon poor ds3 I hope to night is a better night for him.

I'm exhausted I really just want to sleep I'm finding it hard to concentrate, dd has backtracked tonight she's waking every 45 minutes I've just gave her calpol I hope she sleeps soon.

Nope exactly the same last night too, no idea what's wrong. I hate not being able to comfort him, I just sat cuddling, stroking and singing to a screaming baby
Sorry dd is waking more often again, hoping it's only temporary. Is your appointment this week?

Oh dear cinnamon it's awful when they just scream isn't it. We have had a couple of episodes of similar this week with tears snotty nose the whole works. It's heartbreaking! Hope it doesn't happen again for you tonight.
Monkeybabies I really hope your DD settles down and sleeps for you, you deserve a break.

I think I'm going to take DD to do some Christmas shopping later on today. Need to make a list of what I need to get so as not to go overboard as real can't afford it.

Looking forward to the weekend as I'm going for afternoon tea with a couple of friends. DD will be with DH who is taking her for lunch with his aunt and uncle. I've been trying to express for a bottle for her while I'm gone but just don't seem to be able to get any milk at the moment. She's feeding fine so I know there's milk there I just can't express it. At least there's some in the freezer and my emergency formula bottles so she will be fine.

Cinnamon so sorry dd did the same she seemed to cry her self to sleep at 3am after hours of me trying to settle her :(.

Penguin I hope your Christmas shopping goes well. You will have fun at the weekend and dd will be fine, I can't express any more either :/.

The appointment was yesterday I have one confused gp he doesn't understand why I've been discharged when they are advising me to stop breast feeding (which he disagrees with) and have a ad with sedative effect so he's going to chase then up as he doesn't have the report, he says I should be under the mental health team, I go back in 2 weeks and if he's got the information he can make a better suggestion, I don't know it just all seems messed up right now.
I went out to ds's parent meeting he's doing good, I feel like I've been on a run (I don't run) I'm really exhausted although I found an annoying way to get there and back without thinking to much that you will have seen on the group oops but it worked I don't feel like repeating it anytime soon, I have realised that's 2 days in a row I've been out so something's changed I just wish it didn't feel like everything bad than can happen will happen when I'm out :/.

I thInk that sounds like progress to me monkeybabiess111, someone who's listening to you! Well done on getting out too, baby steps

I've made him a GP apt as the hv made me feel guilty at the clinic PenguinPoser! Hope you enjoy your shopping and afternoon tea. I'm going Saturday for one of my running club mates who's leaving for the states on 23rd Nov unfortunately it coincides with Sam's feed so dh is going to give him the special formula we have for adding to his food as we know he's ok with it but I'm toying with taking him, he'll get lots of attention and I don't think anyone will mind

Cinnamon I hope ds3 is ok and the Dr can help.
I would probably take dd in that situation.

We got a date Monday, I'm panicking I have no idea how to do it all and dp is useless when it comes to moving except for the use of his bank card right now.

Hope everyone's ok.

I'm feeling really drained and fed up with life, everytime I'm trying to pick up the pieces it seems there's something go knock my back, I don't know I guess all in doing is feeling sorry for me right now.
I wish this house move was not happening I feel useless 6 months ago I was excited we would possibly get one now I feel ungrateful as its not often this happens yet I'm feeling this way about it, I'm also worrying incase there not built right or the electrics will be ok and the gas lines are laid right I don't understand why I do this I wish I didn't why can't I just enjoy it like a normal person.
Dd is unwell and I hope she gets better but I also feel guilty about just wanting her to lie down and sleep.

Stop the guilt now! Our house was new when we moved in, we had a few teething problems but the builders were very good and it's great to have a home that's only yours. Think of the positives when you're in their. Wishing dd well!

Ds3 is soooooo much better after 24hrs of antibiotics and I need to go to bed to catch up on some sleep. Night all x