April 2015 thread 2 - ruling our lives and stealing our sleep, our babies are growing up already!

[PenguinPoser]

New thread for those of us left here

Penguin I'm glad your dads improving I hope dd sleeps soon so you can eat.

I've sat most of today trying to work out ways to fix everything all I do it cry and think of what a mess of everything I've made.
My hv got a call from the cpn he came out to find out what had happened as she confused him, he said he used to work in psychiatry and is confused with the things he's been told and doesn't understand why the cpn says to stop breast feeding, he is going to speak to the gp to see if I've to go back or not to the gp or not as it was all dependant on what the cpn said.
I'm so confused I can't help thinking I must be a bad person, maybe this is what a deserve, or everything that's happened in my life is my fault and someone like me shouldn't be happy I don't know anymore.

Sorry for venting but I've used the mental health boards for months, sometimes there helpful sometimes he makes me feel worse as others have real problems and then I have 2 beautiful dc and can't seem to be happy they should be enough, they deserve so much more than I can give them.

He -they

Don't be daft, I just find it really sad that no one is willing to help you. I wish I could do something or even make any suggestions. I think I would just focus on the little tasks, try to feel achievement from the small things you do manage to do, the moments of smiles/fun with the kids and hopefully in the mean time the GP that prescribed the ad will see you again and will speak to you about what the plan for the future is.

So glad your dad is improving PenguinPoser, must be a weigh off your mind and making life easier for you all as a family.

I got my first period Tuesday and my goodness it's been hideous! I invested in a mooncup after I had ds2 and it's the best thing I did, reduced cramping loads but even with that I've had to empty it every 2hrs and it holds something like 14ml . Such a hassle when trying to look after all the kids too. Dh and I both have the day off tomorrow but it's supposed to be horrible weather so not sure what we are going to do!

So sorry cinnamon sympathies from me, I hope you find something fun to do today with dh and ds3.

I'm so tired of everything dd was up every 2 hours she's ill but it didn't matter anyway. (Of course it matters she's ill I hope you get what I mean) I couldn't sleep I couldn't stop thinking, I feel really drained today I just want to hide in bed and never leave here but dp is working later the house is a mess.
The move has been prosponed we don't know when it will be so I need to unpack something's I did managed to get.

That's really annoying for you that the move is postponed monkeybabies - any idea why that's happened? Living in limbo is not what you need at the moment by the sounds of things. How are you feeling now?

Hope your period has settled cinnamon. I'm dreading the return as it hasn't happened for me yet.

What's everyone's weekend been like? I went away for a night with friends which was lovely. Took DD and she was a superstar the whole time. It was very foggy driving though which was a bit scary!

Having the move postponed sucks MonkeyBabiess111, any idea when it will be now?

It has thanks PenguinPoser, 3 days really heavy and then just that annoying bits at the end over the weekend thankfully! I've actually had a really nice weekend, no arguments which is a bonus! Fancy dress parkrun, diy shopping and trick or treating then run with my friends painting and lovely autumnal walk followed by watching Harry Potter. Glad you enjoyed your weekend away and it all went well!

Cinnamon I'm pleased to hear your weekend was good and sounds like it was really fun and everything is better with your dh.

Penguin I'm glad you had a lovely time away, sounds scary driving there though.

I'm ill today I'm really trying to keep distracted, my minds helping though it's strange I'm thinking of random things rather than bad things but it's still constant I want to sleep, I've not been eating much at all but can't bring myself to eat and I haven't made it out or even get dressed in days I know I need to I really do I feel horrible for it but I don't have any energy.
Dd has perked up today and ds is being cooperative so today is still a good day in my book I just wish Dp would get that I need some time alone as much as I love the dc the constant having a child on or beside me is really getting to me.

House move could be next week someone who's got a house there said in Facebook she asked the morning they are now saying next week, I hate the anticipation the last time we got 1 days notice from when we had to view to when we got the keys and had to move Asaph.

ASAP :/

Having a little vent to myself.

I feel I'm getting worse (didn't even know this was possible)
I'm struggling to get up and do anything at all I've no been out side since last Thursday and I only went for the appointments, I've not gotten dressed either.
I don't know how much longer I can feel like this, I don't want to deal with life in general now and I'm finding it harder and harder to feel connected to the kids I feel I'm losing our bond and only going threw the motions and it's scaring me.
I just want to sleep and never get up but I'm constant worrying about something I don't want to do any of this anymore but have to for the kids but I'm really losing faith that this will ever end.

Again sorry about my grammar.

Don't worry about your grammar! I'm so sorry things are getting worse rather than better, I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you. When are you next due to see a hcp? Are you still taking the ad? Take care

Back at GP next Wednesday and will be taking if the ad.
I don't know what to do I just can't handle much right now at all.

Test

I'm sorry things are getting worse for you monkeybabiess111 does it help if you write your thoughts down to try and clear your mind? I think you need to take 1 step at a time and think it will get better and your lovely children love you and need you, hugs x

Eleanor has got a cold it doesn't seem 2 minutes since her last one it's the joys of going to lots of baby groups. There is a music group in the morning but I will see what kind of night she has.

Perhaps set yourself small goals Monkeybabies111? Today you will get dressed and tomorrow you will get dressed and walk around the block? Is ds still at nursery regularly? Hope you're feeling a little brighter today.

Colds now will make her a healthier child in the long run Wineandchoccy, I feel bad at the moment with baby groups as ds3 naturally has a nap in the morning as does my minded little boy so I only go to one on a Tuesday. There are lots I can't go to as my local children's centre have split groups 0-2 and 2-5 and as I can't put the children into a little box in the corner I can't attend. 2 days a week I have ds3, 15 month old, 2 and 4 year old, one day 15 month old and 2yo and another day 15 month old and 4 yo. Friday's I currently have no little ones but there are no groups! So far I've had days catching up on paperwork or we've had a visit to dh or it's been half term so have big ones. Tomorrow will be a paper work day but next Friday we're out to lunch with a friend

Today I'm not as anxious I have no idea I'm just no thinking as much, I feel numb and empty and completely exhausted.
I'm still in bed, ds is at nursery every morning dd has just falling asleep so I hope I can she did well last night 6-10, 10.30-4 4.30-8 I keep waking up though and I'm finding it hard to drift off.

Wine so sorry she's got the cold I really hope this is the last one for her, dd keeps getting blocked up to, I hope you make your group.

Cinnamon don't feel bad, he has plenty of other children around him so he is learning from them to and having fun. I'm sure you mentioned he's a happy little one so he may not need any groups.
You truly are super women in my book I don't know how you do it. I hope your still finding time to do things for yourself with everything you do for others.

So sorry you're feeling worse monkeybabies. Please do go back to your GP and be very upfront about how you are feeling, saying the things that you write here. I really think there should be more support for you. I agree with the little goals as cinnamon said if you can. Any further news on the house move?

I can see what you mean about m the baby groups cinnamon what a pain. It's only half for the children anyway isn't it it's about some adult interaction for you. I also think you're superwoman!

Sorry about E's cold Wineandchoccy I know how miserable it is for them and you when babies are all bunged up. Hopefully it won't last long.

Don't know what we are doing today but I need to get out of the house so might go to the shops or for a walk. DD is currently napping on me which initially I thought argh means I can't get jobs done but then when planning how to put her down I thought actually no she won't do this forever and I'll miss it so I'm just giving her a cuddle

Penguin I hope you got out and enjoyed your cuddles.

I'm not going back to the GP until next week I just feel I'm wasting everyone's time there isn't really a point, I may stop writing for a while I feel I'm wasting everyone's here time to.
Still no news on the house move.
I'm up today sitting in the kitchen I cooked dd and ds sausages her first time having any she's not impressed so far.
Still not dressed I feel horrible and it seems to simple thinking go do it but I don't have energy at all, I'm only doing what the kids need now.

Need to write something that probably sounds weird sorry.

2 nights ago I was in bed and someone (will explain this further on) was in the bed I lay cuddling and said "I love you to" to them.
Then I sat up sand said "I need to check Dp is home"
Turns out that some one was dp.
It was such a strange bloody thing and now dp is worried there is someone else, I have never cheated ever I couldn't and wouldn't and I will admit that sounds suspicious I don't doubt that for a second i would be worried. I don't know how to get him to believe it though :/.

Cinnamon I took your idea on and I got dressed yesterday, will try again later I'm still exhausted all the time thank you.
Dd and ds slept from 11-7 I still can't sleep for long but I'm just glad they both are maybe this is the turning point for dd (I really hope and need it to be).

Good news on he sleep and well done for getting dressed! Sorry to hear your do won't believe you, it's a bit strange but then things aren't quite working right in your mind all the time at the moment anyway. No advice on how to persuade him though.

Monkeybabies I agree with cinnamon that that things aren't quite working properly in your mind and with sleep deprivation I think that sort of thing is understandable. Of course it doesn't mean you're cheating. When does your DP think you would have time for that!? He should understand and trust you!
DD is up I'm hoping I can get her back down as its way to early on a Sunday to be awake.

I hope she went back to sleep.
I think your both right it freaked me out, I feel like I'm losing it the longer it's going on :/.

I won't be moving today I think I have tonsillitis I can see there inflamed I get the every year, my whole body and heads sore and I have a fever, Dp isn't happy but I can't help it I can barely move without something hurting.
Not sure how I'm going to get threw the next few days with Dp away, ds might just need to stay off nursery tomorrow and Tuesday I don't see me being able to take him like this and I feel like a terrible mum because of it. I know he shouldn't miss out because of me.

Don't see it as him missing out Monkeybabiess111, see it as time home with his mummy and sister!

I am now beginning to train for my half marathon so have been out to run 6 miles this morning, got back to a grumpy dh (oh well) got us all washed and dressed and rushed out for a family photo shoot. Home before 11, ds3 in bed and dh is making us all watch the rememberance day parade. Really should go and do something.

Thanks cinnamon I'm worried as I can't move without being in pain or feeling like my head will explode (not an exaggeration today)

Wow you are super women, I hope you have an easier afternoon planned.