April 2015 thread 2 - ruling our lives and stealing our sleep, our babies are growing up already!

[PenguinPoser]

New thread for those of us left here

monkeybabiess111 do not worry about posting here, your Mum should be supportive of you not annoyed like penguin I'm annoyed on your behalf.

Are you all still on the Facebook group? I've finally joined Facebook so can I join the group if somebody tells me what to do

I'm not on Facebook at all right now I was writing to much to often i didn't want to annoy anyone so came off , I've asked for that post to be removed as I get paranoid about speaking/writing to much what's going it's hard to explain.

29th will come round quickly I'm sure Monkeybabiess111. I absolutely 100% agree about your mum, she is wrong and out of order in every way. With people like that around you it's no wonder you feel unsupported. How's your day going?

I've decided not to do water babies, the closer one isn't available still and I would need to drive 1hr+ each way on a Friday for 11am class and every other week would need to borrow a car as dh takes ours.

Hi, been mainly on the Facebook page and not on here, and wont have a clue about whose who on here, but i need somewhere that dh won't look to discuss my pregnancy dilemma. Yesterday was such a shit day, finding out i'm pregnant again and finding out that dd could have cerebral palsy. These things are meant to come in threes... come on then, hit me with something else to panic about!

Anyway, I know some of you think I should tell dh straight away about the pregnancy but I am so scared he will try and pressure me into a termination. I know in my head thats the sensible thing to do, but I KNOW I couldn't go through with it. I won't be able to hide it for long, and I know I should be thinking about seeing a dr, but I can't bring myself to make an app. I'm shit scared right now and you are the only people who know about this. I don't know how to move forward. I'm absolutely terrified. I must be the most fertile woman ever!

Sorry for the rant but I literally feel as though I have no where else to turn :(

Dances sorry I've not been on fb I will go on later and try catch up, so sorry you've got all this stress to deal with, sending you viral (hugs) I wish I was closer to give you a real one.

Cinnamon are there any other types of classes nearby.

Today I took the dc to my nans she was happy to see them, they both were happy and have been contented all day so it's really helped me stay chilled fingers crossed for an ok bedtime and I nc.

Well first of all [dancestomyowntune] Congratulations on your pregnancy I'm sure that it will be ok whatever you decide I'm sorry to here about your dd that must be a worrying and scary time you are facing. I do think you should probably tell your DH as you are in it together.
You will probably see me very soon on Facebook because I am joining the group, finally! I will still post on here though because it is a good place to post when you don't want prying eyes to know what you have put.

cinnamon I'm not doing any baby swimming either I have dds name down at our local pool but they think it will next April before she gets to the top of the list.

Babiecakes basically, about three weeks ago I took the MAP, followed by having the depo injection only to discover yesterday that I am once again expecting.

Then we took T-R to her peadiatrics app to be told that her legs a stiff and giving resistance and her reflexes are jumpy so she is being referred for physio and cerebral palsy was mentioned which shook me right up. She still isn't sitting/rolling or showing any interest in doing either. Stress levels are through the roof!

Hi wine saw you over there.

Dances I'm so sorry your worried, it's good they have physio so they are starting to help her now. Hopefully it's due to her being early and that she is taking her time.
I'm sorry you can't talk to Dp, we are always here to listen.
It's still very early you have some time to think about everything, you've had a few shocks this week it's no wonder your overwhelmed and scared right now please don't worry about a third thing

Dd seems to be in a clingy mood lately I can't go out with her view or she cries and she won't let anyone other than Dp or I hold her, we never had this issue with ds, it's stressing me out having to constantly hold her or have her in the sling has anyone else had this problem :/
Dp is away to work ds is asleep dd is asleep but typically on me everytime i try out her down her eyes open and I'm really tired we had very little sleep last night.

Any other baby classes are in the same place. We go swimming as a family so he has swum, just thought it would be nice to do something just me and him as he doesn't get a lot of time just him and mummy.

So sorry dancetomyowntune, I assume the strong feelings towards a termination is because of concerns over your health not just inconvenience? I'm the same as you I don't think I could go through with it but on the other hand you have other children that need you. I still think talking to someone even if it's not dh will help, it's a lot to take on your own.

Glad the kids are sleeping a bit more Babiecakes043. I think a lot of the babies are going through clingy phases at the moment. 9months is usually the worst time for separation anxiety

How is everyone today?

I have a poorly little man, he was fine all night but he's woken up very gruff and his chest is dipping a lot when breathing. Got gp apt later on so will see what he says. He's asleep now but I keep checking him!

Hello ladies, Well, for those of you that haven't seen on Facebook, I told dh about the pregnancy, and we have decided that as hard as it will be for me, we are going to have a termination. I cannot concentrate on Tiger-Roses possible cerebral palsy, and try to keep well myself with another pregnancy. the risks are far too high and I have to think about the children we already have. I've cried about it a lot but in a way its a relief. At least we can do it together and I'm not alone now.

In other news... Tiger-Rose has cut her first tooth. And I am trying so hard to get everything sorted ready for our week away. I've shouted at just about everyone this morning :( Hopefully things will start getting done now though, I've sent the kids to dancing with my mum! lol.

As long as you are comfortable wi your decisions that is the main thing danceromyowntune, your reasoning is very sensible though and sometimes the head has to rule the heart.

Been to dr and ds3 has a chest infection poor little man, no smiles for mummy and he's gone back to sleep having already had a 2hr nap and nothing to eat

Cinnamon I hope he feels better soon, it's horrible when they are ill I normally feel so helpless

Dances I'm so sorry your going threw this but I agree with cinnamon.

I'm really struggling to keep any traction in my mood I feel all over the place I wrote a lot about my past more than I've ever down on the group and some saw and we deleted mine and there comments but it's made me really on edge and scared something's going to happen and I don't feel in control I just want to hide but hiding makes me think of hurting myself more, I just want to feel normal again or as normal as I can be.

Sorry I've been absent for a while from the thread. Had a tough week with my dad being very unwell. Thankfully he seems to have turned a corner and is awake and talking again now although I think he will still be in hospital for a bit. Will try and catch up later.

Penguin I'm so glad he's improved, I really hope his recovery keeps going smoothly now

Ahh today's not going well at all, I need some time alone I haven't been alone in 2 days not more than a minute or 2 and dd was up in my arms all night and she's not had 1 nap today she's really grumpy.
Dp was away from yesterday morning and came back at lunchtime and has not gave me time I came to bed he followed fell asleep so I've had to watch the dc now he's up feeding dd in the room I just want time alone.
He says he's tried I know he is, I'm not allowed to say you were away so can you watch the kids so I have to just say can you watch them otherwise he thinks I'm using it as an excuse to do things, I don't want to do anything I'm really not coping I don't know how long I can feel this way nothing's improving.
I'm barely making it an hour at a time without crying I don't even know why I'm crying at times I feel so stupid like I should be able to not cry and I feel I'm going to mess the dc up they deserve so much more than I can give them.

Monkeybabies xx

Good news on your dad PenguinPoser!!

Sorry to hear things aren't improving MonkeyBabiess111. Is dp helping at least a little with his increased hrs?

It seems as he's increasing his hours I need to do more which I do but I'm struggling with not getting some space to calm down, I feel I've constantly got a child attached to me which I do like but I feel really distant from everyone and everything I just want to be left alone which I do get tomorrow.
I'm struggling more today me and dd have not gotten out of bed all her things are beside me I'm struggling to get up and falling behind on everything that needs done.
I have the cpn and Drs in the morning I'm not looking forward to going I don't blame them for not being able to help no one can I just wish there was something to help but as there's not I feel I'm wasting there time I just want to sleep today by dd is wanting to lie on me so I have to stay awake.

I'm posting here ignore me, i just need to vent I don't want to do it in the group I do it there to much I will land up with people annoyed at me.

I want to run away I don't even have a reason dd slept 10-7 (so she can sleep) I've been up all night worrying about the morning.
I know I have to go I've been waiting for weeks I don't know why I'm panicking I feel I will be wasting there time as I still don't feel unwell it's hard to explain it feels like I'm just being lazy and need to get a grip but can't seem to do that.
I can't think properly today, I just want to hide away.

Wow, that's a good sleep. Perhaps it's progress. You have a lot going on at the moment, moving is tough without a baby and toddler but don't worry about the dr they are there to help you and you are doing the rut thing in going. Please don't think they can't help because they can, it may take time but they will improve things.

Today went how I expected, Im off fb I feel if people in real life can't help me then people online shouldn't support me as I am not unwell they wouldn't have discharged me if I wasn't well and they have.
I feel pathetic right now and sorry for wasting everyone's time, I need to stop being lazy and stupid and get on with everything now.

Your post just made me cry, im so so sorry that it went that way MonkeyBabiess111, I don't know what to say. I have no experience of mental illness at all but you shouldn't be feeling the way you do I'm sure of that. I wish there was some way of helping you even if it was just giving you a bit of rest. I hope dd carries on sleeping better and that that in itself helps at least a little. Take care and please consider still getting support from the group, if it's the only support you have it may help. Please don't feel you don't deserve it though!

I didn't mean to make you cry.

I just feel worthless tonight. I want to ask for support but I can't as I said if people in real life don't think i need it I can't ask for help from anyone on the group or you.
I wish I could just be normal but that doesn't seem possible maybe I am just meant to be this way I don't know but I don't want to waste anyone's time or burden them.
I'm not wanting a reply I just wanted to explain.

I hope you are ok cinnamon I know it's been tough for you, take care of yourself

Hugs monkeybabies I'm so sorry that you feel people aren't able to support you :( regardless of what's going on in rl you will always have support here. I wish I could make it better for you I honestly do please keep talking on here if you can for support. I wonder if posting on the mental health boards might be useful to hear from people who have been through similar things too?

I'm pleased that my dad is improving still but slowly. Trying to get DD to bed now which isn't going well typical when I haven't eaten yet!