April 2015 thread 2 - ruling our lives and stealing our sleep, our babies are growing up already!

[PenguinPoser]

New thread for those of us left here

7.07kg/15lb 9 so getting closer to the 25th centile. This hv couldn't give a s*$% about it and haven't heard from dietician yet but hoping we can relax a bit now.

That's great cinnamon doesn't sound like you need to worry just keep doing what you're doing!
Yes Monkeybabies the Christmas cake! Apparently it's better if made in advance and fed copious amounts of booze before eaten so that's the plan! Although I have realised I'm the only one that will eat it but at least it keeps a long time so no hurry. Hope you're ok today.
Haven't done much today just some more baking which I need to try and finish now that dd is napping.

I've never made one before shiteforbrains so fingers crossed it works. The fruit has nearly finished soaking so tomorrow is cake making day! Didn't realise it needs 4-5h in the oven though so I'll have to plan for that. I admire you making Christmas dinner for so many years. I've not done that yet but mainly because our kitchen isn't big enough. I hope your ds is better soon. Do check it out with the GP if it's not improving.

I've been hospital visiting this evening and home in time to put dd to bed. I don't know what DH has been feeding her but she was so excited and full of energy it's taking ages to calm her to sleep. I haven't eaten yet!

Shiteforbrains I hope your ds feels better soon.
Cinnamon well done on the weight gain
Penguin I'm still surprised at Christmas cake, I hope you got the baking part done today.

I've had a confusing hard couple of days, I shut off from everything I read everything I wrote here and other places and feel like I rant to much (I know I'm doing it now but I'm trying to make sense of things :/) and feel I'm going to land up annoying everyone around me and who I interact with.
I can't seem to make sense of it though I don't know if I'm not meant to or I'm just not seeing it right.
I'm so tired as I still can't sleep much I'm going to try the audible book tonight if dd sleeps she was up all last night she couldn't sleep lying down her nose is all blocked so I had to hold her, ds is away so I'm hoping she does settle but she still sounds blocked up.
Dd has also learned how to move around which is making nappy changing interesting and ds is confused as he's starting to realise she does more although he likes to steal her things which sets her off, he finds it hilarious dd not so much :/.

I've never thought of it that way.
I'm emotionally unstable quite literally I have emotionally unstable personality disorder, from as far back into my childhood until a few years ago i never knew why I could switch emotions so fast and feel the way I did or get so low, I still don't get why I feel the way I do.
After ds was born I checked out I was there for feeding bathing and watching him until Dp got home then I would drink until I fell asleep most of the time I could be quite nasty and my self harming got really bad I went to take another overdose Dp stopped me and I hit him grabbed a knife and put it in my leg I've never worked out why I actually did that and there's no excuse, I was then diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder and discharged straight away from the community mental health team.
I then spent time making sure I did what I had to be ok and changed who I am and I've felt really down along the way we had a miscarriage and our ds was diagnosed with asd and I asked for help but our gp the one I feel uncomfortable with told me I didn't need help time would help it took 6 months before I felt ok after that, it left me scared to ask as I always feel I must not deserve it.
I've been under the Crisis team a few
Times in the last few months but honestly I think they don't care I really feel like they think I'm wasting there time as I get suicidal thoughts a lot when I'm down but I'm not brave enough to go threw with what I come up with when I think hard and I self harm a lot, today is the first in many that I haven't I've been trying to use distractions like colouring ect.
It's making me more scared to ask as they probably think here we go again, I don't deserve any support I've gotten myself this low this is why I stopped posting as I've done all this to me so I don't deserve help I need to find a way out of it somehow.
Sorry for the huge post but I guess it's better people know why I don't deserve help.

I hope your ds is ok and it is just a cough but I would get him checked dd has a chest infection thankfully didn't need any treatment but I still felt reassured she'd been checked.

Forgot to add cpn never called she sent an appointment it's the same day 30 minutes after my next gp review so I need to cancel the gp and hope they have one around then :/.

We have had a busy few days dd has had food for the 1st time and she is also now in the pushchair part of her pram rather than the carrycot. She has had porridge which she seems to like, pear she wasn't so sure about and she has had carrot today her nappies are interesting now

We have been to a garden centre today to see the Christmas displays she loved the flashing lights and moving displays, we bought her a bell decoration which she thinks is great.

Well done on ds weight gain cinnamon my dd weighed the same on Thursday as well and is also nearly back on the 25th centile line.

I bet your house smells yummy penguin I love fruit cake especially if it has loads of marzipan on it

I hope ds is ok shiteforbrains but do get him checked him out if he is no better.

monkey your definitely not annoying anybody and if it helps writing things down then keep on doing it, look after yourself

Monkeybabies I still don't think any of that means that you don't deserve help. You do! The EUPD isn't your fault. I remember not so long ago you were waiting for a psychiatrist appointment - what happened with that? Hopefully the ad meds will kick in soon and help.

The cake hasn't gone to plan. I don't know why. After 6 hours in the oven (possibly more) I was so tired I had to go to bed so took it out and it's burnt on the top but I think way undercooked in the middle. Will investigate further later but oh well. If it doesn't work out my mum will make me little cake when she does hers

The gp that gave me the ad checked the computer and there was a letter saying that something along the lines of because I wasn't on psychotopic (sp) medication I've just to keep being monitored by the Cmht which hasn't really been happening as the appointments got messed up because the other cpn was ill and then somehow I've missed one that I am sure I never knew about the new one.
It just feels like since it's all in my head it must be my fault it's me that has to fix it.

Sorry your cake didn't work out penguin.

Wine glad she's enjoying the porridge, I miss the smell free nappies, dd had spinach the other night and Dp got worried when he changed her.

Dd didn't sleep well her nose is still blocked she's asleep on my shoulder though but if i put her down she will wake :/, I hate seeing her panic.

They all seem to have colds at the moment. Ds3 is better now just a bit snotty. I feel crap still! Sitting here crying while feeding him because I'm so angry at dh. We went to visit his mum yesterday so had to get up at 7. Today he decided to get up 5.45 to watch MotoGP, I asked him not to as he's wake me and ds3 but of course he insisted he wouldn't. As predicted his alarm woke me up, the dog went mental because it's a phone alarm and that's what he hears when we go running early so I was well and truly awake. He then thundered down the stairs with dh creaking every step behind him! Baby awake and chatting in his cot, other dogs belly making strange noises, heating comes on and finally 10mins ago baby no longer just chatting in his cot but crying for milk. My only chance for a lay in gone, I'm so angry and tearful but if I make a fuss it will make Sunday shitty. I'm so sick of keeping quiet or having a huge argument! He says he's worried about upsetting me but basically if I disagree it's me being horrible so I say nothing and let him walk all over me or it's an argeuwmtnt (or that's how I feel anyway). He is dressed at work I know but I'm not exactly doing nothing. He falls asleep every evening in the sofa. I fell asleep in the car on the way back yesterday and he kept waking me up! I'm finding it hard to fall asleep at the moment and quite often see midnight despite going to be at 10-10.30 and I was up with ds3 being poorly this week too. He's now going off to work because despite me asking him to make sure it was sorted he hasn't arranged cover at work so I'm left with the kids on my own, not able to go for a run as I had planned and him being fed up because he's going to work and wasn't planning to. Sorry for that!!

I fail to see how any of the things you mention mean you deserve to be miserable and don't need help or support Monkeybabiess111! It means you do need help and that you're not wasting anyone's time! I don't understand how with all those challenges you're not being helped more by your hcp and being told to basically man up is just not acceptable. I'm so sorry we can't do more for you but if just writing it helps then please keep doing so!!

It's scary how fast things change isn't it wineandchoccy! Hope you're enjoying weaning

Sound like tie oven was too hot PenguinPoser those kind of cakes are usually baked around 160C or less.

Cinnamon sorry your still ill, I would be upset to. Could he take dc3 for an hour or two so you can sleep if he's been fed.
It's not fair on you, you shouldn't have to feel like although I do know what it feels like.

Dd is finally asleep on her cot so I'm going to try sleep hopefully she sleeps for a little while.

I hope everyone has a good day.

Cinnamon I hope today was ok for you and you got some rest and feel better

I'm getting really annoyed with myself, I gave myself 3 goals today get ready, eat and go get ds.
I managed the first 2 but when I went to go get ds I panicked and couldn't go, looking back I could have but I'm really annoyed I didn't try harder.
Dd has been in a grumpy mood all day I think she's teething along side having a cold so I'm not hopeful of getting more sleep and Dp is working tonight and all day tomorrow, I'm worried I won't cope I know I can I've done it for months but I'm still worried incase something happens and I can't deal with it :/.

Thanks Monkeybabiess111, I took him down to dh after I'd fed him and went back to bed until 8.30 then we had a 4hr argument! Not really how I wanted to spend my Sunday but perhaps things will change a bit. Sort you didn't make it to get ds, don't be annoyed that you didn't though. Physically you could do many things but it's mentally that something is stopping you and that's ok right now. Hope dd slept a bit and you have a smooth day tomorrow

Today even!

Sorry you had a rubbish day yesterday cinnamon but I hope DH listens to you because you work so hard you need a break.

monkeybabies111 you managed to do two things so don't beat yourself up that you didn't manage the 3rd. Keep going it will get better

I'm taking dd to the Drs this morning she has a rash from teething under her chin and it looks really red and angry this morning despite using lots of barrier cream and sudocrem.

I agree shiteforbrains teething is rubbish. I work in the dental field so teeth tend to come through in a rough pattern I.e bottom 2 1st, then top centrals then upper canines but this is all based on an average and as we know some babies have not read the manuals so they can come through in a slightly different order.
I hope he feels better soon from his cold, have you tried olbas oil or Vicks under his cot? This seemed to help dd breathe easier at night when she was smothered a few weeks ago.
I put a tiny amount of water in a tommee tippee free flow cup and put it on her high chair just so that she can used to it so when we do move to using it more it's not something strange. She managed to drink from it yesterday but looked at me like I had poisoned her, water is obviously not as tasty as boob

I offer water at every meal shiteforbrains but he's not keen at the moment. Ds1 still doesn't drink a lot and ds2 drinks loads so i think it's personality too. As wineandchoccy says usually bottoms middle, top 4 then other bottom outer middle, first molars and then canines (usually 16-18months). My boys were both exactly in that order but not everyone follows the rules.

I hope the Dr can help Shiteforbrains and he feels better soon.

Cinnamon I hope things improve you really deserve it.

Wine I hope the Dr can give something to help your dd

I had a better night I slept for 5 hours which has given a little bit of hope the morning, I don't want to ask for more help I feel I'm honestly looked at like "here we go again".
I'm worrying about the afternoon, my step mum is in surgery having breast surgery as part of treatment for breast cancer and im expecting a call from my dad when she's out of surgery to see how it's went, I feel selfish complaining about the things in my head with that going on so I need to stop.
Dd's nose is improving shes in a better mood the morning so I hope she can get a nap in later so I can do ds's therapy things with him.

Dd has got antibiotics because some of the rash looks infected & oilatum cream to rub on, poor little mite it looks really sore but she is still smiley so can't be bothering her to much.

Yeah for a 5 hour sleep monkeybabies111 and I'm glad dd is feeling better.

Wine i hope the medicines kick in soon.

Shiteforbrains I'm glad it's nothing bad snd I hope it goes away soon there's nothing worse than when the kids are ill.

I made it out to the shop it's at the end of our street, I feel knackered now even though it's not far and ds has giving me a proper black eye, Dp has just came home so I'm going for a bath and then to lie down.
I'm also still waiting to hear from my dad so I'm stressing myself out.