Just Mumming Viroids 6 - some of us have time for JSing, some don't, but we're all grad grads!

[JuniDD]

Just shagging grad grads thread! Roll call below please...

Oh Dulcet, I wondered if something was up by your quietness. It is a massive shock, your first baby and add to that a delivery which you never get a chance to recover from, especially if bfing. I remember trying to convince the mw I must be seriously ill because I felt so bad and she was like "love you need to calm down and get some sleep".

Also on your other note, my friend had a really big baby and said it messed with her head as she was expecting this tiny wee thing and she felt like she'd lost a stage. She also didn't manage to bf him, even though she had done her first, because he was just so hungry she couldn't keep up.

It is totally normal to feel overwhelmed by all this but also PND is a very real thing so give MrD the job of keeping a close eye on you because sometimes it's easier for someone else to see what's going on.

It does honestly get easier after 6-8 weeks and then it's very different after about 3 months. I do moan A LOT on here but even though I have the worst sleeping baby in the world ever, if I didn't also have the older one, I'd be pretty fine with how things have been here the last few months. You'll find your groove, it just takes a bit of time. Please don't hide away scared of bringing the thread down or any nonsense. You probably couldn't say anything that one of us hasn't said/thought at some stage.

As soon as you can get out and about, find some places to go with other mums - bfing groups, mother and baby groups, baby massage, hartbeeps/baby sensory, sing and sign - anything. Even if it's really not your thing - you can always drop it when you're feeling a bit better and more confident. Having somewhere to get out to can really save your sanity. Big hugs lovie, you'll all get through this xx

I got over FOUR HOURS SLEEP IN A ROW!! And a lie in until 6.15. I realise this is ridiculous but it feels like a victory. Pain in the arse that I couldn't get back to sleep though.

Big squish for you dulce - not much more to add, I don't think anything prepares you for the feeling hit by a truck/feeding and no sleeping/general anxiety. It does go off! I would burst into tears every time I thought about Mr Tee going back to work, mourning for my patchwork foof which I was convinced would never heal and I got the most shocking sundown anxiety in the evening and when I breastfed; I felt incredibly uneasy and almost homesick? Like I'd made a terrible mistake and wanted my old life back to how it was, but then I'd feel terrible because I love TT to death and it'd set the histrionics off again. Once if got to about 3 weeks, I felt like a hit of a switch had been flicked and I felt loads better. I think it was mini and scoob that said to me that healing physically can be an emotional headfuck too and it is, but once it starts getting better, it gets a lot better a lot quicker. (Although you think it'll take forever!) we're all here for you!

So I'm paying for my three nights of four consecutive hours sleep. We were up every frigging hour last night. He'd feed for about ten minutes and then drop off, and then start the crazed penguin thing but not actually latch. And then he'd have the nerve to laugh at me while i was trying to stuff encourage my boob back into his gob. Naps today I hope...
We have the health visitor in 25 minutes and I am still not dressed. I've been practicing my resting hate face all morning. Mr Tee has told me to try and not be hostile, but I swear to God if she starts with the whole 'low centile' and weight gain bollocks again I'm chucking her out. And not offering her tea.

Oh dulcet, it really is such a difficult and emotional time. I could have written almost word-for-word your post when I came out of hospital with E. I can't add much to the advice the lovely viroids have already offered, but just want to echo tee that ime the physical healing bit really feels awful but once it starts getting better, it snowballs and you're all of a sudden better. Having an emcs is shit. And it hurts a LOT. Being unable to pick up your baby, get in the shower, up and down stairs etc is awful, but just know that it will pass, you will get better. I know you're probably sick of hearing it I was but rest as much as you can. You will wake up one morning and suddenly feel 100 times better and you'll look at little babydulce and he'll smile at you and your world will light up. You will get through this dulce xxx

Congrats on sleep wil! Do you feel better for it?

Boo to no sleep though tee! Hope you can nap today.

E slept wonderfully last night. I, on the other hand, laid in bed awake most of the night not able to sleep. What new torture is this?!!
I also had all the ewcm in the world this morning. I guess I'm having my first post pg ovulation. Must sort out anti pg tactics. Debating whether to go back on the pill but not sure if I want all those chemical hormones again.

Agree - once the physical side starts to improve you'll find you start to feel better about everything. Anyone else who goes through such a massive physical trauma gets a nice few weeks bednest and quiet. With pregnancy and labour it's all "here's a tiny helpless being that requires your attention 26 hours a day - see ya!"

Getting out of the house (when you're feeling up to it) makes all the difference too.

Thanks all. It seems pretty common to feel at least some of the same feelings so thank you for being honest. I know time is the only thing that will help, and I will get to know him and love him the way I know I should, just at this stage it's hard to see.

I completely agree with your friend about the size wil. It was a total shock and I feel I missed a stage. But more than that, he is so strong and hungry all the time. I think that is making it worse - breast feeding a baby that is never satisfied. I'm already considering giving up and he's only 11 days old! I just any keep up with him without being planted to the spot. I don't want that.

We left the house to go to he GPs yesterday and he ended up crying in the waiting room, then I started crying. Wasn't a great first trip out actually! I just don't know how we can go anywhere when he is hungry all the time and I don't know how to feed in public yet!

Good news on the sleep wil and mini. Need to share it over to tee by the sounds of it. Are your health visitor visits not fun then tee?

That's what I hated most about bfing to begin with Dulce - just sat on the sofa all day not being able to do anything! Drove me potty. Public feeding is a bit of a mission when you're still struggling with latch and position etc. Eventually it'll figure itself out though and stop being a "thing". Have you got nursing tops? I favour the "one up one down method" for public feeds - stretchy vest under normal top. Pull normal top up and stretchy vest down from the neck to get boob out. That way you stay reasonably well covered and your proper clothes don't get all stretched out of shape. Also, mixed feeding/ formula top ups are a perfectly valid option for taking the pressure off you and your boobs for the time being x

No, no bras or tops. Totally unprepared - just didn't think about it! How long do you think it lasted popz? I will look into combination feeding and pumping this week I think - I just need something that gives me a break. It's hard to be friends with something so demanding and unappreciative!

Also, he's such a noisy feeder! Even if I manage to discreetly feed in public people will hear him and his weird noises! He sometimes sounds like a gopher with each suck.

(la - sorry if you pop over here now and see my negativity, I didn't want to say anything while you were still trying to get B out. Hopefully, if you feel any of these feelings it might help to read that it's normal)

I've only just started feeding 'out' in the last couple of weeks or so. In fact Mr tee and I were saying that yesterday was the first time we'd been out and not found the whole thing unbelievab stressful, so it's again, time and a bit of practice just to build confidence. The being trapped under a feeding baby for what seems like weeks on end is hard, but once I stopped worrying about things not getting done, (housework, visits, laundry) and started to consider that actually feeding a hungry growing bewildered baby was more important than keeping on top of the sodding ironing, It became a little more tolerable. I just enbraced the box sets and finger food! Don't get me wrong, I still find it frustrating that he will not be put down on his own, if he isn't feeding, he wants to be held, so unless he's in a sling or glued to me he tends to scream, but I just keep reminding myself that it is not going to be like it forever.
My HV has a knack of rubbing me the wrong way- she made a huge issue of TTs weight gain in her first visits and basically told me that he wasn't getting enough milk, and made some comments about his small size and low centile which made me feel I was starving my baby, which at two weeks after delivery was the last thing I wanted to hear and it really upset me. Today she was 45 minutes late , got all our names wrong, but TT has packed the weight on, so my tits are working, and then he pissed all over her scales and handbag.

Stuff like that makes them worth it...

well done TT, sometimes a good piss can say more than words.

Wohoo for sleep wil hope it happens again tonight!

Dulcet have you seen a breast feeding consultant about feeding with a tongue tie? If not ask your midwife to refer you to one, they are brilliant & give you lots of help. I borrowed a hospital grade breast pump from them to help increase my supply & then Mr Furry could feed miniscoob while I had a bath or slept. I combi fed miniscoob for weeks because she couldn't suck well enough to increase my supply on her own & she never ended up with nipple confusion as the midwives were telling me.
Tongue ties also make them noisy feeders so don't worry to much about that yet.

Good work TinyTee!

I just do the vest top under normal top too. Order some online if you need to. M&S do some thin longer length ones so you don't get too hot.
This is where bfing support groups are really good - a safe place to go and practise feeding in public where it doesn't matter if you flash a nipple. Also, places like mothercare, boots and most big shopping centres have feeding rooms if you'd feel more comfortable doing that - not that I imagine you're up to shopping quite yet!

As for the never being satisfied - both my girls have always been like this. I don't think it's a bfing thing necessarily as some of my friends' babies seem content and are bfed but it is something I have always found a bit stressful. So try early on to accept wee things like that about him - doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, some babies are just like that.

If you want to mix feed or stop bfing altogether, both options are fine - do whatever you need to to preserve your sanity and happiness. We found a bottle, either of expressed milk or formula, helped at last feed before bedtime.

Mini I do definitely feel better for the sleep. Would love it if my body would go a normal length of time asleep though. Like you, I wake even if the girls don't.

Dulcet I think it was about 6-8 weeks before I started to notice distinct gaps between feeds! As Tee says just embrace daytime tv and tea and biscuits! Try and forget about housework etc - I preach but struggled to practice! Make the most of having MrD around for now. I don't have any specific nursing clothes tbh, just vests and baggy tops. Def get a nursing bra though, makes things loads easier. They can be pricey but worth it.

Another committed vest wearer here. Asda are super cheap but see through. Not a major problem as I always have a top over them! H&M are the best so far. £3.99 each (and didn't someone on Facebook mention free delivery at the mo? Might be worth an internet shop!) I bought nursing bras as pregnancy bras but have just got 2 'nice' ones from hotmilk as I'm probably going to be feeding for another year or more so they're an investment.... They've got some on sale.

YY to the M&S ones. Think they're two for 8 quid at the mo too. Love primarni and H&M too.

Lots of biscuits & sympathy to you Dulcet! I echo what everyone else has said already - this shit is hard.
From the alternative perspective, I had a very straightforward 'easy' labour, my DH was only working part time, and I LOVE having any excuse to sit in front of the telly all day, and even I found myself in regular floods of tears wondering what the fuck I'd done. So everyone who has it any harder than that has my undying respect!!
The brain goes to some flipping dark places in those early days, and that's more to do with hormones & sleep deprivation than anything else. You will very soon think the sun shines out of your baby's bottom and wonder how you ever managed without them whilst still wanting them to go away sometimes so you can drink wine in peace
I went to the cinema today with J to see Inside Out - it was brilliant! I cried a bit He loved the adverts more than the movie, which thankfully he slept through most of

Oh, if you have massive boobs like moi I recommend Bravissimo nursing bras. Two days in to BFing I was tearing my hair out coz it had never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to just pop out and buy some new bras with a baby in tow, and non-nursing bras are just so impractical. I rang bravissimo and told them I needed some nursing bras and they were so helpful, they asked what size I had been and the lady guessed what size I would be now went up and down a couple of sizes and basically put together a little package of bras for me which DH went into town to buy for me, brought them home, tried them all on and then took back the ones that didn't fit! It made life so much easier and because I took them straight back and they'd gone on the credit card I never noticed the ridiculous amount I'd spent in the first place to get all the bras!

Actually the health visitor rang today to say the breast feeding consultant would visit me this week furry so good to hear you think it's positive.

Will have to raid my best tops then, I have plenty! Thanks for the shopping tip though popz, will see if I can get someone down town.

What were you doing before feeding out tee? Were you hiding or just not going out?

Did you find a bottle before bed meant the girls slept longer wil? Or is it too early for that?

Was it a special baby screening nessa? We have those here and is really like to go when I can.

Evening viroids, I need some advice with an AIBU:

If someone (i.e. MIL ) is holding your baby and he/she is crying and grizzling for a few minutes, is it reasonable behaviour to ask to have baby back to settle them?

I am clashing with MIL over this as she thinks that I'm being really unreasonable to ask for E back if E kicks off - she spoke to dh about it yesterday. Personally, I find it really rude that MIL doesn't give E back voluntarily when E is crying. I usually end up having to ask 3 - 4 times to have E back before she will reluctantly hand her over with much grumbling and tutting.

So, viroids, am I being ridiculously pfb about this? Please be really honest with me as I need to know if I'm being mental this is to do with my PTSD or if this is normal mummy instincts?

It's perfectly normal mini!! Your mil is being stupid, you know how to settle your baby best! If. Needs be, just remind her she had her time as mum and now can pass them back when they fuss. It should gently remind her that E is yours not hers, while trying to sound positive!

Yay for TT's well placed pee!

Hi all

Just typed a long, one handed post and lost it!!!!

Anyway, just wanted to come over and join the grad, grads

I have a two week old, S, who is currently in the midst of his nightly meltdown my nerves and patience are running out....

Will have a proper read back but I just wanted to mark my place and day hello.

Sorry to hear you are struggling dulcet

Well I think it's a completely normal instinct Mini - with any baby, so not pfb. But is she able to settle her? Because if she is, you could try to take a back seat occasionally and let someone else do the work. (Disclaimer - I am terrible at this but wish I was better at it). Just because it would give you a break and maybe E would learn a new way to calm down. If however she just gets more and more upset, I wouldn't bother waiting and would take her back.

Dulcet, we did the bottle with Mini but not Micro because I never get a chance to express these days and can't use formula as she's allergic. Now she barely takes a bottle - an ounce at most, but that's another rant. With Mini it started off as always breastmilk, then went to mostly breastmilk and by the end was probably mostly formula. Mini was a brilliant sleeper in the main and Micro is a terrible sleeper. I obviously can't conclusively say it is because of the bottle but I'll probably always believe it was. Didn't make a difference if it was breastmilk or formula in the bottle. I think probably she just got a bigger quantity than she would have got from me at the end of the day when we were both tired. It was a pain having to express every day though.

Hi Fleur! Eugh I hate the nighttime meltdowns. They do grow out of them. How long do his go on for?

Hello all :)

Not much to post E is still a little pickle but biy is he cute!! He is now letting go and walking between things were as before he was just walking between me and dh!

He is completely off his food which is frustrating but still having his milk OK.

duclet sorry to hear you are having a tough time, I struggled a lot in the beginning as I wasn't producing enough milk and as he was premature he was being topped up I felt I was fighting a battle that I would never win! I found it really hard the days leading up to me stopping! But I look at him now and I think he doesn't care and he is so happy and healthy its OK!

Hello fleur welcome welcome :)

Nope mini you are totally not being unreasonable! My mil does this too, or almost races me to pick him up if he starts crying. It pisses me off no end., esp if I say to her he's crying because he needs a feed.

I also really hate people in general holding him anyway (bar Mr tee) so when we go anywhere that involves people we know and they start trilling 'ooh!cuddles for me with TT!' And make grabby gestures, my blood pressure goes through the roof. It actually really upsets me, but I've been forcing myself to just deal with it because it was becoming a problem whereby I really didn't want to go out just in case I was out in the position where someone would want to hold him, or I'd get upset when we had people visiting and I'd shut myself away with him or cry in the bathroom I had to 'fess up feeling this way to Mr tee, as he loves showing him off, and I felt on the brink every time we went out the front door or attempted to socialise , so I would make excuses about him needing a feed to avoid going anywhere. (this is still quite recent! I'm not quite over it yet. nutcase). Mr tee is really good with it though and always checks in before anyone holds him, and he's pretty perceptive if I'm giving off 'get that person the fuck away from our baby'.

That might part answer your question dulce - I use(d) cluster feeding as an excuse to either not go out, or put a time limit on how long I'd be out for. In order to leave the house with minimal stress, I like him to have had a really good feed and then I'll pop him in the car seat. And I'll wait until he's settled before even doing that, whether it takes ten minutes or two hours. I don't try and pressure myself by hurrying up unless we have a specific appointment to keep for example, and although I know it's not very time efficient, it keeps the anxiety down if we are both calm before we leave. I like to make sure that if we're out for longer than an hour there is a 'safe' go to place I can feed, (costa coffee branches are my current favourite) and somewhere I can change him. Slowly, I'm getting happier at going out for longer if I have these two things in place. Previously if TT cried in the car on the way out somewhere for any reason I would make Mr Tee take us home so I could feed or change him. Irrespective of how close we were to the destination.
I use the vest under shirt or double vest method too, primark strap vests are cheap and have adjustable straps too. I also sometimes feed him when he's in his snugglebundl as that covers everything pretty much, it was a godsend the first few times I tried coffee shop boobage. Now I tend to just use a well placed muslin, but against really depends how I feel. Basically if I feel remotely anxious or uneasy then I try to do something to fix it before the feed or I get myself in a right pickle, and it rubs off on TT. Funny shit this parenting lark!

Hi Fleur Have you not been over here before?? Hope all is well.

I don't think you are BU mini. But I am v pfb and never want my baby to be crying for a second more than he needs to. Thankfully most people I know are more than happy to hand him back when he starts grizzling... gits

I used to feel a bit like that Tee. I'd get really anxious about people outstaying their welcome in those early days when everyone wants to visit. I'd just want to be alone to regroup with miniP. Mr P was not so good at getting rid of people!!

Have you had chance to look into baby groups or anything Dulce? It's good to go to those sort of things at first where everyone's in the same boat and noone cares if you've got a boob out or shit in your hair I always found actually that miniP was easier when I took him out. He'd sleep in the pram/ car seat whereas at home he'd always want to be held/fed.