March '13 - The One With The Babax

[Plonkysaurus]

New thread , and I can assure you all, it'll be a corker.

plonky totally understand what you are saying. I think that if you can't imagine parenting your child in any other way than how you are doing it now then you have made absolutely the right choices for you. Our ultimate parenting mantra is that if a decision or something we do feels wrong or makes us feel uncomfortable or question our parenting in any way, we don't do it and we ignore all advice and comments from others - simples!

stormy have you found a good nursery you like already? There is a wonderful kindergarten at our local Steiner school which we are considering for next year. Its a lovely homely environment for kids from age 3-6 and they do such lovely activities including a lot of outdoor time building camp fires and getting muddy a lot which I think DD would love.

phew thanks Rainbow, I always worry I'm going to end up with my foot in my mouth when we talk about things like this!

I guess with my own family, we feel that DS came with a pretty steep learning curve, and we know what we're proud of and what we'd tweak and do differently next time. Ignoring advice from others (unless sought) is one of things! Although my mum has said once or twice that it's normal for your first steps as a mother to be shaky, experimental ones, and by the time you do it again it's old hat. My goals for next time are breastfeeding and proper cosleeping, but I could be blessed with a baby who wholeheartedly disagrees!

That nursery sounds fab. I want to build outdoor fires and get muddy! DS's nursery is more of a typical set up, but they still seem to spend a good portion of the day playing outside, unless it's baltic or raining.

I doubt the funding for free hours would cover that sort of nursery, unfortunately. It does sound fun. We've got two nurseries five minutes away, the private one my niece goes to and the council run one I went to way back in the dawn of time. The latter's field has been sold off, and the former is in a big house, so not a great deal of outside space whichever we go for. Downside to cities. The private one's opposite the park though.

Oh I think it was me who could stand accused of AP bashing, and you know what I stand by what I said as right now I'm really not in the mood to be politically correct and pussy foot around anybody or anything.

However, my definition of AP is obviously very wide of the mark as Rainbow I am not talking about you. I am talking about the extreme view that children should be with a parent 24/7, which I strongly believe to be unhealthy and to the detriment of a child's independence. Back in the day children were raised by the tribe. They benefit from socialisation with other children, and contact with other adults. I see it in dd and I see it in her peers. Other children play and interact in a way that parents do not, and that is an important part of childhood. Rainbow both you and your DH work, and use childcare, so your dd is already living in an environment where she feels safe and secure when separated from a parent. That's a positive thing. She will also benefit enormously from nursery, where she will learn to share, copy and interact with her peers. To be honest unless your nanny works less than 8 hours week your dd actually spends more time away from you than mine does. . As you said, choices, what works etc

On the subject of city v country nurseries, Stormy there are specific minimum outside space requirements regardless of location. The toddle attends a nursery in a converted stable block on a farm, but the outside play areas are restricted to fenced areas, probably complying with the legal minimum. It's s safety thing I guess, and I'm happy with that as she gets to run about in the park and the fields with me.

I'm really quite disappointed you had no ghostly apparition at the window however . You had the makings of a good story there. The toddle periodically does something that really freaks me out. She stands in the front room doorway and stares into the hall like she is watching someone. For ages. Always when I am alone in the house. This place ranges dates 300 years old at one end to 1940s at the other, and was a cottage hospital during the war, so who's to know what's lurking under the stairs...... Mice probably

DH has just told the biggest gossip in The City that I am in labour, as he was on the phone to him, and I thought I was. Tried walking round the block but had to come home. Everything stopped in a hot bath though, so hey ho, false alarm. Bl**dy hurt though. You know that thing where everyone says you forget what labour was like the second you hold your baby. Well it's true, you do. I don't really remember pain!

Unfortunately worse, I spent an evening the other day reading a thread about creepy or strange experiences, so I wasn't expecting to turn and see a ghost so much as be attacked by a madman!

I suppose I ought to have another dekko at Ofsted reports, but my brother's happy enough with the private nursery so it'll do for us too. And I'm very much looking forward to her copying things like table manners, though we are making a start on those now - as she's finally discovered an appreciation for food we can sit at the table and eat together without her kicking off. Pasta of some description tonight, I think. Possibly with cheesy sauce.

Right, in an attempt to diffuse any atmosphere I'm going to tell you all a story that would out me to anyone that knows me in RL. Everyone loves a story of humiliation!

Last week at work our antenatal clinic ran very late so I was late for a theatre list in the afternoon. The consultant was our locum consultant who I've worked with for years and who never really cares if I'm there or not so I wasn't too concerned and grabbed a sandwich on the way because he wouldn't have needed an assistant for the first couple of cases and by this time I was 40 mins late. I got to the theatre changing rooms and there was only 1 set of scrubs that were small. I tried to wedge my slightly larger than medium bum in and got stuck . I had to shout out of the door for someone to bring me a more appropriate size, was now very late so dashed round to the theatre, banged open the door and announced 'sorry I'm late, I got my massive arse stuck in a pair of small scrubs' only to realise it was the first list of our new consultant, who I had never met before. While the rest of the theatre staff, my supposed friends, cried laughing I had to cough my way through a formal introduction and apology for my tardiness.

So anyway. We all parent very differently and none of us fall 100% into any supposed category, we just do what's right for us. It's easy to take offence when we feel we're being criticised and difficult to read how something is meant in text but we are all here to support each other....and mock every now and then when appropriate.

Worse!!!! That's very exciting news. I know it's stopped for now but it might be the start of something, hopefully the rather painful path to some rest! Are you increasing DDs nursery hours once Babax appears?

Rainbow that nursery sounds lovely. If only there was somewhere like that that wasn't just term time, opened 7-6.30 and was near me! DD's nursery is nice though. It's fairly manic but they obviously care about the kids, there's lots of self-directed play, little bits of more structured learning time, a nice outdoor play area they go to every day and it caters for our stupid hours. How are you finding the new job? Is it odd going out to work instead of being at home or are you enjoying being able to be either wholly in work mode or wholly in home mode? How many hours are you working?

Yummy when does DH get back? I used to hate being alone in the evenings but now I secretly love it! I think it's because it's not too often though and I get to satisfy my shit TV craving. Weeks at a time would be crap and I'm fairly sure I'd survive on a diet of toast and biscuits rather than be arsed to cook for one.

Worse you've gone and got me all excited! I really hope this is the long drawn out beginning bit.

Betty that's a fantastic story. But I don't believe you have a big bum! I think the closest I run to that is bending over in front of my very prudish regional manager when I was about 20 weeks pregnant, and him declaring, loudly, that he wasn't aware I had a tattoo at the top of my bum.

Stormy best thing to do is have a look around. Ofsted can only be of so much use. Of the three nurseries within spitting distance of the old house, DS goes to the 'worst' (it's rated Good). It was just the one with the friendliest staff and the nicest feeling.

Yummy yes please tell us you've been indulging yourself with crap telly and junk food . Solo parenting for more than a few nights in a row is the pits, but there are ways to ease the pain. Like Betty I secretly love it when DH goes, but he's never been gone for more than 4 nights. And remember you can always offload here .

betty I'm working four long days a week which feels like such a holiday after being fulltime - can't believe how much difference being a little bit part time makes. I am also only out at the office two days a week and the other time work from home still. Really enjoying the balance at the moment and nice to have a routine. In particular I am enjoying rediscovering yummy lunches eaten at my leisure without anyone stealing any! DD seems to be thriving with the additional activities and being out and about a bit more which makes it feel like it works for us as a family. The new company I work for is amazingly flexible too so on office days I leave in time to be home for dinner and bedtime so don't feel like I miss out too much on those days. Just as well as we breastfeed as part of getting to sleep so not had to uproot too much of DD's routine.

We are lucky to have a great nanny as unfortunately the nice kindergarten is only school times and school term so would not work for us if we needed it full time. Only intending to send her there three mornings a week for the year before school and we will keep our nanny on so can take advantage of the unconventional nursery times.

The year before school - so from next September. Has anyone got any idea where the last two years went? How are we so close to school already? Rainbow your work life balance sounds lovely, just what I'd go for if one got to choose. Roll on the revolution, and with it a recognisation from on high that working every hour god sends isn't great for most people.

Stormy I was all set to send the toddle to a completely different nursery until I chatted to some other mums at a baby group. The one they recommended is far nicer. It's rating isn't any better, but it is staffed by people who believe in cuddles and care. When I drop dd off someone hugs her, and plays with her, much as I would myself. I don't much care about anything else to be honest. I'm not raising a baby Einstein. I just want her to be happy, which she is.

Betty

As for things here, no idea. Cold be anything from the after effects of some ill advised cauliflower for lunch yesterday, to the start of something far more interesting. Either way, I wouldn't hold your breath. I have a feeling it could be days yet.

.... and the conclusion is..... not in labour, the remnants of my stomach muscles have finally given up under the strain and completely torn apart hence the constant and fairly extreme pain. Hurts

Yowch Worse that sounds horrendous!

Oh Worse, ouch! Long bath and paracetamol?

Poor Worse . And sympathy?

You might not actually want to swap with my life right now. Got up at 6:20 as usual and pottered downstairs. Non work day for the boys of the house today so I try to have a quiet but relaxed breakfast and shower before heading off for an early start. Went out to utility to get washing timed to have finished just as I get up to find laundry basket has somehow tipped over blocking cats litter tray. Heart sinks as we don't have a 'get away with sort of thing cat'. Take my cold filled nose rather pointlessly round downstairs to try an identify where might have looked a likely spot. Discover trail of paw prints from under stairs cubby. Investigate. Discover she has found big blue ikea shopping bag, bag with birthing ball and pump in and bag of mixed baby clothes I've sold on Facebook to piddle on. Can't extract any of them without making it worse as pee just runs off the plastic. Do best I can will half a roll of loo roll. Get steam mop out. Realise I've tipped some over my favourite White Company slippers . Get white vinegar out. Get hydrogen peroxide and fairy out. Leave to brush teeth before more steam mopping. So far I've had no breakfast, no shower and way too much cat pee in my life.

Wotta forget my minor issues, that sounds much considerably more stressful. You poor thing. Not what anyone needs first thing in the morning, or even ever! Hope your day improves, and someone else in the house learns how to deal with cat pee.

Nothing happening here. The toddle has gone to soft play with DH, where they are both having a wonderful time, and I am sitting about contemplating my navel. There is a certain pleasure in doing absolutely nothing, but I am sure I will get bored soon.

Wotta uuurgh cat pee. Horrible. I hope you managed to enjoy a big coffee and a sigh of relief when you got to work this morning.

Worse if you gaze really hard at your navel will it start you off? Like a jedi mind trick...

I'm welling up with pride and thought I'd keep you all updated. After Arlo's funeral my sister and her fella made the decision to do a bit of fundraising, hoping at best that they'd raise a few hundred for the ward that looked after them so well. The care my sister received at Liverpool Women's Hospital was incredible, and all three of them were given lots of time to begin to process what had happened, and their dignity was the most important thing. DBIL ran a half marathon with his brother and two friends, and they raised over £5000 in total. With this sum of money by far exceeding their expectations they went to have a meeting with Sarah, the midwife who delivered Arlo, and a representative from the hospital's fundraising programme.

The money is going towards research into the causes of placental disease, which will help doctors to understand issues such as pre-eclampsia, premature placental decay, and stillbirth. We're doing the rounds thanking everyone for their ongoing support - emotional, financial, whatever - it all matters to us greatly. They received many anonymous donations, so we're spreading the word as much as possible. So thank you all.

Work is manic but there generally isn't cat pee .

Hope a bit of quality navel gazing is giving those poor muscles a rest Worse.

Plonk that's amazing! Pride well deserved! What a fantastic thing to have come out of such a dark time.

plonk that's absolutely amazing and something to be so proud of. I am in awe at how quickly you sister and her partner have emerged so strong.

worse that sounds so incredibly painful - hope relief come soon in the form of a little squishy bundle!

Plonky that's amazing. You are a lovely, and inspiring family.

Thanks it's amazing that they've managed to do something positive at such a time. Rainbow I think they felt doing something like this was a way for them to achieve a bit of closure. Still pretty incredible though definitely.
Worse I can assure you that my sister's one of a kind. I am a crapweasel by comparison

Trying for a baby is fun. I'd forgotten just how much...

Plonkeeee!

God I'm jealous Plonky! How unethical would it be to tell DH I'm thinking about trying for another just to get some?

Betteee!

And yes, a teeny bit unethical. But needs must....

Ah its ok eco, my nights been so riveting that I've just been doing the next online shop from the comfort of my bed.

Betty what happened to first do no harm?

plonky well done to your family for raising funds for the hospital! That's great news. I think you should tell dh to pop home for lunch (if ds is in nursery).

worse how are you and babax feeling today?

rainbow lovely to hear from you. Congratulations on your new job.

wotta I hope you had a better cat pee free morning this afternoon.

something how is the wedding planning?

I have been very good and have been cooking meals for myself. If I don't have a meal in the evening I feel hungry and just munch on junk. Dm has stayed over a couple of nights to keep me coming. She even did my housework whilst I was at work yesterday so I can relax this morning and mn. Of course I will play with ds too.

I am going out with my granddad for dinner this evening. Not much else to report really.