December 2011 - the one where we do the Twist and Shout

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

New thread.

these babies are nearly two and a half

It is, and ultimately I don't want to have a baby with someone who isn't 100% onboard. It's a recipe for resentment and unhappiness. I have a lot, and our future (the three of us) looks lovely. So if I'm choosing to accept this, I can't blame him for any unhappiness about not having a second.

Hop as I said a few weeks back wish I was as big a person as you are.......I'm not and my dh knows it think some big arguments will happen early next year, Gambia out of the way first

I'm not sure it's about being the bigger person. It's just that I know that if I want another baby enough, then only I can do something about that, and I'm not prepared to leave just so I can have one. He's always been clear about only wanting one as well, so he's never lied to me or changed him mind or even gone back and forth. I can't spend the rest of my life resenting him for something that isn't his fault, so I'm choosing not to.

Seven I post so irregularly I'm not at all upset you don't know who I am!! Um, used to be Kitty at one point way back when? Anyone remember Whippygate? That was more that two years ago!!!!

Oi I'm really pleased for you that you managed to have the talk and that you are going to be able to move forward and do what's best for you and Boi.

i'm waiting for the letting agent to open this morning so I can inquire about a house i've seen for me and DS. I am absolutely terrified about the thought of leaving and I haven't told him yet. Money is going to be really tight but if 'D'P stays ok about things and doesn't screw around with the money side of things then it will be ok. I might have the borrow deposit from my parents but even if me and DS have to live off beans on toast for a while then it will be ok.

PartTime, I didn't realise it had got that bad!
On a practical note, as a serial tenant, I can recommend asking for their terms & conditions and s list of charges up front. The Office of Fair Trading have criticised letting agents for surprise charges, but letting agents, sadly, do as they like a lot of the time, particularly with ballooning numbers in the private rented sector and not all with lots of experience. You may also be able to negotiate on, say,.carpet cleaning,

[sorry, app wouldn't let me scroll]

... and get it in writing that you will provide receipts for carpet cleaning hire (so more like 30 than 200 - professional carpet cleaning is a ripoff!)

I know you won't want to think about the end of your tenancy when you're just stsrting,.but if you take all your precautions at the beginning, then you can forget abiut it! ((()))

Yep unfortunately we had a rather unpleasant evening last night, I have had enough. We make each other miserable, the only thing he contributes to the relationship right now is money and that I can cope without.

Thanks for the advice Plu, I've got a viewing on a property this afternoon, but I've also spoken to my current landlord and I think they might be willing to change our current rental agreement over into my name. So I might be able to stay put which would be nicer. The two bed places all seem to be similar cost to our current 3 bed so downsizing wouldn't save me much money anyway. Now just have to persuade B that's its easier for him to go than me.

Will have to sit down sensibly and talk about it tonight.

Good luck!

Good luck PtP hope the talk goes well.

I'm up at this stupid hour as I was sick yesterday evening (I timed it well and managed to be sick as soon as DH, DS and I got indoors) so went to bed with no dinner. I've had some crisps so seeing if they settle and then I can go back to bed. I think DH fell asleep on the settee and just a came to bed at 3am and woke me up by accident.

Hope you feel better soon Chip.

Sensible conversation did not happen, I tried but he insisted on being hard work. I feel a bit lost to be honest but his lack of communicating emphasizes that its the right thing to do.

You'll have to change your username, chipandspuds, maybe to HurlIfItsAGirl, or Mum-E-Metic. That's grim. Did you manage to get any sleep later?

PartTimeProcrastinator, does that mean you have to look at other places? I hope not; that would be a big upheaval, not to mention expensive! Are you on a rolling tenancy at the moment, or would one of you have to stay, no matter what?

DS is still asleep after Sports Day yesterday, at which he was a terrible malco (that's my boy....) and got quite upset about it. He was stamping his foot and trying not to cry, although he did go on to the end of all his races, which I reminded him of, and told him I was proud of. After all, it's hard to keep going when you know you're not winning. His "colour"/ house came last, as well, so no consolation there. At least he's good at the academic side of school, although that's not as "thrilling" and public as Sports Day.

On a lighter note, I've managed to get all of DH's Lego into boxes and off the floor, so might actually be able to attempt a hoover later today! Woohoo - QueenOfClean will approve! We should be moving in, I think, July, and some rooms will be ready before then, so we'll move some "excess" furniture beforehand. The way I feel now (murderously declutterous) DS and DD will have nothing but sticks in the garden to play with, and the sofa to jump on. DH will have NOTHING. NOTHING. Ha!

PTP hope you make progressthis weekend and chip hope you feeling better.

Today I'm off to the beach at Weston super mare beach to see 5ive, backstreet boys and mcbusted .......THE BACKSTREET BOYS shame weather crappy.

PTP - sympathies. It's such a tough decision. I got a book, I think it's called "what about the children?" - lots of good knowledge /experience based advice about how to go about it, to minimise the upheaval.
(If you can stay in your home it'll much, much easier for little ones. They need their safety net, and it's the things that aren't changing that keeps their foundations more solid. IYSWIM.)
DH is being great. It's very confusing. I've liked him much more since we decided to split up.
I must be careful not to back out. I think it's my hormones, it's peak fertility week. My body is screaming "shag him NOW!!! Stop helping him to look for places to rent!"
He's going to look at three places today.
I went for a spa day yesterday. It was lush. But completely ruined by my unreliable cm. Never have I needed to unwind more, and yet I couldn't because I knew she was going to call at any moment and say she was closing. Which she did. Just after my back massage, and As I was having my facial. I didn't answer. I waited until the treatment was finished. But it meant any idea of relaxing was gone.
Grrrrrr!!!!!
So, whilst Boi needs constants, we'll be looking for a new nursery soon! It just happens too often.
Enjoy your concert fig!
Chip - hope you feel better soon.
Have a fab weekend, y'all.
Good luck PTP. ((()))

Shall we have haddocks for your CM, OiMissus? Or ?

Hope your weather is okay, figgy! We were meant to have loads of rain yesterday, but the BBC was wrong, though right enough that it was intermittently overcast - pleasantly so. Hopefully you'll get just a bit of cloud. I must say, I'm impressed by al your gadding about

Oh dear PTP Hope you can sort something out.

Sorry you're not feeling well Chip.

Glad things are progressing okay Oi. Must be hard.

We started potty training today. Floor 7 (sofa1) - potty 1... hope it improves tomorrow. I praised her to high heaven for the one success (she was thrilled) and didn't make any fuss about floor. Just said oops ask for potty next time. Hopefully will get better. Does this sound normal?

Got a mini micro scooter for half price in JL sale. She was SO thrilled but raining most of day so hopefully tomorrow can go have a good run in the park. She is already getting the hang of it scooting around the kitchen!

Yep mopsy, totally normal!

have been briefly cracking out my bassoon for a rare play (yay) at a local concert next week, all very low key and fun so it doesn't matter too much how hideously out of practice I am. Was just limbering up and decided to Youtube the piece I'm doing to get some accompaniment from someone else's piano. Found a chinese student of about 16 playing it at three times the usual speed. Showoff!

In other news, DD2's Frozen Elsa dress arrived yesterday in the post. She grudgingly took it off for bed but has otherwise been living in it....

Phew thanks aethel!

Ooh what are you playing? I'd to miss the last concert I was supposed to do two weeks ago (Shostakovich 5) cos of tummy bug. Gutting. Love Shost 5.

Hello! Am up N, coming back today, hence radio silence, but have eked out a little time to post... et Mon Dieu, c'est Plu! How very lovely to see you back, and your epic posts . Glad to hear the house is coming along, and how is DD doing? And a big YY to the decluttering, I'd cheerfully leave DP with nothing and possibly chuck him out too depending on how messy he was being that day.

Oh, and if you do post a list of NNs and changes over the past couple of years on FB, can someone PM me them on here as I'm not on FB? I'm fairly sure I know who everyone is, but would like to be able to confirm...was thinking just the other day we've been doing this for three years, and it taxes the little grey cells to keep up with all of the names!

Good luck PTP; is it worth exploring with your current letting agents and/or Citizens' Advice whether you can get 'D'P out, without you and DS having to go? You're right, you're not going to get a sensible conversation with him sadly, and it's sounds like he's being horrible...which as you say just gives you every reason to end it.

How you doing Chip?

Lovely day here, so lunch out with Mum and a walk/wheel down by the river before six hours in the car getting home....

So we had a different conversation. This one was "if we have sex, it doesn't change anything, we're still splitting up." "Ok, come on then."
!!!!wtf!!!!
What is going on?
Anyway, DH found a lovely apartment yesterday. The Boi and I went to a medieval event and played sword fighting.

Ooh Oi that is a head scratcher

Hope everyone having good weekend?

Pretty much as soon as we got on the train yesterday the rain cleared up meant had to buy new sunscreen flip-flops and sunglasses in Weston but at least we had a waterproof coats to sit on on the beach. Was a good day I am absolutely shattered today I've just walked to church and back pulling DS behind me on his scooter. My diet has gone completely out the window yesterday and today I'm just so tired and AF has arrived so I'm on comfort food. Dh Out all day DS just wants to watch TV as usual and the skunk has decided to start crapping all over the house again three on the floor this morning and one in his bed i'm trying to remain patient which isn't easy today. Bugger it all

OK, first post using app so this may be interesting That'll probably v happen a few times Oi, but yr both consenting adults! Driving back, so many hrs on car stretch ahead....

Hmm, oi, "friends with benefits"?! Be v v careful with that one, it very rarely works out (though I suppose it's still a bit early to be sure totally where you guys are going).... It's so hard to work out what you actually want/need here, esp with all the ?baby number two complications. But if you are meant to be seperating where is that bit going? Argh, many sympathies for the complicatedness. But let's face it, life is rarely simple....

mopsy how was day no 2? It's Milde's Tarantella, a natty little grade 7 piece that I have a fondness for, it's short and to the point and fun to play. Need to sort my reeds out a bit (who doesn't!) I have a good one but my backup reeds are pants. Will probably buy another two or three but that's £45 down the swannee (gulp. Had not forgotten how much they cost! Trouble is that you have to buy multiples to guarantee at least one good 'un...) and it's so long since I bought them regularly that all the suppliers are different (many reeds are sourced from individual professionals who make dozens, keep their best for their own use and then pass on the pretty-good ones through the music suppliers like Howarth's and Brittannia. It's a bit of a niche sport!! )

Poor you Northern, having to drive in this sun.
Typical. We did the medieval encampment on wet grass, and the "BBQ (weather permitting)" did not happen. I bet it's chocca there today and the hog will be a-roasting!
Instead, I have ironed. Boi watched the same Thomas film three times.
Now DH is back from shopping, so I'm sunbathing with wine.
They have their uses.

Good luck with reedery, Aethel. And the tarantula. Eek!
It does seem very complicated. But it's all pretty simple too. It's quite bizarre.
He's going to find a place to rent for 6 months initially. That's decided. He really liked one of the places he saw yesterday. The only niggle was that the master bedroom was in the roof, with a very steep spiral staircase. Boi's bed would be in the main part of the apartment, but you know he'd want to climb up and down the scary stairs...
DH has been making lists of what he'd need to buy, and working out costs etc.
It is happening.
We are getting on better than ever, but that's due to relief from stress, and hormones.
DH has said that it's been surprisingly easy so far, but he fully expects a mini-breakdown at some point.
He's never had time away from Boi.
I do it regularly with work. DH is upset about that. It doesn't help when the Boi starts saying "go back to the shop daddy. I'll play by myself. No I don't love you."
Careful what you wish for, little Boi!