November 2012 - Spring is here, time to get our babies out and about.

[StuntNun]

Apart from the 'down under' contingent anyway!

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2011361-November-2012-Walking-or-not-walking-talking-or-not-talking-any-other-skillz

:o pikz

A few years ago in my old house I was calling in my little cat, who didn't answer to her name but would always come if you mewed. Before mewing I glanced quickly sideways to check there were no signs of my neighbours being outside and mewed. And a second time. There was a snort from over the wall and a "is everything ok?"

Woo, project handed in. Hoping there won't be any more this week I want to clean my house and go and smell cars in dealerships for the rest of the week. Glad to have a valid reason for going.

pr that just really made me laugh.

I need a bit of a slap with the quiche fish. Believe it or not I think I am mellowing in my old age and I am feeling guilty about my treatment of my MIL. I tend to forget conflict and am quite conciliatory but you might remember my rantings over new year when they came to visit, and we swore we would never see her again.

DD1 talked about the last night they were here for weeks, and nursery actually brought the visit up with me in February when we were taking the girls out of nursery for a week or so to ask if we were going to see the ILs as she was concerned at DD1's reaction to thir visit (I said no we weren't). Anyway just to say that the trip had quite a serious effect on DD1 and nursery are also dating LO's severe constipation issues (which are purely psychological and not physical) to the visit as well. (Yes, I know, they are nosy and do say what they think, but anyway...)

You might remember that following a bitchy post visit sms from MIL to DH I blocked her on Facebook which I know is petty but I wanted to, for once, be bitchy in return.

Anyway, long story short last week was DD1's birthday. FIL sent a card, and a small cheque (a quarter of the normal amount but you know, whatever) and put a picture of DD1 on my FB page and sent a text message. SIL also sent a text message to DH. NOt a word from MIL, either to DH or me.

I'm feeling really guilty that we (DH and I) are keeping the DCs out of their grandparents' lives. I always tend to do this - swear not to see them again then mellow and persuade DH that we should give them one last chance. I hate the idea that MIL is sat there miserable and convinced I am out to get her, when I know it was her that was in the wrong. I have always managed to blame our fights on myself: post birth hormones, back pain, post op pain etc etc. And I know that over NY I remained reasonable to the last minute (when I did finally rise to the bait, but not massively so).

So why am I now blaming myself for all this? Since DD1's birthday last week I have felt sorry for both the kids and the ILs and have even had to stop myself from picking up the phone and trying to smooth things over.

Can I have a slap from the quiche fish so I can stop blaming myself and feeling bad about it? Pretty please and thank you.

Your MIL is a toxic, bitter, twisted, manipulative, abusive and vile individual who doesn't deserve to be in your or your dd's lives.

Better now?

SLAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaPppppplppppp

Ouch!

I am going to write that sentence out pidj and read it to myself. Might put a copy by the phone.

Thanks

Am feeling pretty pathetic actually. Hmm, that might be it.

Pr I've not even finished reading your post. But I gotta do this first
SLAP SLAP SLAP
Ok will finish reading first.

Past behaviour is the greatest indicator of future behaviour. Do not let this poison woman hurt you or your family again. Trust your instinct.

Slap. Slap. Slap.

My instinct is all haywire saying don't deprive them all of a relationship. I am such a WUSS. My instinct is lying to me. Fortunately I do have some common sense. There are aspects of my past behaviour in previous lives that I don't particularly like but I believe I have changed so think she should be given the opportunity to have another chance. It's not even my mother! I was much harsher on my own father and have never felt an ounce of guilt re him.

You're not depriving them. You're protecting them.

It's DH's mother. What does he think?

pr I often feel guilty about o not having Leo's parents in her life. But than I remind myself how nasty they are and that they should do everything To get my trust back not the other way round. You need to protect your girls.

He doesn't want to have anything to do with them but he is as stubborn as she is. A big softy most of the time but never forgives. Whereas I can be a right cow but cave when faced with too much conflict and tend to blame myself.

His Mother = His Problem should be your new mantra!

I get on great with my ILs but all birthday cards, Christmas cards, visit organising is vvvdf's responsibility. He's welcome to delegate it to me, of course, and often does (bit silly not to when I love shopping and am home most of the time!) but it's his family.

I've called in sick to work. Just can't face that on top of running round after R all day. Who has just started making noises after a 1h50 nap so I guess I can go and pee now

I know it's his family and if it were mine I think I would be far more intransigent, but I really hate being disliked and tbh I hate the idea that she is sat in her village telling all the lovely neighbours what a bitch I am. Because it is definitely me that she blames, because that's normal MIL behaviour and I don't blame her I would be the same.

My GMIL who has also sworn off ever seeing her again after how she was treated last year (so MIL's MIL) says that MIL just can't stand other people being happy and normal so picks a fight wherever she can and that she is definitely the problem not me. My GMIL has always had a soft spot for me though as we are both similar in personality and her dear departed husband loved talking to me about history and British culture (he was fab!) so I knew she would always take me side.

I'm a wuss though. I also have moments where I feel guilty about my whole work/boss situation.

Good call re calling in sick - no point in going in if you're not up o it. Put your feet up.

I can completely understand where you are coming from pr. But your MIL has done absolutely nothing to try and pave the way to see her granddaughters. I'd like to think if it were me I would be doing everything in my power to salvage any form of relationship with my grandchildren. She's done nothing. To me this speaks volume. Let sleeping dogs lie as they say.

Big fishy slap pr she has done this no one else. Her not even acknowledging dd1s birthday just shows how much she cares! She should be the one feeling bad and trying to make amends not you. I do know where you are coming from though, I think I'd be feeling the same, I hate any kind of conflict and will usually be the one to make the first move, but if it was something I felt so strongly about then I wouldn't. She's a horrible horrible woman who has already put your dd's through too much, she doesn't deserve to have them back in her life.

yet bath and early night on the cards, r had me up at 3 for happy and 3:30 for call and i want to go to ikea with my mate tomorrow

ffs yep and nappy

Thanks quichesters. I feel a bit better now.

aibu to think a bit of notice would be nice? they're fixing the flat roof outside and my flat stinks of tar. i'd have gone elsewhere if i'd known. it's hard enough breathing with this cold as it is

YANBU pidj it would have been courteous to let you know in advance but I assume as it is day time and mon-fri they don't actually have to.

if i'd known i'd have saved them a few bob by moving all my plants and sweeping up! they're trying to make me pay but as i don't on utter nor have right of access I've told them it's not my problem

NEW THREAD: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2035882-November-2012-Are-the-LOs-old-enough-for-Mothers-Day-yet