November 2012 - The new quiche sleepy dust crop-sprayer plane seems to be working

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1725957-November-2012-Poor-sleep-deprived-mummies-and-daddy

But d'ya know what? I glowed like a fucking diamond. I have never felt better or more beautiful than I did at about 5-8 months pregnant. I felt like I was carrying the world I was so important.

Then I birthed her. And now I look like shit [big grin]

See! She even stole my emoticons.

I remember reading that if your felt all glowy you must be having a boy because girls "stole your beauty"

P can have it. She wears it better than me. I have lip gloss and mascara.

mamapo I'm with you on that. I never got a rush of love with either of mine. A rush of terror, instinct to protect and feed, pleasure in cuteness and pride in having come through the birth, perhaps, but I didn't instantly fall in love with mine. I mean I loved them straight away, but not perhaps what I was expecting to feel, or what I know I do now. It was a bit of a slow burn for me.

It took time to get to know DD, adjust to being a mum, get through the first exhausting, unrewarding months. I can't say when I definitively fell utterly in love with her. But now I know that I deeply love the bones of her, she is more important than anything imaginable, I love every eyelash, graze, and molecule of her and she is my centre of gravity almost, my world starts and ends with her. Plus she is the only person in the world who is permitted to breathe on me or touch me while i sleep.

I worried for DS before he was born, whether he would match this. To be completely honest, it is something I have worried about since, but not shared. I love him, I want to keep him safe, i'd kill for him the same way as i would for DD, I desperately want him to feel loved and equal to DD. But I have had nearly 2 extra years with her. I know her better. I also think i am more of a toddler than baby person. But I do love DS desperately, and every day there's more. Oh god, am in tears writing this, feel like such a crap mum and so unfair to my amazing DS.

I did have nice hair. And skin. But I waddled. And got stuck in chairs and had flatulence issues

I did feel on cloud 9 billion when I carried her on to the post-natal ward though. And the pride. So very proud of her. Poonamis, sleepless nights, flaky scalp and all.

Thanks chasing and momo. Feel happier now.

Pass LOL!

Oh fuck me madam.

That was a beautiful account of motherly love. I have no idea how it pans out with a second. Not a scooby. By the sounds of it though there is plenty of love to go around.

I think your heart just grows bigger to accomodate each one.

Goshes you've been at it today! I felt like giving up this morning and leaving you all for a week or so but I couldn't do it so here I am! --bet you're all thinking 'bollox'

I have read everything, laughed at pass, winced for detective doesn't sound like wince covers it , felt fuzzy at you all adoring your LO's whilst adoring my own toad, obviously and felt a pang for those jabees today. There is more but honestly I am nackered and cannot remember more, I'm really sorry :(

I thought today would be awful, but Eric has been the best ever. He rolled over for the first time, he gummed some cucumber sticks, we laughed our way through almost the entire day and Just chilled out together. He sat still as a mouse watching hollyoaks, an entire episode with me, and then I rolled about on the floor with him. We ate tea and bounced about in the door bouncer like a mad pair. We went to tescos and we smiled at the lady at the checkout and we went for a nice walk in the sun :)

I got some papaya, mango and melon to make chip type sticks out of. Still wary of giving it but it's finger food isnt it? I'm on a blw Fred but am feeding purée, so I guess I'm cheating both methods but we're just muddling through. I took the bit of cucumber he broke off out of his mouth because it scared me. Idiot. Anyway, I may see what happens with sticks of things tomorrow. The cucumber seemed to amuse him. At first he threw it at me in disgust but then kept picking it up and seemed to rather like it I think! Today he tried parsnip, pear and sweet potato purée. Not sure he went a bundle on that one either. But I am trying not to fret. Really hard!

Also I finished a sleeve of my knitting, so have one sleeve and the trim to go!

Tomorrow is mil's bday so hopefully e will have lots of smiles

mama that would be great re: crinkly paper. Will try to remember how to pm :)

Hope good nights are had quiche-wide!

Madam I'm sure how you feel is entirely normal. With our first borns, we have nothing to compare to, so are just overwhelmed by love, like no other. I'm guessing (and it is just a guess) that with the 2nd, the tendency is to compare to previously. And of course nothing can match the shock factor of that 1st experience of a mothers love. But the important thing is that you do love ds, and it is still growing. You are not a bad mummy

Oh gazelle, it makes perfect sense to me. I reckon I'll love C more and more, and I'll love the toddler C more intensely than I loved the newborn C. It's not unfair to her now - we have all this in front of us. Exciting!

And sorry bplp, I was one of those glowy pregnant ladies. I had a ridiculously straightforward pregnancy and felt great right up until 38 weeks when everything went pear-shaped

Yes pass I think that's exactly right. I just think mine is still growing as I get to know DS. I mean, I know it will get there, I look back at DD at the same age and know I was still falling, rather than "there", if that makes sense.

gazelle I totally get that. Of course you feel closer to your older child for now. You know her much better. But the difference will fade as the months go by. LO sometimes I feel like she is intruding on the great little unit we had. I hate myself for feeling like that but, through no fault of her own she kind of is. But in time she'll fit in, as she grows and we get to know her even better. She's already fitting in more than she did a month ago, and a month before that. And she is becoming part of a new great little unit that we are all still adjusting to.

But right now I know she's got her foot right in the door because if anyone tried to do anything to her, or criticise her I'd want to punch them. And in a liife or death situation? I'd do as much for her as her older sister, and fight for them to the death. As we aren't in a life or death situation though I'll just let her continue to barge edge her way in til we are all completely comfortable. And that will happen, is happening.

madam I felt the same worrying about DD2 never being quite the love that DD1 was at the time. It is normal and natural to feel that way about the second one. One day you will look at DS and think 'fuck me' he is a proper little person and I love him soo much it hurts! With the third the love is there sooner as the fear of loving is gone. Remember my candles analogy? The second candle is lit by the first, and they both shine brighter. Your DD taught you that love like that is possible. DS will teach you that your capacity for love is boundless.

Pass I'm not sure of the origins of the yoni myself but know that it means your fanjo
There was some incredibly funny threads in chat a few days ago when a man came on to advertise his yoni massage service you can imagine the uproar Anyway his wife and her friends apparently came on too to rave how good he was at said massage

It's all got a bit emotional, has this old Fred. But in a nice way. I'm off up to bed, and going to give F an extra special snuggle in her cot then check the room for cat sick

to each and every quichette, we are all amazing and each of us is a best mummy in the world to somebody.

That's a good way to express it PR. And of course, to start off with, a huge priority has to be how your eldest copes with it, your younger DC arent the sole focus of attention the way the pfb is. I am so bloody proud of DD for adjusting to her new life with DS too, and enjoying how much she loves him, and have enjoyed this maternity leave so much more because of the extra time I have had with her. But you're right, DS has changed the unit irrevocably, but now it is increasingly in a positive way, and I can't imagine life without both of my babies, and some of the greatest pleasure I have had has been watching the joy they derive from each other.

madam what a lovely post, and I think that is normal. My mum has five soon to be six of us and I often have asked how do you love us all, and she said what kind of mum would I be if I didn't? And she said she loves us all equally but for very different reasons. I cannot imagine loving something like I do e but it seems as though when a second comes along you just, love them too. I get what people mean too about it taking some time. I broke down when he was 8 days old because I didn't think I loved him. He scared the fuck out of me, to be honest. I thought i'd break him. I couldn't believe I was responsible for such a perfect little boy. I did love him, I was just exhausted and expected to feel perfect and happy and floaty and instead I felt sore and tired and mangled, ESP with the expressing, I barely saw him and every day felt harder and harder than the last. I couldn't do it :( should've, but couldn't.

The way you love them is astounding. Every day isn't perfect and some days I still feel like, what the fuck am I doing, but just sitting here thinking about him and I'm in tears, I absolutely couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to him. I made myself cry earlier because I cried because he rolled over. I thought you silly bint get a grip, it's just a roll! But I felt SO proud! I mean he did it, he seemed so pleased and I just felt such a big glow and I had to tell myself not to squeeze him too tight!

Aw, quiche group hug time! And df time and then BED FUCKING TIME!

Thanks VQ and BP. Am still blubbing, but mainly at everyone's kind words and reassurance and less because of feeling like I am failing DS somehow, or I am inadequate as a mum of two.

You've all made me cry

I still can't believe I'm responsible for him. I can't look after the ducking house.

No idea how you guys do two and more!!!

You're amazing. The thought of being pregnant again fills me with horror. I cannot comprehend the rest. People look at pics of newborns and say 'oh its making me broody' and I just think 'what the actual fuck??' You a. Have children and b.would do it again having had one??!!

And ds is IMO brilliant!!!

Bottles done!

PR you and I could be twins. Well, brain twins anyway!

Re: DP and The House shit. I often want to post about this fucking house. And fucking DP. But I try and ignore it, because it pisses me off so fucking much. I am by nature neat and tidy, and I do not keep clutter. So at the moment it just feels like there is shit everywhere! Lots of things need fixing, and I don't have the time, DP has time but doesn't do it. And it gets on my nerves sooooooooooo fucking much. Some stuff we need a professional in to do, but there are some things we can sort.

At the minute we have kitchen cupboard doors hanging off the hinges, one damaged by water (under the sink - the whole thing is fucking rotting) one has superglue on the front thanks to DP. There is massive water damage (Horsey!) in the living room/dining room thanks to a leak from the overflow pipe in the bath. It has been there for 3 years. It needs stripping, replastering, and painting. I am just fucking grateful that I generally can't see it unless I'm sat on one side of the dining room table, because if I had to look at it every day I'd fucking explode!

There are damaged tiles in the bathroom - really need sorting ASAP those, as water is getting between them. They are flat ones at the end of the bath.

2 curtain poles need taking down and putting back up, as they have been partially pulled out the wall so are wonky.

There is a panel that has fallen out of the side gate panel, and the whole thing needs repainting again. It was done 2 fucking years ago FFS.

We'll not mention the mold around the bedroom windows.

I'm sure there is more don't want to think about it!. DP really needs to sort the fucking curtain poles, I can't do it on my own. I've been waiting a fucking YEAR for him to do them. And he needs to come to B&Q with me to buy new kitchen cupboard doors and put the fuckers on.

On the plus side, he doesn't leave towels on the floor. He does the rest of the annoying shit our men do though. The change thing winds me up terribly. He has a jar for it. He just dumps it all next to his bed. I've told him over and over he needs to get in the habit of putting it away as O could pick it up soon enough and fucking choke. ARGHHHHH.

GT O has gone from 2nd to 50th centile, he went from the 25th to 50th 2 weeks after we changed his milk to the LF stuff. I'm having him weighed 2 weekly at the minute so we can adjust the ranitidine quickly with his weight changes. He was 15lb9 today, at 20 weeks, and is shooting up and almost ready for 6-9 month clothes. Actually, his coat is already 6-9 months. Looking at pics of H, he looks just as he should. Weight is only a concern if they are shooting off the top (or bottom) of the centiles.

O has been a nap dodger today. Which isn't like him really. He stayed awake for 5 hours today . He did fall asleep mid song in baby group I was doing the actions to songs on a sleeping baby lmao but I put him in his car seat and he woke straight up and refused to go back to sleep. Then when he did finally nap, it was only 90 minutes or so, and an hour of that was on me while I slept off a horrible headache. So not like him.

Apparently we should have an appt with dietician in next couple of weeks, so that's good. Good job I'm not back to work in 10 days with everything going on with him.

Has anyone seen those things that you put fruit/veg in for babies to suck on? No idea what to think of them, does anyone have an opinion? www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Pack-Fresh-Feeder-Colors/dp/B000GK5XY2

Woah. Sorry. Bit epic.

horsey practically the second one is much easier. You are confident in your knowledge and choices, it's much less overwhelming, your life is already changed beyond recognition, you know the hard part does end eventually. Juggling a baby and a toddler is a new challenge. And clearly the emotions of it are a hurdle

Fuck you lot making me cry!

Madam It will come, it really will. When he comes in to his own, showing off his personality. It takes time. It is very easy to just think of them as hard work at this stage - because they are. Hard Fucking Work!

With O I did not feel that bond while pregnant. I didn't worry about it, because I knew I would love him, whether it took 1 minute or 1 year. As it was, when he was first born, I felt a rush of pride that I had produced him, but I could listen to him cry and not feel that feeling of hurt that he was crying and the rush of needing to get to him. I think he was about 2-3 days when it came. And boy did it hit me. When we finally got time to give him a name, it grew even more. He was a person. With a name. A whole new life. It all just takes time though.

Each day I look at him and just feel pride that I made him, and love that just keeps growing. I don't know how it works, but it just does. And the more you have, the more love you gain. Nature is awesome in that way!

Madam I was musing over this earlier today when sat in baby clinic. Thinking to myself how I was confident I knew what I was doing when O came along. Little sod has been very different to his brother, and everything I thought I knew, has been undone by him!! I've vowed to keep an open mind!

I seem to have missed sweary Wednesday and most of thankful Thursday. Not really sure where the time has gone!

I don't have any real news of interest. Had to take to E to the hospital this evening as she pulled her tube out yet again. Got a follow up meeting with the SALT team tomorrow and then a consultant appointment next week. Am getting a bit despondent about the tube, just can't see when it will be able to come out. The weaning is going ok I guess but she doesn't really eat a lot and she won't really drink milk from a cup, only a couple of sips. I tried her with a bottle yesterday and she didn't cry but she barely took any milk from it. I'm still bf but she's not getting enough from me to thrive. She's still having 110ml down the tube every 4 hours (goes a longer stretch at night) and I just can't see this changing for the foreseeable future.

Sorry this has turned into a woe is me post. It wasn't supposed to, I've actually had a nice day! I'm thankful that despite the circumstances E is now thriving.

I'm gong to head to bed I think. Wishing you all good nights. I'll be on better form tomorrow