October 2011 - Learning to accept our babies are toddlers

[ClimbingPenguin]

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I've hired someone to get all our babies to sleep while we go get sloshed in the corner

A is a real chatterbox but not quite so physical, so think it's clear what's important to him! When they're all teenagers they'll all grunt all the time anyway and it won't matter who talked when

Fuzzy I am starting to show, and in that awkward place where pregnancy clothes are too big and my old ones too small. Just about to hit 17 weeks ..

Does anyone else have a super clingy DC? A is soooo clingy at present, more than he's ever been in his life. It started before our holiday, but now he's even rejecting DH at times for me. I hope it's a phase.

Have been lurking the last few days but not felt up to posting. I?m better (kind of) so should be back to work tomorrow. M has a dr?s appt this afternoon for his hacking cough. I can hear it on his chest, it?s waking him at night, it?s been going on for 2 weeks now and the last 3 days he?s had a temperature so am worried it?s turned into a chest infection again.

He also has had a rash since yesterday morning. All over his hands and round his nose/mouth which makes me think he has had something in his hands in the garden or at party we went to on sat that he has had an allergic reaction to. However, rash is also creeping up his arms and legs so DH thinks chicken pox. I?m really hoping it?s not. I?ll have to stay at home with him again (MIL has a clot on her lung a week and a half ago so although out of hospital is still recovering her strength?and there?s no one else to have him unless DH stays home, but then he forfeits holiday days which we really need for the summer and heading to see family later in the year).

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH! I need to rant here because I don?t feel that there?s anyone in real life I can turn to right now. DH is having a shit time of it and ignoring my pleas for him to go back to our GP about his depression. My family are all so far away and feel like my friends here already have so much on their plates with their own kids and DPs.

Just feeling a bit blue and wondering how other people manage to cope with life. Then I feel so pathetic ? there are people coping with so much more than me right now. What right do I have to complain when my DGM is suffering through treatment for cancer, or when my friend?s daughter is recovering from yet another spinal operation, or one of my friends is suffering from anxiety and depression and has been off work for a few months. They don?t need to hear me complain.

Honestly, I feel so physically drained after this winter that I don?t think my body or my spirit can take anymore. Every time I think I?m done, the universe decides to knock me over again.

Sorry for self-indulgent rant, but I need to get this off my chest (along with all the flu induced mucus) or I will explode.

Yes, it's phase pene The twins went through it. Well, jacob did, and isobel wasn't that bothered who did things for her. But now isobel is all 'i want mummy to do it' and jacob flips between whoever as spent the most time with him that day. fickle

I remember chloe being the worse for clinginess and me being - for god sake chloe, just let someone else do it, and give me a break!

x posts eng I really think it is not a good idea to go back to work tomorrow. It might be decided for you, anyway if m is ill but, you are not letting yourself get fighting fit and you will just keep getting all manner of bugs etc if you don't.

I'm sorry about dh not going to the docs. I know i've said it before, but i wouldn't be able to cope and i've had it myself. I lot of people go ape at the mere mention of depression being self inflicted, as they prefer to think of it as a chemical imbalance in the brain, but i really do believe that a person's way of thinking makes them depressed. (it did it to me) to depress is a verb after all. Has he tried CBT?

Does he wallow in it? I really hated having mine and did not want to feel how i felt. I would try really hard to sort through what i perceive to be the problem ie, mine and dp's relationship. Does he know why he is like he is? Will he discuss it? Sorry if i'm over stepping the mark. You can completely ignore me at will if you want.

Sorry to hear about all your extended family and friends illnesses/bad luck. But just because someone has it worse than you, does not mean that you are not entitled to rant/be upset/or feel sorry for yourself. It's all relative to each individual person anyway and what bothers one, won't necessary bother another.

Do you want to arrange a meet up for next time you are over in england? I will come and even though i can't speak for everyone else, i'm sure some others will come too. Would be lovely to meet after all this time i think anyway. x

Aww eng Sorry it's so tough at the moment. Can you get signed off for a week? Sounds like you need it, hope M feels better soon too ( for what it's worth a rash doesn't sound like cp to me, cp are usually single spots that blister then scab over.)

Annie yay for sleep!

W is a fruit lover too not so fond of veg though. I have to keep the fruit away from him when shopping too or he'd eat it before I got to the check out!

Not clingy here pen though I'm sure we've got it to come, W was a very clingy baby though up to about 13/14 months so hoping we might have done that bit!

Thanks for your kind words sassy and strawb. I just rang my best friend in NZ to get everything off my chest and have a good cry. Makes me feel a bit better and more able to deal with things already. M is sleeping now (put him down early so he?ll be up for his GP appt) which means I can have a bit more headspace to think.

DH?s depression was brought about by stress of ttc for 18months and a mc, unsupportive manager at work and losing 3 people in family and extended family. Work is now better (he has changed dept and has a new manager who is v.supportive) and obviously ttc was successful, but it really left its mark (which is also why I think DH is very tentative about ttc #2).

He did have cbt last year which helped, but the long winter has really brought DH down and he?s getting a bald spot on his head ? completely stress related ? which I know is making him feel really down. He has admitted to me that he needs to go back and see GP, but getting him to actually go and make an appt is hard. He?s so up and down. He?s done lots of things around the house/garden that he?s been meaning to for YEARS the last few weeks, but then after doing those things he?s totally exhausted and kind of relapses. We went to a children?s party on Saturday late afternoon and it was just too much for him. We left after a few hours and came home to eat instead of staying to eat with everyone else. And then yesterday it was all I could do to get him off the sofa for 5 minutes. He knows he?s struggling, he knows it?s affecting me, but he can only manage small steps.

He has been much worse in the past and I?m very thankful that he?s not in the black pit he was 2 years ago when I was pregnant.

If M isn?t ill then I will go to work. At the moment it?s not work stressing me out ? when I?m at school I feel more in control. My lessons are planned and even though I have a stack of marking to do I will get it done this week during frees. It?s at home that I?m floundering at the moment ? wondering where to start. I only have one week of school anyway and then next week is a holiday. The school year here ends really early, so what with exam weeks and activity weeks and meeting week I think I only have 5 weeks of actually teaching left.

And thanks for the offer of a meet-up. I?m not sure how possible it will be this year as we?re only over for short visits down south to see family, and DH finds it difficult when ?I make lots of plans for him-- we make lots of plans to see lots of different people, though I may try and organize coming over on my own in the summer when we?re back from NZ.

Now for a post that is not me me me

M is really clingy right as well pen. He wants to be with me all the time which is driving me crazy

M is picking up more words, but doesn?t always seem to be able to connect them with what he?s talking about. He started saying auto about 3 days ago (Dutch for car) and now everything is auto.

He can say mama, papa, up, out, ball, happen (to eat), daar (there), bye bye and tries to say things like banana and thank you but doesn?t quite get there.

Congrats ips

Lovely to hear about all our pg ladies (bumpwatch!)

Not chicken pox

Vijfde ziekte, which I think is slapped cheek.

Oh no eng slightly better than chicken pox.......but still. big hugs to both of you. x

I just got the camera out to take a photo of jacob all cosied up in the middle of the cushions and heard this little voice 'cheese' sooooo cute eva. God i could eat her.

I'm bloody itching to start knitting again. Only started just before xmas and i love it. Bought 2 knitting books from aldi the other week and got my mum to explain the patterns. I keep watching wool on ebay but missing out cos i forget! One of the books is knitwear for kids and the other is for knitted toys. Got a gorgeous summer dress in, that is quite easy in comparison to some of the patterns and want to knit one for I and one for E, just in different colours!

Could do with you mummy explaining patterns to me for crocheting (is that a word?) i just can't get it and it's annoying me.

Oh engels I do feel for you, and feel free to get it off your chest here. It's so tough living with someone with depression - DH has been up and down again with his anxiety and has finally gone back to the Gp who recommended counselling. DH is finally coming round to the idea that it may really help him (certainly did for me) deal with losing Adam and a number of other issues. Would your DH go to an appointment if you made it for him? DH can spend weeks saying that he does want/need to go but does nothing about making appointments until I eventually do it. Then he will go. I hope it does get easier for you both, and that M gets better soon.

N is good at communicating his needs - when he's hungry he fetches his bib and pats his high chair until I put him in it! Of if he wants to go out he gets his shoes! Not so many words yet but brilliant at improv!! He loves his fruit but has gone off veg (except peas and sweet corn) but I just blend it into sauces anyway to hide them from him and DH! N could eat a whole punnet of grapes in one go if I let him :)

Just wanted to say engles that you must feel free to rant here. I'm so glad you got a wee chat and weep with your friend in NZ, far away friends feel so much further when things are tough.

Mummy, I reckon you should give sassy skype crochet lessons!

Anyone watch Broadchurch? Absolutely brilliant!

I love knitting sassy find it very relaxing, don't manage to find much time for it now though! Never been brave enough to try clothing but I do knit toys and then give them as gifts. Never been able to work out crochet either duck really could do internet lessons!

Engels, all sounds very frustrating for you . It's not something I have knowledge with but I can only assume how difficult it must be. I guess being far away from your own family at times like this can't help either. Glad you got to speak with friend and got it all out. Feel free to rant to us anytime!

As you said about the flu/feeling ill, they are still running the 'winter' illness line at nhs24 as there is still a lot of people suffering with these viruses! I think the very cold 'spring' hasn't helped. Sorry if this sounds patronising, but have you tried multi vitamins etc to try build yourself up? I get lax at taking them every day but I do try when I remember. Hope M is better soon too! I'm so scared of S getting the pox as I remember being so ill myself when I was young

After the talk on fruit, S ate a whole tub of blueberries this afternoon . The nappy a few hrs later was interesting. Ended up being help under the shower as it was everywhere! She just stood in the bath saying 'its a mess' in her funny little voice

Same here in that she's starting to connect 3 words at times . So far 'it's a mess' 'where are you' 'birdies in tree' but as sassy says, a lot of it would be unknown to a stranger listening in. Great that we as parents can decipher baby talk! Like a hidden talent

I haven't crocheted in a while now . Tbh, I don't even really know how to read patterns either . The uk and USA terms tend to be quite different. I followed videos on YouTube to start. I can def try work one out though if you send it to me! Few friends expecting babies soon so ill need to get my mojo back. Deramores is good for wool. Stylecraft is the best I've found, reasonably priced but very soft and some great colours!

God, just saw the time. What am I doing up so late?!

Climbing, are you still around? Hope all is well with you

I joined a class! It starts on may 1st. Probably bang on when we will be moving. But it's on a wed 7-9pm, so i don't see why i can't go. Not told dp yet............

He is away a feckinggain. Oxford. WHY DID THE JOB SAY NORTH WEST ENGINEER!!!!!!!! SCREAMS.

and breathe.

ips i hope your dh finds it helpful.

It's my mum's 60th today!

After what happened last June, i'm thankful she made it.

I remember her saying a few years ago that she won't make it to 60. (she has copd and asthma) And i was so furious with her after she had her stroke, cos i thought she had bloody jinxed herself. Not exactly rationale, but i was v upset at the time.

Happy birthday sassys mum

My grandad was like that. My mum told me how he was happy to make it to 58 as that's when his dad died and he was convinced he would be the same. Made it to 77 in the end

Happy birthday to your mum sassy hope she's had a lovely day

engels How would your DH be if you booked a GP appointment for him? Or would that be pushing it too much. It's what I had to do at first for DH. This winter really has taken its toll. Have you thought about getting a SAD lamp? Someone told me you can get medical grade ones from Amazon for about £50 and it's really helped her over this winter.

DH is struggling again at the moment too. I don't think the medication he's on is either enough, or the right type, but he doesn't want to be on it at all so he doesn't want to discuss changing it, he thinks he's coping, but a few days ago he broke down about the mess of the house and the clutter (there is a lot, I'm trying to clear it out and I usually keep on top of the mess, but because I've been ill I haven't had the energy. He started sorting things out, but basically mindlessly binned things. Books of stamps, things me or my Dad have made, stuff I made as a kid that has sentimental value, even an antique item from his Grandad. I went through the bags later, I tried not to but I would never bin anything of his so I had to check what he'd thrown away. I was almost in tears when I saw what he'd thrown out. I asked him about the antique item from his Grandad and he said he thought it was junk. He knows what it is. He's told the story behind it many times.....

There is some good news though that the 6 weeks of counselling he was going to get should be extended as the counsellor is leaving in July so there's no point her taking on new patients.

Sassy Happy Birthday to your Mum.
On the moving front make sure you pack a box of things to not be packed! Important things like cash cards, paperwork, kettle, tea, coffee, sugar, milk, biscuits and some sandwiches. Also pack everyone an overnight bag with toiletries, bedclothes and clothes for the next day.
The really important bit is Put them in the car!

I had 2 boxes of important things, one got put in the car. The other got put in the moving van.... even though it had a big sign on it saying "Do not put in Van." Most of it was paperwork which we coped without, but there were also the doors to the cat carriers in there. By the time I realised someone had packed it, it was well and truely buried in the van. (Actually it got packed twice but I retrieved it the first time.)
So an hour after we were meant to be out of the house, while the new owner was trying to move in, I was rushing round asking if any neighbours had a cat carrier we could borrow for the 40 miles journey down the motorway to the new house!

Congratulations Ips at least here was a good reason for being pukey.

I hope your Mum has a lovely day Sassy

Was impressed that you ever replied to my sleeping bag question whilst in hospital Annie, glad you are out now though.

Thank you for everyone's comments re sleeping bag/duvet, we have been trying to pillow with P but she just sleeps next to it (even though ted is sleeping on it).

We tried Baby Ballet last Saturday P LOVED it, it's possible this was more to do with the 6ft teddy in a tutu but we are going again on Saturday anyway. She also made an "octopus" at art class the Saturday before, busy baby!

P can say a few words but nothing like E Sassy she sounds like a proper chatterer. Will be speaking to her and saying E and S Mummy can do sentences so to buck her ideas up . She can say body parts, picture, dog/cat (and their names), animal noises, car, shoes, sock and randomly "yellow owl" and "how do do" (which is a song from singing class called "How do you do", am working on her Mandarin too!

Feeling so so re sickness today, felt awful the last week and puking/pooping (attractive) in the middle of the night :(

Engles I hope you feel a little better today and glad you spoke with your friend. It sounds really hard work and you always sound like you have a lot of your plate. I have nothing helpful to add though as people have already said much better than I could.

Waves to everyone else

I must say though that she is a bit undeveloped in one way.

Background- Whilst at uni and studying Piaget, he had 5 (i think) stages of development (concrete, ego centric, some others ) and one of the stages, he said that babies would learn animals, but transfer what they knew about 1 onto the other, ie, a dog has 4 legs, and gets called a dog and therefore if they see a horse, they will call it a dog because it has 4 legs. Same with daddies, other men become 'daddy'

There was some critique done by another scientist and he said that Piaget underestimated a child's abilities and that they would be able to understand the difference between, dog, cat, horse etc.

Chloe, Jacob and Isobel have never ever, not once confused animals.

Eva see's a dog and she says woof woof, see's a horse, 'woof woof'

Eva see's a duck 'quack quack' eva see's a pigeon 'quack quack'

I can only surmise one of two things. Either she is younger than the others were when they started being able to verbalise animal sounds, or more likely, i haven't spent as much time with her pointing out animals and making the sounds to her as i did with the other 3.

Sent dp this text at the time.

'Eva, upon seeing a pigeon- quack quack...............got your brains then!

Well I was using quack quack for all feathered things until the "yellow owl" comment then I realised I might have to say "owl" "pigeon" etc, rather than call them all "duck quack quack".

I would have just thought it was a memory thing and they are taking in so much stuff surely it's going to get mixed up sometimes (that's my very basic thoughts on it).

P had a report come home from nursery today saying she was "sat in the book corner with her friend when her friend got one excited and bit her". With friends like that as they say?.

cheshire lol. At you learning P that everything with feathers is a duck.

Classic, as my dp would say.

Sorry about the bite though.

Night all.

Can I ask a quick question to those of you who had an episiotomy.. Have you had any problems with the scar? I've felt something 'rubbing' the past few days, I had a little look and was a bit shocked to notice a hard lump right in centre of my scar! It's not big, maybe size of a 5p but its uncomfy and I'm starting to wonder what it could be. It tender to touch and hard. i thought maybe an ingrown hair at first. Surly by almost 19 month pp the scar would be fully healed? Not sure if I should try see the GP tomorrow or leave it over the weekend in the hope it might go away.

I would go to see GP tomorrow Duck. I can feel my scar tissue from my episiotomy but it hasn't changed in touch/feel in the last 12months+

Haven't posted in the last few days as have been at work since Tuesday and out for dinner with colleagues for the last 2 nights (luxury!). Will catch up and reply properly tomorrow.

I'm on holiday for a week and a half now! (teachers, eh? )