November 2012 - Guess what we were doing this time last year

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1680077-November-2012-More-group-hugs-and-moral-support-please

This is going to be a long woe is me thread so feel free to look away now.....

So after getting lost and then waiting in the wrong waiting room I eventually saw the consultant. I last saw him on 30th Jan and E has only gained 30g since then. So after quite a bit of discussion, mainly him talking and me trying to listen whilst simultaneously get E to stop crying and DD1 to behave, he feels that E should be hospitised and fed through a drip to help her to get some caleries on board. I'd have to stay with her so I said it couldn't be done this week due to DH being away and we talked about what hospital it would be. I was clear that I didnt want to go to one of the options listed. Anyway I don't think the enormity of what he was saying hit me till I got DD1 to bed and had a chance to think. Now apart from being looked at the only actual test she has had done was a urine sample back when she was about 4 weeks old. Surely other tests should be performed before such an extreme step is taken. I'm going to see him on Friday morning again and my sister is having DD1 so I'll be able to take on board what he is saying. He also said he'd get a dietician involved. Now I'm of no doubt that she needs to start putting on more weight but I don't see how feeding her through a tube on top of me bf is going to help long term. It could just mask whatever underlying medical issue that she has. Of course I've done the one thing that I shouldn't and have been on google all evening and worked myself up into a right state about what could be wrong with her. If my DH was here he would have given me a slap and confiscated my internet! The only thing that has kept me together is whilst I was crying E just looked up at me and gave me this big grin. Now of course if she was really malnorished or failing to thrive as they put it then how comes she is so happy and alert.

I will ask him on friday about tests that can be done and won't just take being submitted as an in patient as the only option but of course if that's the best course of action then I'll do it. I just wish I knew what to do for the best and I bloody wish she'd have a bottle but she still is having none of it! Ahhhhhh.

Sorry, that was a bit epic! Feel better for getting it out though.

vq I think it was you that said if you were to have another you'd FF (apologies if it wasn't) but thats exactly how I feel at the moment.

On other news yw exciting news about the house. I hope they accept your offer. I wouldn't worry too much about what you look for in a 2nd viewing. I'd mainly just try and invisage you and your family there, is there enough room for you to grow into it etc. Surverys will pick up any other issues (or at least should do). We've just recently had our homebuyers report back and it picked up on a damp issue so we got a spcial damp survey done and it's nothing a bit of damp proofing won't sort.

I can't remember what else I was going to say so off to read pr's thread as I could do with a laugh!

PR I couldn't work out what you meant about intervention & then realised it was the sheep thing. I wouldn't have assumed you were extending crapness to humans! We just evolved to have intelligence at the expense of women's comfort (or brains bigger than our fanjos).

Good news horsey on promotion!

One of the things I'm gutted about in my house sale was that we have to leave our plummed in american fridge freezer and our range cooker, both less than 2 yrs old

Oh Eliza I crossed posts with you. What a stressful day you've had. It does seem extreme and you echoed exactly what I kept saying, that forcing calories into them may mask whatever problem is causing the ftt. However of course it does reach a point when something must be done to keep their strength up. Have you considered a supplementary nursing system? It was suggested to me as a way of getting formula into L without bottles. Sorry if you have already tried this. May be less intrusive than what they are suggesting though?

I have done exactly those Google searches so I know how you are feeling but it is so unlikely to be anything serious health-wise, as you say she is smiling and developing normally and she would do that if she was really poorly.

I think it's good to go and talk it over again. It's a dreadful shock to hear that and you need time to process it & decide what you want to do. Sending you and E lots and lots of love from me & L xx

Sorry to hear that Eliza, it does sound like a very extreme measure considering a urine test us the only other test they have done. I've frightened myself by googling things in the past and have now put a total ban on myself doing that, as I know how anxious I get when I do! Sending u a virtual hug! Glad to hear LO is smiling and making you feel better

Oh Eliza, I don't have any answers, but please stay away from Dr. Google! You are right, I would be questioning the decision to admit too. Investigations first surely are the way forward. Especially as they have left things this long.

Did you say you might have private cover? I think I would seek a second opinion too. Obviously, you need answers, and fast so you can make a decision.

I really really feel for you. I hope things improve quickly for you. Poor E, and poor you. It must be so stressful.

I think I like this new sleep pattern that has emerged. Once again he slept til 9.45, fed took an hour to take less than 3oz grrr! and straight to sleep. I did it sat downstairs as I did last night. I put him in the swaddle first. It was nice to not be sat in bed for an hour on my own feeding and settling to sleep. I watched TV instead! Watched that Black Mirror thing on 4, and scared myself . Still didn't understand what went on.

Do you think it will be okay in the long run? He slept downstairs from 7.30, then fed on the sofa, then up to the basket after that feed. Should I put him upstairs at 7.30 when he falls asleep? I only didn't last night because he normally goes to bed at 9-9.30, and a nap at 7.30 isn't unusual. But tonight it was the second night he has done the same. I quite liked having him down here with us, even though he was asleep. I like to watch over him.

Then it was nice to sit and feed on the sofa, before taking him up to bed.

Hmmmm. Any opinions? I suppose it is a bit selfish. But then techinically they are supposed to stay in the same room as you for the first 6 months, so really, if you are in the living room, technically that is where they are supposed to sleep til you go to bed. But then I'm happy to put him in the basket and come back downstairs usually... but from 7.30, when we go to bed around 12, seems a long time, longer than the 10 when he usually is left alone.

I am so frickin' pleased! I had a cassette of nursery rhymes when I was a wee one. I remember it being called Ride-a-cock horse, it was a white cassette with a yellow sticker. I remember most of the rhymes... 3 little ghosties was a particular favourite! It really used to soothe me to sleep. I remember it well.

Well, I've just found it online on CD. I can't wait, going to order it for O! He will love it, I'm sure! Especially as mummy will be singing along!

Excited!! How incredibly sad my life has gotten! Getting excited over a nursery rhyme tape!!

Thanks guys. I'm feeling a bit better now and am noting things down as I think of them or as you mention them so I can refer to that when I see him again Friday morning.

Thanks for the flowers kissy

blonder I haven't been suggested to use a supplementary nursing system but I came across them on another of my many google searches on how to top up a baby that won't take the bottle. I didn't buy one as they were expensive, not that the cost was an issue as such but that they looked quite fiddly and wasn't sure if I could use it without help from a professional. I will bring this up.

Also apart from the HV and a bf person I saw (who didn't exactly feel me with confidence) she hasn't properly been checked for TT. I may call th LLL or milk matters to see if I can get a quick private check.

detective Yes we have private cover through DH's work. I have a dr appt for E on thursday that i was going to cancel since I've now seen the pead again but in hindsight I may keep it and see if they will give me a refferal to go private.

I'm going to raise these issues and the fact that there haven't been any blood tests done. Surely doing these would be more benefical to the NHS rather than making us take up a bed which could be used for a really poorly baby.

Oh and to answer your musings detective personally I don't think there is anything wrong with putting Oscar upstairs that early. Plenty of babies go into their own rooms younger than that. I'd do whatever you feel is best for you. If you want an evening in peace, pop him upstairs. If you want an evening with snuggles than keep him with you. E isn't with me 24/7. I have to let her sleep in another room during the day to keep her safe from DD1

Oh eliza I so feel for you. How completely rubbish. I might have missed a post before - but did you say she's refusing bottles? I was in a simillar situation with dd1 who was tube fed on and off for a month in Nicu and the only way we got out in the end was by forcing bottles on her so she could get in a measured amount post each breastfeed (and feeding every 3 hrs at latest). I cried and cried because she hated it and I felt like I was failing and because I was exhausted. I remember one Nicu nurse who seemed very evil to me at the time and for a long while after taking her from me and force feeding her with the bottle while I sobbed my heart out in the corner. I did ask a lactation consultant about supplementary feeders and she said they are quite fiddly and hard to get a good volume in with - so I never tried one.

I have to say though with hindsight, realising now how tiny dd became (and stayed for months) I'm so glad that nurse got that bottle in to her and that we did the top ups - I now think she really needed them. And she did become happy taking bottles after a while (until I established bf more effectively and got the all clear to stop top ups - when I gave up expressing because of the hassle and was then unable to reintroduce the bottle when I wanted to later). But my dd was younger than yours when she was initially refusing the bottle - not sure how it would / could work now.

Sorry - not sure if my story is helpful really - I just wanted to say my heart is going out to you. Really good luck. Keep ranting and anything else that keeps you sane. Let us know how you get on. Big hugs.

I am meant to be going into work tomorrow to see my manager. I have been getting wound up thinking about it. He says it is to discuss changes at work. It will involve considerable effort on my part as it is some distance away and as we have the one car will mean us being out from 7.45 to 1. I will not get paid, I will have to take J and I just know he will want a feed whilst there and I do not feel strong enough to whip a boob out in front of my boss. J is not sleeping tonight either so I am going to cancel and say communicate through email. What I want to say is fuck off and leave me alone. I am on leave from work!

What a rubbish day Eliza. Next time you see the consultant maybe you could ask him what could be causing the failure to gain weight and what tests they need to do to make a diagnosis. I wouldn't worry too much about having to go on a drip. My DS2 had to have that at about six months old because he was ill with a diarrhoeal illness and got very dehydrated. So while it does seem a bit extreme when they haven't even done any tests (have they physically examined the abdomen?) it isn't as serious as it sounds. Hugs to you though, it will be a bit stressful until you get a better idea of what's going on. Yes Dr Google will give you lots of unpleasant suggestions but there's no reason to think whatever is happening can't be treated. I hope you get some answers quickly.

Sounds like a plan to me VQ.

Fucked off. Shortest night sleep he has done.

Why did he scream blue murder to be fed at 10, and took over an hour to get 2.5oz down him. so then he wakes less than 4 hrs later screaming blue murder again and nothing will settle him except pissing about over 2oz in a bottle for over an hour.

I ficking hate colds/snot. It has to be that. Surely?

I'm such a wimp.

I think it's because everytime he does this all I can think of is fuck fuck fuck I can't cope with this when I'm back in work and it's now just 9 weeks away. Fuckity fuckity fuck. If he did a good 7-8 hour stretch that would be fine. I could cope. I actually feel like packing it all in, abandoning the house and running away when I think about working FT in a job that had me on my knees before I added a baby and sleepless nights on to it.

Am actually sat here crying over it. Pathetic.

It will seem better in the morning, right? RIGHT?!

Det can i join you in fleeing for the hills? I used to get 6+2+2. Now I'm lucky to get 4+1+1. And I'm supposed to be job hunting because we have no income. I can't see straight enough to write my own name let alone an application form. We're going to starve and there's nothing i can do.

It will seem better in the morning and a lot can happen in 9 weeks detective Snot is a fucker. You know how little sleep I have had.

2 hours here. Bettrer than nowt and he only took an hour to feed and settle. I am so not going to fucking work and that will not feel better in the morning. I have the day just me and J until 3 so will enjoy it instead. Last time I went to see my manager he did not turn up. If he did that today I would be on disciplinary for what I would say to him.

PP you will not starve. Have you got your tax credits sorted? Have you heard about the job?

detective what did I mention? The granules? If so, just google as that is all I did. HV mentioned them.

Yes I do mean a carry on camping thing with tents and wine. At the moment it feels like a really stupid idea. Not going camping unless he is sleeping.

VQ remember the law is on your side. You are under no obligation to do anything or speak to anyone.

Det as VQ said a lot can change in 9 weeks look what happened in the last 9. We are all currently (apart from PR and chunky ;) ) sleep deprived nutter. Shortly we shall all just be batshit crazy people who get 7/8 hours sleeps night.

Hugs Eliza.

LO doing ok but I find sleeping in a room with him very hard now. He's so noisy. He did poo in the bath earlier.

Det we put him upstairs at 7 to bed but because he sleeps in cot in own room and he wakes if we try and move him. I watch him on the monitor. He gets more sleep and so do I this way.

pikz you are right.

Put J down and screaming within 5 mins. No clear reason. Feeding again.

mm is that the argos teepee? I have a vango that is teepee like. Plan to do back garden glamping with the girls in the summer if this one sleeps. Not practical for a family holiday but great fun for local overnights.

Mot and all work was just over 100 so not too bad. Will get it serviced next month. Expensive things cars.

eliza do they mean a tube into tummy to feed or a drip? A drip would only be useful for dehydration. They would not give food in a drip unless they had exhausted other options. Baby could be home with a feed tube if necessary once you know how to manage it, but I agree it seems odd without carrying out tests first.

What an awful day Eliza I think keeping the private appointment is a good idea.

Congratulations horsey :)

VQ I wouldn't be going in either, especially if your boss has previous for not showing up.

detective things will seem better in the morning. I spend most nights either in tears or boiling over with frustration, but once I'm up showered an dressed it doesn't seem so bad.

PP you haven't heard about your job yet have you? They sounded keen on you so perhaps that problem is about to resolve itself. Your nights sound like mine pretty much, except they've always been like this. It must be even more frustrating when you know they can go longer.

I usually get 3-4 followed by short bursts of up to an hour. Last night was a new low of 3+1+20mins+20mins. I cried. Trouble is when she wakes she doesn't really feed properly and it's impossible to make her. Expressing isn't going well so I can't give a bottle every night, so she just wakes frequently for a quick snack and some comfort.

In desperation, I went to Boots yesterday and bought every different shaped dummy they had in the hope that she might take one of them. She raised my hopes with one but ultimately it was spat out like all the others!

Me me me - feel free to ignore. It's quite therapeutic just to write it all down.

kirrin that sounds very hard. Please feel free to vent. J has never slept well and it feels like torture. It will get better though.

My boss is in a new location too as we have relocated. I just cannot cope with the stress of all that too.

eliza you sound like you've got this sorted, to be honest. I hate feeling railroaded by med professionals and always think that if I had been given ten minutes to mull it all then it wouldn't happen. Being admitted might be the best thing, but make sure you have questioned everything first and are happy (as you can be) with the situation.

vq hope J has gorn to sleep and you are snoozing quietly now

detective well done on the sale of the car. We've got DH's to sell as soon as he can get off his arse and take some fecking pics of itbut it isn't really a good time for selling cars at the moment. Still too close to Christmas. Also just a cheap diesel escort so not exactly going to be the most desirable of cars.

I really need a bath. Does anyone else still struggle to get time to shower/bathe? It narks me that no one offers to keep them quiet for half an hour so I can get clean. But not as much as R is narking me right now. She keeps (in her sleep) turning her head from side to side, headbutting S as she turns right. This is not going to help him sleep R

Right, now I have rambled, I'm going to try and zone out DH's unbelievably loud snoring and go back to sleep.

Aw vq you are not asleep. I am sorry :(