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November 2012 - We want rattles and we want them now

999 replies

StuntNun · 04/02/2013 09:09

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1671393-November-2012-Vent-chat-or-brag

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TheDetective · 08/02/2013 02:34

Good fucking luck!

I wanted to feed him too when I first started. I loved it. Thought it was lovely and creating a special bond. Then each feed I started hating more and more as he got longer and longer with them.

I rememebered what I had told myself before I had him. If bf wasn't suiting us as a whole family unit, and it was not enjoyable, I would not carry on. I wanted to do what was best for Oscar, but what was best for DS1 also.

I started resenting the feeds, and thus Oscar too. That's when I made my mind up.

I wanted to enjoy him, and I had stopped enjoying him. I now have that joy back and hopefully he won't mind that I only bf for 3 weeks Wink.

I'm not sure I'd bf again if I'm honest. I might give it a go but I'm not sure if it's for me. Too many reasons to go in to. But there you go, a midwife who doesn't want to bf!

kirrinIsland · 08/02/2013 02:46

Aaaaarg.

Me and both DDs are currently sharing a room. It's not working. N settled nicely in her cot, and was woken by DD1 shouting out in her sleep. Twice. She is now refusing to settle for more than 20 mins at a time. Gonna be a long night.

VQ I feel your pain with the breast feeding :( I am hating it this time round. She would be a different baby if bottle fed, I am sure of it. But I just can't bring myself to do it, because it would be entirely for my benefit if I did.
Sounds like that's not the case with J though. If neither of you are happy then maybe it is time to consider your options? You don't have to give up bf'ing completely. a docs appointment is a good starting point.
Good luck with the resettling.

Clarella · 08/02/2013 04:01

vq - I was recently told that the protective effectsof bf last twice as long asyou have fed for - so 3 months is akin to 6 etc. maybe chat to an advisor/ doc?

zcos · 08/02/2013 04:45

vq I will probably be slated for saying this but a lot of the benefits of bf are not proven and research is questionable - the only thing that it definitely does is prevent certain stomach upsets in the first 6 weeks. I think the main reason for feeding should therefore be the bonding experience and enjoyment of that and if its not enjoyable anymore then I wouldn't just push on.
I would recommend zoe Williams book - what not to expect when your expecting ... you may also find some articles online by her on this subject.
See what the doc says tommorow is another day!

zcos · 08/02/2013 04:49

ps. the detective - ninja voming eh?
my dd did that on my shoulder yesterday took a while to realise it was wet and smelled! guess I'm just going to have to get used to others seeing and smelling sick on me that I haven't detected yet! Shock

ChunkyChicken · 08/02/2013 05:06

I am destined never to catch up if LO only wants a seriously short, quick feed (tried the dummy - epic fail) at this time of night...

Had to say "snap" PR & Eliza. My DH creates a trail of leavings as he walks through the house. Socks on floor here, jeans over there, keys a foot from the key tray but.importantly NOT IN THE TRAY, wallet elsewhere. Drives me bonkers.

Back to page 25...

Dixiebell · 08/02/2013 05:36

Fuck me. What is going on with my boys? Teddy has gone from 5/6 hour stretches to no more than 3. And ds1, who's always been a superstar sleeper is waking at 5 every morning. Just as I think I might be able to put Teddy down and get another hour or so ds1 wakes and we're all up with a screaming boisterous toddler. Only a few weeks ago he was lying in till 8. What's happening?!

PR, yes ds1 is a noisy so and so too. He's taken to saying 'mummy, Teddy's asleep' then screaming at the top if his voice to watch my reaction.

Argh.

YellowWellies · 08/02/2013 05:49

First feed of the night - VQ did I miss you? You can certainly have some (rare) good nights even with untreated reflux - like the 2x 5 hours you described - but we were advised to look at the feeding pattern on the majority of nights rather than the exception. Go see the Dr asap it would be such a shame to give up nursing when if it is reflux, with a bit of medication, the experience would be totally different. Jonas is a new baby on meds and feeding him is back to being one of my fave things about motherhood.

You have done soooooo amazingly, I doff my hat to you whatever you decide - you're a wonderful Mamma - I would not have been able to continue with so little sleep. Just don't let the Dr fob you off with gaviscon - I found that mentioning the stress was so bad I was considering quitting BF worked wonders - not least because reflux can require special prescription formula, at considerable expense to the NHS - so they'll do a lot to avoid that route. Good luck lovely lady.

YellowWellies · 08/02/2013 05:52

MM lovely! We're unlikely to leave the house before 11 - the washbin looks like Mont Blanc... so will probably be lunchtime ish xxx

MissMummy1 · 08/02/2013 06:28

Perfect yw !

StuntNun · 08/02/2013 06:31

You're having a tough ol' time VQ I hope you get some good help from the doctor. If it turns out to be reflux then no wonder it has been such a struggle. I think you should lay it on good and thick with the doctor about how difficult it has been, don't put on a stiff upper lip. You have lots of options about bfing, formula, mixed feeding, different medications so there will be some way forward that makes everything better. This is the first step for everything becoming easier for you. ThanksThanksThanks I think we need a group hug for VQ.

Detective I wouldn't completely write off the idea of bfing a later child. My three have all been different from flat out refusal with DS1, to gut problems with DS2 to J just getting on with it despite his difficult delivery and hours in an incubator after birth. So just because it didn't work out for one baby doesn't mean it will be the same for another baby. All I'm saying is that it isn't always difficult to bf so if you're not sure then it's worth giving it a go, even if it's just to get the colostrum to the baby. On the other hand if you have been put off bfing for life then don't let anyone guilt trip you about it, it's up to you how you feed your baby.

OP posts:
Dixiebell · 08/02/2013 07:12

Ds1 just fell on Teddy's head. Confused He screamed, but he's fine. I totally overreacted by gasping, grabbing Teddy and then crying. Poor ds1, it was an accident and now thinks i'm sad and angry with him. Hmm Lucky DH here to be reasonable parent.

ValiumQueen · 08/02/2013 07:17

Thank you all. J slept another 4 hours, but is an exception as you say YW

He had a lovely feed at 6.30 then burped a bit of sour smelling sick, and screamed blue murder, only stopping for a boob. He sounded like he was in proper pain. This is a recent development.

He is still very snuffly so I need his chest listened to anyway as he has a wee cough. I will demand treatment for reflux.

PetiteRaleuse · 08/02/2013 07:17

VQ i agree with stunt , lay it on thick with the Doctor. Yes, my LO slept OK with her latest dose of bronchiolitis, waking up when she coughed but being easy to settle again. But remember that we were expecting that bronchiolitis because of her sister, so she went to the doctor twice with the cold before it turned into bronchiolitis so when bronchiolitis did set in it was diagnosed on day one and physio started on day two. So it never got very bad.

She was breathing badly during the night but I think that was due to a blocked nose - she has caught my cold - but neither of us are coughing so I don't think we're at bronchiolitis yet. I'll take her in on Monday I think, as long as she doesn't get too much worse over the weekend.

I'm really sorry you are having such a bad time - when was the last time you took him to the Dr? Ask for a referral to a paed who might be better able to diagnose reflux or something else which could be bothering him. You are doing a brilliant job but you have to think of yourself too- you can't continue like this. Your older children need you to be in good health, as does J.

kirrin you say your LO would be a different baby if bottle fed, but think switching would be a purely selfish thing as far as you are concerned? I don't want to dissaude you from bf, but if you thinkshe would be a different baby in a good way it's possible that it wouldn't be selfish at all to switch or supplement. Babies like to sleep and be settled too. I hope I've worded that ok. I don't think that ff necessarily means more sleep.

My decision to stop breastfeeding was completely selfish. I just hated doing it. LO was great at it, I was producing heaps, but I really really really hated it. I felt so much better when I switched to ft ff, and I don't regret the decision.

RANT ALERT: I had a shite night. i told DH before going to bed that LO needed a nappy change, another bottle and her nose cleaning before putting her down for the night. An hour later he came in with her, waking me up with the light in the hall, and put her down. And he was back in and out every few minutes for an hour, each time saying but she was asleep. Turns out he hadn't changed, fed of nosed her. So he fed and changed her, and she went to sleep, no problem.

Except by then I was wide awake. Just as I was dropping off he came to bed and woke me again. And by that time there was no way I was sleeping. For the whole night I was kind of in between dream and awakeness, dropping off for a few pinutes and then waking up again. Agh.

LO woke at seven, so about eight hours sleep, which would have been nine if he had fed and changed her before trying to put her down. Grrrrr.

ValiumQueen · 08/02/2013 07:28

dixie normal response, and good that DS1 knows to avoid such things in future. Group hug and reassurance and he will get over it.

horseylady · 08/02/2013 07:32

If I'm lucky enough to have another I will def try to bf again. However I won't beat myself up over it if i can't.

vq call the dr. Do not accept gaviscon. This is not expected behaviour. I'd also speak about yourself too. I'm worried about you.

In 4 weeks I'll be over half way through my mat leave!!!!! omg!!!!

Right were off to the dr in an hour....!

PurplePidjin · 08/02/2013 07:34

If lo is getting a tummy full of cortisol every feed because mummy's stressed, formula might be a better option?

Pikz · 08/02/2013 07:57

VQ I have no words of wisdom. Just the biggest giantist hug xxx

Pikz · 08/02/2013 07:57

And some gin!

horseylady · 08/02/2013 07:59

Pikz- did I read you mixed bm and formula? I was told to feed them from separate bottles? No idea why but I fed bm then ff when I was mix feeding.

Pikz · 08/02/2013 08:00

So did anyone else find when giving baby formula for the first time in months it made them vom more?

LO slept from 7.30-1.30 then just a cuddle til 5.30!! So he can do 10 hours with no extra food just chooses not too!!

Pikz · 08/02/2013 08:02

Horsey I got told as long as it was pre made formula I could mix with bm. Apparently you can't make from powder and mix.

StuntNun · 08/02/2013 08:08

I wonder why that is Pikz

OP posts:
Pikz · 08/02/2013 08:12

Can we have a new emotioncon for hug VQ?

PetiteRaleuse · 08/02/2013 08:13

There's no health reason to not mix ff and bm afaik as long as ff prepared correctly etc - it's so that you can ensure that less breastmilk gets wasted. So it's better to feed with bm first and then top up with ff, rather than mix the two, baby not finish, and so no way of knowing how much bm gets wasted.