April 2011 - nearly 2, it's still all about you <disclaimer, I might be having a bad day>

[UnderwaterBasketWeaving]

Thanks to Frak, thread title queen!

Pah, I knew it couldn't last. It wasn't even that warm, but it was a lovely to see the sun.

Sounds like a great weekend Ali, where did you visit? We all love castles, Warwick is on our list when ds3 is a bit older. Good luck with the potty training, we will be here for gin and soothing chats if needs be

If you think B is interested Fizz, then there's no harm in trying for a day or so.

The bifold doors are going in as I type, and the kitchen has been ordered We now need to decide on floor tiles, work surface and wall colours/wallpaper.

I have decided to jack evening tv in and be productive instead, so the sewing machine is out. I am a total novice, but I will only get better the more I do

Yep I've had the heating on too!

We went to Kent, and did Dover, Deal and Walmer. And the boys have been playing knights and castles all day
Warwick is brilliant, and they do amazing events there with jousting and stuff. We haven't been with the boys yet, we are going to wait until they are old enough to participate in the sword-fighting

Hello! Sorry i've beeen AWOL but we've finally moved house !
It was chaos and took at least twice as long as we thought but we're in and have got back online. We've even uncovered the sofa under all the boxes. M's room is the most sorted, i just need to take up her curtains sometime. She's thrilled with all the space and a garden to play in.

Hope everyone is ok - I'm going to have a catch up on the thread.

Congrats, Green, that's great news.

Thanks for the mop link, Kitty, will have a good look.

Feeling a bit battered by endless tantrums this evening. We've really hit the terrible twos here, I think. Everything has to go his way or he just loses it. We do the whole ignoring thing, and he does eventually creep back, choking back the sobs, for a making up cuddle, but five minutes later he's off again about something else, or even the same thing. He ended up in a complete state by bedtime and I felt so horrid for "causing" all that upset, even though I know it's the right thing to do. And have only managed to coax three peas and a cherry tomato into him so the run of past 6 o'clock wake ups is probably going to go out the window too.....

I love him SOOOO much, he's such a gorgeous, affectionate, bright little button. But it's such a rollercoaster, isn't it?! Feel like having my own little sob now!

I can relate daisy. Hugs

Yep, I'm with you too. Hopefully this passes...

Thanks, ladies. Just want to go and cuddle up with him in his cot! Will resist.....

Hasten to add he's snoring away now, not wailing!

Yep we are there too. It does pass, although at almost 5 DS1 is still prone to the odd flounce if things aren't going his way and everything has to be negotiated.

It's bloody tough this parenting malarky, isn't it?

God yes, the negotiation. It's endless. Not giving in, but also letting them feel like they've got a little of what they wanted.

Dinner and bath time were slipping here over the past few weeks while dh has been working long days on the house ( the bifold doors are in btw - hurrah!) I'd noticed that the boys were arsing around at dinnertime and not really eating anything,so I brought it forward to 4.30 and they eat it like a dream. They've also had a few early baths (5.30ish, but still with the usual bedtime) and that has worked too. When they are aggro in the bath it's bloody hard work. I do these little tweaks and think 'why didn't I think of this before?'

Congratulations on the move firefly :-)

Congratulations on the move firefly. Doesn't it feel grand to be finally in :)

Aaah, the terrible twos. Yep, they're here too. DD likes to save her most ferocious tantrums until we're out and about. The more public the venue, the better in her books. She had a particularly spectacular one in the middle of a quiet cul-de-sac last week. We were out for a walk and she went into meltdown for no apparent reason. She was uncontrollable. I swear I could see people's nets twitching as they tried to ascertain what the heck could be causing so much noise. I think we looked like child abductors as she scooped her up and made a quick exit!

Hv's just left. I scored 16. Anything above 13 is a referral to the doc. She thinks its depression. Not sure If post natal that's lingered or usual depression. She offered me home start and open reach but I'm not sure how I feel about that. She gave me a leaflet for synergy therapists but I think that is £ I don't have. She is going to come again and do listening sessions which seems more me. She's giving me the number for Brentwood family planning so I can get my contraception sorted as I've been rubbish with the pill and DH getting cross / desperate?! On and she told me to consider anti d's. thoughts? I've been against them but if they help....

im all for them kitty, but that's up to y to decide. They aren't for everyone, but they work for me. if i forget to take mine i can tell for a day or so. B was 9 months when I went to the docs and she said pnd to me. Can you get a referral to cbt from the GP? It should be available on the nhs. or if you or dh have healthcare with work sometimes y can self refer for it. Hopefully you HV will talk to the GP and discuss what was said today so you can get joined up help.

And I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but DH will just have to lump it until y feel better and are sorted. And don't beat yourself up about it.

We are going to give potty training a go. Do we just go commando? Or do you start with pants?

Thanks fizz. She called the doc today as far as I know. I have got healthcare, looks like I have £205.

kitty - ADs have worked for me before, and I'm back on them now and seeing a real difference. I agree with Fizz, you obviously have to decide for yourself but I would always encourage someone to give them a try based on my own experience.
And yes, DH will have to lump it. He could get the snip if you aren't planning anymore children?

Fizz - commando worked best for DS1. We tried pants initially, but he would forget that he hadn't got a nappy on and just wee everywhere

Am going to start with T on Monday. Eek. I bloody loathe potty training.

Hello everyone. We have emerged from the other side of our move. My baby has her first ever bedroom! . It's a complete bomb site still. Since moving in we've had the boiler replaced, all the downstairs flooring up to replace pipework of the wrong diameter, the bath ripped out, three carpets ripped out, and ceiling plastered. DP and I are still migrating our way around the house on a mattress on the floor but we've just finished our room so as soon as we get time to assemble the bed we can move into it. Bath being replaced and tiled next week and sofa arriving on Saturday so by next weekend we might be approaching some semblance of normality. A lot of takeaway has been eaten. I am astonished by the fact that we've moved from a 1-bed flat to a 3-bed house and there still doesn't seem to be enough room for all our bloody stuff! But it's all good. Joanna loves having a bedroom - she's very proud of it. I was worried she might object to sleeping in a room by herself, having not done so in her entire life, but she seems to have barely noticed. When I came out of our bedroom the other morning to creep to the toilet she was standing up at the end of her cot, waiting to yell MORNING, MUMMY! at me as I walked past (oh yes, no door on her room yet).

Kitty - there's nothing wrong with ADs. They're the right answer for some ppl and not for others. I have no personal experience but friends (and ex-boyfriends) who have got on with them and others who haven't. That wasn't very helpful, sorry, but it's true. You've done the hard part, though. The only thing I do think is that if you give them a go, you need to do it for at least 6 weeks because they take that long to kick into the system and start functioning properly. Entirely non-expert advice there, just received wisdom.

Off to catch up with the thread properly.

Things haven't gone well with Dh. He doesn't get it. App I was fine til the nursery nurse came round and I broke down and he's struggling to get his head round it and can't believe today's email. I told him I have been telling him on and off how I feel so it shouldn't be a surprise. He said I was ok on holiday and S's birthday. I wasn't so where are his blinkers. He also doesn't think my therapy worked last time and was only about work anyway. It did and it wasn't. So glad he paid / pats attention. He's said before he's glad we have done things this way with the boys she gap and I said Im not. The boys slept and ate late today so I said they should go to bed late. He disagreed and as a result A threw up during his bottle.

Oh Kitty, sounds like you need a huge hug at the very least from all of us.
Afraid I can't help at all with advice on ADs.

Ecuse, I can't believe how much you've done to the house already! We're just getting things into the right rooms and DH is finding lots of interesting electrics. It's going to be close to a full re-wire I think.
M seems to have settled really well, she's loving the space and the garden and hasn't taken too much of an interest in the pond yet... - it'll be getting fenced off soon.
I did my first sewing project of the house today - to shorten the curtains in M's room. I'm also enjoying my time off work - pedicure booked for tomorrow, much needed as I don't think baby will let me reach my toes anymore - 28 weeks now! :)

{{kitty}} it sounds like you and dh need to have a chat - which is easier said than done when you've got lo's taking all your time and energy. Would you be able to talk without interruption and distraction?

It's horrible when you feel you aren't being heard, but you really need to be and something has to change. Whatever is causing all of 'this' needs to be identified and dealt with, not brushed over. Whatever 'it' is, it is dragging you down. You need help, whether that help be counselling, ad's, time away for you etc, and you need your partners time, love and understanding - even if he truly doesn't understand how you feel, he still needs to support you.

I've noticed a big shift in your posts the last few months and I'm worried about you x

Thank you all. You're all wonderful. I took myself upstairs earlier and he came to find me. Hugged me and said let's see what the doc says in the morning and take it from there. I'm almost certain its PND, dh thinks we are coming through the hard part and we will be ok. I think I need help with me.

Sorry my posts have been all a out me. I am reading and absorbing yours too.

kitty - I agree with everything ILike said in her post.

I'm currently in the position of being treated for anxiety and possible depression, and also trying to support DH who has been diagnosed with depression and is waiting for counselling. It is hard, for both of us, and we have to keep talking a lot.

It is really important that your DH understands that depression isn't a rational thing. Just because life might be getting easier for you in terms of the boys doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to feel any better. He might hope that that's the case, but if you feel that you need help and that you aren't well then don't brush it under the carpet just because he thinks you should be getting better.
Can you ask the GP to explain all that to your DH? Because it doesn't sound like he is going to take it on board if it only comes from you. I hope you don't think I'm speaking out of turn, I am worried about you x

Ido t think that at all Ali. Thanks for being there. And we are all here for you. It must be very tough for you both right now.

Massive hugs, Kitty and Ali. I've been there myself quite a few times and it's so hard to explain even, or maybe especially, to loved ones. They can't see inside your head, or feel that drag in the pit of your stomach, and if you're managing to function ok then they can't see what's so bad. Or they realise it is bad and feel scared and helpless and want to brush it away. I've always shied away from ADs but having spoken to a scientist friend of mine whose job is researching them I think I would give them a go next time. He explained it as giving your brain back the ability to make positive connections, which helps you break the vicious circle

Silly phone.....vicious circle of negative thoughts that swallow you up. Rather than a drug induced false happy state. I've also had CBT which wasn't miraculous but helped a bit in terms of controlling my thoughts. I think best undertaken when you're in a better place, tbh. Humans are so amazing but too complex for their own good!

Can I also say that talking therapy might well help - you've got so much in your head that you can't express to those close to you, re parents in law, feeling that two close together wasn't such a good plan etc. Sometimes letting the steam out helps and then enables you to broach those subjects more calmly with people around you. Hark at me - should take my own advice.....