October 2011, the three C's crawling cruising and chatting

[LittlePebble]

Thanks Mama for the title. A new thread hopefully everyone will find us again.

We are trying to get into a routine for teeth cleaning but need to make more effort - maybe a toothpaste called Amotai would help

I just signed up for a 90km bike ride in Dec. I then realised it would take 4 - 5 hours. Any advice sassy on how to approach this? Am trying to decide between being excited by the challenge and concerned about it as well! It's a team event so can't pull out ...

I am still struggling a little with moving from work to home and not feeling bad that I am not spending more time with Amotai. I love my job and am happy at work, but get home, do the evening thing, put him to bed then feel bad that I haven't spent more than a couple of hours with him. Have to remind self that he's a happy baby so it really is all about me, not him, so I need not feel guilty.

Aww, I guess they are in the best place though for treatment Em.

Pene 90k bike ride!!!! Are you mad??!!! I was thinking of you the other day because I had a job interview and thought I had better check I could fasten my shirt, because I remembered you saying boobs were too big . Anyway, shirt wasn't too offensive I don't think as they offered my a job with a pay rise and an extra weeks holiday. I feel confused because I want the money but really wanted our business to be further one so I didn't have to go back to work and feel sad that ML could be over by mid Sept - how the hell did a year go back SO quick?

Mama I think J has all P's teeth, there are none here still. I don't mind though, I like the gummy-ness.

Too wet here for DH to have hayfever Engels - which I am kind of glad about as the sneezing drives me crazy, sorry :(

What will you do instead Lovin?

Pene, I'm anticipating feeling the same way. I go back to work full time in a month and just can't imagine how it's going to be. I've had one full day at work and other than that, the longest I've been away from Lizzie is just a couple of hours.

Like you say, if they're happy then it's only us that have the problem!

Are you full time? Are any of you full time?

I'd love to go part time, and have recently found out that one of the others teachers at work, who is job-share, is retiring at Christmas so there will be a job-share post going. However, DH doesn't have anything like reliable work so it's just not an option.

I'm struggling a bit with it all - he dreads the thought that he might have to look after L whereas I'd love to be able to stay at home. The irony is not amusing at all. He just chose a really rubbish time to go for a career change and after quitting his job and going back to uni (before the recession!) is now trying to establish himself in a totally new work world (just as it's announced today that Scotland has gone into a double dip recession). However, the bills have to be paid and it's more important that L has a roof over her head than I get to stay at home with her. I have to keep telling myself I'm being a good role model for her!

Great news for you em that you got the job you wanted. Fuzzzy, any joy yet? I feel bad complaining when you don't have an option and would love to have a job .

On a different note, I was shopping today and saw lovely wee paper napkins and cup cake cases that I've bought and put away for L's birthday! Only 4 months early! I think I must be daft - they were lovely though and cheap. I don't even know what we'll do to celebrate, but I'm prepared for anything involving napkins and cupcakes ! Can't tell DH, he'll think I've lost the plot!

pen . That is all on the subject of a 90k bike ride!
cheshire great news on the job!! Is it the same field you were in before? I was thinking of you the other day when buying cat food and wondering how the business was going?
mrsh don't be silly . I actually have an interview on Monday didn't want to say incase I jinx it working for nhs24. Not my ideal job (call handler) but its good hours, good pay, local and can fit around my parents looking after S. right now I just need a job so it's a start! So dh will be looking after L when you go back? I guess that's good in that you will save on childcare but I understand what you mean. I would love to stay at home with S. this job is only part time thankfully, don't think I could manage full time . Oh and I bought cute paper cases when I was in Canada in may so your not mad at all!!
What about everyone else? ML must be ending soon for everyone?

My maternity pay ended in April. I'm SAHM with DP paying for everything as we don't qualify for anything other than CB. I'm hoping to get some temp work one day a week maybe but its an hours bus journey commute, which was fine pre baby but would be a hassle now eg if I miss the bus which only runs once an hour.

sch you had your results back yet?

Cheshire great news on job. I'm in similar situation as I don't get paid for all the work I do on my business (we employ a manager 3 days a week and covering her wages is enough of a struggle with a start up business!)
I've got an interview for a part time admin role on Tuesday. It's such a drop in role/ money from what is was doing but would bring in a bit of money to ease things and I'd still be able to see E.
mama glad DH is back
pene that you're fit enough to do bike ride although it won't make me get off the sofa
fuzzzy good luck for interview
mrsh do you enjoy your work? I've done a lot if full days recently and it's actually easy to be away if I'm busy and enjoying myself. I only feel guilty when I stop/ get back to him.
em great news on job. Hope your friends DD is ok

Thanks everyone for well wishes for E. tomorrow will be day 3 of antibiotics and steroids so hopefully he'll turn a corner. He is getting better but still wheezy and coughing and (as you can tell!) not sleeping well. I'm so tired I just want him better so I can sleep!

Hope all are well sorry for anyone I missed (hard to type as have little fingers in my mouth and grabbing my glasses!)

cheshire congrats that's great news about your job

mrsH I'm going back full time, I've persuaded my boss to tweek my hours a little so although I'm working 5 days a week I'm working every Saturday and have Wednesdays off so william only needs 4 days childcare. I'm hoping to be able to go part time in a couple of months once we know if DHs job is more stable.

Technically I start back at work on Monday (ive literally taken leave to the day they wont pay me anymore) but I've added a bit of leave on so I go back 13 Aug

LP glad Es on the mend

fuzzzy good luck for your interview

scheh just me being nosey so feel free not to answer but how did your pay end so soon?

90k pen ! Go for it! My best friend lives in NZ and she's always entering crazy stuff (not round Taupo is it?). I still have to withdraw from the 15k hill race I entered as have decided to attend wedding instead, so looking for my next challenge - could do another 10k or really go for it an enter a half marathon (Amsterdam one is only 2 months away )

I understand the feelings of guilt as well when I'm working, though i can't imagine having to work full time. I guess as mum's we're stuck with it to a certain extent. DH doesn't seem to feel it the same way as I do.

MrsH I cannot recommend part-time work enough. We're not huge earners (I'm a teacher and DH does technical/clerical work so is on less than me). If he could work part-time permanently he would but his company aren't keen (he has day a week of parental leave for the next 2 years but after that it'll be back to full time). Education here evry felxible so I'll be on 2 days next school year. We have enough to pay the bills (though we don't have a huge mortgage) and go back to the UK every few months to visit my family and that's enough for us for now (though haven't looked at my credit card bill from last holiday yet )

well done on the job cheshire

good luck fuzzzy

lp sending you and E get well soon wishes

woken up by rain this morning - guess that's the summer gone already!

morning- mad busy here as rental has to be done in less than 3 weeks-eek!

just popped in to answer pen 's question. i dont know if you already bike or not? i'll presume you dont. you need some bike pants that have padding on crotch, and you go commando- nobody told me and i chaffed like mad you also need to lather on the vaseline!
preparation wise, i would be doing 2 rides a week. an hour or so ride during the week say, where you do intervals 3mins fast, 3mins slow etc and then a 3hour ride on a sunday at a easy pace- just to get your leg muscles used to doing so many revolutions.

i will be mightily impressed if you manage to do 90k in 4-5 hours!

Thanks for all the biking inspiration! I haven't done anything like this before and think that I haven't really thought it through BUT I am inspired to do exercise for the first time since I got pregnant. So, we'll see how it goes ..

Sassy thanks for the tips - and no, I don't really bike, or haven't for years. I think I will def get some padded bike pants after how one spin class made me feel! I went to a trainer today and she is going to write me a programme. Now I actuall have to do it ...

engels no it's not the Round Taupo but I actually wanted to do that one but couldn't find people to be in a team and was no way going to do the 16okm myself. Your friend sounds like she is making the most of the NZ lifestyle! or, what we tell ourselves is the NZ lifestyle, ignoring a recent report that said we are the third most obese country in the world

cheshire congrats on the job and more to the point doing up your shirt! I guess if you change your mind about the job you can always resign. That's what I tell myself anyway.

Mrs I'm full time at work and DH is at home. He's going to work again in late Sept though and I plan on dropping to a 4 day week. Can't wait. 5 days is one too many away from my baby.

So I started reading 50 shades last night... my goodness!!

Congrats cheshire on the job (you did well, none of my pre-preg shirts fit but thats prob more to do with cake than bf!!) and same to you em although i'm sorry to hear about your friend's LO and i hope they can get to the bottom of it soon
Good luck for monday fuzzzy

Things aren't going so well here, so I'll apologise now for the me post but I need to vent somewhere and tbh its the fact I haven't thats got me into this mess. the last few weeks I've been getting more and more stressed out. work hasn't helped (sorry btw, for anyone returning to work,I'm not trying to put you off), the job I do is very high pressured and I've been struggling to get time to even express for N. The fact N has been poorly and therefore not eating his solids well of sleeping has got me so exhausted, but interference from ILs has been a major problem. I keep getting told i bf too much, he doesn't eat enough, constant comparisons to other babies, etc. MIL actually took him to the HV clinic (unknown to me or DP), got him weighed, asked her advice on stopping bf, and the HV actually told her to stop offering milk during the day so as to make him eat more solids! result: N was so desperate for milk when i got home he did nothing but feed off me all night. If she had asked us, we could have told her denying him milk wont make him eat, it makes him too hysterical to even look at food.

All this is stuff i should ignore (apart from the milk thing) but my other issue is that I really haven't dealt with losing his twin brother. I've had N to focus on and DP suffering from depression so its all been pushed to the back. I ended up at the dr's on weds with an ear infection and generally feeling run down. I got so upset I was blubbing away at the dr, told him everything, and as a result he's sending me for counselling and I'm signed off the next 2 weeks. I actually told him I feel like I'm having a breakdown and I don't know what issues to deal with first.

Anyway if you made it to the end of all that, well done. I'm sorry for going on, just most people here in RL are either biased one way or another, or will end up interfering in an attempt to help, and my DM and best friend are going through enough of their own shit for me to want to burden them. DP is being an absolute star though.

forgot to say pene I am mightily impressed with the biking....90k! would probably take me a week. I can barely get off the sofa today

oops, should say I'm working 3 days per week next school year and DH has one day parental leave per week.

wanted to ask about naps - how long and how often for everyone else? M is starting nursery in a month's time and they put them down after lunch. But at the moment he normally has to have a short nap in the morning as well. Just curious as to how much sleep everyone else's LO gets during the day.

mrsH I actually asked DH if he would want to stay at home as he hates work right now and since I earn more than him and have a sceure job it would make sense for me to work and him to stay at home and he really doesn't want to. Even though he hates his job, with his depression right now even he can see that he needs to structure of having to get up everyday and leave the house for work to keep him going.

ipswich i would be livid if a family member did that and I think you should put in a complaint to the HV as well. No wonder it feels all too much :( I don't really have much help other than a few little things

(i) it is common for 9 month olds not to eat much and still have a lot of milk
(ii) expressing is hard (i had practically given up at this age and got home on time to feed plus lots of night feeds). Just one will get him through, I know it's not ideal. or there is formula if you are not against dairy and you feed him morning and night.
(iii) a little thing that has helped me is going for at least a 10 min walk in the evenings once DCs are down.

sounds like you have no support but do try and talk to someone. It is easy to find excuses but they will be glad you spoke to them. When we are depressed we have to fight the natural urge to shut yourself off from everyone. A friend of mine has said the only thing that matters is a support network. From that you can go on.

x-post ipswitch

I would be FUMING with my MIL if she did something like that. How on earth can she be so disrespectful of your wishes re N?

I can empathise with struggling with expressing at work. You work in healthcare don't you? I can imagine that hospitals/emergencies/patients can't always accomodate having to go and express at a certain time/routine.

You sound like you have so much on your plate to deal with: dealing with your bereavement, supporting your DP (sometimes it's like having another child and there's a lot of extra pressure in keeping things going), IL issues (I could write you a book on that too...like my FIL peering in through the lounge window when I didn't answer the door to see me breasfeeding newborn M), heading back to work and expressing (I'll admit I couldn't deal with it in tandem with the pressures of work and phased bf out after a month back)

I think it's good that you have felt able to TELL someone (GP) how you feel as I think it's always the hardest step to take. We tell ourselves we're coping, everything's fine until we get to the stage that we can't go on any further. I would talk to your DM and best friend though. Don't think of it as burdening them. When we were going through fertility problems and I had a mc, my best friend sometimes felt like she couldn't share what was going on in her life, good or bad, but to be honest when she did it made me feel better as it was something else to focus on, made me feel more useful and purposeful (listenign to someone else's problems) and also reminded me that I was not alone.

We are all here to lend a friendly ear. You have been through a huge huge loss, as well as adjusting to being a new mum. To misquote Dickens, "the best of times, the worst of times".

x

I found myself worse in the first few days after speaking to someone (just in case that happens to you)

but then i had frank discussions with my DM and DH and we are now putting in loads of supports/things.

I agree with engel sometimes you help people by telling them your problems, kinda kicks them up the backside a bit and gives them power to do something useful which is empowering.

ipswitch I'd be fuming too with MIL and with the hv for absolute shot advice. Also isn't it a breach of confidentiality?

Sorry things are hard at the moment, you have been dealing with an awful lot and not having time to grieve for your other little baby too . Have you tried bereavement pages here or SANDS. I can imagine in RL you are told to be grateful for N and at least you have one of them. But I can't see that being helpful or comforting because I expect (I know I would of) imagined life with 2 and pictures all the memories to be made. Do you have treasure box for him? It might be helpful to write a letter, maybe once a year or every 6 months telling him all about what N Iis up to and how you feel. Then when N is older he might want to read them too. Just a thought. Sending hugs you way. (()) x

ipswich at your mil. the nerve of some people. i think my dp would be frog marched to her house, to have a quiet word in her ear give her a right rolicking

i keep mine at arms length. ive seen her give sil's ds beer! she made a comment once on a family do that 'sassy doesnt let me watch them, cos she doesnt want me taking daft photos of them' (their are lots of photos of dp and dbro and dsis with tights on their heads, and some are crying) but dp shot back 'no, its cos we dont want them coming back leathered' (means drunk as a skunk)

you say you havent dealt with the death of n's twin, and i know what you mean by that, but i would think that at 8/9 months even if you had faced it head on, i would still expect you to be struggling at this point. its not a long time at all, and it will take as long as it takes. dont let anyone try to tell you, you should be passed it.

my brother was a twin and m was stillborn, and some stupid midwife said to my mum 'what you crying for, you've got a child' unbelievable really. but i still think that a lot of people think like that. you are still mourning the loss of a child. i think you are very brave and hopefully you will get all the support you need. x

Someone calm me down before I lose it. This standing up in the cot is driving me mad. An hour I've been sitting next to cot holding her down and the min I think she is asleep, I walk out. Peek in and she's standing up again. What else can I do?! She is now so tired and starting to stress me out!!!

can she fall out?

eva stands up in her cot, but as dp has lowered it, i just leave her. she knows how to lower herself carefully back down.

does she have to hsve a nap? it might be less stressful to just take her out and back into the living room. i did this yesterday with j and i.

Sorry ipswitch . I didn't even read previous posts xx

Oh ipswich [big hug for you] I would have been so so at MIL and what a stupid HV. Be kind to yourself, I'm glad it helped to talk to someone in RL and we're always here for you too. Allow yourself to grieve for your little boy, yes you still have N which is brilliant but A was your son too and you shouldn't feel like you have to hide that.

sassy your MIL sounds delightful!

eng I was wondering about nursery and naps too. W still naps quite a lot. One about hour and half after he wakes up in the morning for about half an hour, another before lunch at 12ish and a longer hour+ nap at around 3

ipswitch another one who would be furious with MIL! ooh it's made me cross on your behalf.
Very good advice from all on here I can't add anything other than another voice to support talking to DM and BF and mama's suggestion of the letters is lovely.

Fuzzy I feel your pain, I am currently sat while E stands in cot shaking his bottom and blowing raspberries! The minute I walk out though he'll scream the house down.