FEB 2010 Terrors sometimes, angels at others - yep, they're properly two now...

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

New thread!!

Thanks so much both of you - I do feel like I am doing it for myself rather than him I guess as 6 weeks is not long enough to settle properly and I worry it will cloud the experience of the lovely preschool when he starts in Sept if he's had a not so good experience.

They said one of them is out there at all times when the kids are playing out. As there are so few children at the mo I think it is v unlikely one would escape unnoticed. I might try and grab a photo of the railings and post it on the group so you can give your verdict.

The two girls who work there are nice but not very animated, not particularly 'up', didn't try to make the kids laugh. I was sitting in the toy kitchen bit and pretending everything was hot and burning my fingers and all the kids were in hysterics - I actually had all 7 of them crowded round me. I feel like although they were warm, they weren't connecting in a particularly fun way. The kids were a bit listless.

It's so hard having a baby and a toddler - I feel like I should be coping better as I have the help from my mum who has DS one and a half days a week and DH who works from home and helps with breakfast and looks after them while I cook dinner. I feel like I'm being selfish and lazy wanting another 6 hours without DS and I worry that he will feel shoved aside.

I had thought that the baby would nap a lot and I could spend more time just with DS but she cries as soon as I put her down and DS is so exuberant (noisy) he wakes her up if she does drop off.

She sleeps in a sling which is ok if we're walking but I can't really sit down comfortably. I love playing with DS but it is much harder with a baby that wants to be on me all the time. I feel like I'm there for her physically (arms and boobs) but mentally it's all about DS - talking and watching him and neither them nor I get all of each other very often. When mum has him I catch up with housework and cooking - I'm lucky if I get to have a quick bath with DD because I can't do anything except childcare when I have them both. I'm so happy when I get to do something with one of them on their own.

DH tried to give DD a bottle of expressed milk last night but in his words it "freaked her out" and she wouldn't take it.

Sorry for huge moan. I know how lucky I am to have 2 when I thought I never would - I wouldn't have it any other way and TTSP.

Dd2's phrase of the day is 'one day' but she is struggling to get it into sentences... Just got 'Do you want to sleep one day on the floor,yeah?' said to her soft toy while she was lying on a cushion on the kitchen floor. (think she might fancy a nap today!)

Gosh she IS funny. Gave her a big kiss on her cheek just now and she said 'That's eating me'.. (it was just a kiss, honestly! )

BC there is nothing wrong with sending ds to play group for you to have a rest from him! Please don't feel guilty! I did the same and dd1 really enjoyed having a break from me and the baby and I was a calmer mother for only having one baby for a few hours.
Things will get much easier, I promise. Your two are both at an age where they both need a lot of attention. In years to come they will play together while you sit with a cup of tea watching your marvellous children

Dd2 on a roll today... I think spending this half term playing with her sister has increased her English vocabulary. I put her in her cot just now (hopeful...) and she called me back 'Mama, something else...' but then had nothing to say!!

bc welcome to the world of two children, you are not unusual or not coping, just this is the reality.

Small apology for raving about dd2's speaking... I find it completely fascinating how a child develops normally because dd1 got glue ear aged one, spoke gibberish for nearly two years, and has only just in the past six months caught up with how she should speak for someone who's about to turn 5. She's still behind in some ways (struggles to use past tense and mispronounces some words) but it is less noticeable.

bc big, big hugs. It is SO hard having two young'uns and you are doing brilliantly even if you don't feel like you are. Of course you are not being selfish and lazy. Your DS will love the nursery (will post on that thread in a minute) and his preschool when he goes there. And you really do need a break from having two, especially if DD is a velcro baby. DD2 was a really easy baby, I could put her down and leave her for ages and she would amuse herself, and I STILL found it (find it ) really really tough. For me it's the constant nappy change feed nappy change solid food nappy change story nappy change aaargh! Just no time to sit down, have a cup of tea and regroup. Let alone housework, what's that?! I cook dinner when both DDs are in bed and we eat at 9pm these days

I had a good week at mum's, apart from the bad nights, and am having a good week here so far so am touching wood that my mood is improving. I certainly look back on my sobbing to DH a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to give them up for adoption with . Of course moving home hasn't helped, and there is always work to do in the house in the evenings and at the weekends and DH leaves dangerous stuff lying about which doesn't help. But there is nothing really I can put my finger on which makes/made it so bad; when I try to explain to DH it just sounds like I'm whinging or like I'm a spoilt brat. So I really do understand when you say you feel like you're being selfish and lazy, I feel like I've been a hugely overreacting primadonna but I honestly have felt unable to cope some days.

There is a charity round here called Homestart which offers support to families, they said my situation is exactly the type they reach out to which surprised me as on paper I'm 'fine' (no real money worries so long as DH keeps his job, no SS concerns etc). But it's the fact that having 2 very young DCs is incredibly stressful and they want to offer help before it turns into depression or something else. They are sending round a volunteer 2 hours a week just to chat or to play with DCs while I do some housework etc. I'm really excited at the chance to do house work uninterruped (true). Can you see if there's anything like that in your area?

Sorry for the essay. My heart goes out to you bc because I have found having two so very tough (and also incredibly lovely of course). I know what you mean about giving emotional to DC1 and physical to DC2. Don't worry, it was exactly the same for me and once the DC2 starts to need the emotional they start demanding it too, when they get a bit bigger. Then it's trying to read stories to two at once....!

BG I love hearing about all DD2's little foibles! She sounds so cute! I wonder if we can all meet up some time Maybe when I get my driving confidence (at some unspecified time in the future) I will drive to join one.

DD2 is at the ILs today and DD1 asleep hence megapost. One more potty wee from DD1 but I have not started PT yet. Now I'm blaming the cold weather I'll be washing two sets of nappies for a while yet I think.

Well, no nap forthcoming... . I lived in hope because somehow dh got her to sleep at lunchtime at the weekend!

dd2 is having an interesting conversation with her grandma (on a toy phone) . I'm selling our baby monitor but wonder whether I should keep it just to eavesdrop on her playing in her room!

Have to cook dinner but wanted to quickly say he was fine when I left him for his 2 hours alone today. Going back to get him for 3.30.

BC fx

dd2 just bumped into somthing and told me 'My tummy can't see!'

bear please don't feel guilty at sending your DS to nursery and don't feel bad about finding it difficult. It is bl00dy hard work having two young kids, particularly when your DD is quite clingy. I completely understand how frustrating it must feel that you can't really put her down and how you feel guilty at not being able to do things with DS. But it will get easier as time goes by, it really will.

In the meantime, scones idea is worth a try. Please do find out if you have such a thing near you and access it if you can. I wish someone had been able to come and help me, as I had many many days when I felt as you do now - functional with the newborn and just about coping with the toddler. I did what I suspect you are doing now - putting on an excellent party face while in public, but actually finding it tough in private. But do what you need to do to get through it, and don't feel bad about it.

scones hope the service you have accessed is as good as it sounds. I'm almost jealous!

BG I love hearing about your DD2's speech and idiosyncrasies! I too wish that one day we could all meet up...

IC have your nights got better?

PA have you recovered from your MIL's visit?

mous how are things with you?

Had a lovely day yesterday at the Harry Potter studio tour. I'd definitely recommend it if you are a saddo fan like me. DD1 loved it and I quietly bought a couple of things in the very expensive gift shop for her birthday and Christmas later this year.

Has anyone got any exciting plans for father's day?

Oh and today when DD said "ah-goo" or something similar DS said she was "speaking baby French"!!

Right - off to pick him up now.

yes all recovered, although next visit is only 4 weeks away and if for three days. they seemed even odder this time. Everything I said to DD was respoken by her and they wouldn't even let me get her ready, despite the fact that I am the one who knows where everything is and the sooner she is ready the sooner they had her all to herself.

They still do their thing or feeding her, apparently on their short 2.5 hour trip to the park they had a picnic (a way of MIL feeding her loads of ham and beef sandwiches). At one point when Dh was getting DS to sleep, I spent my time being ignored in the front room apart from demands to photo's on memory stick as quality online is to poor to print. Then yesterday we received a odd email.

DS was ill, almost better now so that provided enough distraction.

DS still isn't a content baby now which is what i find sometimes hard. I just have days where I wish i could put him down for more than a few minutes. However if are out or I have guests round then he is easily entertained.

oh, had the interview today, don't think it went very well

PA are they just odd or could they be having early dementia symptoms? Just reading your post has made me go and I am pretty sure I would NOT let them go anywhere with my child on their own. Least of all because if you are normally vegan/vegetarian and wolf down a hamburger you can end up feeling really quite ill!

PA fingers crossed about the interview, you never know...

PA I think you are a saint the way you put up with their oddness/rudeness. Agree with BG re the semi-forced meat eating. What did the email say?

DS was fine at nursery. Key worker said v. confident, no tears. Asked for me a few times but was told I had gone to the shops and was satisfied. When I turned up he shouted mummy and ran over for cuddles. Said it was fun and asked me what I had in my pockets (yes, haribo).

Have made vegan chili for dinner (recipe from IC's pinterest I think) acozykitchen.com/spicy-vegan-chili/.

You've been busy!!

Well DS is full on PT as I told nursery yesterday to put him on the potty every 2.3 hours - resulting in 3 wees in the potty yesterday and 4 today!! I'm well pleased it's working.

PA at your ILs. What was thew email? (soory too curious). Maybe the interview went better that you think?

bc can't comment on the 2 children situation but . I'll have a look at your nursery thread.

IC how is you DD's cold? Have you manage to get some sleep?

BG I'm soo impressed by your DD2 speech and extend vocabulary. DS is no where near having a conversation in French or English.

you see, they manage to wind me up but I always think I am reacting over nothing. glad you think otherwise. I have to say they seemed to up the ignoring ante and the repeating what I said and taking over left me cold. No dementia, they are mid 50's I believe, not a reason by itself, but they are clearly fine. The email was

Hi DH and PA

Just to say we had a lovely time yesterday and it was fabulous to spend some time with the children who are delightful.

Is DS any better, it was heartbreaking to see him looking so poorly, I hope he is on the mend.

Look forward to spending a few days in early July with you. We have booked the Travel Lodge now, and will Skype again Sunday.

Hugs and Kisses for DS and DD
Love Mum

not even sure why it seemed odd. I think the implication they don't normally have a good time (DD has been ill a few times or the weather was wet so they didn't take her out) or that they couldn't tell us in person or just tell us we are doing a good job?

On the plus side they showed concern for DS (although some of that was guilt -they took him in the stroller for his nap while DD slept, decided he was hot so undid his coat and he came back shivering and cold for ages)

potty training is going well here, no accidents again yesterday. Two little ones today, one being too excited to sit down in time and other she was generally being contrary while out playing and denied she needed it). I can't believeSB that your DS goes every 2-3 hours, DD is a little and often kinda girl. At home I have her in a dress (leggings on to go outside),the knickers often come off but she generally goes and sits on the potty as required and then attempts to carry on playing (i then remind her to wipe etc). This is obviously great for when I have hands full with DS.

Did anyone else notice increased soreness on potty training? I'm getting her to use wet wipes now, guessing it is to do with wee getting about more.

bc glad DS had a good time, surely that counts for a lot? we had falafel and baba ganoush again today, hopefully load the recipe up this weekend.

IC i hope you have had the required energy to deal with DD this week

BBB how are things with DH currently?

bg not long until you start work now?

Hello to scones do keep posting, especially if they are just moaning

beth DD still mentions DS2 by name a lot

wonders about random extra up there

PA well they don't exactly beat about the bush when it comes to telling you they only come to see the children and couldn't care less about you and dh. What unpleasant people.

Re work I am currently in denial and wish I had not applied or withdrawn my application (I very nearly did). It all seems so complicated!