Sept 2010 - Another 6 months past, it's going too fast!

[comixminx]

Our lovely new thread for the September 2010 babies. Dive in folks!

I do resent him his "freedom" i know it's work to him but to me its time away from the house. He hasn't had to change who he is iyswim. I tend to go to ny sisters a few nights a week after grace us in bed just for a bit of adult time and he resents me for that cause why can't i stay at home with him and have adult conversation. But some days i dont leave the house so when grace is in bed im climbing the walls to get out. Its just one big mess atm. Money is tight, dont get me wrong we can pay the bills etc but spare money is tight and i have absolutely nothing going into my own account so i tend to feel quite trapped. I hate asking him for money but he didnt realise i felt like that. Its all just got on top of me/us. Argh why is life so shit sometimes.

where does grace's cb go? have you applied for tax credits? im putting j and i in the local nursery for 2 mornings a week. i dont really think we can afford it, but they are bored. also you can get some of it back through tax credits/ child tax. it is only £10 a session (3 hours) but you have to do a minimum of 2 sessions and with 2 kids thats £40. which doesnt sound so much, but when you think thats £160 a month- eek.
can you look into grace going to 1 session a week? for £10?

im like you, in that i rarely get out of the house. most weekdays i go out mon morn for playgroup and thats it until lee is here at weekends. in the last 3 weeks he has been here for 4 weekdays. he might as well of stayed in the navy!

i do think your dp is being a bit unfair expecting you to stay in the house every night, when you have spent all day there. plus, being a twin and close to your sister, surely he must appreciate that you want to see her. i dont think any couple should spend all their leisure time together. tell him if you could be together potentially for the next 40 years- 2/ 3 nights a week is not too much in the grand scheme of things!

my dp doesnt give me money either. he use to put £200 in my bank account when i got on at him but he took a huge pay drop from the navy, so i just have cb going in my account. we've had huge arguments over it, as like you i hated having to ask and still like to have my own money, but he says he sees it as my money too and i can get his card whenever i want- so now i do! i use to use my own money for goibg for chocolate/bread etc from corner shop, but now i dont. i would buy the kids clothes etc as well but now i say- i need your card. i cant be bothered with it anymore- if hes not bothered, then im not.

It all goes in the joint account, cb and tax credits etc and whatever neefs buying gets bought out of that account. It just doesn't sit well with me asking for money. I know he doesn't mind but i just feel like a 1950's housewife asking for bloody housekeeping and thats not what i want to be. We've agreed now that he'll put money into my acvount every week and take it from there. Its not even like i need mega money but it's the principle of it. To be fair he didnt know i was feeling like that and now he does he's more understanding. I just feel anxious all the time. Like my lifes moved on so much and i don't know who i am except graces mum. I'm sure i spund depressed but thats not what it is. I just need a bit more me time and a job and to stop feeling so guilty that i feel fed up. Defo gonna put grace in nursery, thats something we talked about last night, she needs it. She's so outgoing and has got so much energy but she's very clingy to me and thats cause she doesn't spend any time away from me at all.

I've applied for loads of jobs today so fingers crossed something comes of it.

fx

Aww newmum sorry you are having a hard time with it all. I don't know how SAHMs do it to be honest, I really appreciate being at work and I also really appreciate DP being at home with Aphra on Fridays - because it means that he knows what it's like being at home with a baby or toddler, how it's hard to get other stuff done and suchlike! But I know that a) not everyone wants an arrangement like that and b) even if you want it, it's easier said than done.

I'm a big fan of Aphra being in nursery so I deffo see what you & sassy are thinking of re putting your LOs in nursery - in Aphra's case she learns so much from the different carers at nursery, and sees so many more kids of her own age, and has so much access to stuff we don't have (room for!) at home. Anyway, fingers crossed on the job searching.

I'd assumed cinnamon was just busy with real life and might have lost track of the thread - it would be good to pm her and get her back! you're right, she always had sensible interesting things to say.

Dixie, hope your bum is better soon! how horrid. And pain does get you down if it's ongoing, doesn't it.

Diddly, I'm sure that as others have said, Toby will have a great time at school and be much less worried / upset about it than you as a mum! But it is a massive change, isn't it.

I'm starting to really think about the labour & birth aspect of things and looking forward to getting it over and done with... roll on mid to late August and having a new baby safe and sound!

On a different topic - an e-petition for more midwives. I've signed; do pass it on.

Newmum, sorry you're having a rough time. I'm also not the same person I was 4 years ago. It's a huge thing for a woman to have a baby. It changes every aspect of you and your life and although you wouldn't change it for the world its a really hard thing to do. Being a sahm isn't for me either. I love going to work and being someone other than mummy. It's also bloody hard too because you still have the full time job of house and baby. I snook home an hour early yesterday & had a bath. I realised that I c
Couldn't remember the last time I was home alone. If I want me time I have to go out. Because Dh works full time I feel like the majority of the housework should be left to me. Even tho on average he gets 15 hours home alone every other week when he's waiting to start his shift, I'm at work and the boys are at nursery.
I definitely agree with finding grace a nursery for a session or 2 and you doing a course. You're doing an amazing thing bringing up your daughter and its a thankless job. You need to be selfish and think of yourself!

Signed the e-petition Comix It's about time they upped the numbers, IIRC it is 5,000 to bring us upto an acceptable level of cover and about 5,000 more to give us a very good level of cover. Also doing my bit as starting my college course in September then will be applying to do midwifery at Uni. Maybe if he pledges more midwives it will be easier to get on the course.

Hello all! I feel a bit silly now! Yes I was a bit :( that you all stuck up for dh as he'd really upset me that day. I know I was hormonal and irrational but to then be told it by all of you I didn't want to check back for a while and then you'd gone from my thread list. I then felt like a wally for my posting as time just disappears! Have been reading occasionally but once there loads to catch up on its tricky!

I had a new baby start with me in April which was fine but then e wet through major separation anxiety at about the same time as another baby started with me so I've had 5 weeks of listening to them cry for big chunks of the day! He's fine now but very sensitive so every time I use a slightly stern voice to talk to Luke he cries or if the other baby cries he joins in in sympathy! I also took over the accounts and wages of the preschool I've been on the committee of so I've been busy with that too. Still running three times a week which is difficult at times but important to me now. I did 5K in 28m 20 seconds today . I've now lost a total of 5st 2 and I'm attempting to maintain!

It sounds like you're having a tough time newmum001, glad you've talked to your dp about it. It's hard for me to for advice as I'd love your life! Dh did have an arguement a while ago as I said to him I'd love the time he has to himself and he said he'd rather be sat on his arse at home than driving to work! I know communting is stressful but it is time that you don't have something to do and you can let our mind wander. I have to be ready by 7.30 plus getting my two dressed and fed and have between 2 and 5 minded children before 8 in the morning so not really sitting on my arse. Plus he gets a lunch break which is time totally to himself. I can see how my life looks better to him on the outside and I really wouldn't want to be out at work every day. When you're both tired and stressed is hard to be rational and compassionate!! By being at home you're doing an amazing thing and it is hard work. The weather doesn't help at all but make the effort to go out every day even if it's for a walk and puddle splashing! Toddler groups are not the easiest of things and I often spend the time on my own but it's good for the kids and at least you've been out. As for money we have a joint account so all money is ours not his or mine. I earn less than dh but I look after the kids and home so contribute equally. We are in a shit situation financially and that really doesn't help either!

Sorry to hear about your bum dixiebell, hope get it sorted a painful pregnancy is no fun :( and yay for another boy :)

Sorry to hear you've been down and hope the medications is helping you sassy34264. Thanks for your kind words . Loved your pics of the twins on fb! Glad to hear your mum is on the mend.

I know exactly how you feel diddlybop, I hated it but don't forget that Toby doesn't legally have to go to school until the term after he turns 5 so if he and you are struggling just keep him home a day or two. Ds1 has done so well this year I'm so impressed with him! He's going into a year 1 2 mixed class next year as he's doing so well but I got upset about that as I'm worried about how much he's going to be pushed. Toby will be fine and I promise you get used to them being away really quickly, at least he's been at nursery so you're used to him being away from you :) Hope all goes well with olly's eye.

Labour will be fine comixminx, I looked forward to it with Luke as I wanted a chance to do it 'properly' in my mind. You'll do great and have a baby in your arms before you know it. When do you start maternity leave?

In answer to your question about exercise PolkaDotMoon I am a different person I have loads more energy, out of breath less and much less hormonal. Plus I have something that is mine, the head space is fantastic. Dh makes sure I have the time without beig made to feel guilty although I do!

I've started bodyshop at home to try and earn extra cash as I wasn't getting a lot from babysitting. Quite nervous but I think it'll be fun too.

Luke is such a character now, he is still hitting, pushing, biting and pulling ds1's hair but they also play so nicely together! He is my buddy, helping me with the babies and has just started lining everything up which I remember ds1 doing very vividly! He knows lots of numbers and although they are in the wrong order he counts things as well as saying a number plus what he can see if there are lots. He is talking all the time and recently started wanting to draw. I am total denial that he will soon be 2! My mum keeps asking about his birthday but I haven't thought about it yet, it means summer is over and ds1 is in year one as well as Luke being much older! Not ready to him in a bed yet, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a struggle! He's rarely asleep before 9 at the moment, he just chats in his cot or pulls things in with him but in a bed I think he'll be a nightmare. Absolutely no way he could do without his nap though, he's knackered by 12.30 and he'd definitely fall asleep on the school run and be worse.

Sorry if I missed anything or anyone, it's been a mammoth post!!!

Yay cinnamons back with a HUGE post
Luke sounds adorable and well done on your weight loss. You're looking fab.

diddly, yes a Pilondial sinus. So went in to hospital Friday, waited around ages, finally surgeon took one look and said they needed to operate under general anaesthetic straight away. I just burst into tears as was so worried about the baby. But after waiting around all fri night, had the op yesterday morning and all fine. Anaesthetist was v reassuring she said as I was pg they'd take all kinds of extra precautions like a breathing tube, and lie me on side, but was no extra risk to baby. So now home with sore throat from tube, v sore bottom!! But glad it's ok and have felt kicks so all good with bubba. Dh being v good with Arlo and my dad is a gp so he's keeping an eye on my blood pressure etc. I do not recommend getting this when you are already suffering night time hip pain from pregnancy, does not make for good night's sleep!

Welcome back Cinnamon well done on the weight loss, 5 stone is brilliant. It's also my ultimate goal, I have lost 1 stone since January but it is very slow going, I might get to goal summer 2014.

Dixie Ouch! that sounds very painful. It must be a relief to have it treated, even if it is still painful.

Yey! Welcome back cinnamon. Sorry we made you feel like that. And go you on the weight loss. That's amazing!

Dixie how deep is it? You poor thing. Must have been really scary for you. Hope it doesn't take too long to heal.

No idea diddly, it's all packed and dressed so just have a load of padding there. Waiting for district nurse to come and change dressing. Whole infected area was 2-3 inches diameter so don't know if the hole is that big?!

Just found out it's 4cm wide and 3cm deep ! Ouch. :)

Bless you. Lots of feet up time for you then. At least the weathers picked up a bit!

How are you feeling now Dixiebell?

Hi cinnamon, not too bad thanks. I'm signed off work for 2 weeks, and have 2 weeks' leave booked after that. So enjoying time for a rest. The pain is so much less than it was before the op, and DH and family are all helping me to take it easy. Bit of a pain having to go to tge surgery every day for redressing tge wound, but hopefully not for too many weeks. Got MW tomorrow. Will hopefully be reassuring to have a full antenatal appt and listen to heartbeat after the gen anaesthetic, but I have been feeling movements anyway so everything should be fine.

Dixie won't the dn come out to you??

So I rang the hospital today to chase Ollys appointment for the 3rd time. the nice lady said the only appointment they have on Ollys record is july 13th!!!!! Clever seeing as tho they didn't recieve the referral till the 16th! Seriously, What planet are they on???!!!!!

Hope everyones enjoying the sun. bit quiet on here!

diddly, no, they only visit house bound people, and I can manage to get to the surgery. It's actually more reliable as the DN can never give a time so you feel like you're waiting around. And on Tuesday when they were supposed to come, she never turned up!

Well if you were in my area, I'd come out to you. And give you a time! We're kind like that! Hope you're managing ok.

Newmum was it you that was having some success with potty training? Lucy is driving me mad at the moment, she is leaking through almost every nappy, we use reusables, and her nighttime, pampers, nappy is soaked by the time we get up. Also she rips her nappies off at the slightest wetness and is always telling us she has pooed, when she hasn't.
Is it normal for them to suddenly produce so much wee, I have even gone up a size in pampers to see if that helps.
As well she will wee on the potty pretty well but I don't think she is ready as she gets pretty engrossed in other stuff and I don't want the hassle of messes and wet settee's yet.

Apart from weeing woes she is doing really well with her speech, chattering to us loads and copying loads of phrases. She even sings along to DD2's favourite Batman episode

Luke often tells me when he needs a poo and if I notice him straining I put him on the toilet. I have had him out of a nappy quite a bit recently and he'll happily go 2-3 hours without a wee and although he was keen to start with he quickly stopped wanting to leave his toys to wee and was so upset he wouldnt do anything anyway so I've stopped for now. I think he has the bladder control and often knows he needs to go but he's too small to understand that he needs to go to the toilet every time he needs a wee. I'm not worried about it really and he's growin up way too quickly anyway!

After an escaping episode at the weekend we have started trying to get ds1 a new bed so like can have his. I don't really want him to be in a bed yet but I don't want him to hurt himself either! Not ready to get rid of my cot :(. Struggling at the moment with the idea of not having anymore babies :( :( :(

We've put it on hold for a while too. She still wee's and poo's on the potty if she hasn't got a nappy on but she freaks out if we try to put nickers on her. I don't really want to go down the pull ups route as they're too much like nappy's so feel they might confuse her. She tells me when she's weeing and pooing so she is aware of it.

Regarding the leaking nappy's we've switched to tesco active fit (which are half the price of pampers) and they seem bigger than pampers so maybe try a different brand.

Another thought about nappies, I don't know if you remember but pampers changed their active fit to make them less bulky and in doing so took a lot of the absorbant part out of the nappy at the back. They were on watchdog for it as loads of people complained and it seems that if you have a boy the natural barrier they have keeps wees at the front where the absorbant part is but if you have a girl there isn't that barrier and particularly at night when the wee goes backwards there isn't a lot to absorb it so you get leaks. My friend stopped using them for her youngest and had always been a pampers user. I'm a huggies fan and haven't had problems with them.