October 2011 - weaning here we come!

[EdwardorEricCantDecide]

our new thread

Oooh yes I forgot it was FD's calling

MrsH I don't want to go to work in October as I love being home with P but unless I can get other things sorted before then (or win the lottery) I need to weigh up all the options and they all have pros and cons. Still feeding so will try and watch on iplayer.

FD where we are a Nanny is a similar price to Nursery and the a Childminder seems to be a bit cheaper. What are your thoughts/opinions on 12 month olds in nursery? Any suggested questions I should ask?

I'll get laptop out and type out all I know about child care. Too long for my poor phone

No one is getting my boy, he's all mine!

Omg, he was incredibly cute today. Got him undressed for HV to weigh him, and he got a fit of the giggles! Was just laughing away with his goofy gorgeous giggle, I almost cried from love! :)

Oof stupid phone. Meant to say he giggled away whilst I was trying to talk to HV, whilst we were weighing him, and then all the way through my tickles

bubalie I'm concerned for you, you sound really anxious - can you talk to a nice HV about your fears? Im sure with the monitor it would be fine and you really need your sleep hon.

I am a great believer in nurseries, i think they are great for children and i think are a great option. I worked in the baby room for 4 years so we would have babies starting around that age. visit as many as you possibly can. first impressions are key. if you turn up at the door, the manager should beable to let you in to view there and then. if they try fob you off or tell you to phone and book a viewing, it should make you . obv there are times when its practical etc to go. i know its nice to see a nursery in full swing but i always got a little annoyed when parents wanted a show around during lunch. its a manic time with sleeps, kids going home etc so pick your time wise. up here in scotland, all nurseries are inspected by ofsted and care commision. you can view the nursery reports online so worth having a look. my nursery followed 'birth to 3 matters' so even in the baby room, we had daily activities to follow and these were all documented. you will expect a lot of messy play, playdough, gloop, pasta, painting. we also had songs, books, music etc. our room wasnt direct onto the garden area, but we took the babies out as much as we could in the nice weather. again here in scotland, the ratio for under 2's was 3:1, but going out for walks outside the nursery grounds it drops to 2:1. we had a sleep area just off the main play area (still in the same room) where we had cots and buggys for sleeps (whatever was parents preference). i know of some nurseries that have a sleep room where usually 1 memeber of staff keeps an eye on all sleeping children. i think this is wrong, so ask about sleep arrangments. our nursery had an 'all inclusive' deal where nappies/wipes/food was provided, parents only needed to bring bottles of milk and change of clothes. some though you have to provide everything so be sure you know what your getting.

nannys are good if you have more than 1 child so rather than paying two sets of fees, its more a flat rate of pay, but then you have the costs of classes for kids to go to. i am a nanny just now and i enjoy it far more than a nursery, simply for the fact there is more freedom. if my kids decide the want to go swimming that day then we can. same if they just want a lazy morning or if the weather is good, the possibilities are endless. one day last summer, we spend the day at Luss beach. hardly the bahamas, but it was great fun! as a nanny, i do the kid related things (their washing etc) so if you feel that could be helpful then its always a plus.

childminders are good too, but you may find that they have a 10 month old and then maybe a 4 years old or a couple of 6/7 year olds after school so finding things to keep all entertained may be a struggle. i know a friend of mine found this and ended up putting her dd into local nursery instead.

my mind is starting to go blank, but if you think of anything i'll try my best to answer :)

fuzzzy with all that childcare experience you're going to be such a fab mum, S is one lucky little lady!

bubalie I hope you are doing OK. I was really struggling at the start of the weekend, I think because I was just touched out. DH stepped up and did all his putting to sleep and a lot of his awake time. That gave me back the mental energy to deal with them fine today. Although I'm still in battle mode and did loads out the house with DD to really tire her out and keep us all occupied. DSs sleeps were either in the sling or in bed while DD napped so feel I cheated there. Even at night DH will take him away after a feed if I need sleep more than him.

I got to the point where I realised in my rocking him to sleep I wanted to rock him quite hard so admitted to myself I needed to step back. There is no shame in reaching and recognising that point. Today has been a good day, I remember it never needs much to change the balance but I do step back if I feel myself getting to a certain place even if I do feel guilty for doing so.

Bubalie we've got an angelcare too and if it was the only way he'd sleep I would happily put e to sleep on his tummy. My friend at work has a 3yr old little girl who refused to sleep anywhere except on her tummy from newborn so I think it's just down to some babies.
PA gosh you could be writing about me (except no DD!) I was at same point other night realised my rocking was getting frantic so had to ask DP to get up and take over. So tired atm that when he won't go down its really tough.
We've started him on baby rice last two nights. The doctor told us because of his size we could from 16 wks but I didn't think he was ready and wanted to get as near to 6 months as possible, but he's been hungry and showing all signs last few days so in despair tried some and he nearly bit spoon off! Sits up mouth open and can't get enough, so going to give him some everyday and see if it helps.
Also trying dummy in case that helps (full on sleep offensive this week) and have decided that next week am going to tackle self settling as really need him to start sleeping better for my sanity!
mama feel sick here a lot too

LP and PA - me too. We all have breaking points, a few times with L I have had to lay him down in his cot and walk out - get DH to take over or just take 5 mins in the bathroom taking deep breaths. There is no need to feel guilty for feeling this way, it's normal and good if you can recognize when you're reaching your limit.

scheh so lovely isn't it? This age is wonderful (ignoring lack of sleep). They are do responsive and the giggles are just the best

Re: rocking. This is really awful and difficult for me to say, but I once walked in on DP swinging C pretty fast/violently from side to side to try make him stop crying. He had him laid down in his arms so his neck was supported, but my cold terror about him damaging his brain...... :( :( he only did 4 swings from one side to the other, but I still worry he damaged him in some way. Ack, I feel sick remembering it.

Oh scheh poor you and DH. I'm sure that was fine. Have you seen the videos in YouTube about the 5s's? Swaddle, shush, swing, side, suck, the swinging part is quite vigorous. Quite scary but quite safe apparently!

I think the thing about being in that situation is not that the rocking or swinging is dangerous, but that it shows the parent needs a time out and is reaching the end of their tether.

It's a bit triggering to think about but I have read / been told that shaken baby syndrome involves specifically shaking, not rocking, and can't happen from falling off a couch or going over a bumpy path in a buggy.

Sorry x posts Jnice! Yes, sometimes you have to walk away and breathe. I would lay him down and make a cup of tea, so I got a few minutes where I couldn't hear hik over the kettle boiling. I started to really lose it when I would try rocking him or pushing the pram to sleep, I was such a wreck I couldn't enjoy the moments he was happy and wanted to play, and would just sit there staring at him.... So that's why I needed to get help from the m&b nursery nurse with his naps, I couldn't do that anymore.

I'm having those days scheh - it's awful. When you can't enjoy them, it's all maintenance. Fed, changed, dressed and cuddled is all I can manage some days. I said to DH tonight that he needed to spend extra time playing and charting with L tonight because I've been a zombie today. Then I fell asleep in DS2s bed (hiding) well the ODSs watched TV. Half an hour's sleep made a huge difference!

Morning everyone and thanks for your concern and encouragement I really feel like I need it at atm. I finally gave in and let L sleep on his tummy most of the night last night (apart from the 2 occasions where I was trying to let him settle on his back for an hour at time and he just wouldn't have it!!). I think I just need to take the risk and let him sleep on his tummy if that's what he wants. He slept until almost 8am this morning which is unheard of and even then I think I woke him up by getting up and moving about. DH thinks we should let him sleep on his front if that's what he wants and as soon as he learns to roll over that's what he'll do anyway.
jnice my HV is rubbish, we never got on as she kept ignoring me when we were struggling with his reflux and telling me it's normal for baby to cry so hard that it can't breathe and is choking. Turns out he was choking on his acid and ended up being under the consultant care and on medication. So no point talking to her, I don't trust her anyway. I know this sounds harsh but she really didn't help at all and I think dismissed me as neurotic first time mum!
littlepebble and penguin - thank you! Thank you! Just hearing someone else struggling and being in the same situation makes it better in a weird way. I am really so tired from the broken nights sleep and all the rocking sometimes I feel I need to step away. DH is great, but he can't do any settling really as when L gets upset that's it. He doesn't do feeding, bedtime etc. he helps by running the bath and making bottles all the time, but it's really me who deals with L 24/7. i also feel guilty as DH needs to go to work and I feel it should be me who's up in the night etc...
Sorry for the long post, just needed to get things off my chest, although today is already a better day due to a decent sleep last night. I think I've got 6.5 hrs in total :)

So glad things look a bit brighter bub - sleep makes a huge difference.

It's a really overwhelming change to our lives isn't it.

Sorry to hear that Jnice, I try to do one interactive game on days like that, just so I know I've done something, even if its just one chorus of row row your boat on my lap!

Oh bubalie :( he's old enough now to turn his head and so I would think lying his on his front is fine. Like others mentioned you can get the monitor mat, remember all babies 'back in the day' slept on their fronts. DH may leave the house to work, but you're still working yourself in the day! Its a partnership, and sometimes you have to work as a tag team, L is as much his son as he is yours!

I know where you're coming from with the rocking, but to me it sounds like its not really working. I know you're not a fan of controlled crying (which is different to cry it out) but, Tbf, it sounds like that's what you're doing anyway, if he's still crying in your arms. I found all the rocking and shushing and pram pushing just kept him awake, and so crying and distressed for longer. For C, he might wail for over an hour in my arms, but ten minutes if I put him down. So putting him down was kinder for him. Now I'd say 60-70% of the time he goes to sleep straight away without tears. So its some progress. And 100% of the time he goes to sleep straightaway at bedtime because of the routine, I can't remember the last time he didn't. If he ever wailed at being put down he was gone by the time I'd turned the light off, closed the door, gone downstairs and turned on monitor. Do you have the same bedtime routine every night, soft dim lighting, no stimulating toys etc? Might be worth trying the book 'the baby whisperer' as I've heard its good.

I.e. I mean if he's crying in your arms then that is a form of CIO anyway.

It's amazing what a stretch of sleep does! I feel rough as fuck if I've been up and down through the night. S only sleeps 30 min naps so it's not like I can join her for a snooze! But a good sleep and I'm jumping out of bed in the morning! Blind open, window open and ready to face the day! I agree though that if L is happy on his tummy then maybe best to let him be. I can't sleep on my back. I'm on my tummy 90% of the time. It killed me when preg that I couldn't roll over. It was one thing I looked forward to the most!! Rest assured that he is able to move his head to the side, but it sounds like he has it sussed already

I went this morning and got S full birth certificate. Had put off since dick head her dad had wanted to add his name, but he has lost his chance now. Need to get passport app away so I just need to get her photo done now. Had a look at sites that you can upload to so that's the next thing on the list.

How were the underwater shots of P chesh?

Every bloody hour last night so freaking tired now. Am being crap with ds's. Raged at ds1 this morning as he decided watching cbeebies was more important that getting ready for school, he is 12 ffs . Then felt guilty as scared ds2 and J cos I shouted, wish I'd handled it better. Over an hour wait at clinic (15lb10 now little fattie). Shes asleep having feed and ds2 back infront of tv . Oh and 4am "singing" so ds2 was woken too. Zzzzz

oh mama that sounds tough, have a and try to have a good rest of the day.

Oh mama, lots of sympathy for the suffering mums on here!

For all my talk of self settling, I've really let things slip recently. C has been suckling himself to sleep and sleeping on me past few days!

Sounds like 4 months is naughty baby marker! P moved off the monitor pad at about 4am and set the alarm off. Yawn?.

Mama every hour sounds like P about 2 weeks ago, by comparison she only woke twice last night (but I couldn't sleep so am knackered).

Bub glad there was a bit of a lie-in then this morning for you.

Have narrowed it down to 3 nurseries I want to view in our village - ruled out the others due to OFSTED reports, after that will look at childminders and nannies too. Stupid but when I was arranging the viewings it made me feel really upset, she wouldn't even be going until October so I need to get a grip :(

Actually there was no hard sell at the photo viewing FD, we picked 3 pictures in 9x4 which DH then says we will scan and can do canvasses or whatever with but it will be much cheaper than buying big pics off them. It seemed to work ok with our wedding pics because as long as the picture quality is high and the scanner good it should be fine. Oh and we ate 2 Bakewell Tarts and 2 Chocolate Logs! Well I figure we did pay for them

mama I feel for you, it sounds like you having a nightmare too. Hope you have a better night tonight.
Scheh our bedtime routine is the only thing that works I think. L knows when we go upstairs between 6 and 6:30 and he is mostly good. We have the bath and the feed and then i switch the lamp off and leave only the night light on and put his mobile on. Most of the nights he will fall asleep like that, I sit on the bed next tho so i can put the dummy in and in case he gets upset. Sometimes he can't settle so I have to pick him up, but mot of the nights he is ok. It's only because I've been so paranoid about letting him sleep on his tummy that he kept waking up every 15mins - half an hour, but if I let him sleep on his tummy he is happy and i don't have to go up. I think I'm going to let him sleep on his tummy if he wants from tonight. It's the daytime naps that I'm struggling with. I will look for the book tonight and order to try. I'm willing to try anything. If I rock him to sleep he doesn't cry, it's only if I try to put him in his cot or chair hat he gets upset and ends up crying, but if I rock straight away he is good and doesn't cry. Today I've rocked him to sleep then put him in his chair and he sept and same this afternoon, so for me that's progress as for the past couple of weeks he would wake up as soon as I put him down and would only sleep on me.
Sorry for the long post again, I really appreciate everyone taking time to read this and thank you for your support, I think you girls have made me feel a bit more confident about letting him sleep on his tummy! :)