April 2011 - silence might be golden but the April ladies are diamond so chat on

[GlaikitFizzog]

Ta Dah!

If my father said anything like that to me I'd tell him to bugger off!

Ooh Bobby's, I'd have hit the roof.

We've booked a trip to France week after next! We're visiting my parents and I'm very excited, lie-ins ahoy!

Oh god bobby's. Deffo talk to her.

Advice please ladies. I have been weaning S the lazy way and would now like him to start eating properly. He's one of the youngest of our group at 8.5 months but has 6 teeth if that makes a difference. He seems to eat most things i try him with but i dont know whats too much or if i should be blending it etc...?

out M just gets a bowlful if what we have and gets in with it. I don't know exactly how much he eats but he's occupied for about half an hour and then has a fruit compote for pud.

bobby's I would be RAGING. She must be mad to think that R had eaten enough and no excuse at all for not touching the prepared meal.

Hugs and sympathy to all re: parents. I also still feel treated like a child but mostly because they insist on giving us money every so often. It makes me feel very beholden and all I want is to be seen as a grown up.

Outme Dont know whats the usual, but DI tend to have for breakfast a weetbix with half a piece of fruit(peach,nectarine,banana) or a slice of toast or if i have omelette, a big wedge of that probably 1 eggs worth. Lunchtime can be piece of toast or a homemade savourypuree or savoury muffin & a baby biscuit or yogurt, dinner can be a mini homemade burger patty with a couple of cheese lentil wedges or i recently made baby bolgnaise and bought some mini pasta & she will eat a medium tub of this, i blitz half and then leave the rest chunky. Tend to make dinners in batch and freeze and that makes evenings easier or she eats what we have for dinner as long as its ok for her, steak, chicken, roasts, etc (tends to be meat & veg type meals she joins in on)

Cycle Yay for holiday, are you flying ?

Not Bobbys Girl Id be fuming, Im lucky MIL tends to follow my orders & keeps my notes on her fridge !, i keep worrying she thinks im some demon woman as she shows me pictures of DI happy at her house as proof she was fine !! On Thurs why dont you write or type out a list and then sit with her and tell her youd like to run thru R's schedule in case SHE has any questions.

Feel for those with the critical mums, when i 1st moved to the UK i put on a bit of weight & my mum couldnt stop talking about it when i 1st got home, the 2nd time i went, i called her & said ive put on more weight, i already know this & i dont want her to mention it as im already aware. When she saw me at the airport, she said, ooowww your hair very long, it would look much better a bit shorter as you have a rounder face ! It has to be something !! I was on Skype with her last week & mentioned ive lost 4lbs since start of the year, she laughed and said really, but your always eating cake !! Arrgghh, Ive learnt to ignore it, especially as im so far away i dont want to be angry with her, its always been like this since i stopped dancing at 21 and gradually got bigger over the years ! Whats even more annoying is over the past 5 years she has lost loads of weight from a 14 down to a 10 and jogs everyday & she's 60 !! Keeps saying i should get fit like her !! Right pisses me off !!

Ok, after much deliberation im going with disposables for my flight home Sunday, we have never used them, DI is about 7kgs and has slim legs, what is the best disposable, im not bothered about being eco friendly as its only 24hours, but as she is a good sleeper and im hoping will do the same on the flight, i want a nappy that could possibly last 12hours without leaks if im lucky enough for her to accommodate me like that !! I know, fat chance, but ya never know !! Please let me know ya recommendation ladies !!

We use papers baby dry Aussie . id think.shed be either a 3 or a 4. B is in 4 s and just under 10kgs.

Pampers she'd

We use Sainsburys Eco simply because they fit H really well.

We're taking the train and the overnight ferry to France. The ferry port is closer to them than the airport and Ryanair is the only airline to their local airport. Last time it was grim and stressful. The overnight ferry is 10.45pm-6.30am. We're getting a four berth cabin with a cot.

DD wears Pampers and sleeps approx 13hrs in one and it doesn't leak.

Parents, grr. Mine aren't bad in the comments dept. MIL has previously commented on the state of my ironing board cover & the shower head. Bugged me bigtime, though of course it did the trick as I refused for them to be in the same state when she next visited

Her highpoint in terms of mouth-before-brain was when we were having big worried about DS1 in school & his reading, spelling, etc. She picked then to go on about her other DGS (lives in Oz) and how brilliant his sch report was - even forwarded it to us . When she told me face to face I nearly cried, we were so stressed about DS1 at the time :( She is clueless though, definitely not malicious. I hope

Re dummy-waking at night: an update. I bought even more dummy clips - these ones were the same brand as the dummies (Tommee Tippee I think) - and the nights we've given her dummy to her with it clipped onto the muslin she hasn't woken

He's asleep! He's asleep!! S has not had more then 30 mins in one go all day today, I even resorted to the pushchair which did no good he just chattered as we walked, round, and round, and round the village! I know it's his teeth (I can see three all at the top that look like they're going to come through any time soon) but I as he's refusing medicine/teething powders/teething gel/cucumber/biccy pegs I'm not sure what to do for the poor kid. Not helped by my utter cream crackered-ness, it was 11pm he finally went to sleep last night.

Aussie I am so of your trip home. I love Sydney and the idea of some nice warm sun is rather appealing even to me (and I'm usually a fan of the cold and snow). As for nappies we're using ASDA Little Angels at the moment as they're not leaking overnight, but then S has uber chunky thighs and Pampers (and Huggies for that matter) stopped fitting round them comfortably!

NBG I bow to your ability to not blow your top.

Fizz My PIL used to make comments about our house (their's looks like a show home) so DH told them that if they want to clean when they visit then go ahead. So they do! I always feel terrible but they seem to enjoy it They 'potter' in the evening so my kitchen and lounge look spotless by the morning, does mean I spend the week following a visit finding everything they've put away for us!

Sorry if I missed anyone, had to break off to go re-settle S...

Dairy - I have a little trick for giving medicine which may just work. Firstly, use the normal suspension, not the sugar free ones - they usually taste gross. Put the medicine in a syringe (the long slim one that comes with Nurofen is perfect).

Slide the syringe into the mouth, along the gum line and into the cheek. Push a ml out each time. The amount will be so small that it will wash down when they swallow. Once you've seen them swallow, then repeat. Voila! If you squirt medicine onto the Tongue it is easy for them to spit it out and/or gag.

I hope you got some decent sleep last night.

Sounds like we all have ishoos with our parents, as the saying goes, they fuck you up! And guess what, we're all parents now. But of course we wont be like our parents, no siree

JKS, I can't believe your MIL could be so thoughtless about the school report

Baby I has been having a chomp on a dummy every now and then. He would spit them out when he was a newborn, but when he has been teething I give him one for a while to chomp on. They seem to give him some relief, and then he likes to arse around with it. Dummy in, dummy out, dummy in etc etc

Right, I must go, I need to get ds ready for pre school.

Morning everyone. My mum called me last night. We had a big talk and cried a lot. What my dad was trying to say in a ham fisted way is that they are worried about me. Mum thinks I've lost my get up and go, I'm only going through the motions. I'm relying on DH to do too much. I'm snappy and critical of everything thats suggested by her. I give DH a hard time for not doing something the way I would do it.

I had a heart to heart with DH too once B went down. He sort of agreed with what mum said, but was trying to say it was all ok. But it's not, is it. Is it PND? Do I just need the proverbial kick up the arse? I'm in tears writing this, I know I'm not right, I keep giving myself reasons. It's Christmas, I'm tired, Bs teething, I'm back at work. But other people can negotiate those bumps in the road without falling apart.

I'm waiting for my HV to call me back, to talk about what's next. I need you guys to hold my hand please. I feel like my world imploded over night.

Fizz - I will post a proper reply in a little while, chaos here just at the minute. But all will be well, you will be well, and you are a brilliant Mum. :)

Oh fizz you sound so sad
The HV should be able to help I hope, if not see your gp. The solution is not necessarily ADs but, if they are recommended take them. I did when ds2 was very poorly and they did help. There is a lot of shame about depression and there shouldn't be. You are dealing with A Lot. Do not talk yourself down. Have a while you wait.

Here and hand holding fizz. Big hug.

{{Fizz}} I cannot say whether you have PND or not, but I will say that the first year of having a baby (and especially your first born) is tough, bloody tough. For woman especially, their previously well ordered world is turned upside down. Your identity, your work, your appearance, your priorities change. It's like everything is thrown up in the air and then you have to make some sort of semblance of all of these things that are scattered around you. And like with everything in life, some people cope with it 'better' than others.

Then factor in your hard pregnancy, your tough birth, your monumental and heroic expressing, the deaths and illness in your family. And of course this little precious and demanding bundle that doesn't come with an instruction manual and keeps you up at night.

Then the love, the overwhelming and gut wrenching love that you have never felt before, and the flip side of that. The guilt. Am I doing this right?

I'm not sure where I am going with this tbh. But I really think you need to cut yourself some slack. You are a great mum, wife and daughter.

All of the things you have listed I could put a tick next to myself. DH and I have had discussions recently about the way I have been feeling and acting (he was worried about PND). Then Ds has been sleeping better recently and I realised that my outlook and mood totally changed overnight when I was getting more sleep. I'm not saying this will be the same for you, but maybe you can identify your 'thing'.

Remember we are all here for you x

Thank you, I think I've run out of hands, Foot anyone? :)

Receptionist just called back to say my HV won't be in until the afternoon. She offered the "other HV" to call instead, but I'll wait for my one as I don;t like the other one. It's going to be a long day.

You've been really brave

Very well said ILTMI.

Oooops baby assisting. You've been really brave taking that first step and admitting you're not feeling yourself, and it's okay to not feel yourself because this is huge. But depression is an illness not some character flaw, it doesn't make you a bad mother/wife/daughter/person and there is medicine.

Oh god you guys really are the best. I don't know where I'd be without you all. It's much easier to pour out on here than to someone on the phone or face to face.

ILTMIMI I agree with everything you've said. I haven't thought about all the things that's happened in the last year but when you list them all like that has all that really happened? I've just put my head down and ploughed on with caring for B.

The gut wrenching love and the over powering guilt. Going back to work has been a relief, because I can escape and be the "old" me for a couple of days a week. I then feel guilty for feeling like that. I lie in bed awake, mourning my single years when I only had myself to worry about, clean for, feed, entertain. Then I feel guilty. B smiles at me and my heart melts, then when he whinges I have that bubble of frustration, wishing him quiet. Then the guilt.

I've done the hardest bit in admitting something isn't right. I can only hope that there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

Right, someone tell me a joke! I need to laugh or I'll cry again!

I'll hug your leg fizz like M is doing to me (but i won't slobber on your jeans). Hope your HV is helpful. I think I like seems to explain it well, it's all such a huge change, and seems to be constantly in flux, just when you think you've got it sussed it changes again as baby does something new, or forgets how to sleep.
I'm not talking about sleep now - don't want to jinx it :o

Got to go - Stinky Girl wants to have a raspberry blowing competition.

Offers Fizz a seat with her feet up, plonks in hand and give reassuring smile. ILTMIMI I agree with you. So much has happened to process in one year and all this is bloody hard work. I think it's definitely worth meeting up to discuss your birth experience as you mentioned before. Maybe consider getting a cleaner once a week if it's financially possible? That might take the pressure off so you can get a bit more head space.

I wasn't sure if you managed to get to speak to a MW to talk through B's birth?

I haven't yet Punch I'll mention it to my HV when she calls. I feel like a fog has been lifting over the last week or so. Realising I still have ishoos with my CS, was probably one of the big ones. Does that make sense? I've been telling myself I'm fine for so long I was beginning to beleive myself. Mum & dad pointing out that I'm clearly not fine, burst the hard shell I've built up.

better go B is awake.

It really does make sense. A lot of folk brush these things under the carpet and I think you're sensible to talk them through as you'll feel better in the long run. I'm here if you ever need me.