October 2011 - our happy, chatty babies!

[GroovyRach]

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Fuzzy thieving bastards indeed! I thought they were free too.

Right preschool run for me then shops as ds1 birthday soon

Bloody hell ladies how chatty can you be since 10 last night?! [Wink]

We've had the same problem before, to be honest dp probably lives him even more than I do, he's absolutely besotted, sneaks home from work early almost every day. He's been in tears quite a few times because he just wants to be a good dad. He does bedtime every night, plays in bath, dressed for bed then I let him give C a bottle of formula if I'm not full up. He usually settles, but he was just over tired as he'd refused to nap all day. I guess he does usually have breast so maybe wanted that... Am going to have to think about whether to continue doing the occasional bottle or be exclusive bf.

Anyway there was no chance I was risking waking him up, so I didn't dream feed and he went through till 6.45am which was pretty good!

mama you're completely right, and we'be had this argument discussion before. Like if I've given him to dp to get a bath, he would get really annoyed if I got out to come help, he wanted me to have a break. But I got him to realise it was impossible for me to sit and listen to my baby cry, its against all mothering instincts.

It's just hard isn't it. Right now C was tired, wanted a nap and was crying. He'd be quiet if I held him, but I can't hold him all day when I have important MN duties to attend so I put him down in cot and he kicked off. I then started to panic, so just switched mobile on, gave him his fave blanket, turned on monitor and walked out. And he seems to have gone to sleep!!

But last night, dp just kept saying "he was going, I'd have got him off" but what's the point of leaving him to cry for 2 hours hysterically when just 10 minutes with me had him out? But he's just so stubborn.

Trouble is, every naptime he wants something different, and It's trying to read what's best. I can't always just leave him as he'll sometimes get so worked up he goes purple, stops breathing and chokes!

£273 to sit on your knee Fuzzzy!!! I hope you ask for the extra meal and wine which she would have consumed :)

I never ever do CIO with him, unless he's just grumbling and doing a half arsed cry like now. If he starts proper screaming its different. But I have to admit to having just had to close the door and walk out when he was really kicking off a couple of times when I just couldn't cope anymore. It's never colic, he's only ever just tired, and really tries to tell you off for putting him down.

It's just hard as we live so rural, I can't drive and we have no family or friends closeby to help.

your dp sounds great scheh

dont get me wrong, i couldnt leave my baby crying for an hour either. but they dont normally take that long. it killed me at first to let jacob cry for 8mins!
ive found though that babies/kids are a lot more manipulative smarter than you think. isobel has been crying hysterically every night recently. the other night we got to 24mins with no signs of stopping- and we are taking breaking her heart type crying. went up to her. nothing wrong,. just doesnt want to go to sleep. dp went up twice the night after and then i left her last night cos she knows now someone is going to come if she cries. so, in affect by now doing tough love, we have actually made her more upset and likely to keep the crying up, every single night. so to me,. its like, by being maternal i am actually making her more miserable in the long run. iyswim?
if you had a kid, who was only ever allowed sweets on a sunday. would he bother crying mon, tues, wed etc? no, cos he knows there is no point. if you have a kid you knows that when he cries he gets sweets, he's going to cry everytime you go in a shop. therefore that mother who thinks she is making him happy by giving him what he wants, is actually making him a miserable crying child. i see it time and time again on supernanny.
thats why i think children are more contented when they have tough love. i think that mums not being able to see/ cope with their children upset etc, is the mum relieving their guilt/stress etc, not doing what is best for the child/baby.
im not always capable of following this either though. my heart melts/ guilt gets to me and i give in sometimes too, its totally natural imo. but ive found that you then have to work twice as hard to undo the harm (cant think of a better word) that you've done.

anyway, im cooking on gas this morning. cleaned the bathroom (mopped floor and everything) so now have one room in the house tidy,and just booked an hairdressers appointment! stillon nightie though and kids in sleepsuits!!!! well, its either one or the other -i cant do fecking both!

scheh - there was a thread about 5 cries baby does its on YouTube and really good. J is my 3rd so you'd think I'd know it all but each of mine is different twmoerements etc but they all have these same 5 types of cry. Bless your dh big softie

Sassy Re CIO I would never do that Roth a non talking child (baby) as their communicating and can't tell me what's up. My almost 12 & 4 Aren't at all whiney and go to bed fine. I think attending to a child makes them more secure and less anxious. Helps them become confident. But that's how I see it and to each there own.

Just been to adds and got 272 nappies for £28. Got size 3 baby dry. Wondering if I should have also got box of 4s for future.

Though if J is crying and crying and nothing im doing helps and I'm getting stressed I'll put her down safe and go make a cuppa, put music in and then go back to her feeling a bit calmer

its dp's 30th birthday in 2 weeks. im about to ring a jamie oliver restaurant to book a table - dp loves him and has all his cookbooks and i take the piss micky all the time. like, if dp is cooking, i say stuff like, is this how jamie would do it? and, if its good enough for jamie......
asked my mum to babysit, but a bit argh at the thought of leaving her. esp as the restaurant is in liverpool, which is about an hours drive.

sassy that's a lovely treat for your dp. Do you express/ff at all? Sorry cant recall. We've not yet gone out

mama I stocked up at asda as well the other day. I have plenty of size 3 huggies to work way through so I got size 4's. Honestly have enough nappies now to prob do her until the summer . I'll not buy anymore and see out of curiosity. I had really wanted to do cloth nappies, but never really got round to looking into it properly. I'm just having problems in that when she wakes in the morning, 9/10 she is wet as nappy as leaked up the back. She doesn't seem to bother but it can't be good . Huggies are the worst for it, just don't think they fit her shape well (long and slender) but pampers stink when they are that full! Iv even tried going up a size but doesn't help. Anyone who uses cloth, are they good for over night? I wouldn't mind buying a few if I thought it would help

Oh mama glad I'm not the only one who's had to walk out and have a tea to calm down!

I agree re: crying, I'll check the YouTube thing thanks. I studied some child psychology as part of my degree and how you handle crying really affects the attachment bond, whats that famous study?

Oh and sassy Jamie Oliver opened a place here in Glasgow a few years ago. Think food got good review but very overpriced. Putting me in the mood for some nice dinner out now

its like politics mamma the are differing opinions/viewpoints and each one can argue their points with utter conviction, but neither is right or wrong and if you're a floating voter you just have to listen to everything and then decide which suits you best!

ive never ever expressed, but bought breast pump and just eek at knowing what to do. not at putting it on and working it. just at knowing when to pump, how to store it etc. if i dont give it a go before the date, i will just leave my mum with a carton of formula. hopefully, if i can get her down before we go, she should stay asleep. but bloody bsbies have a knack of sensing something is a miss and not playing ball.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, they're the ones!

ainsworth attachment theory? scheh

Oh I done the Attachment theory last year with my degree. Think it left my head as quick as it went in

dont really agree with john bowlby. he more or less says that 1 person is responsible for the attachment of a child- which of course is the mother usually. so the blame lies there. i think babies have/ are capable of multiple attachments.

just thought though- jacob was a complete mess when i had to go into hospital to have eva! despite my mum and his dad looking after him.
at least i know he must have a strong attachment to me.
isobel on the otherhand showed no bother at all. to bloody independent these females.

sassy yes I'm very lucky, pre ds it was wonderful having a partner who is so sensitive and caring. However it now.means that he's very touchy and I have to be careful how I say things as he's easily hurt. C couldn't have a more loving and attentive dad though :) it'll be easier when I'm not bf anymore and we can share.

It's all just different parenting styles isn't it, whatever keeps us sane, basically! I just never, ever want to be anything like my own mum, that's my main.drive!

Having a cuddle with my little boy now, I just can't believe how utterly I am in love with him. He's half dozing, half staring into my eyes with a little smile. Isn't mother nature a bitch..!

will just have to feed the kids value beans fuzzy
it's never a cheap do when we go out for meals anyway, as we both always order steak.......yum yum.

think i need to step away from the phone and spend some time with the kids. too busy thinking i deserve a rest now that ive cleaned the bathroom. [Grin]

awh scheh i have the complete opposite dp. not sensitive and thinks kids are a womans job. he just sees a dads job as playing with them. had lots of arguments about it. he used to grumble at having to look after them while i had a bath. but he is better now. and now that they are older and can communicate more he has come into his own. plus im rubbish at playing with them, so we kind of compliment each other.

Off for preschool run here.
sassy agree like politics, tho I rather liked bowlbys theory of attachment tho I understood he was mainly taking primary attachment to main caregiver. Might go and peruse books if I can't a Janice. Had to study it as part d my mental health nursing training.

I agree with you sassy re kids and sweets, buy he's really too young atm, their little brains aren't developed enough to form long term memories about cognitions like "if I cry they will come'. At this age they are developing motor skills and procedural memories. It's not till at least 6 months they start to be able to store and remember, so every time a newborn is left to cry its new and heartbreaking for them as its not natural or evolutionary speaking, helpful, they're not children or people, they're babies with tiny little developing brains that are working full time just to learn that they have a hand, which they can move and touch things with. Something that tiny can't remember that yesterday they cried and nobody came, its physically impossible. That's why CIO and CC is advised to be left.till 6m at least. Just look at brain scans of babies to see which areas have formed at this age, which areas are still forming, and which haven't appeared yet. Yes eventually he'll fall asleep through sheer exhaustion, but why go against nature, for no good at all? But obviously this is coming from me studying neuroscience, and not as a mum of four with your experience!

That's all I'll say anyway, we can agree to disagree, am sure I'll change my tune, if not my belief in MRI and CT scans, after 4 kids!

Sorry I hope that doesn't seem rude, just love an excuse to make me feel like my degree wasn't wasted!

Felt incredibly low last night, to the point of considering having horse shot. If it wasn't for C I doubt I'd cope as well as I am. I just hate that I'm nothing but a burden on dps bank account. I lost my job when I was pg as they didn't want to pay another woman SMP, I only graduated 2010 so no career to go into. I'm not clever or interested enough for research, I just can't see any good for myself past being a good mum, but that only lasts till school age, then what? It'll be hard finding a job. Just feel lost, like my life is over at 24 :( we're not eligible for any help with benefits, and as the economy is on the brink of collapse can't rely on state anyway.....

sassy some dads are like that, just better at the toddler and kid stage. Tbh I can't see me being any good at that, I never seem to be any good playing with other people's kids. I was an only child and my mum never, ever played with me, so I just don't know how kids play :( shitmumoftheyear no doubt.