October 08 - the 3 year old thread.

[CantSleepWontSleep]

New thread just for you star!

Well, hopefully not just for you, or it could get a bit boring talking to yourself .

I'm too busy hand washing shirts and putting them through a mangle to post Myjob

PP!
I'm recovering from an epic tantrum from Q. It was awful.
Hideous
Embarrassing
Unbelievable

Speaking of tantrums.
I need some tips for how to get 3 yr old to calm down once worked up to what seems like the point of no return.
Unless you all have perfect dc and I have a freak child.

Oh and I've tried holding him/cuddling him, ignoring, and umm, well, hissing

On bad days I try screaming like a demented banshee which of course does nothing so when I am really in control I do the same as Pistachio. Ignoring is normally the best solution but if you are out and about that's hard so then I try firm voice. We have very up and down days and I don't know a Mum of a 3yr old who wouldn't agree. It's bloody hard though and can make you feel very and

Well, we were in town and car paring ticket due to expire. Could not afford to get a fine for pakng so needed to get to the car 1/2 mile away. He's heavy and kicking/flailing and trying to go the other way. I had backpack, handbag, scooter and him. I did firm voice, threats, tried to make a race to the car, tried to change subject and make him laugh, tried to distract, also tried just holding him to calm and ignoring him but he was too far gone. I felt like such a failure but I'm so stubborn I wouldn't give in to what he wanted. Why can't he learn???

Sorry parking! Not sure what that was...
Anyway, we were out today and he sad, "if you scream, you won't get any sweeties, will you?"
Then he had another tantrum at bathtime.
He didn't want to get in. So screamed the whole wash and had ne leg out and one in most of the bath. It was difficult. Then I finished rinsing and took him out and he screamed that he wanted to stay in the bath and play!! I said no because of horrid behaviour while washing.
So he got all worked up.
We held him and ignored. Finally he slowed and got pjs on under threat of no story and laid in my arms and said, "I just needed to calm down"

Oh HP it is so hard going sometimes. Ds has been a total nightmare at bath time for the last few weeks. Refusing to be washed, then tantruming when he is out because he wants to have his hair washed, then tantruming about everything and anything. The other night he sat at the end of his bed for 45mins, dog tired, all because he had refused a hair wash so we had refused him having a story! It got so bad that on Tues I told his key worker at Nursery who promised him a sticker if he had a bath nicely and that night I bathed him as soon as we got home just to get it out the way.

Luckily D doesn't tantrum so much when we are out, although he does at home. Maybe it's because we don't take him out .

I think in your first example I would have said that mummy needed to get back to the car so if he wasn't going to come with me then I would go without him. Then I'd have said goodbye and started walking confidently towards the car, whilst shitting myself and hoping that it worked and he followed!
In your second example, short of him having rolled around in mud during the day, I would say ok when he said he didn't want to bath. It falls into the category of 'small stuff that is not to be sweated' in my book.
Of coure this is alll theoretically what I would have done, but in reality I would have done a lot of hissing too.

glad to know I'm not alone!

I did try walking away/leaving scooter but he ran back toward the shop and we were near a very busy road and loads of people so I had to bail that plan and get him.
When I dropped scooter at first he wasn't bothered at all. I couldn't bear to totally leave it because I had paid for it
And someone would have stolen it.
Brute force is what I had to do in the end. Though I just wasn't strong enough so it just looked like I was kidnapping him. I am shocked no one stopped me.

Bath is part of bedtime routine every night. That's the one routine I won't compromise on unless he's been swimming just before and had a shower there (which he knows).

He's totally seeing how far he can push boundaries and when I will give in. Does this ever end? Does it really end at 4? That's not too far away...

I feel awful because I do also LOVE this age he is usually so much fun and comes up with the most creative, interesting things. I love him so much and he can be such an angel... But when he decides to tantrum, it's nasty!

yes I loved that!

I just felt badly because I had been moaning about him and hadn't said anything positive at all

"I am a cow, if they hadn't wanted to come in the same direction as me and I had to go there no alternative, I would have ignored them and dragged them along with me"

But myjob, how??
That is exactly what I tried to do. But with a backpack, a handbag, a scooter And him (he's HEAVY and I can carry him just but not when kicking and flailing and boneless). I did drag him along but it took all my strength and more that I didn't have so had to keep stopping and readjusting or trying again to lift a kicking heavy 3 year old... I'm not that big myself...
So that's what I did do, but it took ages and he kept running in other direction whenever I had to readjust or whenever he escaped my grasp.
I could not just let him go the other way as it was a busy, busy town road and loads of people as well. Just dangerous.

How can I, next time just do a more no nonsense approach? I tried to do exactly that - ignore and drag him along, but it was physically not possible to get that done in the amount of time I had with the distance I needed to cover.

I totally suck at this. I do not tolerate this behaviour at all. At home I can ignore, shut him in his room, anything like that, but out in a busy public place with lots of cars whizzing by and people everywhere? Help!

No you're a great mother
I did the same. I took him straight out of the shop when he kept whinging about the sweeties and I did drag/lug him the whole way but was hard going as he kept trying to escape.
It looked like I was trying to kidnap him
Usually if I just speak to him firmly and say "NO" then he will do what I have told him.
This instance was just more defiant than usual. Total meltdown. But it hasn't happened to that degree since then.
So not giving in and forcing him to the car by dragging, pulling, carrying, pushing...etc must have worked! Though I just want a trick to get him to stop flailing and make it easier to drag him.

If it ever happens again I'll try squeezing his hand! Good idea. But I do hope it never happens again.

myjob. I understand, no worries. I'll be careful if he cooperates
Nah, I wouldn't hurt him, but this time was the only time in his whole life that I felt like slapping him. Of course I didn't. But I felt like it
I was never smacked as a child, so I wouldn't do it to him, but I was driven to the edge

My cm told me today that he's perfect for her and that I should consider myself lucky that it's only happened that badly once. She said it would keep happening if I had given in.
He's saying things all the time like "we don't get special things if we scream, do we mommy?" and
"you mustn't be a naughty boy or people will think you're not nice"
My favourite was after shouting because he didn't get "1 more minute" in the bath last night -
He suddenly stopped shouting and said, "if you shout.... Well, if you shout, it's not going to be what you want, is it, mommy? You must use nice words"
I think he's starting to get it...

Vomit.
Yuck.

HP I have a grip of iron which few children can escape, and my fallback plan, especially when out and it's dangerous to walk away, is to threaten them with reins. Now that DS1 is bigger i threaten to either tell him off Very Loudly in front of his friends at the school gates, or threaten offer a big sloppy kiss.... both v effective at 7!
Sorry he's poorly, mine all had the sick bug a few weeks ago. Was grim as DH was poorly too.
DD is currently constipated . She's never been very good at drinking - she likes hot cholcolate so I might try her with warm ribena or some such as I think she's not keen on cold drinks really.
Anyway, her bottom was bleeding at the weekend, just after a poo and just a smear, but it was horrid. I've even bought bloody Disney princess cartons of "juice drink" to tempt her.