My milk has come in so I've got a fair bit of it, I just find expressing by hand really quite difficult. I remember using a pump at the hospital to try to express milk but got barely anything out of it, perhaps it's worth another try as my milk definitely has come in now and I don't think that was the case back then. I find breastfeeding easier now than I did before, but little one still doesn't go on the breast for very long. A part of me knows the added stress of that and the fact she is losing weight means I should probably give up and find an alternative, but I'm finding it mentally difficult to let go.
The only 'medication' I have to speak of is iron tablets twice a day, so nothing more than that. I have considered anti-depressants before but worry I'll feel like a fake, that it will change who I am.
I worry about speaking to professionals about things like this. As soon as I mentioned that I had depression and an anxiety disorder, the hospital assigned me with a social worker, something I don't want. (I prefer the support of my family, and the local children's center to worrying about what the social services may do everytime I see them). My mother has been amazing throughout, giving me the support I need to keep going sometimes. I honestly don't know what is wrong with me, when I think about failing to breastfeed I can't stop crying, and suddenly feel very fragile.
On a happier note, Freyja didn't scream during the night last night, for which I am relieved. She did have a crying phase just as we went to bed, but settled down quickly compared to before. A midwife is coming over today to see if she's put on weight, and I sincerely hope so!