The CRESH spa and creche: we ALL deserve crap ham

[FannyPriceless]

Enter all ye ESHes. We've been Barren, we've been Pregnant - now at last we are Child-Rearing.

• Come share your questionable tips on raising a real live baybee!
• Compete with Cunty to take control of the bad mummy crown!
• Eat crap ham - after all, you deserve it!

silv - I love that, Williamasaurus! I think Bear's name would work well with that!

I was thinking a garden swing/slide/something.

Perhaps we should go in to the bank robbing trade? Nobody would suspect a bunch of pram-pushers shirley?

Ooh Bears name would sooo work with that.

Forgot to say, oven is also bust (needs a new heating element) but I think I can fix that myself.

As would Rastus's except it would sound a bit too much like a certain scrawny xylophone-ribbed actressasaurus.

Cos I hear ya, I do. May I ask - what is your bedtime routine? Maybe the collective muddling wisdom of the ESH can assist? Can't help you with the money bit, but I, too, weep at the disappearance of our disposable income. If that helps at all? Here's a helpful suggestion - land yourself a bar job for the evenings, thus bringing in extra cash and getting out of bedtimes

CU that is surprisingly tempting

Bedtime was going really well until the teething started so am hoping it?s just temporary. Routine is play downstairs till TGO comes home then we all go upstairs and play on the bed for a bit while TGO gets changed, then if bathnight we do bath, if not, we go into his room, and do pjs, nappy get, put him in his sleeping bag, cuddle with TGO then I do last feed on the chair in his room. Ideally (and what was happening most nights) is I would cuddle and say night night and put him down and he would go to sleep. Sometimes a bit of shhing and patting. Sometimes I do a rock/sway thing first to calm him and then put him down to settle. We had it so there was no crying and all peaceful and calm, the last few nights have been scream when we?re rocking until exhausted :(

Hmmm, I have no suggestions then I assume you are calpoling and toof geling?

yes calpol and neurofen. HAve bought some anbusol today which is supposed to be better than toof gel (all he does is lick that off your finger).

Have you tried the teething powers Cos ? I am entirely sceptical of their basis but I reluctantly have to say they worked with L.

I was going to get some today but I went to 3 chemists and they'd all sold out! Must be a teething boom going on up here!

For anyone looking for a sleep cue aid, this is brilliant. I've been using it since Rastus has been in his own room and as soon as it goes on he knows it's sleepytime. It has womb heartbeat noises and some v relaxing music (very like the music they play in spa treatment rooms). I was a bit about the rave reviews it has, but I'm a convert.

cunty Bear's had Ewan since Day 1 - I too heartily recommend. :) I've even posted the link here about 5 times you caaaah!

cossie Have you tried lots of gin? (for you obviously) Bear doesn't like the Bonjela stuff, only Boots' own.

Tsk. I pay no attention me. Can I still take the credit?

Only if I can have a go on the crown.

powders are good but there is a national shortage. If you ever see any - buy loads!

Shopping fail today, but I've decided to take the family back tomorrow. Thanks for the gift suggestions. I will probably do something meaningful, but have to point the GPs in the direction of desirable tat.

cos sorry you're having a shit time. Recently Squeaks has been coming back from nursery over-tired and teething-grumpy and I just can't wait to get her to bed, which is horrible because I want to play with my fun little girl. It's bathtime every night here, and while she loves it (stops crying the minute I take her into the bathroom) I find it a painful faff. Muchos relief when it's done, bu I am ready to hit the sack by 9pm.

www.sentiments.co.uk/DinoMates-Money-Pot-Personalised-Dinosaur-Money-Box-DinoMates/

There also names with triceratops and Rex added. I think they are great gifts! Plus a bargain at five quid. MB has one and his name ends with "a-doh-cus"!

cos same here. Never enough cash and HI is paying for everyfink.

Squeaks's name would work well! Off to have a look now.

She's not on the list

curly - it's a shame we can't choose. I'm not overly impressed with the Bear one, I think Squeaks would work with -dactyl.

Oh poop! Typical Cassie!!!! I like ponio's suggestion for lil miss squeakaroo.

I'm so knackered as got up to go riding early. Was out the door just after 6am. Could easily go to bed now.

The mystery of the disappearing sharer deepens! Got txt saying that she needs to talk and sorry it's been so long. Do you reckon it's a Dear John???

Bonjourno. I am fooking bored. I should be working but I have accidentally drunk a tad too much Jacobs Creek (yuk) and my husband is watching SHITE TV. So me and doglet are surfing internet.

cossie bedtimes do not sound like fun. cannot offer any particular advice other than what the 'guru' told me. That is not to start any getting them to sleep crutches (e.g. rocking to sleep) during teething which you don't want to carry on after they've finished. Her advice was to adminster calpol in their beds and let them resettle themselves. I've yet to have your experience, so whether I would or not I can't say. However I am now a big fan of let them settle themselves for a good 20-30 minutes before you go back in. (unless obviously in pain/distress). Also, buy a dishwasher immediately!!!! The first thing I bought when pregnant was a far superior model to the piece of shit we inherited here!!!

Also while I'm here. I have the sense that I must be the laziest momma in Battersea. I don't take my child to any baby sensory/gym/music/godknowswhatelse classes. Nor have I cooked much (although lamb casserole cooking now in vain attempt to wean off Ellas Kitchen). I really need to up my game.

Moo I wouldn't worry about not going to any baby stuff. I don't go to any either. I don't feel either child is missing out. I do go to the village toddler group, mainly for my benefit - I can chat to other real people, pretend TT isn't with me while letting her run riot in safe setting, and the parents who don't have a baby hold LG for me. What's not to like? It's volunteer run (I help out here) and we all sit around eating biscuits and tutting when we get women who arrive too late to help set up because they've taken their darling to swimming, and then dash off just at tidy-up time saying 'can't stop, got to take xxx to Monkey Music!' When tf do they get a chance to pee in between stimulating their poor exhausted child?

Am with you on the cooking thing though. I can't wait for the extension to be finished. I am possibly fooling myself that I will cook more if I can have the kids in the same room as me. Current kitchen is too small.

We are having a complete sleep fail here atm. LG is stuck on Caribbean time, which means not waking up too early, but also means he is still awake and at this moment is singing to OH. We're trying to rigidly enforce the bedtime routine that worked before, but unfortunately it seems the complete disruption caused by OH's dashes up to his mother's bedside followed by a bit of holiday-induced jetlag means nothing at all works now. Not entirely sure how to fix that.

I only go to so much stuff because if we spent all day at home she'd scream the whole time. And most of the stuff I go to is actually for me rather than her (pilates, fitness class, coffee meet ups). I am going to try swimming next week. And I may go to bounce & rhyme at the local library tomorrow just for something to do.

swimming really tires them out, it's great!

Moo believe me we attempt the self settling for as long as we can before interfering, but the poor lad is clearly in pail - calpol doesn't really touch it. it's not fair to leave him any longer than we do.

It's our 10th wedding anniversary today. Where did the time go?????

Activities are mainly for me too. I plan to do more once I am a bit more organised. We're going swimming next week when my mum is up again.

Happy Anniversary! and hugs for how stressed you are feeling just now.