The CRESH spa and creche: we ALL deserve crap ham

[FannyPriceless]

Enter all ye ESHes. We've been Barren, we've been Pregnant - now at last we are Child-Rearing.

• Come share your questionable tips on raising a real live baybee!
• Compete with Cunty to take control of the bad mummy crown!
• Eat crap ham - after all, you deserve it!

Sorry for sicky baby casp and nappy rash silv babe.

Silv my only other advice is dry, dry, dry. When Clyde's rash was horrible we took to blowing it dry after towel drying his bottom. ie. actually blowing on it. It seemed to give him some relief!

And listen here, if I can wear a cossie then you so can! casp and poo forced encouraged me to get into one for the ESH spa meet up, and I haven't looked back since. Just yesterday I was blatantly swanning around our local pools with my two babes, looking as if I hadn't a care in the world (despite the surplus 2 stone I am carrying atm).

Listen to the wise words of fanny, silver!

Well, that's me working from home with the sick child. She's back in bed, thank goodness. Of course, now she'll wake up and be perfectly fine because that's just sod's law, isn't it?!

Anyone worring about how they look in a bikini should listen to this

Oh weewee that is brilliant! Bit of something in my eye...

Squeak does just that. And now she can remind me. Thank you.

I LOVE that poem...posted it on my FB profile a few months ago. That said, I ended up watching embarrassing bodies on telly last night and am determined to Make An Effort to Get Some Exercise and Drink Less Wine... It had already occurred to me with my determination to get Sqiub eating what we do as soon as possible in babyfied form that that would entail "what we eat" being considerably healthier than it currently is...

Curly hope your small person is feeling better today.

Artie had Butter Chicken and garlic naan for his tea last night. Was most entertaining giving him his bedtime bf as he STANK of garlic

mas I love Holly Mcthingy she is ace. Made me proper blub when I heard the poem on womans hour.

curls I hope squeaks is better soon.

I love baybee garlic breath!

Gosh, what a small world - just started chatting to a rather elderly rotund gentleman here at the office, turns out he's only recently given up his position of MFH! I daren't say where he's from because I'll out myself in a fraction of a second. I now have someone to talk incessantly about x-country in Wales with!

Quiet today, what are you all up to??

Small world indeed alpro

no idea what MFH is...

cos I'm stuck at home with the sickly one. Her temp reached 39.6 at noon. She is feeling energetic about one hour in every four - thanks to the paracetamol.

Hope everyone else is having an interesting day

Oh poor baby casp!

Clyde is also back from the docs today with anti-bs for a throat infection. He had a massive temperature spike last night and screamed the house down. This is on top of the anti-b eye drops he is already taking for the conjunctivitis he got over the weekend.[weary]

MFH is a horse / hound thing.

I have spent the day stuck on the sofa with a screamy baby. Tried to go out this morning and she screamed. Too tired to persist so have mostly spent the day feeding her. She keeps nearly falling asleep but then waking up and crying. It's been fun.

Hope the poorly babies are better soon.

I have taken a big step today and arranged to meet with a cleaner on Monday. Can no longer pretend that I can be the perfect housewife.

Did anyone else find the 4th month the hardest? I don?t know if it?s because of his shit sleeping then, but I really struggled that month.

(your screamy baby reminded me sorry Muse. )

Cleaner is essential muse I worship mine.

Poor poorly clyde and squeaks :(

I want a cleaner! mind you, I'm actually quite an efficient cleaner, once I get past all the tidying

fanny sorry to hear Clyde is ill too. Thankfully, there has been very little crying here. That's how I know she is really not well, she has gone extremely quiet.

muse and I'm also sorry you've had a tough day. Yes, cos I remember the 4-5 month stage being very hard. It's when my depression started to show because I couldn't cope with all the crying/sleep regression. But it seems like a distant memory now. Honest muse, it gets better. Now, would anybody like some gin with those cakes?

meant to add that in today's bright moments, we've had lots of very cute hand-clapping! She looks so chuffed with herself.

Gin over here please casp!

I am currently having my thumb chewed off by my crazy baby. She's really gnawing on me.

Having seen the thread in AIBU about worship of booze on MN I feel I need a very large gin. Martini anyone?

ooh yes please muse! Jeez, does that poster think we actually consume all the booze, doughnuts, cake, crap ham and brie we talk about on here?

Poor Squeaks and poor Caspy, having to look after a poorly wriggler Hope she gets better v v v soon

I have a cleaner, Muse. He's called TYF. A man who'll do whatever you ask of him is the silver lining to having a MIL who crushed her childrens' spirits Seriously, though, good plan. Being trapped indoors with a screamy, thumb-biting baybee will be mucho ameliorated by the indoors at least looking nice and not causing you guilt/anxiety.

Can I ask an obvious New Mum question? Am I doing enough with Mr T? He just seems to want to feed, sleep, get his nappy changed and be winded (which he hates). There doesn't seem to be any time when he's awake and placid and wanting some stimulation time or a bath* or summat. Do I wake him up to read to him or put him on a play mat or just leave him to his little routine? Do I just wait for him to make it clear that he wants/needs more from his day? Everyone else seems to have pics of their babies happily gurgling on play mats and so on, but Mr T isn't bothered. He seems a happy baby regardless of my worries.

Also, he only seems to want cuddling when he wants nork. Or, rather, as soon as I cuddle him he thinks it's Boobs O'Clock and gets really mardy if I don't instantly whap out a teat. Could he be feeding for comfort as opposed to hunger? Is this okay? WAAAAAAH!

*Obviously we are cleaning him; just dunking him in the sink after we've done the washing up, etc., etc. Well, it's a shame to waste those washing-up liquid bubbles. We wipe any greasy food residue off with a tea towel.

Newborn babies want food and sleep. When they're bigger they play, but for now just try and think of yourself as a giant boob.

And banish the phrases "comfort feeding" and "comfort sucking" from your vocab. It'll make you happier. All feeding is good feeding at this point. Cos will tell you that.

Welcome Scorps and sorry to hear of the ouchy bits. Tea tree baths are your friend and I reckon 2 per day is about right. Nothing is too grim in these parts so please feel free to vent. Peppa only slept and fed for aboutthe first 4 weeks and was not interested in any stimulation at all until a way after that. Whever I cuddle Peppa now (6 months) in feeding position she still reckons she is going to get boob

Sorry to hear of poorly babes. Not great and much sympathies..

Moo don't worry too much about the gagging thing. They get used it it. Eventually. Just never leave him alone while eating and keep an eye on him. Mini Oke was the same, you just need to take it slow. Meanwhile here puree is rank according to peppa. However, she demolished a crumpet and a few wedges of melon today. It is messy and time consuming this food business.

I finally seem to have a coccyx that is better. I can no longer feel the pain when I sit or stand for ay length of time. It has only taken 6 months..

The rules are there are no rules Score. If you want to read MrT a book then read him a book....he might be a bit young to appreciate it but what the heck, it won't do any harm. LC joins his big sister for bedtime stories every night - he prob hasn't the foggiest what it's all about but he seems to like the drone of MrClucks voice. He's also napped on his playmat since day dot and it's now a regular snoozing spot - nowt wrong with that, eh?

On the other hand, if you're happy to let him just sleep, feed & crap that's fine too, non?

"Newborn babies want food and sleep. When they're bigger they play, but for now just try and think of yourself as a giant boob."

^
l
That, Scorps.

Also, you cannot have too many baths with tea tree oil and lavender oil. Put the oil in a teaspoon full of milk to help it disperse better in a bath. Tell you OH it is essential he minds the baby for 10 minutes every so often, in order to preserve his future love life! Also make up a little spray bottle of water with the oils to squirt 'up there' whenever you go to the loo to give it a little rinse. My third degree tears were up to a good bit of horsey-riding-bashing after 5 weeks of this treatment. The world did feel like it was going to fall out of my bottom for a couple of weeks though, then it got miraculously better all of a sudden.

score as the wise ones have said "it's all about the boob"! Sometimes I'd read MB a book but he wasnt bothered and even now at a smidge over 7mo he prefers stuff that makes a noise and can be bashed. And bashed hard.

Got vet coming tmw and having livery ishoos again. Just don't know what to do! Think may have to consider moving him.