Dec 08 Mums - Snot Beards, Farty Boos and Willy Milk (not how it sounds!) - let the fun continue!

[Beans33]

Here we are x

hi all.
zj how is E today? Did you get much sleep? I love that you're teaching her to use scissors P was trying the other day but we got nowhere - I think her hands are just to small to have the power too close the blades
jj L sleeps on the ground floor and we sleep upstairs in our house and it's fine. Felt a bit weird at first but we're all used to it now.
sybs that is awfully sad about your friend.
rubs you must be so tired with all your traveling and non-sleeping LOs - hope their little body clocks get back to normal soon. Mine have started waking really early - maybe as it's getting a bit lighter - so dd1 was up pottering from 5 yesterday, and dd2 awake about 6. Grr. We try to not get up until 7 but P was going mad in her cot so we gave in! I wonder whether, if she was in a bed, she might just entertain herself too, or whether she would still demand a grown up!
PD and vag I'm a bit that you're still BF. I know P decided to stop on her own at about 16 months, but my friend was BFing her newborn yesterday and it made me really miss it. Although I don't think I'd trust her on my nips these days - you should see the bite mark on my leg!
I saw the GP yesterday who has written a sick note saying I can have a phased return from 21st March so I've got another week at home yet. I'm quite pleased, because I have the postitive feeling that I'm on the up and am going back, but another week to rest (you're right ZJ) and get my head round it. When I asked to go back I fully expected a 'no', so when she agreed I was a bit shocked!
wg I think it's worth getting your iron levels checked (ferritin, ie iron stores, as well as blood level), but I guess they might want to wait a month or so as I assume you've only been on the iron since the section? I'm on iron and the gp only really checks my level every 3 months, or longer, so it might be worth waiting and giving the iron a chance. Are you coping with the iron ok (it constipates me ) But ZJ is right that, iron issues aside, you would be exhausted with all that you have been/ are going through looking after your ladies day and night.
Re make-up - I never wear any, except if I'm looking particularly deathly I might put some blusher on. I think because I've never been in to make up, if I try to wear it now I feel like I look really odd!
I need some advice re solicitors and house moves, but I think I might start a thread and link to it.
Oh forgot to say Beans I'm so glad you and dh had such an amazing time

Hello Rubes. Sorry you are feeling a bit down after the trip. Your photos are amazing and you are looking super glam . Your DD is looking super cheeky these days as well. They are lovely at this age aren't they?

ladyT I love Diary of a Nobody. Excellent, and I have binned the crap mountain biker recommended book so shall be tucking into 3 men and a boat. It sounds like DH's kind of a book as well zoe, he's always falling off his chair laughing at books, I find it really annoying, especially as it's usually something really geeky like something written by Jeremy effing Clarkson.

Rubes your paragraph above about what days you can make is a classic Rambling Rubes there!

zoe hope your DD is feeling better this morning.

I don't wear make up as I am too lazy, which accounts for part of my scruffiness. I really should make an effort!! May update make up bag at the same time as wardrobe any recommendations?
Oh and DH has said I can go shopping on my own at the weekend. Hurrah! What shall I buy.

jj love the house, I assume you can get to the garden from your back door, but just side access is via the neighbours?? If I'm right at least you have side access, which is invaluable in Cambridge with no garages and using bikes to get everywhere. I don't think any of your minus points are very important, apart from maybe the storage, so possibly need to think of solutions to that. I also think it is very competetively priced for the area, I will give you the low down on S's house and we can have a gossip when I see you later . Have they any offers yet?

trace what good news that you are signed off to go back to work! And don't feel guilty about not doing stuff, you were having time off to get better and clearly it has worked.

beans Barcelona sounds fab, am very . Hope your MIL is ok, fingers crossed for the results.

Right, gotta go as am taking DD to swimming class.

woah sorry about all that bold!

right. massive me and mil rant coming up... sorry, not even said welcome back to our grandes dames, lady and rubes

right... so the mentalist pil live in north wales, blinking miles away from us, a 4.5 hour drive, and mil still works 2-3 days a week. the rest of the grandparents are retired. (she only works because she needs to feel important and can't bear to be in the same house as her husband for too long).

dh has been asked to do some work next week which would mean he would be out for the afternoon and possibly evening - meaning it would be my first time alone with 2 of them at bedtime - bearing in mind i'm not supposed to lift anything heavy, that means bath and bed is basically buggered. so we need to find someone to help out. mil OVERHEARD me on the phone talking to dad's ladyfriend, asking whether she and dad could come down to help. as it is, they are busy, so no, they can't. however, before i know it, mil has WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME ABOUT THE CONVERSATION SHE OVERHEARD, spoken to dh, told him she can rearrange work and they could come down on the wednesday, help out on the thursday and then stay a bit longer. she has NEVER YET actually asked me about it. but dear lord, 2 x 4 day visits in less than 2 weeks??? give me strength.

unless they are desperate to come down and see the madams again (which no one has mentioned, because that would be WEAK, for mil to admit she actually WANTS to see her granddaughters, oh no, she couldn't possibly do that), it seems like using a sledgehammer to drive a nail in. dh is only going to be away a few hours - i'm sure i could get a friend in to help, but no, dh is so terrified of his mother's wrath that he is dithering about what to do. he also says that if we say to them they cannot come down, but then get my dad and ladyfriend down the following weekend (as they will then be back from portugal and want to come and see us - seeing as they haven't seen us since the birth), his mother will be upset.

i cannot bear this woman's passive aggressive emotional blackmail of her family. i spoke to her yesterday and all she could do was tell me how tired she was, and how she is working every hour she is given as it is nearing the end of the financial year, and how stupid her fellow colleagues are etc etc etc. i told her i'd been to the doctor - and she asked me what was wrong with dd2. i then told her it was for me and she asked what was wrong with me (don't you just ask if someone is ok and wait for them to volunteer the info should they want to? somethings are personal) - so i told her: i've found a lump in my armpit (true). i kind of wanted to leave it hanging and see what she does with that, what with all its scary implications, but she carried on asking - and basically the doctor thinks it's part and parcel of breastfeeding, and i should massage and hot compress it away. if it doesn't go in a few days i should go back.

ANYWAY. the upshot of all this is that we are probably having the MENTALISTS back again next week (give me strength) for FOUR FUCKING DAYS. i keep asking dh whether i should scout out other people to come over, and he is dithering like a wet blanket. EVERYONE gives into this woman, no one effing tells her to shut up, it's not about her etc etc. she drives me INSANE.

sorry

Oh god wg, effing hell, my MIL is JUST THE SAME with her passive aggressive me me mes. You know what, I read your post and I think "oh she doesn't sound that bad, she's just trying to help", but I think when I write down about my MIL it is just the same. NO SHE'S A PAIN IN THE ASS!

The problem is my DH is assertive with my MIL sometimes and then she gets all upset and says "Oh you don't like me, you don't want me around". wahh wahh bloody wahh, me me me. CORRECT, when you fucking twat on about how shit our parenting is, you stupid woman. NO BLOODY SOCIAL SKILLS THAT WOMAN! Sometimes it's ok to think something and not fucking say it you know ( re converstaions such as
"Why's he having a tantrum?"
Me: "Because he's a toddler".

Her: "Well DH (my DH) never did that. E next door (toddler lives next door to her) never does that.".

Me: "(offhand trying to diffuse majorly annoying conversation). Maybe he's a bit bored
Her: He should never be bored. He has far too many toys (WHICH YOU BUY HIM HUNDREDS OF ALL THE EFFING TIME SO OUR HOUSE IS FULL OF THEM!).

I leave the room in fury as I can't think of a response, except Do fuck off dear.

I think I'm just trying to say when you tell people like this what you think, sometimes it's bloody worse. I meant to tell you all about the massive argument DH had with her the other week but I didn't get chance, it was very upsetting as DH and I argued about it too after she went and it's shit arguing about her when she's annoying enough as it is when she's around!

Hope your boob/armpit is ok. Sounds vv likely it is breastfeeding.

this is my thread, if anyone can help at all?

wg Deep Breaths. Would it be possible to (through gritted teeth) thank her for the offer but explain that it really only is a few hours and that you have local friends who can give you a hand? Perhaps offer for her to stay a few months down the line when you have established yourselves as a family of 4? It is all so new at the moment, I don't think having her to stay again so soon would be good for any of you.

WG I must admit, on first reading your post I thought the same as Summer, but probably mainly due to the fact that i've just returned from being around my own parents, where not ONE nappy was changed - oh yes, wait one was changed, because I left dd with them for about 4 hours one time, otherwise, help was given but only if I asked. Chalk and cheese, my parent's and my mil.
Having said that, It's hard to get just how much of a PITA yours is without living it, so I'd say, if you really don't want her there - just tell her you're fine and have it covered, and dh needs to be ok with that as you are the one in recovery here.

Thanks Trace, I didn't want to let you down

Oh dear, I've gotta nip this rambling in the bud. I do it in real liffe so I must learnm starting now

Oh my goodness WG that women is so immature. That's a shame DH has to work but as you say its only a few hours so you could just get a friend to help. Maybe its situations like this where DH needs to start facing up to his mum. Give him some confidence. With the lump if you can have a long hot shower and let the water flow over it while you give it a massage. Really get in and rub it hard it may hurt a little but it will help unblock it. Also always feed off that side first to help move it along. Did the doctor order some blood tests?

Trace that is good you've got the phased return but remember while you go back slowly you need to work slowly. Don't try to just do all your work in the shorter time.

I've got to read a book for bookclub (finally joined one this month) but then I'm going to have a look at the two you talked about SL.

ZJ how's DD now? DS2 seems fine today after being so hot and sad yesterday.

DS2 and I have just made banana & oatmeal cookies from a recipe we found on here. It was really easy to get him involved with it and they are low sugar and yummy.

WG, you need your space at the moment. I fully understand the stress of them staying when they're in your face. But this is done now and probably better to work on your DH standing up to your MIL for next time, not this time. Whilst they are here, can you pop out a little? Arrange for other visitors to diffuse things?

ZJ, I do hope DD is better this morn. I have remembered I might have series linked Episodes on Sky+ which I have in London, so fingers crossed!

Rubes, is the weekend deffo out? I could do Sunday if you could make it in? I am guessing you can't.

Trace, I have put a message on your thread. I know someone good but no pressure if you want to find someone locally.

Watched Four Lions last night - Vag, you;ve seen it haven't you? Found it a bit disappointing.

Must dash as have to leg it into London for these meetings...Back tonight.

another question... we have only had our house on the market for a week, have had no viewings as yet and obviously are not in a position to offer on another house until we have an offer on ours - so should we be filling in the forms for the solicitors yet or waiting until it's all happenning?

whoops - was supposed to put that on my other thread But if you can help me feel free...

Trace - you can fill in the forms about how many bedrooms, dispute with neighbours etc etc as they will be the same whoever buys it. Anything more specific should wait til you are under offer.

Had a huge row with DH. Such a swine. Am feeling very sorry for myself now. Might go and see what I can find to eat as it's too early for wine and I have to run later.

Sybs: I can recommend a Thorntons cappuccino bar as I have just wolfed one down. Sorry your DH is being difficult. Are things any better generally? Have a good run :).

Vag: if I tried to run 10K my legs would fall off. Seriously well volunteered there. I hope your DH is appreciative.

Trace: I have no clue about houses, but hope all goes well :).

WG: I think your DH should have been more decisive on that one. And I can see that having your MIL to stay would be v v annoying. OTOH my sister and I were both very close to our grandparents (particularly our grandmothers) and I think that relationship is really important. Which is what I tell myself when we have family visiting .

Huge venting post alert. Sorry girls.

I am so STRESSED right now I feel I might explode and I also feel I have nobody to unload on which makes me feel a bit teary. Because I am in work mode I shall break my life into bullet points:
? We have just moved. The new house is a tip and will be until we have it decorated so we can unpack properly. No decorator can start for two weeks. I can't find anything & waste precious time each day locating basic things like underwear and toothbrushes. The house does not yet feel like home and that is very unsettling.
? My work is hideously busy. I have a huge project to deliver in 10 weeks and until then I am going to be really overloaded. The project is a real test and I want to do it justice but to do that I need to work long hours every day and I don't have the childcare to enable that.

? DH is working very late two nights a week and will carry on doing so for three years. It's really disrupting our family routine & I resent him for it even though my rational brain knows it's his job and he has no choice.

? DD2 is in a very grumpy phase and spends a lot of time whining or tantruming. She is hugely jealous of DD1 and won't let me do a single activity with DD1 alone even if DH is offering to play with her.

? Our new house has no TV aerial. We have to get SKy in order to watch TV. Sky can't install for a week. TV is how I relax.

? We have no broadband at him for three weeks. Work has suddenly blocked MN and I have already used up 80% of my data allowance in this phone this month. I may have to take an enforced break from MN & FB which combined with no TV is torture.

? I have a huge spot on my chin, my roots need colouring and I can't locate my spanx.

oh arti, sorry about all your troubles but you did make me with the spanx worry...

bedtime here, will catch up properly later as dh has choir so I can MN guiltlessly :)

Posted to soon there! I know none of these a terrible things, and compared to Spot and others I am going through nothing, but I just needed to say AARRRGGGHHHH to someone. DH is too stressed himself & I don't seem to have time to catch up with old friends at the mo. I really just want my mum to tell me it's alright and I am doing a good job.

You're doing a great job Arti. Your Mum will be thinking the same. I like your bullet points, and your Spanx worry. can you locate a bottle of red wine though? That will help for the short term. It's always a weird feeling when you move to a new place, whether it's a new country or down the road. It takes about 3 months to feel settled when you move, and that's when the house is all together so you should expect to feel all discombobulated for a time. Hang in there. It will all work out. Oh and if you want a great hairdresser who will come to you, I can recommend my friend and can check with her if she wants a new client if you want?

I feel a little ill - like fluey, great.

ds has really stepped up the attempted talking since the hols which is great, and his appetite is through the roof
dd is still constipated and won't touch solids.

Lady, let me know your movements over the weekend and I'll try and sort something out. I was confused about dp's trial though? How would that mean you could come in without the girls?

Arti - some things which might help

Red wine obviously.

Portable DVD plus express delivery of Amazon box sets for unwind potential

Express delivery of new Spanx from Amazon here

Make a list of everything you need to do, put it in order and do one thing. Plan which 3 things you can do tomorrow.

DD2 - Peppa pig and fishfingers are great tantrum diffusers here.

Childcare - any local teenagers / Sitters.co.uk who could help? Even if it means you go to an internet cafe and get some work / shopping done, it might give you some breathing space.

Your darling mum - irreplaceable but always with you, and living on through your girls. Huge hugs.

Also tesco.com - will do you pants, toothbrushes, flowers, wine and coffee in one big order, lovingly delivered to your new gaff to help it feel like home til you are a bit sorted.

Can you afford an au pair in the medium term?

arti - sorry to hear you are feeling so crap. i know when we moved to a house i was desperate to move into, i spent the first 3 weeks crying. people told me it was stressful moving, but i didn't make the connection between stressful and crying - but that is how i manifest my stress.

and rubes is right, your mum would be telling you it's all right and you're doing a fantastic job. you have her with you all the time, just sometimes it is hard to access that wisdom and certainty.

chin up, love.

and sybs - so sorry to hear about your row with dh. can any of us bash him over the head for you, or is it worse than that? hope your run clears your head. chin up to you, too.

dh is now entering week 3 of his paternity leave (self-employed, so he can choose how much leave to take as he's not being paid for any of it) - he is planning on doing 4 weeks. bless. although i think he may be getting a bit bored and tired now. it is hard work being cook, cleaner, nanny, carer, shopper etc etc. i know it is basically mostly what i do most of the time, but still, he's not used to it. i've been really good at not being too anal about the house, but my am i glad the cleaner comes tomorrow. huzzah!

Very late and v tired so will be brief - more in the morn but didn't want to leave Arti's post.

You ARE doing a superb job. Moving stinks, it bruises the soul! Have a spare unused dongle with money on it - you can have it. Can lend you some box sets. More practical advice in the morn but how could your Mum be anything other than bursting with pride? Regardless of what one believes, whether you think she is still watching you or not - you have achieved so much. You have a fabulous family and a great job. And as such, you are a credit to her (and yourself) every day. Keep batting. More tomorrow.

Sorry bout the row, our Sybs. The pits. Hope you're feelig better, Rubes

Aww sorry you are stressed Arti. Moving does suck - we have done no decorating on our house (it is in pretty good condition in that sense but we probably should have done!) and it still took ages to unpack and find things, it is horrible! Is there anyway you could unpack or at least put essential things in piles in one room that doesn't need decorating? It definitely WILL feel like home eventually and then it will all be worth it.
No TV and mumsnet sounds like hell. Maybe you should read a book or play a board game . Sorry!
Oh and I hope you find your Bridget Jones spanx pants soon. That made me laugh.

wg is the MIL def coming then? BUMMER. Btw sorry for ranting on about my MIL in response to your moan. It just struck a nerve. It's the me me me that you were saying about that annoys me, e.g. DH says to MIL that she's upsetting him by making comments about DS, and it's immediately back to talking about her, with her going "You don't like me!". And I don't know what the answer to people like that is, as if you pander to them then they think that's how life works and everything revolves around them, if you don't you end up with arguments. But anyway, I suspect it will not be as bad as you imagine if she is coming. Mostly cos you are imagining it being terrible though! Just make sure to store up the amusing stories for us. Hope you are doing well.

I went out with my mountain bike mates for the first time since DD was born last night. and I stayed too long in the pub afterwards, and am now hungover and tired. It was fun though.

DS has a new hobby. He says "LIE DOWN MUMMY", I have to lie down. He stands on top of me giggling, shouting "WIBBLY WIBBLY WIBBLY MUMMY". Nice.

Lots of water and painkillers and a good breakfast and the hangover will all go away, SL

Gosh, isn't this awful about the quake in Japan and the tsunamis. Probably not a good time for the new thread title to have 'poonami' in...

Hope you are feeling brighter this morn, Arti. I even have Spanx you can borrow though they are the hardcore kind that go down to your knees and right to your boobs, and I doubt you need that Very happy to send you the dongle and installation disk, it's no bother.

Rubes, (glad to hear DS is in such fine fettle btw) the reason why I could come in without the girls whilst DP has this big trial is only really that I know with certainty where he is for the next two weeks (most unusual!) and what time he will be finishing (5pm) and he will be local (Oxford) so all this means is that I could bring the kids in on the bus, give them to him, be in London by 6.30. But as I mentioned, unless it was a Friday night I would have to be on the 9.48pm home train from Padders. As to the weekend, I am not free Sat night but I have kept the rest free so far, as I wanted to see what you would be doing. However, if you think you can't come in at all (and I understand it's tricky) if you could let me know asap as there are others I really do need to see if I am not seeing you, and I really need to fix up arrangements or I will run out of time to do that and not see anyone Am going into Oxford today to see FIL so can't post much more until this evening.

Bye for now, lovelies

good morning.
arti you poor thing. It must be so awful when the one person you want to turn to is not here anymore. And don't underestimate your situation either - a house move is a BIG event which is well known to cause stress and upset - but it is temporary and you will get through this. You will look back in however many weeks/months it takes, sitting with your feet up in your dream house, and today's worries will be in the past. But for the present they are very real and valid. You've had some good practical suggestions and I'm trying to think whether I have anything to add...I'll put my mind to it today. How are the girls finding the house? A think your dd2's whiney stroppy phase is totally normal, which doesn't make it nicer, but please don't worry about it. I find the bst thing with P is to just walk out of the room or to the window and stand with my back to her and she gives up surprisingly quickly. The jealously thing is hard. P bit me on Sunday because I was doing L's hair and not giving P the attention she was demanding. It is very difficult because the younger one wants to be so involved in the older one's things, but usually end up ruining what the older one was doing, so dd1 gets cross then I get cross then dd2 has a strop and it's horrid. Are there things they can enjoy together for short periods? Mine will do play dough together for a little while. They also will play with a plastic tea set together, with L clearly in charge and P just happy to have L's attention. Also going outside lets everyone let off steam - do you have any parks nearby? I wish I could help with something. Do you have a dvd player to use until you have TV/ internet? WRT the work stuff - my old primary school teacher used to say "you can't do better than your best", and it sounds like you are doing your absolute best, so please hear us (and your mum) saying you are doing well. There is light at the end of the tunnel. This too will pass.

gosh I can't stop watching the news.