Hello everyone. Long time no chat. I've been lurking for ages and ages but have never found the right time to say anything on here without seeming gloaty or insensitive.
Just before new year, we found out I was pregnant . Only took 2 months of trying, so we were over the moon. I did so want to share after we had the news to ourselves for a bit, but then so much had been happening on here, I felt that sharing my happy pregnancy news would have seemed a little insensitive to some.
M got chicken pox, and I had to go and collect her from nursery on the 27th? or the 28th? lost track of my days now...
However, last Monday (the 31st) I experienced a little faint pink bleeding. Went to A&E and they said it could be just one of those things, scanned me, and there was a little foetal pole, measuring 6+1 and no heartbeat - my dates would have made me 8+4. They arranged another appointment for me the following week to see if the baby had grown and I had got my dates wrong.
Anyway, the bleeding got heavier throughout the week. I'd come to my parents for TLC, and DH came on the Friday to take me back home. Well, to cut a long story short, we decided to stay Friday night after a trip to the local PCT walk in thingy, and was told to rest and take some stronger painkillers. That night, I ended up back in hospital with heavy, heavy bleeding, passing big clots, and in terrible pain. I was in for the weekend, and on Monday I had an ERPC, as the scan showed the sac and foetus were still there, but lying right on my cervix. (crying now) Everyone in the hospital (Swindon) were fantastic, and I had tears streaming down my face in the anaesthetic room. Before I knew it, I was in recovery.
The pain has obviously eased tremendously, and the bleeding has nearly stopped, and I came back to my parents that day, and am still here. My parents are being amazing, helping me with M. DH has had to go back to work, but will come and get me at the weekend. We sat down and worked out that we knew more people who had had a miscarriage that hadn't. I didn't realise it was so common. I just - perhaps selfishly, blinkered, I don't know - never thought that it would happen to me. All I know now is that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I keep thinking that I am all cried out (as Alison Moyet would say) but then I just remember again. I know it's a bit daft - I was only just shy of 10 weeks when I had the op - but we had so many plans and dreams already. The surgeon was lovely, he said there's no reason why we can't try again soon, but wait at least till I've had one period. After that, it's up to me and DH emotionally wise. It's promising that we fell pregnant so easily with both M and this time round, so we'll see.
... and just to put the icing on the cake, Mum has a lump in her breast - the biopsy showed there were pre-cancerous cells, so she is scheduled for surgery in just over a week - to remove the lump and some lymph nodes - and then start a course of radiotherapy.
Fuck, basically
Anyway. Sorry to be such a bringer of doom, but I am in desperate need of hugs right now - virtual or otherwise. Thanks to those who I have been in touch with outside MN. You know who you are, and your messages have been so, so appreciated.
Might go and hide now. Lots of love to you all, sorry for not NCing - I can't even remember what day it is, let alone what important news any of you have shared.
xx