FEB 2010 First birthdays beckon and toddlerdom approacheth...uh-oh!

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

It's humbling to look back at the last year and see how our LO's have gone from helpless newborns to action-packed pre-toddlers.

BRING IT ON!!!

Crap! PA bad boss, he doesn't show real ability to manage people. he should have wait for you to be back and talked face to face. on your behalf
I think you are making the right choice not to renew. You are right with research being a small world so tried not to piss anybody off. But don't let the boss make you a false reputation for not being able to handle family and work either.
There is a lot of "soft" bullying and lies/sabotages going on in research too. You have to ignore it and do your best. The liars and saboteurs are usually found out but it can take years and you will have missed opportunities, but that is fate and the next ones will probably be better anyway (IMHE)
Lots of experience of it myself (not only other postdocs but students and assistant as well)
It was a tough choice to make baby/postdoc/expat all at the same time. I have done only 2 of those at the same time and it was already tough, you have done amazingly well to go that far be proud of yourself and try the next challenge .
To renew 1 more year you have to have your subject advance enough to have the benefit of a lot of data coming for publication for the 2nd year. If you had delays the 1st year it is a bit of a waste to stay and a lot of employers will understand that.
I have changed bosses though in one postdoc so it is feasible (but the others bosses wanted me) no bad blood when it comes from the top do you know if someone around the group is looking for your profile (if you wan to try it out?)

FC happy 30th, that sounds fab.
I am way past it myself. I felt like a grandma but stan just beat me for a few months my 42 nd is not till april.
yesterday, have been told by the gin. that I am too old for the pill , I have to have a non hormonal birth control.

DH is away too so I have to trek 4 times in the snow instead of 2 I really want spring now please... accept the from SB and BG it is a bit early for

BG I hope you won't get stuck by the snow

Wonder where absb and LBH are. hope you are doing fine

Morning all, thanks for Lerryn's birthday wishes. We had a bit of a funny day yesterday tbh. I hadn't managed to make her a cake as I've been so busy preparing for this blimmin' interview - ok not a disaster, but making cakes is my favourite hobby so I'm pretty gutted that I didn't make her one for her 1st birthday. It just didn't feel like a birthday She opened some presents and that was it really. Don't know what I was expecting. I do have a couple of cute photos of her playing with balloons that I'll post on FB when I get a moment... after tomorrow is over with I expect.

I'm in a strange mood anyway. Feel cross and unhappy. I expect it's just tiredness (woken by DD at 5am, couldn't get back to sleep) and worry about this interview. It's only a PT job FFS! Get a grip!

PA very and for you. Your boss sounds a total knob. What a very difficult situation to be in. I'm sure as Schro says it will work out for you in the end. But

Schro brrrrrrrrrr! It's horrid here today, rainy and windy, but at least no snow. Where's your DH?

I should be getting ready to head out in the rain Wish I could go back to bed

LBH and Abs and stoof drop by and let us know how you're getting on!

PA I am fuming on your behalf!! That's just beyond words (well, on a public forum I'd rather not type my real thoughts!). Can you take someone into the meeting with you for moral support and as a witness? Or ask for the meeting to be digitally recorded or minuted? I have had the misfortune to work for people like that and you have to try to cover your back. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed all will work out for the best!!

Very quickly as I'm trying to get out of the house with the girls (day off, woo-hoo!)... PA your boss sounds like an arse. You are far better off out of it. Will you come back to Blighty?

IC new thread please!

Argh, telephone interviews are more difficult than face to face... Presentation went well but after that I went completely blank on one at least one question. Ah well, all done now.

Well done BG for getting through it - I'm sure you were great - and they couldn't see you wriggle when you didn't know what to say!

PA that's awful. Take BG's advice and go in fully armed.

FC sorry for lack of birthday wishes. I'm 34 so a young one to me too!

Scones good luck tomorrow. Don't forget that you couls make a cake tomorrow afternoon and DD would be none the wiser.

MUST WORK!!

Can I just say to all of you working already that I am very impressed how well you all cope! I went back when dd1 was a year and also worked with people who were surprisingly antagonistic while I half killed myself doing more than my best in a job I didn't much like and constantly felt guilty that I was letting down my gorgeous baby... I guess in a way being made redundant was a relief!! I feel furious about some of the problems you have encountered when it's been clear on this thread how hard you have tried to combine things. And my hunch is that being a parent has actually made us more conscientious and committed to a job and certainly more able to multi-task . That employers have such a shitty attitude without evidence is really awful. Anyway, rant over...

Thanks everyone. Some stuff to think about. At least I have some time before the meeting. I do feel that given my situation as a 1 year post-doc we're outside the normal HR chain. Although when I leave I may put in a detailed complaint. Actually probably not, I need to take the high road. I forwarded the email onto my last boss, he's said he'll get back to me in more detail but that it sounds like I'm better off out of here. It's hard to not feel like I've failed, but he's left a messy path of destroyed post-docs before me.

DD seems better. DH is giving her some solids this morning while I'm at work (whole day not the half day I'd originally requested), and we'll see how that goes. She's running around again. It was quite heartbreaking watching her just sit there, when you know she's not normally like that. Just yesterday I told DH we may have to start thinking about the kitchen cabinet doors. This morning as I was clinging onto another hours sleep, I heard saucepan lids clanging and doors banging. Cheeky mare has found the kitchen cabinets I told DH that maybe 5/6am was not the time to let her play in the kitchen as we may get complaints from the neighbours. I still nauseous but cough/cold part is mostly over :) and DH is also about the same, a bit ill but manageable.

Oh I'm rubbish, I should have said good luck to those with interviews and happy birthday to those with birthdays.

Sorry.

Didn't get the job... but I am a great believer of things happening for a reason, so here's to thinking positive

...although I may just give up job hunting because I am seriously pissed off

PA at your boss. I second what everybody else said. Depending on the outcome of your meeting, will it be time to announce that you're pregnant ?

I went back to work when DS was 4 months old and I have been looked at funny not really by my colleagues and boss but by some fifty+ people I work with occasionally when I stated/state that I work full time and that DS is been looked after by a nursery... Make me feel and every time as should I had the choice, I would have probably gone part-time ass I love my job. But I'm lucky that my boss understand that sometimes I have to leave as nursery called and take the time off (which in a few months will be unpaid leave and not annual leave as I won't have any left)

BG sorry to hear about the job. I like your idea [grim]

Scones good luck for tomorrow

Sorry BG Things do happen for a reason . they probably didn't deserved you.
PA don't feel like you failed! all life experiences are good. Shits happens (machines break down, bosses are awful, collegues exclude you...) in 10 years times it won't matter, trust me.
You have one fabulous DD (nice that she is getting better) and for what you are saying your DH is not bad either.

Forgot to say Abs LBH hope you're okay?

PA, that is a woeful attitude from your boss and I agree with the others. Time to cut your losses.
I'm very glad to hear your DD has perked up

Oh, meh, meh, meh BG - how frustrating! But yes, better to be philosphical about it. You'll get the job you're meant to get and clearly it wasn't this one.

Blimey, I hope the weather warms up for you soon Shro!

I note that LBH posted a pic on the FB group of her DD, so that's something. No sign of Abs, though.

Thanks for the sleepy dust, CS - it worked a treat, DD slept through for the second night in a row
How I wish I could sleep though as well. This insomnia has really got its claws into me at the moment. I got about 3.5 hours last night.
I'm applying lots of positive energy to it NOT lasting much longer, though.

I had my first Dr's appointment for the new pg today. Our Dr is a sweetheart and recently a new mum herself. Tomorrow I have to do the morning starvation thing as they take the bloods and test my urine. Thankfully it's at the clinic around the corner - last time I had to take a bus journey while faint with hunger to get tested.

I'll get another thread up pronto. Watch this space...

Argh! Just had our first visit to children's a&e. Nursery phoned and told me DD's temp was 39.2 - by the time i got there it was forty. Rushed her to hospital where then calpoled her up to the gills and took her obs until her heart rate slowed and temp reduced. 3 hours later we were discharged. Seems to be effect of upper respiratory virus. I'll need to stay home from work tomorrow to keep an eye on her temp and ensure she's hydrated. Arse - she's not been ill before and in 3 weeks she's had this and a vomiting bug.

stangirl you made it past a year. She probably still had weakened defenses from the bug. Remember this is in no way your fault, these things happen Just be sure to give her extra hugs from us (and you can have some as well).

Another work day over and I feel better than I started. tbh I do feel like I could have worked harder these last few months (reading, understanding, future plans) but don't think I could have produced more results. I've done the practical stuff but not so much the reading, but it's hard to get motivated with him as a boss. Still no excuse, doesn't mean I'm shit poor or worse than the other post-docs (all of which are now leaving in 6 months). Sorry will hopefully not mention this again for a few days (until the meeting itself)

DD apparently has been in everything today, has eaten 3 meals and not been sick (although by all accounts the first nappy was a disaster zone) :) DH's own colleagues are also keen to have him back so will try to find him a position, plus I learnt I still have a open job offer for Madrid. I think I need some UK recovery and mat leave time first though, especially as that will require a fellowship application (marie curie).

FC I'm so sorry, I missed your B'day. Hope you had a great day. Have you already told us what you did?

IC where is this new thread? not really.

and for all

DH has informed me we're having a oven meal. Normally he does food prep and I do the important flavouring cooking part. I don't think he'll let me do any housework, cooking or night wakings (minus feeds) for a while. He really is great.

Stangirl you poor thing what a worry, but as PA said, these things happen. Dd and I were snowbound over Christmas and ended up sleeping on a drafty floor in someone's house, she woke up with a horrible chest infection and spent Christmas with a raging temp of 39.7. I felt sooo guilty but as the doctor said it was far more likely to be something she caught from another person than my own poor parenting and letting her sleep on the floor (she slept like the proverbial baby while I wrapped myself around her and lay awake).

PA your husband sounds like a star. Will be watching with interest as to how your work issues go.

Sorry you didn't get the job BG, you are right though, these things happen for a reason.

Um, , you guys have a FB group...?

We have snow and it's coming down fast [Waves at Schrodinger...]First comment from dd1 'But it's not Christmas!'

stan it must have been scary. Hope she is better now.

BG at your DD1. Hope it doesn't make your stay and travel too difficult. waiting for spring impatiently.

FC I just PM you the details of the group I think. Check your messages.

DD2 still coughing waiting for the doc to call back...

New thread alert!! New Thread alert!!

Ahem, sorry for the delay...