Totally's postgrads - you know who you are.

[Meita]

Totally's original thread was for TTC after MC. It continued long after Totally herself graduated, and is still going strong. Totally's grads was set up as a thread for pregnancy post MC - i.e. anyone who graduated from Totally's thread and anyone else who had experienced MC and was now pregnant. It, too, is still going strong.

Now, more and more of us have graduated from Totally's grads - including LouiseSH, whose Georgie was born asleep. I suppose that makes us postgrads. We have travelled together for a long time and would like to stay in touch, but the pregnancy post MC thread is starting to get very big, and I think it should be allowed to keep its focus on pregnancy post MC. May it be as wonderful a place for support for current "members" as it was for us.

So this thread is a place for us to keep in touch, share experiences, and provide support.

(This is the first time ever I'm starting a thread - hope it works out...)

toomt out of interest what were the farty tips?! Sleep is the default question everyone asks and all have an opinion on. I reckon just lie and say "oh yes, sleeping through no problem!!" ends the conversation in its tracks!

rhg You could also try gumtree? we bought our bugaboo chameleon when visiting family in the USA- the exchange rate then meant it was practically half the price than in the UK. We them used it out there and bought it back with us... The other thing you could try is contacting independent babyshops that sell them and asking to buy the display model when the new season design comes out?

There's also preloved.

louise

Wishing you a very boring 24 wks, (in the nicest possible way)

red sleep is for the weak!! :)

Too many people have an opinion on how you should bring up your baby, right from pg, shouldn't eat that, I hope you're not planning on doing that, etc etc,

What I tell my clients is this, if it works for you as a couple and a family unit then it's the right thing to do, be it, co sleeping, (we are doing it, it works for us), baby wearing, (doing this too), bottles, expressing, dummies, whatever, if everyone in the family is content then it's working. Noone else's business. If you are faced with pil's making sour faces, then just lie, "oh yes, little johnny has slept through from day 2" blah blah blah

I am waiting for little miss P to grow a little into her washable nappies, she's so little and has no bum yet :) bless her, I have the most adorable little pink one, I'm dying to use,

dh away this evening, I need chocolate but we've a wedding to go to in May so am trying to be good :( Maybe I'll have a yoghurt

Louise that has made my day and my week - that is just the BEST BEST news ever - sooo pleased for you. Was thinking of you and my friend at home today with all the news re stillbirths. Sooo glad for you. It's just fantastic. I have been thinking about you so much. Just told DH and he said to say have a super boring pregnancy.. please please keep us up to date - we are here to support you in any way we can :-)

Hi Lia congrats.Hope you re well is little P a girl or boy?
Thanks very much Happy for your lovely message and ta to your hubby also!!!!!Indeed the news re; the medical launcet article on stillbirths is really quite scarey but needs bringing out in the open.I popped in to my delivery suite today to tell them the good news and my mw who delivered Georgie said they ve had a "run" of stillbirths with no correlation from babies born at 24 weeks right up to Georgie's stage at term +.To all different types of women,women like me who don t smoke,drink and attended all their ante natal appointments to women who are junkies or alcoholics.It's scarey and amazing that the rate of stillbirth is so high compared to cot death and yet look at all the funding and health promotion there is out there on cot death and yet, stillbirth, until it happens,is never mentioned.It's just wrong.
Thanks for your knid wishes and thoughts XXXXXX

Hi Louise - had a name change so I am in fact SamB. I am so delighted for you and Ant. I hope that the next few months are uneventful and pass quickly. Of course with an October baby I know a lot about waiting for the summer to end! Have you been well or suffered with sickness? I suppose if you have you will be nearing the end of that part now and can move on to blooming nicely. It must be lovely to feel so supported and cared for by the midwives at your hospital, I'm sure they'll all be as delighted as we are. Thinking back to my pregnancy as this has caused me to do has made me feel quite broody all over again!

Regarding comments about sleeping I try to avoid all of those sorts of conversations. Last night R woke about every hour. She's never slept more than six hours in a row and feeds for half the night. We have started weaning now so perhaps when she eats 'dinner' she'll sleep longer. She might of course be like her sisters and not sleep through the night 'til she starts school! I don't mind really, I just think that she's brilliant!

Difficult to name check as on phone!

TMT I too would like to hear the farty tips as Little D often wakes herself up farting and I have been wondering if there was something I could do regarding BFing to improve her wind, as, although her latch has massively improved she does still seem to struggle a bit to form a good 'seal' all the way through the feed.
Clareanna thanks for the syringe tips, will try again. Im just terrified of her choking on the gripewater!
As far as sleeping goes it is a relief to hear your experiences. It's true, everyone in RL is obsessed by it! And it seems like every other baby in the world manages to go to sleep in their own bed at seven, wakes for just one night feed and sleeps through till the morning. Apparently some have been doing it since they were 2 weeks?! Little D is still falling asleep on us in the evening, goes up to bed when we do and wakes several times in the night for a feed. And then takes forever to get back to sleep...
But I just trust that we will figure it out at her pace. We did put her down in her cot one evening (not managed it since but it's a start!). And to be fair last night she woke just once for a feed and afterwards got back off to sleep after half an hour which is a massive improvement.
So, having said that I trust that we will work it out, I do have my doubts and wonder if I should be trying harder to settle her in her cot in the evening. We have started a nice little bedtime routine- bath, massage, book and feed. It's just the getting her down to sleep in her cot that is the hard part!

Dorcas I too have been feeling like every other baby goes down at 7/8pm. People in my NCT group were discussing how to do dreamfeeds. Mine won't even go to sleep until 11pm! She does sleep really well after that so I'm counting my blessings.

dorcas see my above post :) Is what you are doing working for you? Are you wanting to get her into a routine cos other people expect it or because you are ready? If its the former, don't worry, it'll come in time. If its the latter, then you are doing the right things in starting to establish a bedtime routine. Perseverence is the key, so if you want her to sleep in her own cot, then start her off in there and every time she wakes, feed, (or whatever she needs) then back in her cot,little interaction as poss, no light if you an manage it, no eye contact.

You are doing great, you are her parents and you know what she needs best, you said it yourself, "I trust we will figure it out at her pace"

muser 11pm till morning is a good period of sleep for a newborn.

Oh we don't go until morning! 3/4am usually. Was 4.30am this time, lovely stuff!

how great is it having lia here!

louise soo happy for you. Was thinking of you loads last night.

Little C here woke last night with a horrendous runny and blocked nose, the poor thing looked so confused as to how to breathe when feeding, she has meeega red cheeks and we have been cuddling all morning (she always wants to play on playmat in morning so v diff), she was soo upset i was so worried she was so red even tho no temp I had to give her some of the pink medicine and now miraculously she is 'ok' - nowhere near herself. We were going to go swimming today but now just going to have a house day and maybe a walk later if she is up to it. It's horrible to see them unwell isn't it? I feel so so helpless

I agree with Lia re if it's working for u then it's good, DH has been trying to get me not to worry too much what other people say and if what C is doing works for us then that's perfect and I'm starting to not worry as much - I think! Haven't had any down days in ages too which is good.

Muser that sounds like a great amount of sleep!

Dorcas you sound like you are doing great, you will know if you need to do anything else, i never believed it but i do now totally believe in mothers instinct! The syringe works well for us with pink medicine after immunisations and this morning..

It is a good amount of sleep. I give up my evenings to feeding her to achieve it, but I'm sure that will change in time.

If only she slept so well during the day! I have to carry her about in the sling to get her to sleep. All the walking would do wonders for my weight if I didn't use it as an excuse to eat cake all day!

Hi springflowers nice name!!!!!!! Lovely to hear from you.Thanks very much Ant looks like he has been hit by a sledgehammer....Poor love.Glad all's well with you.
Thanks Happy X
Hi to all glad you re all well.I ll keep you posted but i m fine i don suffer from much MS anyhow, in that aspect i m lucky.Had nausea intermittently and only vommitted a couple of times but i ll go with what ever!!!!!
Lovely to "speak" to you all again XXXXX

Louise Fantastic news, so happy for you!

Being a new mum and having a daily dose of cake is the law Muser :)

Happy hope little C is better soon xx

Hi Lia lovely to see you here. I used reuseables with DD but decided it would be too much with the DTs but I am having issues with leaky disposable nappies (littlest spider likes to save up at least a day and a a halfs worth and then explode - usually after I have dressed her) the bambino mios never leaked. Mind you how anything can contain that much poo is beyond me?!

Dorcas I bet she will quickly get into her own routine, I remember we started a bedtime routine from around 12 weeks so we could have our evenings back without a moses basket in the living room but naturally DD seemed ready and loved the bath, story & milk bed routine. We are tempted to put DTs to bed the same time as DD (which would please her immensely she is, she hates that they stay downstairs with us) but we would spend an hour running up and downstairs popping dummies back in or I would end up feeding them upstairs for ages while DH is downstairs. springflowers I love your relaxed attitude about sleeping.

RHG you could look on Netmums too? I have had a few bits off here and often see Bugaboos for sale. You can join up to 5 netmums areas to search.

Louise I am so glad you are being looked after well!

Muser I thought that when she started falling asleep before midnight and then sleeping through until 2 or 3am that she was doing really well for a newborn. When she started dropping off (in my arms, not her bed) at half nine rather than eleven I was delighted at this little step forward! Then other people started talking about seven till seven sleeps etc and I was totally astonished, it never occurred to me that at this age they might do this. It would be easy to feel that she 'should' be doing the same but like you I think I am just going to count my blessings. As long as I am getting a few decent stretches of sleep (by which I mean 4-5 hours) I think I can cope.
Thanks Happygirl, I do try to follow my instincts and if I think about it my best decisions have always been when I have followed my gut. But it is easy to start doubting when it is all so new. Will give the syringe another try I think.
Lia you are so right about doing what works for us as a family. As far as getting a routine goes, it's not that I am really bothered about what other people think and it's not even that I want a routine for myself exactly. I am quite happy having her with me in the evenings! But I do worry that it may be better for her to go to sleep in her cot in the evenings, rather than lying on us downstairs, as I worry that she isn't getting good quality sleep with all the noises etc of television, talking, things going on. Oh I don't know, perhaps I am overthinking things!
On another note I finally got her into the moby today and love, love, love it! But she has been asleep for hours in it... is this normal? Surely she is hungry, she's not fed for ages? See, I have to worry about everything

Dorcas mine will sleep in her wrap sling for a good 2 or 2.5 hours. Possibly longer if I kept walking. Be prepared for a very hungry baby when she does wake up!

Cross-posted Magic! How's the feeding going? Thanks for the advice, I think you're right, she'll probably let me know when she is ready to go down by herself. On Monday night, as she was sleeping on my DP on the sofa, I had a sort of feeling that she would be happy to be put down upstairs in her cot. And she was! Spent 45 minutes just me, DP and the dog on the sofa- felt very odd, and missed her loads! Since then I've had a few tries to do the same but she's woken as I've put her down and I don't feel like I really want to force the issue at the moment so I've just brought her back downstairs. All a bit wooly but like I said before I think I will just let her set the pace. I imagine it would be even harder work running up and down the stairs trying to settle two little ones, I think keeping them downstairs right now sounds much better- anything for an easy life! Although bless your DD for feeling left out!
Springflowers I reread your post and agree with magic, you have a lovely, relaxed approach. Will endeavour to emulate your zen like approach to mothering and try to stop worrying!

Thanks Muser, will have tv remote and chocolate at the ready for a marathon feeding session!

Waiting for TMT to sign in with some farty tips. We've had serious wind today: major farts and excessive crying just after feeding. I've tried to ensure a good latch but she's still very upset. Is it gripewater time?

aaaagh, sleep....
DS1 slept for longer stretches, was in a moses basket almost from the start, but was bottle fed. I remember a lot of pacing up and down rocking him to sleep, lots of shushing in the basket and middle of the night feeds when it was really hard to get him back to sleep. It was good to have evenings without him on me or next to me but fully waking for ages in the night was a killer. He did sleep through once or twice though.
Now with X I feed loads in the night but we both drop off again really fast and proper night waking is rare. He's on my knee or next to me in bed all evening, but it's relaxing so that's fine. I am at my most exhausted when DS1 has been up in the night (like last night, a few times, I hear you samflowers on not sleeping through till they're 5!) and I don't have an awake baby to feed those feeding hormones send me off like a magic drug! so last night I got a lot less sleep than usual and I'm a zombie today and snapping at everyone... including the lady in the M&S cafe who told DSD she couldn't queue jump all the old biddies waiting for their cups of tea when we didn't want hot drinks... grrrr... I was stuck feeding, watching all the old biddies queue jump past DSD and DS1 whilst they got their smoothies.... but I was possibly a little less pleasant about it than I could have been ... but why is it ok for old biddies to do as they please and not teenagers??? was too sleep deprived to let it go over my head....

sling sleep is great, always a lot longer! and agree with Muser longest sleeps if I keep on walking.

dropping off to sleep without feeding is current challenge. I've been resorting to learning feeding wraps from you tube, so he feeds in the Moby now. very convenient (after the faff of actually tying him in)...

watched the bf documentary last night (on iplayer)... struck a chord with me after my guilt at giving up bf with DS1... I was really pleased they highlighted getting proper help and support, it does make such a huge difference. but does anyone bf in public loos?? ? that's so sad!

Well... the midwife I saw had written a paper on "colic in breastfed babies" for the Lancet 1988. She basically said that my let down is now so good J doesn't have to work very hard to get milk, which means she is getting a larger volume of milk than she really needs. This means she breaks down the lactose that she can, but the excess moves through her digestive system and bacteria break it down instead, causing the farts. Her weight gain is therefore fine, she's getting enough calories, but in too large a volume of milk.

Her suggestions were all about improving my latch... I had become lazy and was letting her "centre" rather than having my nipple level with her nose when latching. I also had always thought, and weirdly been shown too, that "tummy to tummy" meant having them kind of pressed flat against me. Actually they need to be lying flatter, so they come up at the boob from below, and the way to check is that their upper eye needs to be able to make full eye contact. Then I also needed to tip her head a bit more so she came at me more chin first.

Basically, I need to sit up properly instead of lounging around on the sofa feeding, or carrying her around, or slouching in bed... I need to get back to doing it properly. It was actually really helpful to have someone analyse my technique.

Now, we've done this for the last day, but I have to say there is still farting... but at least I feel like I've done something about it. We are persevering with gripe too. I might go back if it doesn't improve... and then by the time I've done all that, she'll have grown out of it and I'll be convinced it was something I did!

Really good to hear all the other sleep stories, honestly in RL I feel like everyone else has sleeping babies, which unfortunately DH also hears and it just makes you feel dreadful. But I am feeling better now, so thank you everyone. Also went to view our first two nurseries yesterday and today, came out of the first one wanting to cry, thought all was lost, I'd have to start searching for a CM or quit my job etc. etc. Luckily the second one was lovely, so I feel like I could possibly abandon her there!! I wasn't quite prepared for the emotions it would bring out in me... wow! I guess the £50 extra a week makes the difference, eek!! And we'd have to pay year round even though we're teachers and wouldn't need it for 13 weeks, that's a hell of a lot of wasted cash! What a minefield.

Oooh must go, J murmuring. Enjoy the weekend, it's supposed to be a lovely one.

Ooh dear, someone mentioned I might be zen like. I may have inadvertently created an illusion!!! I'm not very zen like at all but have become increasingly child centred with each baby I've had. In return today Ruby said Mamma by accident twice. I'm welling up typing it. I genuinely think it was unintentional, the first time I heard it and second both my other dd's noticed too. What a lovely thing to be the Mamma. Hope everyone gets a full 10 hours sleep tonight !

Hello everyone

Louise that is fantastic news am so so happy for you

On the sleep front I'm totally failing with any type of routine at all. I go to bed when N gets too frantic- for some reason if I'm sitting downstairs in the evening he'll want to feed constantly and pull on and off the breast, but if I come to bed with him he calms. He sleeps on me- not next to me, but on me and feeds pretty much when he wants, but when I compare it to the first week of putting him down and then getting up to feed him or settle him, I'm getting so much more sleep!

Feeding still difficult here- was thinking on Tues how things were getting better, then on Wed morning got mastitis again ( for the 3 rd time). New low of sitting feeding N and vomiting into a bowl! Back on antibiotics which won't help with the oral thrush but tried to avoid taking them all wed but caved in the evening

Am supposed to be sleeping as DH has N - amazingly he's gone to sleep on him so I'm having an hour or so head start