Totally's postgrads - you know who you are.

[Meita]

Totally's original thread was for TTC after MC. It continued long after Totally herself graduated, and is still going strong. Totally's grads was set up as a thread for pregnancy post MC - i.e. anyone who graduated from Totally's thread and anyone else who had experienced MC and was now pregnant. It, too, is still going strong.

Now, more and more of us have graduated from Totally's grads - including LouiseSH, whose Georgie was born asleep. I suppose that makes us postgrads. We have travelled together for a long time and would like to stay in touch, but the pregnancy post MC thread is starting to get very big, and I think it should be allowed to keep its focus on pregnancy post MC. May it be as wonderful a place for support for current "members" as it was for us.

So this thread is a place for us to keep in touch, share experiences, and provide support.

(This is the first time ever I'm starting a thread - hope it works out...)

Hi can I sneak back in? have absolutely no idea where the time has gone as A is 3 months on Monday and haven't looked at this thread for ages let alone posted on it!!!!

Have been doing a little catching up but will need a little while to get to grips with it all so for now, hello again and hope everyone and babies are well :)

Sleep deprivation. It sucks. I keep cutting myself while cooking - something I NEVER normally do - and falling over and saying things wrong (bloody hell that word took 6 attempts to type. Proved me own point there). Just want to me NORMAL again!! And not just a milk machine!!!

Gah.

W3elcoem welcome back to the madhouse, Sparkly btw!

The crazy thing is, once we all get back to normal we'll all get broody and want to do it all again!

Just filled in census form.

Q. What is your main language?
A. English
Q. How well do you speak it?
A. Not terribly well, I am 4 months old...

Q. What, in your opinion, is your nationality, James?
A. Goo, gurgle, spit

Could take issue with a LOT of these questions!

You don't have to answer the "how well do you speak it" question if you answer English to main language! It's only for people whose main language isn't English.

I know, it just winds me up, a lot of these questions seem very foolish when applied to an infant! Another EG: What was you address a year ago - TummyTown?

They are silly for an infant, but if they had different sets of questions it'd be massive, or confusing. I did laugh at the address one!

Hey sparkly, welcome back.

Just quickly going to canvas for some advice. I had to ring the HV today (and you know how that must have pained me) because for the last three nights J has woken between 2 and 3 really uncomfortable. Not the same waking as asking for a feed but lots of pulling her legs up, proper full on crying, wriggling etc. that makes me sure it's wind, she calms a bit after a fart. She does this in the day sometimes too, more in the evening, but it's now really intense at night. It is taking two hours to get her to calm down and fall back to sleep, and then she's waking up an hour later for her early morning feed. It's also really horrid crying.

The HV suggested propping her basket - already doing - and upping her gripe water (giving the full dose at every feed). Apart from that she said she thought J would grow out of it soon.

Like yesterday she has fallen asleep in the sling and now stayed asleep for nearly 3 hours, way more than she would ever normally nap.

Is there anything I can do? Or do we have to sit it out? And will it last??? Poor DH couldn't get back to sleep last night and ended up going downstairs at 4.15 and doing some work. We're both knackered.

Sorry for the me me me, but this is a killer. On a plus note I have finally expressed. It was gross! It's bad that I think that's the grossest thing I've had to do, and there have been other super gross things. I think it just makes me feel like a total milk machine as opposed to just a woman... eugh. I'm not sure I want DH to see me do it!

toomt you're now officially a milk machine!!! Expressing does make you feel like a dairy cow... But getting to bed a bit earlier, because someone else can feed is worth it IMO! Could you try infacol instead of gripe water? Make sure she's winded really well during the day after each feed, check your diet isn't too rich in wind making foods- might help. It is really horrid when they are in pain like that- I hope it is a very short phase x

Hello sparkly lovely to hear from you- how's it been going?

buffy how are you feeling now?

Ps buffy was tempted to say ds2's religion was Jedi...

SO.... These are the things attempted to try to get J to sleep at nights (introduced over the past 10 days or so, not all at once!)

• Moved cot into seperate room
• Lambskin (under sheet)
• Blanket rather than sleeping bag (aiming to return to that at some point!)
• Massage with nice lavender and camomile type oil after bath
• Baby vapour rub to help him breathe
• Regular doses of Infant Gaviscon and Gripe water, and calpol on standby
• Calpol soothing plug in diffuser thingy (desperation Boots buy)

So hopefully all these things will add up to a happier baby... Night before last, 2 hours (and that was thanks to dh taking over at 5am); last night, 3 feeds and no howlywails. Hooray - a lot nicer!! Am not getting hopes up though - J has streaming cold (again - ruddy toddlers grr) and was v tired after previous all-nighter. Still, one is better than none.

TMT Can't be much more help than listing what we've tried, since we're in exactly the same boat. Middle-of-the-night howleywails are so hideous and depressing too, much much sypathy.

I have to say I find the expressing more fascinating than icky! And snot much much ickier - especially the snot-sucking idea... urgh...

Ooooh Clare is the Force with him?

Welcome back Sparkly

Toomt and buffy... I don't think there's any magic bullet for babies who won't sleep (unless your happy leaving them to cry it out... But I don't think any of us subscribe to that parenting method...)
We have found slings a godsend for howlywailing evenings... Marching up and down till the burp finally comes up. Also if I'm tired and already in nightclothes I have resorted to tying on the sling (to save my arms) then bouncing on trusty birth ball... It's worked well and I can MN on my phone once he's calm!
The trouble then is taking the sling off... But once he's really calm/sleeping I usually manage to unwrap hi
then we both lie down, I feed him and I must confess it's often me who's asleep first!

If he's feeding and gulping it down I'll stop to burp mid feed a few times, can help a bit.

But calm feeding lying down we very rarely need to burp at all. I'm totally loving co sleeping. He feeds more but neither of us are fully awake and so it's calm relaxed feeding and we just don't get middle of the night howlywails (or burps)

Hey loopsy, see you soon!!

Alba due to reflux if we feed lying down it all comes strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraight back up again. Generally all over me. I did try!! Night time feeds generally a lot less windy due to relaxed and properly latched baby, but there is NO explanation for the 4am howlywails...

Thanks for the advice... we've had two slightly better nights. Still a couple of hours awake because the thrashing starts as soon as she lies down, but no wailing - definitely an improvement. It means the day timings have shifted a bit, so need to sort that out. One thing at a time though. She's doing one stint in bed with us, which is fine but I struggle to get comfortable... where do your arms go!? Oh the pins and needles! They woke me up over and over! I also can't imagine how to do both boobs.

Gi1ds you ok? Hope so.

Back to rubbishy weather... booo.

Hope you had a good night unbuff.

Hello hello. Hope everyone is ok, sorry have not been keeping up very well. Any news from Lia yet? Though frankly you ain't even remotely unpunctual till you hit 42 weeks in my book...

'fraid I have been very quiet as have been suffering some buggering horrid pnd-ish symptoms. Cue much hair tearing, gnashing of teeth and uncontrollable teenage angst my life is over I hate myself and then tears due to omg I am so ungrateful (hate self) and R is so innocent and I don't deserve him (hate self) blah blah.

Little man is a chubby 15lbs of gorgeousness and (barring howlywails) being very very good. This makes aforesaid mother's behaviour even more ridiculous. I am trying to keep a lid on it.

Hope SamB is ok

Welcome and congratulations Northern

Toomt good luck, I think in the end you get numb to the pins and needles. DH suggested inventing a "mum bumper" to wear on your torso (sort of a bumper on either side) to stop LO falling off when sleeping face down on your chest (as R likes to do). Not convinced this is really that helpful.

Dreamt I was trying to feed breast milk to three fox cubs last night (though oddly they looked more like bengal cats). What's that about?

hiya ladies,
just a quickie...

I. is at childminders'. I'm worried he's not happy... but rationally I'm sure he is! He went for 2 hours on Monday already, today for 3 hours. Maybe we will try a whole day next. Just to see how it goes. Then CM goes off on holidays for a month, and I'll be away too at my parents', so perhaps we'll have to re-start the whole settling in thing when we all get back. But I wanted to get started now all the same, just to know what to expect for when we start properly in May!

We found and decided to go with a CM who is newly registered, just starting out. She isn't currently minding anybody else, so I. gets one-to-one care; she said she'd perhaps take someone else on in autumn, which suits us, because now he is still little so I quite like the idea of undivided attention, and in autumn when he will be one (!!) it will be great to have some company. On the other hand, it's obviously a bit of a shot in the dark - no references, no other parents to talk to, can't properly view her facilities as they aren't yet set up... But if it all goes pear-shaped, we can always find someone else.

Ok, I guess I should be doing something sensible with the time! ;)

Hope all well. I heard the weather will improve again by Friday. I WILL be sitting in the sun enjoying it!

ow Gi1da, x-posted, sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish.
Sometimes keeping a lid on it is not the best way to go. Acknowledging your feelings - to yourself, but also to someone else, DH perhaps - can be the first step towards feeling better... try not to feel guilty, if I and others here are anything to go by, it's totally normal not to enjoy your LO every moment of the day. They can be bloody hard work, annoying, boring, and totally disrupting your life. It's ok to feel like that sometimes. Because it's true. And having chosen this does not mean it isn't true all the same.

If you think you feel like that ALL the time, maybe you should talk to your GP?
big (hug) to you.

Unbuffy I'm starting to feel very lucky I can do the lying down feeding thing... baby sick all over the bed doesn't sound good... Sorry can't help more. Maybe just that 'this too shall pass' mantra? Or.,, possibly not your best option, but how about a formula top up late evening to buy you some more sleep? I can't remember if you said whether he'll take a bottle or not... Try during the day to be sure it doesn't just lead to gripey windiness... Might be worth it for your sanity. You're getting really close to being able to start on solids now too aren't you?

TMT I sleep with one arm under my head and the pillow. Top arm across baby or tucked in front of me if he's not up close. Another tip I found is to wedge a pillow behind your back and lean on it a little. As for feeding with both boobs... You can lean across baby if they're on their back but agreed that's quite tricky. I simply roll over and move him to the other side of me a couple of times during the night. Also helps to avoid discomfort from same position for too long. Sometimes I put a pillow between my knees to help get comfier.

Gilda you're growing R so well! X is a skinny little 11lb boy...i don't think I want him to sleep through the night yet, he needs the extra milk still... I'm so sorry you're feeling pants though. It really isn't unusual to feel so crap, and to resent them. It's a huge life change whilst you're sleep deprived and therefore ill equipped to deal with it. I second Meita about not trying to keep a lid on it. A good old cry can be very cathartic. And rant away on here, it helps so much to share it and get it all out. Do you have local baby friends you can meet for coffee? Nice honest ones to grumble with, not the ones who tell you little Johnny slept through from 3 weeks and never cries (they're lying!).

Sam when's your op? Hope you've found a feeding solution?

Meita, great news on finding a childminder! I know how you feel worrying if he's OK. Once you're confident in your childminder, it's a sanity saver to not think about what may or may not be happening and focus on your work.

Waking baby, waves to all

Oh gi1da sorry to hear you're feeling down at the mo. I second everyone elses comments-don't keep it bottled up, talk to your gp - talking about the feelings can really help in itself. R is a lucky boy to have such a fabulous mummy ((()))

I am suffering quite badly from dizziness- anyone else? Had a bug the last day or so, but temp gone now. My vision feels funny, head swims when I stand up etc. Seeing doc for my 6 week check on fri- so will get iron levels and blood pressure checked then

Sorry you're feeling so rough Gilda. Please don't bottle it up and get help if you think you need it. 1 in 4 mothers get PND, it is massively common and is not something to suffer through or feel guilty about.

Things are going well here. Latest weigh in showed a good gain, my little girl has gone from 7lb10 to 8lb8 in 2 weeks. Still pretty tiny though. Not sure for much longer as I think we may have hit the 6 week growth spurt. She has been on and off the boob constantly since about 2.30 this afternoon.

Gilda it's really horrible but try not to beat yourself up about it. I (just about) admit to exactly thr same feelings, plus actually having some times when 'they' could take J away and I don't feel like i'd notice or care. Not getting enough sleep makes it all worse too - you're so tired and yet end up dreading the nights. etc etc.

I'm being a bit more rational about it now because the past couple of nights have been a bit better and moving J out of our room has been WONDERFUL as i feel i've got a bit of my own space back without baby paraphinalia (ooo, foolish to attempt that spelling, sorry) everywhere. I've also been taking advantage of his 'utterly cute' moments to cuddle him and gurgle at him - it makes him seem nicer and not just a bag of screaming demanding yuk!!! (default setting). Ask me tomorrow, i may not make sense again. it's swings and roundabouts, my dear.

If it does not improve i would advise talking to your gp about it. i am terrified of meds (irrationally, having been shoved on lithium at 14 and left like that for the next 6 years or so -long story) but they really do help (have had much better experiences since on different pills) as do talking therapies, and i can really reccommend stomping on any problems before they get too difficult. meds do not solve problems but they do level you out at a reasonable point so that you can deal with problems better and understand them rather than being overwhelmed by a formless black cloud of depression.

end of rant - hope some of it helps/makes sense. pm/fb me if you want to talk. i'm at my mother's for a few days so will be around but erratic iyswim.

Meiat cm sounds good - have never managed to find one around here!, hope it all works out

will attempt to catch up with everyone later

xxx

Hi everyone, sorry I've not managed to post again recently - difficult to have my hands free. Typed a massive post last night on my iphone and then lost it all and couldn't summon up the energy to re-type.

Thanks for the welcomes - the last 2 weeks have been amazing and very tough at the same time. We've had ongoing issues with feeding - my nipples are really cracked and sore and I'm currently on my second lot of antibiotics for mastitis which came back again this week. On the up side though we went to a bf cafe yesterday where the midwife was able to diagnose N with tongue tie. I feel a bit mean to be pleased about it as having it snipped will be no fun but at least I feel that there is some reason why its all been so hard and hopefully it will get better once its sorted. Now just need to wait for the appointment - will chase tomorrow though and see if I can get it done privately if that will speed things up at all.

Despite the tongue tie he seems to be managing to feed reasonably well - he was only 50g off his birth weight at 10 days and will be weighed again tomorrow. That said we had a horrible couple of hours last night where after about 4 hours of constant feeding he was just not latching on at all and getting inconsolably upset - resorted to giving him formula and now feel v bad about it - he had 3oz and then slept for over 4 hours until I woke him up. Makes me think that he really isn't getting enough at each feed though if thats how long he'll sleep once he's fed properly - we feed every hour or so normally. I've expressed today so have 3oz of EBM for tonight - hopefully that will be enough if we get to the 'inconsolable screaming stage again. Can't decide if i'm worried because I now know he has tongue tie so am accepting he might not be feeding efficiently - or whether he's just having a growth spurt so generally just hungry.

Loopy - thanks for asking re the sling and the advice you gave - I'm persevering with the kari me for now - he loves it once in it but i find it hard to get him out to feed him but keep the sling on.

Gi1da - sorry you're feeling down - can only echo what people have said on here - do you have an NCT group you could talk to - or go to a bumps and babes session or equivalent where you could just talk to people and get out of the house. I'd also consider going to the GP - if its more than 'baby blues' they'll hopefully be able to help.