Totally's postgrads - you know who you are.

[Meita]

Totally's original thread was for TTC after MC. It continued long after Totally herself graduated, and is still going strong. Totally's grads was set up as a thread for pregnancy post MC - i.e. anyone who graduated from Totally's thread and anyone else who had experienced MC and was now pregnant. It, too, is still going strong.

Now, more and more of us have graduated from Totally's grads - including LouiseSH, whose Georgie was born asleep. I suppose that makes us postgrads. We have travelled together for a long time and would like to stay in touch, but the pregnancy post MC thread is starting to get very big, and I think it should be allowed to keep its focus on pregnancy post MC. May it be as wonderful a place for support for current "members" as it was for us.

So this thread is a place for us to keep in touch, share experiences, and provide support.

(This is the first time ever I'm starting a thread - hope it works out...)

lings and cs's. Whenever you could comfortably carry dd for any length of time.

Try it out and if it feels uncomfortable/tugging AT ALL then take it off and leave it a week.

If it's ok, I would start with short periods of time in it. Theyt canbe a life saver for a cling on baby. :)

RHG - DH swears that babies have an inbuilt altimeter so you can never sit down. But i am an evil mummy so he just has to live with it - dh is very that J now no longer bothers to wail (most of the time) when i sit down...

Today we are going 3 1/2 hours between feeds -wtf??? Think we may be in for another busy night...

SamB as I was toying with the idea of BLW without having read up on it, I just started offering Ianto stuff - like bits of banana. From about 20 weeks. Not really with the intent of starting to wean him but just to see what would happen. Little success obviously as he was way to small to actually eat finger foods by himself then.
But one day he sucked out a slice of tangerine. So I gave him some more the next day. That gave him the runs (I think). So I wanted him to have some banana and some cooked apple to counteract the runs, and because he wouldn't eat any himself, I mashed/pureed it and spoon-fed him. He liked that, and so I gave him some more the next day, and the next... and without intending to, I was suddenly in the middle of weaning him!
From about 22 weeks we started to give him two 'meals' per day - lunch and dinner. Now at 24 weeks he is already lots more skilled with his hands, so since Sunday we're 'mix-weaning' him - he gets purees and such for lunch, when I can't be bothered to cook; and we all have dinner together, when I cook something from the BLW cookbook.
But I'm definitely going with the BLW principles. I.e. I'm not bothered at all about how much he actually eats, and even when spoon-feeding him I let him 'help' - he is actually already quite skilled in holding the spoon and putting it in his mouth, he just needs someone to load it for him (and a little help to keep the spoon the right way up). The way I see it, meals are supposed to be fun and playful and for learning stuff. He still gets BF on demand.
I have two books - the Annabel Karmel 200 baby and toddler recipes book and the 'BLW cookbook'. In hindsight I can say that actually both don't really tell you much you couldn't work out for yourself if you can cook at all. AK says - recipe 1: cook apple, puree it. recipe 2: cook pear, puree it. recipe 3: you could try mixing apple and pear. Recipe 4: sometimes babies like a new taste better if you mix the new thing with baby milk (EBM or FM) and baby rice.
And the book gives some advice on what foods not to freeze, what can be given raw, how to freeze / thaw food, and what foods to avoid.
The BLW cookbook has every day recipes as you would find them in any other recipe book, except there is little to no salt and little to no sugar. Further, it explains about what sort of shapes/textures are suitable at what age, and tells you to cut the veg/toast/meat/quiche or whatever into the appropriate shapes. The key thing I currently like about the book is that it tells you which recipes are suitable for BLW beginners - but there's no list, you have to go through every recipe to find out. It also has some explanations about the theory behind it all which, I suppose, helps for confidence. The other mums from my NCT group all find BLW really odd, and they say their babies would choke on the kind of food I'm giving Ianto. But the book explains the difference between choking and gagging and although Ianto has properly gagged twice until now, he has never choked.

Oh dear. What could have been a one-line reply has turned into a proper essay. Sorry about that!

Oh and I totally agree with Alba - although Ianto still feeds often, things are just extremely easier since we worked out the 'feeding lying down'. We don't properly co-sleep, we have this bedside/arm's reach cot. He sleeps in there from when he goes to bed (currently about 7:30) until his dreamfeed at about 11pm, goes back into his bed until his first 'middle-of-the-night feed' and then stays with us in the 'big bed' for the rest of the night.
And in the mornings DP gets up, changes Ianto, gets him dressed, and if he has time, entertains him for a while and makes breakfast - all the while I get some quality sleep all by myself in the bed!

I m here!!!!!!!!!!! lurking sometimes dependent upon how i m doing.Life is very hard.Some days ok some terrible.

4 months tomorrow since Georgie was born and funnily enough we [the family] are going to the delivery suite to see the remembrance book they ve ordered from the just giving charity.Ore trust magazine are doing an article about Georgie and stillbirth.

I m having reflexology every 2 weeks which is nice.Had my last counselling session last week which helped a lot.Me and Ant up and down ultimately as neither of us is happy with life at the moment and just want to move to better times asap.Last month i didn t ovulate cue; much panicing about my age however, upon reflection i think it was down to stress.[not surprising really considering]
Back on the opks and if any problems i ll be off to the drs pronto but its not normally a problem i have.Also, think the CP from Dec threw my body out of its cycle.

Trying to go swimming regularly some weeks good some bad!!!!

I m convinced Feb will be our month [what else can i think]and this time next year i ll definatly have GBOS [Georgie's brother or sister].

Hope you re all enjoying your babies .Have seen some of you are having a few problems.Hope they are all sorted soon XXXX

louise so lovely to hear from you, we think of you often and it's almost a relief to hear your news, even though it's not as good as hoped for. Not sure if you'll want to hear this but you sound in a really strong frame of mind, and even though things are tough you definitely sound better than you have done, I so hope it happens for you soon. All the best for tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you.

As TMT says, it's good to see you Louise. I hope it's not long before you're back with your own tales of sleepless nights with GBOS.
As for OPKs... Don't always believe them. I never got a positive in a month I conceived... Better simply to go with lots of SWI leading up to and just after when ovulation is likely to be (if your cycle is regular enough for you to know that) and ignore them if they never show a surge. Better still, just don't use them at all, but I know that's easier said than done when you need to be doing everything you can to make it happen. This month will be your month.

Unbuffy we're having a WTF evening too... Just had a 2.5 hr nap, unheard of... Always back to back feeds with occasional catnaps in the evening... So, missed usual slot for formula feed (I'm too full not to feed myself and DH needs to sleep so I can't express instead whilst he feeds...) I wonder what our night's going to be like ?

Hope everyone else gets some decent stretches of sleep and good luck on your own RHG

Morning!

Very exciting here...woke up to shrieks coming from the kitchen at 6am. Dd1 had managed to drop her bowl of special K on her foot and cut herself. We found her wailing in a pool of blood which was pumping merrily on out of her. She had a massive gash in her foot and we could see bone. DH was brilliant and stemmed the flow while I called an ambulance. Four stitches and crutches for a week. Phew, what a start to the day!

Oh gosh SamB, sounds horrendous! Glad she's ok though, how scary.

HV came today, Jemima's weight has been

Birth 3640g
Day 5 3570g
Day 10 3680g
Day 14 3890g
Day 24 4280g

So she's up to 9lb7oz, which means all this constant feeding is doing the trick, I'm really pleased. Even though I knew in my head she must be putting on weight, it's good to have it confirmed. And I feel a bit better about being up all night!

I have also, in the last 20minutes, got her into a sling that someone gave me yesterday. She screamed her head off for a few minutes, so I managed to squodge her onto the boob and now she's fallen asleep in it. I think I need to practise the positioning as it's not totally comfortable yet, and I'm scared she's going to roll out, but I do feel this could be a solution to velcro baby. Anyway, it has resulted in the dishwasher and washing machine being emptied. If DH doesn't notice I might lose it though Only thing is it's actually a bit harder to sit down, oh well, better go find some more things to do.

Lovely news about clareanna, looking forward to seeing her over here.

My goodness Sam, Ouch! Who'd have thought cereals were so dangerous! What a start to your day... I hope your DD gets better soon, must have been extremely scary. I'm dreading the first time I have to go to A&E with any of them...

How's the sleep been? Very quiet here today... All lurking on the pg thread for Clare's news rather than hanging out here...? I must confess to a very lazy day, got up at midday, lots of lovely snoozing, it was bliss. Made up for by an afternoon out shopping with mum... Fed in the car when we got there, then long feed incoffee shop... Then found the feeding room just before we left... Oh, and gave an opinion on a couple of things mum wanted to buy... And now we're home, and feeding again... I love sitting feeding with my feet up when I don't have a to do list scrolling through in my head, but it canleave me feeling frustratedly useless...

Hi, omg SamB, I thought cereal was supposed to be a healthy breakfast, not one that lands you in A&E! Must have been quite a freak of an accident, I can't quite picture a cereal bowl causing that much damage... pools of blood, blood gushing out, visible bone... sounds very scary! Hope she's better soon!

Alba, was meaning to say for a few days now, wasn't it you who was feeling like a failure for having to give formula? Now look at you - still going strong on the breast, despite all they said. That one cheeky little formula bottle at night is certainly nothing to worry about :) Am very glad it worked out so well, and you can be quite proud to have made it through the dark times.

Ok ladies I'm in a bit of shock here. Just got a call from my university's nursery, a part-time space just opened up and I'm next on the waiting list. The space is available as from next week! I wasn't expecting that at all, I thought I'd be on the waiting list for at least a year, as they only have two part-time spaces for the whole university. I was thinking of going back to my studies part-time maybe from next term (end of April) or maybe the term after that (next October). I was going to look for a childminder for Ianto for one day a week, and work one evening and Saturdays. I only really applied for a space at the nursery because I thought it would be silly not to, as spaces for student parents are half the normal price and thus comparably very affordable.
Now I will need to decide very quickly! They'll hold the space for me for 2 weeks. He'd start on 28th of February... and suddenly I feel very panicky!

There are a few different issues going on... one thing is, he still doesn't take the bottle, and so I don't quite know if it would even be possible to drop him off for the day. (though I'd be on campus too so in theory could go to the nursery whenever he needed feeding - but I suppose that would mean having a regular feeding schedule rather than feeding on demand). Also, it would mean I'd commute with him, it's an hour each way, in packed trains - impossible to avoid rush-hour, as the nursery won't admit children after 10:15. Further, it would mean dropping my current Wednesday and Friday activities, i.e. the baby signing course we're on (and have paid for for the rest of the term). Those are the pragmatic things, and then there's the emotional side - I currently just can't imagine dropping him off somewhere for a whole day! I haven't been away from him for more than 5 hours, and that was just once, since he was born. And yet, wasn't I complaining just yesterday about being bored? Also, yesterday as I was walking along, I had a great idea concerning an article I am meant to be writing and felt sorry I didn't have any opportunity to follow up on it. Oh dear oh dear oh dear - what to do? What to do??

TMT, crossed posts earlier, that's really great weight gain... All the recent little ones are outstripping us by far, Meita it was indeed me struggling (and had to give up by day 8 with DS1), and I'm quite proud that it's working this time, after some really hard work getting established. Since 2 weeks old we started gaining weight. Only 5-6oz a week, and just below the 25th centile line rather than up on the 75th as he was at birth... But... He's staying consistently at the same centile now and is healthy so that's apparently all fine. Not yetback to birthweight. At this rate we should get there next week at just over 5 weeks old, at which point we'll give the scales a miss for a few weeks and try just to relax.

Meita, back to work and Childcare decisions are so hard. I went back full time when DS1 was 6 months old. Part time would have beenbetter but my job doesn't lend itself to part time... It was great to get my brain working again on more than which puree to make next and remembering how much he'd fed BUT it was an incredible wrench leaving him and some evenings when I was stuck working late I was in tears.
I thought I'd been very organised having booked a nursery place well in advance BUT after 3 settling sessions (and with only a few weeks leave left) it was clear he was not going to be happy there, and I wasn't happy with the way they were handling him. It was hugely stressful... Long story short we found a childminder through recommendation and she's been fantastic, her house is home from home for DS1 and he adores her.
So... In my limited experience, childminder (if you find one you like who has similar views on childcare to you) beats nursery hands down, but also, you will likely end up having to go with whatever arrangements suit Ianto best, I know people who have stories like mine but the baby preferred nursery to childminder.
Very best of luck, and I suppose the short version of my waffling is try to get some settling sessions first to see what Ianto thinks.

Meita - I haven't got time now but will post in response to yours, I have similar dilemas myself...

Oh dear, have just looked up my uni's nursery's latest ofsted report - it's very recent, published 2nd February. They failed. It's classed as unsafe, particularly for babies, and lacking access to stimulating stuff, and the key worker scheme isn't fully in place. The outdoor area is currently not in use. They use lots of 'bank' staff, meaning that the children keep seeing different people rather than being able to build stable relationships. On the other hand, the report states the parents are happy with the nursery, and the children appear to be happy too and are very kind and helpful with each other. It would be half the cost of my DP's uni's nursery, as I would pay the student rates rather than the staff rates.
Alba, yes there is a five-day settling in period and if the child doesn't settle in, the contract can be terminated, though this is in the manager's discretion.

Discussed with DP this evening and we're sort of thinking we'll go have a look, raise the issues highlighted in the Ofsted report, and, depending on the outcome of that, go for the settling-in period and give it a try. But pull out and cut our losses if things don't go well. Thankfully we have the flexibility.
But that's just the head speaking - the heart is struggling, it's just all too soon and too fast!

Sorry for the me me me-ness of this - am very preoccupied by this all.

Of course you should be preoccupied, it's a big decision. I think it sounds like a good plan to try the settling in time, he might end up loving it, and a day of intellectual stimulation might be just what you need, I know i'd kill for one! And talk to the manager, they're bound to have a big post-ofsted improvemet plan and may have already sorted things.

Thanks alba, I feel quite proud of myself, and you definitely should too.

Meita This is an awful situation to unexpectedly find yourself in - I really feel for you. If the nursery have failed ofsted they will be obligated to get their act together pretty quickly, however, change does take time. You would really want to see a complete change of management. The people currently leading the nursery either believed what they were doing was ok or knew it wasn't and let it happen anyway. Neither is ok. If the setting was unsafe for babies I would be genuinely concerned - the two things that I would be most worried about are child protection/safeguarding and health and safety. I would go and have a look and get a sense of how it feels to you. Talk to the staff in the baby area, would you trust them to care for and protect Ianto? If you have any, even tiny, doubts just walk away. Coupled with the ofsted that's enough. I'd also look around and explore all of the other Childress options so you have something to compare it to. Can't write any more now but will be back later, SB x

Have just noticed the date of the report... hmm, not great, not a definite no but not great. You really will have to discuss it and ask some frank questions, and then see how you feel about the responses. It's a really tough situation for you.

Hi

Last night was lovely.My possey of midwives were there.The remembrance book is beautiful and we made our family entries.They are spending the rest of Georgie's charity funds on furnishing a room away from the ward for women who have stillborn babies.My possey are lovely and desperate to be my personal midwives when i have GBOS [Georgie's brother or sister]

So, thanks all who contributed.My Georgie has "done good" again!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXX

Louise just left you a msg on the other thread but just wanted to say how lovely it is that Georgie has done such good again.. I think of you all the time I just can't wait to hear your good news, fingers and toes and every single thing crossed it's really really soon xx

Thanks very much Happy thats lovely XXXXX

Hope all's well with you? X

Louise how wonderful that Georgie is continuing to make a difference in the world, what a special girl. We are all looking forward to greeting GBOS too!

Meita can you get the opportunity to speak with some of the other parents that use the uni nursery? Am sure they will also want to know what will be done to address the ofsted failings, but would also be an interesting insight to find out what they find good about it, since they are using the service and presumably their kids have been ok.

SamB how's DD's foot? I guess you could say that was a close encounter with a potential cereal killer? Sorry, not funny I know. Hope she's on the mend.

PS Thanks for the cabbage tip - Buffy, Meita, Lia, and possibly Alba too? REALLY does work! Mono-ginormo-boob feeling much more comfy!

Wishing everyone a lovely weekend x

A whole night, and now day, of pretty much refusing to sleep... I can see she's tired but she just fights it. I'm hoping against hope it means she's worn out tonight.

Gi1da I was looking forward to your lies they tell us rant on nappies, do come back and share.

Waves to everyone. Oooh and a nice too.

Gilda you re all be honoury aunties to GBOS1!!! Hope you re ok ? XXXXX

The amount of joy Georgie has bought to so many people is amazing.

Louise I saw you had posted and was like 'ooooh DH Louise has just posted fingers crossed' - i just sooo look forward to the day (as I know we all do) when you are messaging to say your good news .. virtual hug and good vibes being sent ur way!

Gilda cabbage leaves were a HUGE help to me too!!

how is everyone else? hope all is well

Hello, can I come and join you all from the pregnant after mc thread? I had my little girl just over a week ago now. She is absolutely gorgeous and I can't believe she is finally here. Thanks for all your messages of congratulations on the other thread. I've not had a chance to read back through the other posts, but I hope you are all doing ok and your babies are well.

We had a straightforward birth and I am recovering well- was a bit scared to look down below, but the midwife had a quick check and said it all looks normal. Had a bit of a prod around the other day and the enormous pile which I also 'gave birth' to, seems to be shrinking, thank god. I'm more bothered about that I think than the tear I had. (Which actually wasn't very much and is mending nicely).

But after a lovely natural birth into the pool, the bf has been a bit of a struggle. She has had problems latching on, resulting in slight jaundice, a trip back to hospital, having to give her formula for a couple of feeds. I got her back on the breast but very ineptly and now have very cracked and sore nipples. I'm still persevering and have been to a few bf clinics, so I'm getting help, but just fed her an hour ago and actually cried because it hurt so much. One side is worse than the other and I'm wondering if I should express from that side and give it a chance to heal, but not sure if I can combine bf and bottle feeding and how to go about it?

Sorry for the moan, just feeling a bit down about it, which makes me feel bad because I love her so much I just want to enjoy this time with her, not be thinking about being in pain. I keep trying to remind myself how painful labour was and how I got through that!