Dec 2007 - Little People, Large Strops

[strandedatseasonsgreetings]

Will this do everyone?

Buzzy - cool, were the DDs very excited about the snow?

Well tonight was the first time in a few days that I have had to put both dcs to bed. DS got in to bed with me while I fed DD and he fell asleep! Have left him there. DD took ages to go to sleep

BT - It's hard, putting two down. When I think back I can't remember WHY it was hard but I know I really struggled. I think I used to hold dd2 while reading to dd1 when she was in bed and then hope she went to sleep easily. Bath times were another struggle. In my mind I'm thinking why didn't I just put the baby down but I think I'm forgetting what newborn behaviour is actualy like....

Buzzy - wow snow that must have been amazing for your dd's! When we first arrived back in the UK at Gatwick last December from St Lucia and there was snow everywhere, dd2 was totally entranced. She was picking it up, touching it, sniffing it, licking it...

Clairey - any more strange texts? Hopefully, somewhere, on dadsnet or whatever, there's a man going "OMG I can't believe what an embarrassingly cringey text I've just sent! Why why why?". Remember to update once you've actually met him for real!

Skid - interesting to hear that you are thinking about counselling too - for any particular reason or just gernerally? I think it should be compulsory for everyone to have counselling every so often, I think we would all be better people for it. Splitting up isn't an option unless dh did something really awful (eg started physically or emotionally abusing me or the dd's which won't happen, he isn't that sort of guy!) because I wouldn't put the dd's through it unless absolutely necessary. THere are lots of other considirations eg we couldn't actually afford it, would have to sell the house etc, but mostly I think it's a balance about what is better for the children. In Clairey's case, it came down on the side of splitting up being better for them than staying together - I jave't got there yet (and hopefulyl won't). I just hope things get easier eventually. We're ok at the moment but off on holiday together tomorrow (a week at Duinrell holiday park in Holland, as recommended by Mumsnet!)which will be a good tester...

Beckle - how are things for you? Don't worry about feeling traiterous. I do worry about writing these things because if someone who knew me in rl read all my posts I am easily identifiable but I sort of assume no-one i know is going to be reading the Dec 07 PN thread... What a shame about your dc's not going in to see the tapestry, it's an amazing thing. I can't remember if you've already commented on this but have you ever had/considered couples counselling? Dh is totally opposed to it, otherwise I would have booked us in by now...

I'm off for a day trip with three children this morning as am taking my friend's daughter with me. Wish me luck!

Hope you have a lovely relaxing holiday clara. Glad to hear you are feeling more positive. Re: counselling - for me it would be to do with childhood stuff that I have managed to push aside for years but I know it needs dealing with. Just can't bear the thought of opening a big can of words atm when everything is pretty OK. Thought I might get round to it when the DC were away but didn't happen. I think the fact that I live in a bohemian hippy neighbourhood where everyone and his dog has therapy has spurred me on a bit though - feel a bit left out

BT - I think bedtimes just gradually get easier IIRC - glad at least DS went to sleep earlier - you have to be grateful for small things when you have two or more. When DS2 has his nap I feel like that is my rest in the day - even though I have the two big ones to deal with!

buzzy - wow snow!! How exciting. Was there school today?

clairey - any more form beddy byes man? Can I call him that or will that make it worse?

Buzzy pics of snow on fb were amazing, couldn't believe there was so much!

Skid/clara he's been texting me a fair bit but no more cringy ones. Although he does seem to be getting ahead of himself a bit considering we have met once and not yet been on a date - has mentioned a NYE party and a couple of other things we can do together...and also when we were talking about holidays said to let him know if I fancied going on a short break somewhere...

He's not really doing it in a scary way though and has said stuff like "provided I haven't put you off by then" so we'll see (without sounding big headed he just seems very keen rather than scarily intense)

Had some interest from an usher at my cousins wedding on Sat (had met him the week before at her bbq) but by the time it actually came to anything more than chit chat I was about to leave (my uncle was giving me a lift so had no say in staying longer) and he was very very drunk! Plus my whole extended family was watching us and teasing me by making pulling gestures etc so I was too embarrassed to give him the snog he asked for. Still it was fun to have a dance and a flirt with someone!

Hope today goes well Clara! I always feel I have to be more on the ball when Ihave extra children, can anticipate my own children's behaviour a lot easier so taking them places is pretty stress free but extras require more thinking!

ooh the usher sounds promising - will you see him again? Does he live near you? How exciting to be asked for a snog at a wedding - it's like an American romcom (and a bit )

Yes the other one sounds very keen, which is great if you are into him, but if you are not sure, keeness can be quite offputting [tries to remember 20 or so years ago]

Ah must be nice to be lusted after.... wierdly the day after DH had taken the DC to Dublin, i was cycling along (in a nice dress as was going out for dinner) and as I went round the corner, this man stops dead in his tracks and shouts out to me 'What a vision of beauty'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean this never happened to me when I was 25, let alone now as a middle-aged, run down mother of 3!!!! I must have been giving out 'I'm free' vibes even from my bike....

at Skidd, the vision of beauty! Bet that made you entire week!

FO glad you are looking forward to your date, and the usher proves you've still got it

Thanks for all the advice for bedtime, last night went okay, only DS fell asleep in my bed! DH moved him to his own when he got home. DD took an age to settle though. But that will get better with time!

oooh get you all, Skidd with her vision of beauty and clairey with her snogs from ushers! Must be something in the air...

Clairey - yes, have discovered today that three is certainly harder than two and I agree, it's the child that's not yours that's difficult as you can't anticipate what they are going to do, In my case, get lost in the maze that I didn't even know was there 5 minutes after arrival...otherwise had a great time today. Just starting to stress a bit now about packing and forgeting things etc etc etc...

gosh if you could see me, vision of beauty is about as accurate as saying I look like a dormouse - still, kept me happy for a while... (and I'm sure you are extrememly snoggable clairey )

I hate packing, hope you get it all done without too much stress

Agree looking after other people's DC is stressful - unless they are in your house and playing quietly in your DC's room. Although having said that. a friend came round to pick her DD up the other week, went into the bedroom where all the DC were (my 3 plus her DD plus a neighbour), came out and said, 'Hmm OK so they're all naked' - I had absolutely no idea - had been quietly enjoying a cup of tea and a read of my book . Luckily she took it all in good humour...

Am quite of Skid the vision of beauty, I think usher was more a case of "hmm we seem to be about the only two single people here, you'll do"

Hello again!

Skidd I keep getting the losing posts thing too, I have taken to copying what I have typed before previewing it as that always seems to be when MN hiccups and loses my post! Your DCs sound like sweethearts, they obviously did miss you lots With DH and I, yes we do talk and I try to be as frank about how I feel as I can without saying anything which might come across spiteful. WRT splitting up not being an option, its pretty much the same reasons as Clara TBH. Besides the fact that I don't think I want to split up, I like my house, his family, our friends, and life in the main and most of that would change. Also, I don't think it would be the best thing for the DCs, if it got to the point where I thought they would be better off with us being apart I would certainly do it. The thing driving me most mad with DH at the moment is the fact he has got all clingy and lovey with me recently but if I don't reciprocate he gets all mad and accuses me of not liking him etc... I've always been the needy one in our relationship but have got used to having my own space now and am happy that way. His newfound needyness is not easy for me to deal with. Plus he has just dropped the bombshell that he would like another baby and while the thought is nice, the practicalities of it really should rule it out. Sorry to go on! Ooh, also, thank you for your comments on my holiday pics, I was pleased with them! I did the photographs for my niece's wedding on Saturday - I think I was more nervous than she was! Although they came out lovely so perhaps there is a future in this for me (fingers crossed). Hopefully there'll be enough money after our extension goes up to do a photography course to give me the technical knowledge I need!

Clara, how was the week in Devon? Are you away again now? Or is that next week? How are things with you now? WRT couple's counselling, I don't think DH would ever agree to it. I also don't think I could face counselling myself as (like Skidd) there is so much of my childhood shut away I think I prefer it left there...

Clairey, beddybies?! That would make me cringe too! He does sound a little keen but then perhaps he is trying to reassure you that he is not just after a fling? Is it Thursday you're seeing him? Hope it goes well!

BT, how is bedtime going? I used to often read or watch an episode of his favourite show with DS1 when I was feeding DS2, or suggest he did stickers or beads or chatted next to me on the sofa. It is hard to find a balance when there is a newborn in the house.

Buzzy, that snow was amazing! Another NZ friend of mine (who I think may be in Wellington too) posted loads of pics on FB aswell. I bet the girls enjoyed it!

Hi Beckle!
Bedtime is going okay, we are managing as best as we can, sometimes good sometimes not so good.

Took DS to a Surestart Teddy Bears' picnic, he really enjoyed it, especially having his face painted! He was so good, told him he would have to take his face paint off before bedtime but promised DH would see it first, so after DH had seen it off he went to get some wipes and wiped it off!!
We are still having some issues with his behaviour mainly trying to do things like cut his hair, cut his nails and eating more veg and fruit. ON going battles!

BT he's 3- I think most parents of 3 year olds have similar battles DS has only had his hair washed properly about twice because I just can't face the battle. He will now get it wet himself though so there's progress...one day we might even make it to using shampoo

Was so proud of him at the weekend, we went to the science museum and watched the bubble show. The man doing it was really childrens entertainery-loud, silly voices etc- and the ds of 6 months ago would have been cowering on my lap crying he didn't like it but he sat really nicely on the floor watching AND put his hand up every time the man said he wanted a volunteer He was chosen to go inside a giant bubble right at the end and didnt freak out at all (and got a big ahhhh from everyone!)

We have two kittens! 7 weeks old. DC have named them Daisy(dd) and Moth(ds). Got them yesterday and they are terrified of us but seem to be starting to settle in now and get a bit braver.

And yes...I have my date on thurs. Wish me luck!

Yey to kittens, how lovely :) I bet the DCs will be very excited!
I am sure they will settle in fine.
I suppose I should be grateful that we have cracked the toothbrushing battle as DS will now brush his teeth when asked. Now it is getting him to stop...

BT, those definitely sound like normal 3 year old issues! I always used to cut my DCs nails while they were sleeping...

Clairey, at kittens! Love the names too, especially Moth! I was just thinking this morning how much DD had grown up in the last 6 months. She still seemed so small when she turned 3, she was overwhelmed at her birthday party, still threw lots of tantrums etc. But she is so much more confident now, she was going around at my Niece's wedding chatting to people she'd not met before quite happily and tantrums are a rarity now (touch wood)

She is a little girl not a toddler and

Bonjour tout le monde (in France for a conference)

another DC beckle? gosh, what do you think about it? I remember some talk of it a year or so ago - would you go for it? That sounds quite stressful with your DH - how strange that he is suddenly lovey and clingy - has something happened to make him feel a bit insecure/needy? Must be difficult when you are used to him being very different

Cats!! How exciting and also love the name Moth

BT - don't even get me started on fruit and veg - all DS1 will eat is yellow pepper [sigh] - so trying. He also screams blue murder if he gets a drop of water on him, even in the bath, I mean he's already wet from the waist down... glad your DS had such a good time at the teddy bears' picnic

Good luck for tomorrow clairey [excited]

I have my talk tomorrow (at the conference) so wish me luck too

Good luck with the date tonight Clairey!

Good luck with your talk too today Skidd

Another DC... don't know what I think about it other than definitely not at the moment... DH has been mentioning it since DD was 6 months old or so? But then he decided he didn't want another, not sure what has changed his mind again though. Its not something I would rule out entirely as I love being a Mum and love having a baby in the house but I just feel I need to 'sort myself out' first IYKWIM? I don't know why he's gone all clingy, there doesn't seem to have been any one event that has caused it. He's been like it on and off for about 8 months now, he gets really stroppy when I'm not as lovey as he'd like too which, as you can imagine, doesn't make me feel like snuggling up to him! I do wonder if it is changes in me that has triggered it, he was very selfish after my thyroid op last year and I think perhaps I became significantly more independent (not really the right word, maybe separate would be better?) and stopped worrying so much about whether he was moody or not. Maybe he's taken that to mean I don't care? Although I have explained all this to him, he is only a man so perhaps doesn't understand

Thanks for the reassurances, good to hear that DS is just being a typical 3yo!
I really feel he has grown up in the last couple of months bless him, I still think of him as my baby boy though!
Beckle - sorry to hear of your problems with your DH, is he having a mid-life crisis??
Skidd - DS is similarly 'entertaining' at bath time.... we have to fight to get him in then fight to get him out! And he must pull the plug as well.

Date wasn't great. He was nice enough but definitely don't fancy him at all and no chemistry between us. Surely there must be a single man out there somewhere that I'm actually attracted to?? (it's not even like i'm particularly fussy!)

Awww that is a shame! Did you have fun anyway?

posted earlier but it's not here

It wasn't a bad date especially, just pleasant in a bland kind of way [bitch]

LOL.. at the best it was a change of scene

Ahh Clairey, shame there was no chemistry but at least it wasn't an awful night!

Yeah I've had a few of those kind of dates Clairey. I hope you didn't have to pay a bundle for a babysitter! Don't worry, you'll find someone that you click with...
I asked the exBF if DD1 could go over to play with his daughter today as I had to go to work and then DD2 had a 3yo birthday which DD1 didn't want to go to. She went and as far as I could tell had a good time but sadly I did feel quite awkward about it when I dropped her off.
BT/Beckle I know what you mean -they do seem quite mature now. Although in fact DD2 seems to becoming more shy with time rather than less which is a bit of a shame. She's OK in small groups but hates crowds. She didn't really enjoy the party today until most of the other kids had left and she had the birthday girl to herself with only one other child still there.
skidd - how is your DS getting on? Sounds like you're still having a few battles with him? Is he quite a tactile sensitive child? i.e. doesn't like the feel of quite a few things? A friend of mine had a child that would only wear "worn in" clothes so was always dressed in hand-me-downs! Also didn't like lumps food, too cold food, too hot food, fizzy drink etc. DD2 is almost the opposite - enjoys unusual sensations, almost seeks them out. Which means she loves to have bare feet.
Beckle FWIW I do think that some men find women who are more independent than they're used to quite threatening. But that doesn't mean you should go back to being less "independent". He needs to grow up a bit perhaps?

Hi
Back from Holland, we had a mostly good time with great weather about 70% of the time, which helped. THe girls loved the onsite amusement park, and one day we hired bikes and cycled to the local beach which was my favourite part. Holland is BRILLIANT for cycling, cycle paths everywhere and flat as a pancake.
Me and dh got on mostly - the evenings were nice and relaxing as once the dd's were asleep there was nothing to do but read books or watch a dvd together, so it was all quite pleasant. Apart from a couple of bad moments - eg when he blamed my PMT for him being an arsehole!
Anyway back to reality and the countdown on to back to school (hurrah!).
Clairey - sorry to hear your date wasn't great. I take it you're not seeing him again? Maybe you should ask if he has any other single friends . I am about the kittens, I would love kittens but it's a real no-no for dh and I know it would drive him mad when they started clawing the furniture so we're stuck with out gerbils.
BT (and others) I agree, dd2 has grown up so much in the last 6 months, I was just thinking this. The tantrums are far fewer and easier to predict/avert and she and dd1 just get along together so well (err, mostly...not always!). We still have a battle with the dummy though which she still has at night and WILL NOT give up. Sigh. I agree those all sound like very normal 3-yr-old traits esp the not eating fruit and veg.
Beckle - it's interesting what you say about your dh. I reckon in most relationships there is usually one "keener" than the other and it easily swaps around. I feel quite a lot like you, I need space more than anything which dh doesn't "get". I think it's a lot to do with the fact that I am looking after two small children all day so the last thing I need at night is another "big child" trying to get into my space. It's probably made worse during the summer holiday as I literally get no time to myself at all, bar the odd hour or two when dh takes them to the park.
buzzy dd1 has "tactile" issues, she has always hated walking on sand (although is better now) and never has a speck of dirt/food etc on her. dd2, by contrast, walks around bare foot, is always filthy and spends her life buried up to her armpits in sand/water etc.
skid how was the talk? Did you have to do it in French?

hello briefly before I set off again for another conference (it's the season)

clara- glad you had a (mostly) lovely holiday

clairey - what a shame but at least you are sure you're not into him and can look elsewhere (nothing from usher?)

buzzy - thanks for asking. DS doing pretty wel atm but still has a lot of difficulties - tactile? OMG yes - daily battles to get him dressed etc. Sorry your DD2 didn;t enjoy the party. It's hard being shy but speaking as someone who was pathologically shy as a child, it does get easier

beckle - that sounds tricky with DH - and I have to say you are a saint! It must take a lot of patience to remain calm and reasonable when someone is behaving in (what sounds like at least) quite a childish way - and I'm sure the last thing you want to do is cuddle up to him when he's like that. Hope you get the bottom of it soon (if there is a bottom to it) and things improve

All good here - there's nothing like being away from yuor DC for making you lve them like nothing else on earth. Mine are all so scrumptious atm - give me a few weeks with no break and I may not be saying the same though...

Oh talk went really well thanks, and no not in French!